Chapter One
Dear Diary,
Today is going to be so much fun! Harry Potter is now a loner. Dumbledore, the old fool, is dead. And I am still the hottest guy alive! Nothing can defeat me now.
So for this occasion I'm going to have a party. The greatest Death Eater party ever. Well I'll make an even better one when I defeat Hairy Potty and rule over the world. Oh yea… It'll be like Hitler coming back to life except in a magical world.
So, anyway about my extremely great party. We are going to put curlers in our hair; well the people who have hair mine is all gone (I'm using the Hair Pro-active Applier). Then we're going to paint our nails and give each other facials and trust me just because I'm cutest deformed looking Dark Lord doesn't mean I can't have facials. Oh wait hang on I need to get the evil chocolate chip fudge brownies out of the oven…
Ahh that's better. Damn these cookies are as evil and delicious as me. Back to my party. After that we're going to burn down the Malfoy's mansion and roast Marshmallows around the fire.
Then we'll tell each other muggle ghost stories and poke Draco with our wands until he screams like a girl. I was also thinking of tickling him with a feather but that works too.
Next we'll play games. Like Pin The Tale on Dumbledore. And make a Piñata that looks like Harry Potter and smash it onto smithereens. Oh and we are gonna use Draco to play Marco Polo. Hehehe. I crack myself up. After a long and tiring day we'll probably just have a pillow fight.
Oh no diary I almost forgot to mention the greatest attraction of all. We're making Snape do a strip dance for us. Well I have to go now, somebody just found a picture of Dumbledore in a porn magazine. Now that I have to see.
The Hottest and Sexiest Dark Lord Alive