Pry into my business...
...Or the five people who didn't get away with prying into Captain Kirk's business and the one who did.
Disclaimer: not my characters... Or world...
Rated M for sexy times
Summary: People notice Jim's privacy issues, but who can get through them?
A/N: this is a one shot slash fic, don't get offended by reading this because I HAVE WARNED YOU SUFFICIENTLY. RIGHT HERE. Please. Do go on.
Thank you very much
One-shot
Jim Kirk liked his privacy. When things got out about his life he got sullen for at least a day, hoping for the news to pass quickly. His crew found out very fast that while he loved to gossip about other people, he could barely stand it when he was the topic. The only reason he did allow it, they speculated behind his back, was that he didn't want anyone calling him a hypocrite.
-Winona Kirk was the first to figure it out, and deservedly so; being his mother. She had trouble bonding with her son because he didn't like when she asked him about his day, or his friends, or school, or girls, or anything really. She knew he tried, she really did, but the few stilted conversations sometime around kindergarten put an end to her lousy attempts at befriending the boy.
Without proper guidance (which she still felt awful about) Jim grew into a self destructive child, and was sent off planet to stay with his aunt and uncle. If Winona had known, thought, imagined, or even had a little hunch, she never would've sent her poor sweet boy away towards almost certain death. Afterwards her son's blue eyes were flat. Thrifty and cunning he ran through life on a genius IQ without even trying. He barely talked to anyone, and god forbid anyone ask how he was doing because apparently that had become no one's business as well.
There wasn't a single day that passed where she didn't wish she had been a better mother to Jim.
But she continued to watch over him any way she could, saw him grow into a man more destructive than before. He got better about letting people into his life, but not by much; and then he joined Starfleet academy. He commed home occasionally, letting her know how he was doing, exclaiming over advanced classes that he was taking, and Winona nearly cried with relief. Perhaps she had done something right if her boy was finally maturing. That's not to say he wouldn't close down if she asked something that hit too close to home, and sex was a pretty big one. Always casual flings, one night stands, friends with benefits, fuck buddies, boytoys. Eventually she dropped that topic as well.
She sat, terrified in front of the ancient television waiting for news on her boy when the shitfuck happened with Vulcan. It was a tragedy of the highest order, but she worried more for her son than anything else. If she cried her eyes out when she heard he was alright and getting the captaincy of the flagship, well... She didn't have to tell anyone that.
Despite his new status, he did still comm home about once a month, her gentle motherly prying was still unwelcome, which is why she was so surprised when there was suddenly an exception...
-Carol was the second to notice Jim's issues with prying. It was unfortunate really, she'd thought they'd be together forever. They met when they were three, in an advanced placement class for the more brilliant kids. She wasn't as smart or creative as Jimmy Kirk was, in fact no one could get close to the level Jim was at. But Carol really liked Jimmy, he'd said she was pretty with a wide grin that was evolving into a sexy smirk even then. His sparkling blue eyes filled with sincerity and curiosity helped, and besides, she thought he was pretty too. She was always a bit more social than Jim, and she noticed something was a bit off when she got a suspicious look and a hesitant answer when she asked him what his favorite memory was. A straightforward, relatively simple question that was never truly answered, just circled around and thrown away.
Many years later they were still friends, she still thought he was pretty, but then she wasn't sure what to do about it. That didn't stop her from kissing his cheek when he left for Tarsus IV. She saw the famine on the holovision at school, she prayed every day for Jim's life, even though most religion had been mutually disbanded centuries ago.
Her friend came back changed. She thought she understood, going through a traumatic situation was sure to change someone drastically, but somehow it was more than that. He was still headstrong and restless, but now he seemed dead set on destroying what little of his life remained.
The day Carol kissed Jim when they were 18, she felt him tense up for a long time before kissing back almost aggressively. Their coupling was rough, dirty, and fast, like there was something to hide, something to fear, something to run from. She was almost certain it had to do with Tarsus, but she never had the courage to ask. After that night they didn't see each other anymore. Carol checked in with Jim's mother to make sure they were both doing okay, and when little fuck-up Jimmy Kirk became a bigshot starship captain, he commed her to ask how she was. She cried of course, as the Jim she had fallen in love with when she was three shone out in those blue eyes. The problem with prying though, never seemed to go away. Which is why she was so surprised when there was suddenly an exception...
-Bones was the third person to notice Jim's pet peeve. Their first meeting was on a shuttle into space, a shuttle that Leonard McCoy would've given almost anything he owned to NOT be on. The flight attendant had forced him out of his windowless sanctuary and into a seat next to the only other non-cadet on the craft. It surprised him when the guy -who was still a kid, really- didn't move seats when Leonard mentioned he might lose his lunch and instead offered a smile and calm voice. He'd spent the flight sweating, feeling nauseous, and squeezing his eyes as tight as they would go, but none of that would've helped if he hadn't had Jim's arm around his shoulder and that soothing voice talking nonsense in his ear.
They were instant friends, Leonard gaining a nickname that he had a love-hate relationship with, and a new responsibility that loved him with all the determination of a puppy. It was like having a little brother, and it was something he'd never known he needed. He often found himself helping a barely functioning Jim Kirk out of a trashed bar, wondering why he stuck with the blond. Then those blue eyes would open and flash into a brilliant trusting smile and he was gone. After a couple of years though, He noticed a pattern. Every time he asked a personal question, he would get the runaround, whether it be by smile, invitation or outright lie, he never got a straight answer. No matter what he tried Jim wouldn't break the habit, so Bones resigned himself to getting used to this quirk. Eventually Bones found himself content with his life at the academy, and then everything went to hell in a hand basket. It all started with that pointy-eared bastard of an instructor. Some creepy alien guy got Jim stuck in academic suspension during a crisis. Well Bones couldn't just leave him there, it would be like leaving home, leaving safety, leaving the blond-haired blue-eyed best thing that ever happened to him. So he bootlegged his best friend onboard the USS Enterprise.
He should've suspected that Jim would create a commotion, get a promotion, and save the Federation. It was just the kind of mindfuck James T. Kirk loved to make, especially in front of his higher-ups. The weird thing Jim had about people getting in his business was curbed, but only slightly, and Bones knew that it could never go away entirely. Which is why he was so surprised when there was suddenly an exception...
-Gaila was the fourth person to realize Jim Kirk didn't like people in his business. She met him during her second year at Starfleet academy in San Fransisco. She was in the engineering track and Jim was on the fast track to command, but his more advanced classes often coincided with Gaila's. She wanted him, and cornered him once after a class on relativistic physics. She'd let her Orion pheromones flood his senses, and it wasn't long before he was panting and hard, eyes dilated beyond the blue.
He'd walked away. The man had been more aroused than he'd probably ever been in his life, and he had walked away from a horny girl. It wasn't xenophobia, no. His excuse was that he'd be late for lunch, and if he didn't eat he wouldn't have enough energy for fencing, judo, and tai chi because he'd forgotten to eat dinner the night before. Gaila was highly intrigued by the young man, and sought him out any time she could. It didn't take long for him to give in and fuck her, and they were sorta friends after that, with benefits too. The night before the incident she had agreed to activate the bug that would change the Kobayashi Maru so Jimmy could win it, and then they'd had sex. Or, they were about to, but she'd uttered the three unforgivable words in a fit of passion and gotten a wholly perplexing reply. He'd said that was weird. Like he thought she was the odd one for loving him, like he thought he wasn't worth that much feeling. After that he refused to talk about it and he fucked her hard and fast, just one of the ways she liked it. But she never forgot.
After the Nero time traveling fuck-a-duck, Gaila found herself one of 17 survivors out of her ship of nearly 3000. Only three escape pods from all the ships hit warp and made it home. She immediately sought out Jimmy when she heard he'd returned and he hugged her tightly. She knew he needed it, the realization that someone survived. And then he kissed her forehead and told her she was like a sister, only not related because he really enjoyed the sex, and they'd laughed. He was never that open about his feelings again. Which is why she was so surprised when there was suddenly an exception...
-Nyota Uhura was the fifth person to notice How much Jim Kirk hated people's prying. Their first meeting in the bar started out as a joke, ended up in a brawl. She thought, maybe, if the man hadn't been so drunk, maybe he would've loosened up some, been a bit friendlier. Unfortunately, as a student in communications, Uhura could read Jim Kirk like a particularly tragic book. He was pretty, she'd give him that, but he was rash, reckless, and didn't care who he hurt with his actions. She knew there was trauma in his past, maybe even in his present, but he was still an idiot, and she was allergic to stupidity.
The day after, he'd shown up on her recruitment shuttle. Sober, yes, less of a dick, not so much. She watched him peripherally as he calmed down the aviaphobic doctor onboard, and wondered if she should try to befriend him after all.
Three years later he was banging her best friend in exchange for a great mind to bounce ideas off of. It worked, and the two of them made a sub routine that Jim used to beat the test that had been specifically designed to be unbeatable. He was accordingly smug, but she refused to congratulate him because he was still a jerk. Then there was the attack on Vulcan. It was a rush of adrenaline that, later, she saw through a haze of fear and confusion as she re-watched Jim Kirk throw himself off a drilling platform after a coworker, be shot off the ship to an ice planet, somehow beam himself and a new friend back onto the ship, and emotionally compromise the acting captain. As captain himself, he remained open minded to ideas, and eventually came up with a plan that the previous acting captain said had only a 4.6 percent chance of working and pulled it off perfectly.
He relieved captain Pike and got the Enterprise as his own, and she heard through the rumor mill that he had requested every person who had been on the bridge during the Nero incident. She also heard that all the same officers and ensigns that served under Kirk for those many wakeful hours requested to serve under him again. She saw him become friends with the Alpha crew, his bright sunny disposition lent a certain charm to the white surroundings. Even she had found herself good friends with her captain in a sort of "rivals in love" type way. But when she had decided that they had become friends, she also noticed that he never offered anything up about himself. Or at least, nothing substantial. Everyone knew something, and he let the little things slide, but Nyota couldn't really say she knew her captain. For many months she tried to get under the shell he seemed to erect around himself, but to no avail. She decided being his friend as she was was good enough until he was more comfortable with his position. Which is why she was so surprised when there was suddenly an exception...
-Spock was the one person Jim didn't mind prying into his personal life. Spock grew up knowing all about his two worlds and Starfleet, but still tried to become completely Vulcan. It wasn't easy, but he was granted entrance to the greatest of all Vulcan academies. He would've accepted if not for the heinous offense uttered against his mother. So he left for Starfleet academy in San Francisco on Earth. Humans were more accepting of him than Vulcans were, (those uptight, prissy, elitist aliens) and Spock found himself relatively at home there. He graduated quickly and became an instructor, he also programmed the final in the command track. The Kobayashi Maru. Or "The Satan Simulation' to the student populace. He was proud of his achievements and managed to make a few acquaintances.
Until Jim Kirk. Spock had heard about the Kirk family since Starfleet labelled George Kirk a hero of the Federation. However, no matter how much James Tiberius Kirk looked like his father, there was no way that Jim could've done what his father had done, Spock thought. The boy was not a good role model and would not make a good leader, he was arrogant, narcissistic, and egotistical. But he beat the unbeatable test. Which was supposed to be impossible, Spock knew. He'd designed it that way. So Spock brought up charges, claimed the Kirk boy cheated. But Jim, with his clear challenging blue eyes stood firm and unyielding. He did /not/ believe in no win scenarios. Though Spock admitted to himself that indeed, the only real solution to an un-winnable test was to cheat, he refused to back down from this adolescent who refused to be intimidated by his logic.
So he mentioned the dad.
In retrospect, not the most logical decision, nor the most polite, or relevant; in fact Spock couldn't truly put his finger on why he'd brought up George Kirk in the first place. But it had worked. Jim deflated, a look of pure agony washed through his eyes for a brief second before they hardened. Lightened until they were shards of ice piercing Spock's soul through his all too human eyes. It was terrifying. Spock was almost certain that the blond would've pummeled the crap out of him given the slightest provocation so he stilled. And then.
Chaos.
For hours after the hearing Spock had no time to think about Jim Kirk. Then he showed up on the bridge. They fought again, surprising Spock exponentially when his argument proved sound, and his prediction rang true. They agreed on... Something... Most of the events of that day were hazy, but he remembered the blind panic he'd felt seeing Jim hurtling with Sulu towards the crumbling surface of Vulcan without a parachute. Not long after that, waves upon waves of horror, and agony. He felt acutely what he had seen in Jim Kirk's eyes when Spock had mentioned his father. And now Spock felt worse because he knew the pain he'd caused. During the following hour Spock was all over the ship, but all he could really remember until He got to the bridge was Jim offering him the ta'al from across a crowded room and mouthing /'I grieve with thee.'/
Then Jim pulled anger from his heart and forced it out of him, so he sent Jim to Delta Vega. A horrible decision really, but humans did have a saying about hindsight. There was near silence for many more hours before Kirk threw another wrench in his plans... By pulling the future and a sandwich obsessed Scott, seemingly out of nowhere to create a whole new angle to science as the universe knew it, and get back under Spock's skin. It must have been the eyes, how they flashed like ice, caved like sand, swirled like the void. Flames danced, the fire that was Jim, and Spock came out of a raging sea of heat with his fingers wrapped around Kirk's throat. A steady thrum of itsokayitsokayitsokaytoletgosometimesSpockitsokayi tsokay, running through the humans skin. Then he heard Jim thinking /directly/ to him. He said 'Spock, Spock you need to let me go now. If you'll allow me to explain later I'll tell you everything you need to know, but please. Forgive me.' It was genuine, the feeling pulsed under his fingertips and the blue eyes stared into him filled with pure sorrow and shame. But, Spock noted, no regret. There was a reason, something that Jim thought would better the situation or he never would've attempted such a crime against the nature of Spock's feelings.
Spock released him as if burnt, shocked and confused and refused eye contact with anyone else on the bridge. They would not give him any answers as they had no idea what had actually occurred. A single glance back at the blue-eyed human filled his heart with remorse, and so he resigned command. A brief talk with his father brought into focus a great many fallacies to his logic, and an even greater number of emotional wounds to his heart. So he set aside time to meditate. He examined his feelings from all angles and stacked them in boxes to be further absorbed later. The pain of the loss of his mother was forefront in his mind, the destruction of Vulcan a close second. And then there seemed to be nothing but Jim.
Jim was everywhere and familiar, like no one else Spock had ever met. The human was all that Spock would never be, bold and bright, open and smiling. Spock envied him that. But somehow he only wanted to be near to that golden presence. That shining smile shouldn't be aimed anywhere but at Spock. Those ocean blue eyes should be filled with wonder, curiosity, and fondness while they looked at him. He wanted to be near Jim forever, his entire being thrummed with it. He would die for Jim, kill for Jim, lie for Jim, completely humiliate himself for Jim... And there was seemingly no reason why. It scared Spock, But in such a way that he felt he must have some part of Jim as his own. If only to quell the acute lack of Jim's mind.
He started towards the bridge with purpose in his steps, and only when he got there did he remember that they were in the middle of a crisis. Surely throwing the acting captain over his shoulder and leaving would be an issue with the rest of he crew. Lucky him he heard Chekhov's plan before he walked in. Not long after that he was on the enemy ship, moving in sync with his captain to make everything run as smooth as possible. The only thing he felt was the ghost touch of Jim's hand on his shoulder.
And then it was over. He asked to become first officer under James Tiberius Kirk and was surprised when Jim came to accept his request in person, offering a hand (metaphorically since Jim knew Vulcans didn't touch hands) in friendship. Spock was happy to agree and they were coworkers within a month onboard the USS Enterprise. Spock learned to loosen up a bit more and Jim learned to think a little before he leapt. Not too much, thinking too much would be bad for Jim's particular type of command. Spock noticed after a few weeks how little Jim offered about himself when he was with his friends. Whenever someone asked him a personal question his eyes turned to steel and his smile was sharp as he danced around the question. Which is why he was so surprised when he became Jim's exception.
They'd been playing chess as had become their routine nearly every night when Jim had simply offered up some piece of information about his past, about his stepfather and how cruel the man had been. Spock hadn't really known how to respond to such an admission and he told Jim so. In return he got a gentle smile, understanding blue eyes that looked right into Spock, and he'd said "I know." He continued the little confessions over the course of a few months, and Spock learned a lot about his new friend. After the third week Spock reciprocated in kind, telling anecdotes about his life on Vulcan, his father, mother, peers, even the bullying. Every night he got the same smile and understanding and Jim would walk him to the door at the end of the night with a hand near the small of his back.
The revelation came to Spock in the shower, his mind pulling up that little smile that Jim would end their nights with. He examined the small quirk of the pink lips until he knew it better than his own self, and why?
He was in love with James Kirk.
He was glad that no one was around to hear the squeal of surprise that he involuntarily let out as he stumbled from the shower. He was shivering, dripping water on his own floor before he realized he was back in his quarters with a towel clutched in his fist and still naked. He managed not to squeak, but couldn't hold back the high-pitched grunt of surprise when he looked down at himself and noticed he was highly aroused. His mental shields were gone and he felt his face flush. Calling out for a medical lock on his door and a privacy lock on the bathroom he slid to the floor, cock in hand and started pumping slowly. The shocks of pleasure and /yesyesyes/ spread through his body like a wildfire, sparking every nerve, lighting up lights behind his eyes.
Then the door chimed.
"Spock," Jim's voice called through the comm. "Spock, are you coming?"
An innocent question since the captain had invited him to dinner, but Spock's body read that one differently, thinking it was a perfectly good time to overload. Spock came, ribbons of white running up his stomach, and had to bite through his lip to keep himself from crying out.
"Spock?"
The Vulcan's eyes snapped open and he rushed to grab a hand towel to wipe himself off, securing the bath towel around his waist he flung the small dirtied flannel behind his bed as he smacked the button to open the door.
"Sp-" Jim had his finger poised to comm again but froze.
"Yes, Jim?" Spock murmured as he leaned one forearm against the door frame, highly embarrassed that he'd chosen to finish masturbating instead of dressing to properly meet his superior officer. He was also aware he was flushed green all over and breathing a little harder than normal.
"Y-you were going to join me for dinner?" Jim phrased it as a question even though it was a fact and tried to peek around Spock's torso to get a look into his quarters. Spock felt a twinge of annoyance, he suspected Jim was looking for a second, equally disrobed person in the room.
"Yes, Jim." Spock raised an eyebrow.
"Um, I-is that still going to work?" Jim wrung his hands in a fidget and looked everywhere except for Spock.
"Of course, why wouldn't it?" Spock replied. Jim looked flustered and Spock loved messing with him.
"Well you look kinda b-busy, or something, maybe with someone else, or something else, or no one else, you just, uh, are very, very, distractingly almost naked." Jim bumbled while bouncing on his toes. "Maybe you'd decided to leave me hanging? Wouldn't be the first time, surely not the last, but I just wanted to make sure since, you know, I always come by to pick you up so you don't slip away all sneaky-like and go do your wonderful sexy science-"
"Jim!"
"yeah?" Hopeful and shy ocean blue eyes stared from an inch or two above. Spock breath hitched.
"I-I would still like to go to dinner with you, Jim." The wide smile and open visage was worth more to Spock than any other thing. "If you'd wait for a few moments while I dress, if that is allowable."
Jim laughed, "anything, Spock. Take all the time you need." Spock melted under the blue gaze.
"I will be back in 2.65 minutes, captain," he said.
"Yeah," Jim's soft voice and open trusting face prompted Spock to press a connected middle and pointer finger to his cheek in a Vulcan kiss. A small burst of fond static fluttered against Spock's mind, a brief touch of Jim before he pulled back. For some reason he couldn't find it in himself to be embarrassed or anxious by his actions, he simply stood.
"Me too," Jim whispered before grasping Spock's arm lightly and flipping it to press his lips to the green tinted skin of Spock's wrist. He raised his eyes as he let the limb fall slowly back to its owner's side.
"Come to dinner, Spock. We have some things to discuss," Jim said smiling with purpose. "My quarters, three minutes."
Spock nearly smiled himself when Jim walked away, gently caressing the spot on his cheek where Spock's fingers had rested. Spock found he also fingered the still tingling spot on his wrist where Jim had pressed his lips to the sensitive skin.
He got dressed in 1.32 minutes and spent another minute wondering if Jim would mind if he was early, then decided that the last 28 seconds didn't matter much and walked into the bathroom to knock on the door to his captains quarters. It opened right away revealing Jim in all his glory offering two fingers. Spock smiled and pressed to fingers back. Jim's grin widened and his eyes sparkled as he tangled their fingers slowly in a much deeper kiss than Spock had ever exchanged. It set his blood on fire. The shocks of feeling coming from their entwined fingers ran up his arm, proceeding to spark throughout his entire body. When Jim grabbed his other hand his knees trembled and his heart sped up to a pace that was too quick to breathe normally so his breath gasped out in short pants.
"J-Jim," the needy sound ripped out of him with a particularly teasing slow slide of fingers from palm to first knuckle.
"Spock," a single word riding on a breath, and then Jim pressed their lips together as intimately as their hands. It was the epitome of perfection, the soft dry slide of fingers and the moist brush of lips providing feelings of happiness, desire, and comfort. Their hands slowed until they were simply pressed together in a loving embrace and they paused their lips to breath in each others air. In the beautiful silence Jim whispered.
"I love you, Spock" he said, allowing Spock to breathe in the words, and in the next breath Spock responded.
"I love you, Jim,"
They both took a small step back.
"Is this why you made me an exception, Jim?" Spock asked with a gentle smile.
Jim cocked his head slightly to the left in confusion. "Exception to what?"
"Your refusal to open yourself up to anyone," Spock replied, "I'd assumed it was a conscious decision on your part."
"I do that?"
"Yes, Jim. However I believe I know more about your past than anyone else on this ship, including Dr. McCoy." Jim looked mildly distraught at the thought.
"I've put people at a distance?"
"I assure you, ashayam, no one holds you at fault or thinks any less of you for such actions. Everyone has secrets, they do not condemn you for this." Spock reached out to hold both of Jim's hands in his. "Your crew respects you, your bridge is filled with friends, and your first officer loves you with all his half human heart. We will never leave you, we will stay by your side because we know /you/. Some may not know how you became who you are, but they know you nonetheless, and you are accepted and respected by every single person on this ship." Spock finished speaking and leaned his forehead against Jim's.
"Oh," Jim breathed shakily, like he might cry any second. "How are you so amazing? How did I get this lucky? How am I the happiest man alive right now?"
Spock knew they were rhetorical questions, "Because you deserve the very best of everything," he answered anyway.
Jim leaned back, eyes glittering, "And in that, you're no exception."