The Ultimate Weapon
It has been 10 years since the Alesians had arrived to the Warhammer 40000 dimension and have set up their Empire. They were under heavy attack from all of the major factions, with thousands of worlds in the Alesian Empire.. The Alesian Legions were several hundred million strong, but it was not enough. A new weapon was needed. After extensive research, their allies from Earth provided the catalyst for the new weapon. Now it only needed to be tested. Commander Cestus was briefed and given a prototype of the weapon. He was dubious of the weapon, but the scientists have assured him of its deadly potential. He was to beam down to a major stronghold of Chaos. Black Legion, Emperor's Children and Death Guard Chaos space marines were gathered on that world in the thousands, with tens of millions of cultists and traitor guardsmen.
Commander Cestus thought over the mission one more time as he flew to the Chaos world by cloaked jumper. High Councilor Amann himself briefed him on the weapon and gave him high praise for his battle with the Orks a few weeks earlier. He asked what made this weapon so deadly. Amann just grinned and demonstrated. Cestus was impressed with the results on a test group of Orks. They were dead within a few seconds of the weapon being activated. He turned his attention back to the console as it beeped, signaling that the jumper had arrived. The Jumper dropped out of hyperspace over the planet and cloaked. Cestus picked up the weapon and beamed down to the surface. The wind blew, and the scent of blood was heavy on the air in the open plain. The forces of Chaos were moving toward him.
Cestus smirked as he pressed a button on the weapon. Nanites flew out of the weapon and formed the components needed to utilize the superweapon to its full effect. He waited until all of the forces of Chaos surrounded him, thirsting for his blood. He activated the weapon and turned his shield on as he set the weapon down on the ground. He took 3 steps back and waited. A holographic message flashed.
"Imported from Earth. HIGHLY DANGEROUS!"
Cestus grinned as the boombox started to play. The hologram shifted to form a man dancing. It was Rick Astley. The nanites formed loudspeakers and the music blasted in a 5 mile radius.
"We're no strangers to love. You know the rules and so do I."
The Chaos forces stopped dead in their tracks as the music started to overload their brain capacity. Neurons were fired as the traitor guardsmen and cultists screamed in pain.
"Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down. Never gonna run around and desert you."
The heads of all of the traitor guardsmen began to explode, their bloody bits splattering their comrades. The Black Legion and Death's Guard shuddered as the power of the music hit them. They screamed in agony from the music as Rick Astley kept dancing, waving his arms and tapping his feet.
"Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye. Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you."
The Black Legion marines fell to the ground dead, their chest imploded with the shock of the rickroll. Only Emperor's Children were unaffected, they began to dance to the music, enjoying it and the sensations of the music. Commander Cestus shook his head and face palmed himself. The Emperor's Children loved the music, but the image of Rick Astley dancing slowly killed them as they suffered brain damage from listening to it.
"I just want to tell you how I'm feeling. Got to make you understand."
The Emperor's Children slumped to the ground, their brain destroyed by the horrific images. Commander Cestus grinned as he shut off the boom box and the holographic image. The bodies of his enemies were laying everywhere as far as the eye could see, everyone but Cestus was dead from the epic fail of the music. Millions were dead from the Rickroll. Commander Cestus began to hum the song as he beamed up to his jumper. Today was a great day for Alesia and her mighty Empire. They would use the Rickroll weapon against the Orks, Tyranids, Orks, and Eldar. The Imperium would be spared this fate, since it would be inhumane to do it to distant relatives of their allies from Earth.
The End