I remember the first time I fell in love. He was an amazing guy. Charismatic, charming, handsome, sweet, pretty much anything and everything I would have wanted in a guy. When he asked me out I thought that the world would only get better from there. But I was wrong.

"Oik- ah! Please... sta-ap!"

"Ngh, my sweet little Sho-chan."

"Stop it... Please I'm scared."

"You're mine... Sho-chan."

I thought I could trust him. I even went as far as almost spending a night with him, just innocent love, but then he kept going. Kept touching me. I remember exactly what it felt like as my anus was abused until it bled. It hurt to sit down for days afterwards, but I couldn't tell anyone why. That's because he would come back if I did, and he said he would do it again and again if he had to too keep me quiet.

But now it's different. It's been two years since that first time and now I'm in highschool, my first day at Karasuno. I was really hoping I could find some friends now. I lost all of mine after him.

The school also has a good volleyball team! It is the home of my favorite player, the little giant. He was an ace on this team and I intend to follow his footsteps and overcome my past. I can prove to him that I am stronger and that no one can stand in my way-

"Oof," I accidentally bumped into someone and fell on my bottom, pain flaring up instantly from the most recent abuse. I looked up at the person I bumped into to see a boy with black hair and beautiful black eyes staring at me widely. "I'm sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going, ehehe," I stood up and brushed off myself, ignoring the pain in my bottom. The boy continued to stare at me for a moment before a scowl crossed his face.

"Don't do it again, idiot," I felt my jaw drop at the sheer audacity of him. I couldn't believe it. Maybe finding new friends won't be as easy. As the nameless yoo-ha walked away from me I shook myself out of the funk and continued to stride forward to orientation, but first homeroom.

The teacher called attendance and I noticed the boy from earlier at the front of the class, Kageyama Tobio, if I remember correctly. He seemed familiar but I couldn't place why. After attendance we all collectively went out into the courtyard where the principal stood on the podium, welcoming us to the school and talking about how we were going to have a great year.

I felt someone staring at me but when I looked around I didn't see anyone looking my way; the feeling lingered. It lingered until we were back inside again. The teacher brought my attention away from earlier and introduced us to the topics we will be talking about this year. I didn't really pay attention, I was bad at school work anyways.

They soon dismissed us to try out for club activities and I headed straight for the gym labeled "Volleyball". That was the only thing he couldn't take from me. He couldn't take away my volleyball no matter how much he hurt me.

"Volleyball, volleyball, going to play some volleyball!" I sang out and skipped towards the gym in my track suit. It was slightly big but it didn't matter, at least it was comfy. "Volleyball!" I finished my little song and opened the door to the club, just to see the kid from earlier, Kageyama. I froze and we stared at each other. Maybe I could be friends with him.

"Uh, Hi! My name is Hinata! We are in the same class, your name is Kageyama, right?" I stuck out my hand and gave him a big smile. He looked at my hand, to my face, and back again as if he didn't understand what I was saying at first. He suddenly gripped the volleyball in his hands and turned his head.

"Tch, whatever runt," I stared at him. Did he just? Oh this is on. I rolled up my sleeves and put my hands into fists.

"Runt? Who do you think you are talking to jerk! You wanna go?" I saw Kageyama roll his eyes and I twitched. This jerk! Who did he think he was? Acting all high and mighty like that.

"Why would I want to fight a stupid looking idiot like you?"

"Why you-!"

"Enough!" I froze at the booming voice and turned to see an upperclassmen. I shrank in on myself as he began to yell at us for fighting. Kageyama tried to defend himself but we both got kicked out of the gym. We begged and pleaded but we were handed notes by another upperclassmen, the co-captain, saying that unless we got along, neither of us would be able to set foot in the club room. The captain made a scary face and closed the door, making us shiver, at least I shivered. I sat on the steps into the gym and drew in the dirt with my shoe while Kageyama paced and muttered to himself that this "couldn't happen to him" and that he "didn't deserve this". I kept myself from laughing because the look on his face was so desperate and embarrassing. He kept talking to himself for the next twenty minutes. I tried to give ideas but whenever I did he would give me a stare that made me freeze and shiver.

"Hey, Kageyama! How about we challenge… them to… a duel," I started to trail off when he gave me that stare again, but on top of that my phone started to go off, it was his ringtone. Kageyama said something back but I just hummed in response and flipped the phone open, seeing a text message from him.

To: You

From: Bastard

Meet me at our spot in ten

If you aren't there don't expect me to be merciful about you skipping out on joining me at johsai

I think my face said most of it because Kageyama called out to me a few times before he touched my shoulder and I jumped and squeaked in panic.

"What's going on? Why'd you make that stupid face?" I didn't even notice the insult because I was trying to think of the fastest way to get to the spot under the bridge. It was on my way home so if I biked from here at top speed it could take just three minutes, four at most.

"Huh? Oh I just have to go, see you Kageyama!" I ran and ignored his calls out to me and went for my bike. As quickly as possible I left the school and turned the corner sharply, almost falling over. The wind stung my cheeks as I stood up on the bike and pumped my legs hard, feeling that familiar burn already setting in my calfs and thighs. I was unlucky to run into traffic that held me back two minutes at least, there was usually never traffic at this time but I guess karma is out to get me.

At the spot, I threw the bike on the side of the road and left my bag next to it. I scrambled down the steep little hill and almost tripped in the process. At the bottom I caught my breath for a moment, hunched over with my hands on my knees, when I heard him call me out.

"Hello chibi-chan," I straightened up and turned to the spot he stood in the shadows of the bridge.

"Oikawa-san," Oikawa beckoned me closer and I complied, like the little doggie I was. I didn't stop moving until I was pressed up against his stomach, where he liked me to stay at when we weren't having sex, or as I call it rape. I didn't look up at him, or flinch when his arm wrapped around my middle and pulled my up against him, or when his other hand started to pull at my hair. Not enough to really hurt but enough to make anyone who wasn't used to it wince. When I didn't make any noise he started to brush his hand through my hair and it took everything in me not to fall back in love with his touch. Sometimes he was so gentle and it made me think that all the pain was just an illusion, but then he would hurt me again and the cycle would repeat.

"You made it in time, chibi-chan. I was hoping you wouldn't because I'm feeling really needy today. Do you think you could forgive me if I got rough on you?" he stopped petting my hair and pulled my face up to look at him. My face stayed blank even as he made the cute puppy eyes that I loved. I knew the right answer, but I didn't or more likely couldn't just give in like I usually did. If I could defy him so much as to get into a different school, then I should be able to at least make this tougher for him, right?

Then again he would have another reason why he should hurt me and he would leave marks. I felt something inside me break as I nodded into his hand and that sadistic smile spread across his features. He slapped my cheek lightly.

"Good boy," he started to rub his hand against my cheek as the smile slowly disappeared into a frown. He stopped and pulled it away, just to haul out and slap me across the face so hard that I fell back on my butt. I stayed there and watched with quivering lips as he slowly trotted over with a smile on his face.

"You were thinking about defying me, weren't you Shou-you?" I was used to the way he called my name and just nodded my head obediently, he always knew. I was pulled up by my hair momentarily before Oikawa started to strip my body of its clothes. I tried to hold in the tears as I laid their naked with angry eyes traveling up and down my body, taking in the fading bruises and scars.

"You know what Shouyou?" he started to peel off his jacket and shirt. "I think you need a new mark right…" his finger landed on the inside of my neck. "Here," he pointed to my shoulder and went down onto his knees as he leaned over me. "Here," his hands traveled down and I felt some tears break free when his hands stopped on either side of my hips. "And here. What do you think, hmm?"

"That's okay, I deserve it," right? My voice was soft and it gave out at the end when I felt his teeth dig into the flesh on my neck. I cried softly with my eyes closed tightly as he sucked on my neck relentlessly. His fingers dug into my hips and I knew it would leave a mark. A whimper escaped my mouth when he tightened his jaw, drawing blood. His jaw slackened and he moved to my shoulder and licked it once before sucking on it.

My fingers twitched and I felt his knee press itself in between my legs and rub against my unclothed crotch. I clenched my jaw and turned my head. Opening my eyes I stared out at the grass and darkening sky, wishing that I was still at the school and asking Kageyama about volleyball or what he was like.

"You liked that, huh?" Oikawa's hand moved and he rubbed his hand between my legs. Out of instinct I tried to pull my legs closed but all that did was make him laugh as I held back a moan. I sobbed and brought my hand up to my face and bit down on it as I felt my arousal growing with the experienced strokes. Oikawa continued his torment and I felt him lick my hips and despite how much I hated him my hips bucked up into the touch. His chuckle vibrated against my skin as he continued to lick me.

"Shouyou, you can't deny it forever you know? Your body is way more understanding than you are, isn't it," I felt his teeth set against my skin around the edge of the bone and I clenched my jaw as I felt a cry try to escape me. It hurt so much, but I knew that this was just the beginning. I held in my cries as Oikawa covered my hips in bloody marks. The blood was cool against my skin and I tried to focus on that feeling when I heard the familiar zip.

"I want to hear you moan for me, Shouyou. Please, let me hear you," he pressed kisses against my stomach as he pulled my hand from my mouth and held both my hands against the ground. I gasped and stared up at the concrete underside of the bridge as sobs shook my body. I sucked in a breath as his tongue traced my navel and went downwards. My body shook and I could barely see through the tears.

"Please…"

"Please what, Shouyou? You want more?" he rubbed the insides on my thighs as my thoughts wavered, but didn't fall as I felt those filthy hands run across my body.

"... stop," when Oikawa's hands tightened against my thighs I knew that I made a big mistake. My eyes widened the second before I felt the pain. New tears were brought to my eyes and my back arched as I silently screamed. Oikawa leaned over to me and the tears poured out when he whispered into my ear.

"You shouldn't have said that," I let out cries as he pounded into me I tried to kick him with my legs but all he did was go deeper in with more force. Struggling was useless but I tried anyways even though it just made it hurt worse. Oikawa loomed over me with a smile on his face as he leaned down to kiss me. At first I was in too much pain but then I felt his tongue in my mouth and it disgusted me.

I bit down and tasted blood. Oikawa jumped back and paused for a second, hands up at his mouth as a look of anger crossed his face. He chuckled darkly and shook his head before he leaned back and pulled out. His hands moved so they were just over my stomach and I felt my stomach churn and shook as one of his hands traveled lower slowly.

"You just really want this, don't you Shouyou?" Oikawa's voice had deepened and he grabbed me tightly, nails digging into soft flesh. I couldn't keep back the scream that ripped from my mouth. Oikawa laughed as I breathed heavily and wiped at the tears helplessly as I felt a sharp prick of pain that told me the flesh in my bottom had tore.

Oikawa didn't slow down, he wasn't at all fazed by the blood that covered him, it actually seemed like he was going faster and more forcefully. I couldn't help but give into the pain and scream and cry for him to stop. I said I was sorry, for what I'm not sure. Maybe I was sorry for my existence.

Or maybe this is what is supposed to happen to me, this is my purpose.

Maybe I am just supposed to be used until one day I give in completely and break beyond the fixing point so that I can finally be thrown away? That sure would be nice, if it could just end. I didn't care if that meant I was suicidal. I just want it to end. Whatever I did to make Oikawa do this is probably reason enough for me to die for my sins.

I couldn't make anymore noises when I felt Oikawa release into me. I didn't move when he pulled out either. Or when he was standing over me and kicked me in the side of the head hard enough to give me a small concussion. I was finally starting to break apart, and I knew that this pain would only get worse. Oikawa spit on my face before he walked away. I just laid there on the cold ground as my naked body crawled with disappointment.

I was dirty, so incredibly dirty.

After a few more seconds laying there I slowly sat up and crawled to get my clothes. I cringed and groaned as I pulled them on, hissing when the fabric rubbed against the bite marks. Slowly, and hesitantly, I walked out of the shadows, holding onto my shoulder with great worry. My face was downcast and I stared at my untied shoes as I began to walk up the hill, then I heard something.

"Hinata? What are you doing here?" I looked up and felt the blood drain from my face as I stared at my new team mate.

Fuck.