Title: I Saw Lassie Kissing Shawnie Claus
Summary: Takes place in the same universe as my previous fics "Falling Slowly" and "Head Over Heels". Juliet does a little accidental spying.
Rating: PG-13ish? Semi-explicit references to both Shawn/Lassiter and Shawn/Juliet.
Author's Note: Honestly, this is so fluffy, mushy, and entirely inconsequential that it's barely worth posting, but this is the time of year for fluffy fic, right? Happy Holidays everyone!
Her shoes were killing her.
They were strappy red five inch heels, the kind Juliet could never wear to work, but she had fallen in love with them when she had seen them on the clearance rack, and had decided that they would be perfect for the Christmas party she was attending at Chief Vick's house.
The invitation had been issued when she had run into the Chief (Karen, now, she reminded herself) at the grocery story. It had been more than a year since Juliet had left the Santa Barbara Police Department to become a federal marshal, but she still thought of her time with the SBPD with nothing but affection, and when Karen had invited her to a private holiday party she was holding at her house for selected colleagues and friends, Juliet had accepted without thinking twice.
She should have thought twice about wearing the shoes, though, she realized, as she gingerly stepped out of them and wiggled her toes on the wooden deck. Or if not the shoes, then she should have rethought the three (four?) glasses of surprisingly potent punch that she had drank earlier. She closed her eyes, enjoying the fresh December air after the overcrowded confines of the house. Looking into the neatly kept yard in front of her, she thought about how nice the cool grass would feel against her bare feet, wondered if she was only thinking that way because she was slightly drunk, shrugged, and stepped off of the porch into the yard, meandering aimlessly.
She heard a soft laugh, and recognized it immediately as being Shawn.
She had seen Shawn earlier at the party, with Gus, and had in fact spent some time with them both, falling back into the easy camaraderie the three of them had shared before she and Shawn had broken up. Shawn was wearing a Santa hat, reminding Juliet of the first Christmas she had spent in Santa Barbara, when he had come to the station full of holiday spirit, bearing gifts. It gave her a little pang of nostalgia to remember those days, when she had harbored a crush on the sweet, fun-loving psychic with the amazing solve rate. It seemed like a different lifetime now.
Things had been a little awkward with Shawn when he had first come back to Santa Barbara – well, more than a little awkward when she had found out that he and Lassiter were living together – but in the intervening months, they had started to slowly rebuild their friendship.
Not that she saw him all that often, and when she did it was usually because she had made plans to have dinner or drinks with Carlton, when she would sometimes see Shawn just long enough to exchange pleasantries.
Despite the fact that her job kept her very busy, and often had her traveling all over the country, she did make a point of carving out time to see Carlton. He had been her partner for so long that he had come to feel like family, and for as obstinate, cranky, and downright annoying as he could be, she found that she missed his daily presence in her life. She knew him almost as well as she knew herself, or at least she thought she did, which was why she had been so shocked when she found out that he was sleeping with Shawn. No, not just sleeping with him, but in a relationship with him.
He hadn't been at the party when she had first gotten there; Shawn had explained that he been out of town for the past week, at a law enforcement conference in Boise. He was coming back into town that night, taking a taxi directly from the airport to the party.
She had seen the taxi pull up not long after that, and had gone outside with Shawn and Gus to greet him. Gus had taken his suitcase to put into the Blueberry while Shawn had hugged him quickly, almost impersonally, and stepped away, allowing Carlton to pull Juliet into a hug.
"Juliet, I didn't know you would be here! It's so good to see you," he said, and she smiled. It had taken her months to break him of the habit of calling her "O'Hara" now that they weren't partners anymore, but he finally seemed to be comfortable not only using her first name, but also doling out friendly hugs. She wondered if that was a side effect of his relationship with Shawn, who was never hesitant about casually affectionate touching; either way, she considered it a huge step forward in their friendship. He walked alongside her into the house, greeting Chief Vick and her husband, taking the glass of punch that she handed him while telling her about his terrible flight and the boring conference and how glad he was to be home. Shawn and Gus had temporarily disappeared, and in the back of her mind Juliet wondered at the briefness of Shawn and Carlton's reunion after a weeklong separation.
Of course, it wasn't as if she ever saw them being particularly physically affectionate, not that she spent that much time with them. She had a feeling that even if they were the hand-holding, public-display-of-affection type of couple, that they still would have been reserved around her, due to her previous relationship with Shawn. She knew that they lived together, even that they slept in the same bedroom, and yet somehow their relationship remained somewhat hypothetical to her, because she had so rarely been confronted with solid evidence of its existence. Until now.
She stopped, realizing that Shawn must be very close, and had just opened her mouth to say something when she heard another sound that made her pause: a low moan. She stood where she was, next to a wide oak tree, and peeked around it to see that Shawn and Carlton were just a few feet away, under a neighboring tree, kissing. The sight gave her an excited flutter low in her belly, one she was immediately ashamed of. This was a private moment, a reunion, she had no business spying on them like this, and also, they were her friends, people who trusted her. She shouldn't…
"Watch the hat," Shawn said, reaching up to steady his Santa hat.
"Don't care about your stupid hat," Lassiter said, plucking the hat off of Shawn's head and reaching around to shove it into the back pocket of Shawn's jeans.
"I can't believe you did that," Shawn mock gasped. "You're going on the naughty list for sure."
"At least I'll have company. Aren't you always on the naughty list, Spencer?"
"Mmmm," Shawn hummed agreeably, "I've found that it's a lot more fun there than it is on the nice list. For example, if I were nice, I probably wouldn't do this."
From her vantage point, Juliet couldn't quite see what he was doing with his hands, but something made Lassiter gasp and arch against him, then lean down to kiss him again, even more intensely than before.
"Missed you," Carlton said, as he broke the kiss.
"I noticed," Shawn said. "You do realize that we're standing in the Chief's back yard, right?"
"Don't care," Carlton mumbled, though it was a little hard to make out since his lips were moving down Shawn's neck. "Want you."
"Yeah," Shawn agreed breathlessly, and pulled Lassiter into another kiss. Juliet could see Carlton's hands pushing Shawn's shirt up, enough so that she could see his fingers splayed against an expanse of bared skin.
This was too, too weird, watching her ex-boyfriend and her former partner go at it like this. She was a terrible person. She leaned forward a little so that she could better hear what they were saying.
"Chief Vick, Chief Vick, Chief Vick," Shawn gasped as he pulled away slightly, and Lassiter frowned.
"I'm gonna get a complex if you keep saying my boss's name while we do this."
"I'm just trying to remind you of where we are, because you seem to have forgotten."
"How much longer do we have to stay here? I want to go home and fu—"
"Ssshhh!" Shawn said, laughing as he put a finger against Lassiter's lips. "Not so loud."
Juliet felt her eyes grow huge as, instead of responding, Lassiter sucked Shawn's finger into his mouth. "Lass…" Shawn sighed, his voice hoarse with what Juliet recognized as lust.
Oh, she was so going to hell for watching them like this.
Carlton's hands shifted downwards, towards Shawn's belt. Juliet heard the jangle of the buckle, just as Shawn reached down and grabbed Lassiter's wrists, stilling his actions.
"Whoa Lassie, what are you doing?"
"Wanna taste you. Been thinking about it for days."
Juliet hadn't thought that her eyes could get any wider, but she was apparently wrong. It was funny, she thought, that while she definitely didn't spend much time pondering the details of Shawn and Carlton's sex life, she had always assumed that Shawn would be the one eager to get on his knees; she knew from experience that he possessed a gratifying oral fixation. She still remembered one night when he had licked her tirelessly through her thin cotton panties until…
Yeah. Definitely going to hell.
"Lassie-my-love," Shawn said, still struggling to keep Lassiter from unzipping his jeans, "you are drunk. How much of that punch did you have?"
Carlton smacked his lips thoughtfully. "Don't know. It tasted like Kool-Aid."
"Yeah," Shawn agreed, "but if I've suddenly turned into the sensible one in this relationship, then I'd say you had too much of it, no matter how it tasted."
"Since when are you so shy?" Lassiter grumbled, giving up on Shawn's jeans and instead pulling at the buttons on Shawn's shirt. "We've done it outside before."
"Not in Chief Vick's backyard with two dozen of your colleagues just a few hundred feet away. I'm definitely interested in exploring your exhibitionist tendencies another time, though."
"Shawnie…"Carlton pleaded softly, and Shawn seemed to relent, reaching up to kiss him again. Juliet leaned forward slightly, wincing as she heard a twig snap under her foot. Shawn stopped what he was doing, putting his hand over Lassiter's mouth when he started to protest and looking around the yard. Juliet stood as still as she possibly could, not even daring to breathe. After a moment, Shawn relaxed, removing his hand from Lassiter's mouth and wiping it across the front of his shirt.
"You licked me!"
"That's not all I'd like to lick," Carlton said with a hopeful leer, and Shawn laughed again.
"Why did you do that? Is something wrong?" Carlton asked, in what he probably thought was a whisper but was more like his normal conversational voice.
"I thought I heard something."
"I didn't hear anything."
"Dude, you're so wasted right now that Jules could be standing less than twenty feet away, and you wouldn't even notice her."
Juliet went cold with horror, as Lassiter protested. "Don't be ridiculous, of course I would!...She's not, is she?"
Instead of answering, Shawn gave him a little push. "Go find Gus and tell him we want to go home. Don't talk to anybody else, there's no telling what you might say tonight. I'll meet you at the car in a few minutes."
"But I want to –"
"Lassie," Shawn's voice was soft, persuasive, "I promise to make it worth your while once we're home. But first we have to get there. Go find Gus."
"Fine," Lassiter said, defeated. "But I'm holding you to that, Spencer."
"I'm counting on it," Shawn said, kissing him once more, then leaning against the tree and swiping his hand across his face like he was trying to get himself under control as Lassiter headed towards the house.
Juliet didn't move, hoping against hope that Shawn hadn't really seen her, that he was about to follow Carlton back to the party. She closed her eyes, praying that when she opened them, Shawn would be gone.
He wasn't. Instead, he was standing right in front of her.
"Hi Jules," he said cheerfully. "Nice night for a walk, huh?"
"Oh god," she said, mortified at having been caught. "I am so, so, sorry Shawn."
"It's cool, Jules," he said, and chortled with delight. "That rhymed!"
"Oh my god," she said in realization, "you're drunk too, aren't you?"
"Not as drunk as Lassie!" he said defensively. "But yeah, that punch should have come with a warning label. And what about you, fair Juliet? How many glasses of it did you have?"
"Three," she admitted. "Maybe four. Can I blame that on why I was spying on you?"
"Sure," he said agreeably, pulling the Santa hat out of his back pocket and sticking it jauntily on top of his head, the white pom-pom on the end swaying merrily.
"No," she said shaking her head, "that's a terrible excuse. There is no excuse, except that I'm a bad person."
"Jules, you are the least bad person I know, except for maybe Gus. So that can't possibly be the reason."
"I think it was just that I've never seen you two being all…" she waved her hand tipsily "kissyface before."
"Lassie is not a man who is comfortable with public kissyface," Shawn acknowledged, "and he worries about you being weirded out about us."
"I'm not weirded out!" Juliet protested, but Shawn gave her a disbelieving look. "Okay, maybe a little. But only because you and I…we had sex, Shawn! We had a lot of sex! And at the time, you seemed to be enjoying it, but now you're having that sex with Lassiter, and it's WEIRD."
"I don't see anything weird about it," Shawn said. "I can't help it if I find both you and Lassie irresistible. Frankly, it seems to me like a completely normal reaction. The weirdos are the people who don't want to jump both of you."
"Thanks, I think," Juliet said, her brow furrowed as she tried to figure out if that was a compliment. "So, you and Carlton. It seems like that's still going really well, huh?"
"Yeah," Shawn said, and she didn't miss the slightly goofy smile that crossed his face. "Surprisingly well, especially considering that we still want to kill each other about once per case. It helps that he just barely tolerates his partner, so in comparison he finds me bearable. At least he's used to me." He cocked his head to the side thoughtfully and added, "It doesn't hurt that we can work out our frustrations by screwing each other senseless."
"SHAWN!"
He at least had the good grace to look embarrassed. "Uh. Oops. Sorry, Jules. I think the punch killed my internal filter."
"I don't think I really appreciated until now that you even have an internal filter."
"I do. Not a very good one though, obviously."
They had reached the porch again, and Juliet sat down on the step to reluctantly put her shoes back on. Shawn looked down at them admiringly.
"You could register those things as lethal weapons, Jules. I thought Gus was going to have a heart attack when he saw them."
She smiled, pleased. "Good. Then they're doing their job."
"So what's going on with you these days? Are those shoes meant for someone special?" Somehow, he made the question sound dirty, making her blush a little.
"The shoes are for me," she said lightly, "a reward for helping bring in a fugitive who had been wanted for nearly a decade."
"Congratulations," Shawn said sincerely, then laughed and grabbed her arm as she swayed dangerously upon standing. "Careful, Jules. Those things are more dangerous than James Spader's smirk. Hey, do you need a ride home? Gus is our designated driver. He lost five games in a row of Rock, Paper, Scissors. Hint: he always chooses paper."
"No thanks. I'm going to stay here a little longer. I was hoping to get a chance to catch up with Chief Vick."
"Okay, well at least come and say goodbye to Lassie and Gus," he said, and she walked companionably – if not a bit unsteadily – with him around the side of the house, to the street out front where Gus's little blue car was parked.
"There you are!" Gus said, sounding relieved. "Carlton's ready to send out a search party."
"Where is he?" Shawn asked, looking around.
"He went back into the house to see if you were there. Look, here he comes."
Lassiter came loping up beside Shawn, throwing an arm around his shoulders. "I thought we were leaving! Where've you been?"
"I was catching up with Jules," Shawn said, even as he shifted closer against Lassiter's side. "I thought you might want to say goodbye to her before we left."
She looked at them standing side-by-side, Lassiter more upbeat and openly affectionate than she'd ever seen him, Shawn content and calm and, dare she even think it, more mature, than he'd seemed back when she'd been dating him, and she realized for the first time just how they seemed to bring out the best in each other.
"Merry Christmas, guys," she said, reaching up to kiss first Lassiter, then Shawn, on the cheek, then turning to do the same to Gus. "Call me after the New Year so we can get together, okay?"
As she walked back to the house, she heard Gus say "No! One of you has to ride in the front seat. I'm not going to have you two groping each other behind me all the way home."
"But Guuuussss…" Shawn whined, and she smiled. Okay, maybe he wasn't completely mature, but it was nice to know that some things would never change.