Disclaimer: I do not own Ashes to Ashes or any its characters

***

Alex Drake waltzed into her DCI's office, sat on the corner of the desk and glared into his eyes. The blinds were still shut from earlier events and she had closed the door on her way it.

"Were you aware that at least half of the station thinks that we spent our time in here together having sex?" she hissed the last words in an undertone, as if just voicing them would taint her.

"I'm not as daft as you are Bolly Knickers," he sneered indignantly, rising from his chair in a huff of emotion. "Are you really surprised that that is where their minds went?"

"No, I suppose not," Alex conceded with a sniff.

"It suited our purposes to let them think that… stuff… anyway." They looked into each other's eyes awkwardly, Gene's helplessly dropping to her lips over and over. "You know, it's really too bad that they now know we weren't. An office scandal is good for morale. I think they could use a lift at the moment."

"Well… we could pretend that we are… you know…?" Alex pitied his depressed state. There had been several chances for insults and innuendo that Gene had missed, his mind lingering over darker topics. It just wasn't right.

"Okay, if you think it won't taint your toffee-nosed reputation too much. I s'pose we could do that."

"Okay then." Alex closed her eyes, arched her back and unleashed a gut wrenching moan. Gene was taken aback at first, never truly expecting her to actually do it. But he was not one to be bested. He began to grunt and bang on the wall. Alex opened her eyes and smirked at him wickedly. "Ohhhh Gene! I'm amazed that your tiny penis can still pleasure me so."

"Yes! Bolly! I can't believe you let me into your delightful red knickers so easily."

Gene continued thumping on the wall for a bit but Alex did not speak again.

"Not as fun as the real thing eh Bolly?"

"Certainly not for you. I also suspect that we are being terribly implausible. Kind of voids the purpose, don't you think?"

"I could always shag you for real if that's what you want."

"Ha!" Silence. And then suddenly Alex had thrown herself on Gene, kissing him passionately. Gene's response was equally enthusiastic as he pushed her down on the desk and began kissing down her neck.

"I suppose… we really… owe it… to the team…" Alex said breathlessly between gasps.

"They deserve… the real thing."

"In tough times it is important to keep morale high…"