Where We Love is Home
One
'From the Looks to the Lightning'
The walls around her seemed to be closing in, the coolness of the railing she grasped freezing her hands. The elevator made her feel dizzy, and the goddamn door wouldn't slide closed—she was vulnerable, and all the world could see it if they passed by. Why wouldn't it close? Addison didn't know how much longer she could keep back the tears and shakiness; she didn't feel like a Shepherd, nor did she feel like a Montgomery. She was simply Addison, with no last name to connect her to a home. Seattle wasn't forgiving, and New York had no room for her nostalgia. Where was she to go?
As her mind began to spin into oblivion, the door finally began to close, and she breathed a sigh of relief. But then Mark slipped in, his agile body elegant and so well known to her. Addison was never one to give in to hopeless romantic sentiment, but Mark was comfort—the embodiment of every feeling and look Derek was supposed to have towards her. She hadn't wanted it to be Mark who loved her, but when she had realized it, she knew she wouldn't resist. And here he was now in front of her, so devoted, so attentive. He pressed the emergency stop button, his crystal blue eyes never leaving hers. Addison held her breath, not wanting this moment to be changed. Her wedding ring coiled around her finger like a furious serpent, and all she wanted was to throw it to the ground.
"Come home with me, Addie," Mark said gently, oddly keeping his distance, "that's where you belong." His words were so genuine, his eyes so caring. Addison had never taken Mark to be a man of pure devotion, but he had been there for her more times than Derek had even been home when she was. He was a compelling man, with many more layers than Addison had ever anticipated. And in this moment, she wanted to say yes to him; say that she agreed her place was with him. But something kept her lips closed, the words caught in her throat.
"Mark," she warned weakly, her eyes falling to her black Jimmy Choos—the ones Mark had given her last Christmas. Her heart faltered, and she felt her hands begin to tremble. Keeping them wrapped tightly around the elevator's railing, she conjured up the bravery to look at him again. His features hadn't changed yet.
"Your marriage is over, Addison. It's just a fact. Derek doesn't deserve you—and you don't deserve the way he ignores you. Your place is back in New York with me. I love you. So come home with me, and let me love you. You should be happy." His lulling eyes searched her features thoroughly for some evidence of hesitation, and Addison knew he wouldn't find any. Her heart screamed and pleaded for her to say yes.
"And you think I'd be happy with you?" Addison wasn't trying to accuse him of anything, but she knew that's how her tone had come off. She instantly regretted it. She could have a marvelous life with Mark—there was no doubt in her mind. But would it last? How long could he be solely with her, and not long for anyone else? How long until his victory over Derek would fade away and she'd be alone again? Addison couldn't jump into a relationship with all of these lingering questions. They terrified her. She couldn't dedicate herself to Mark while the security she felt with Derek was still possible. Addison craved stability; it was the one thing her parent's relationship never truly had. They had been on the verge of divorce too many times for Addison to count on ten fingers. With Mark, would it be any different than that?
"Yes, I truly think you would," Mark replied firmly, sincerity filling every crevice in his voice. He loved her. If Addison had never fully realized it, in this moment she did. He'd come all the way from New York for her; he'd toughed out a vengeful punch from Derek; he'd risked every shred of dignity he had to come and find her. If that wasn't true love, Addison didn't know what was. In some twisted, horridly warped Disney fantasy, Mark was her knight in shining armor. He was the prince with the castle and loving arms. It hardly made any sense to her, but as she looked into his blue eyes, she knew there was no denying it. Mark Sloan was the man Addison had dreamt about since she was a child—he was everything she needed him to be and then some. So why couldn't she say yes?
"Mark," she sighed wistfully, "we tried living together. You still cheated, we still fought, and I think we both spent more time mending our wounds in bars than actually spending time together." She stopped there. She didn't want him thinking their entire relationship had been miserable—because if she was truly honest with herself, the fights and heartache were what kept her fire burning. Mark kept her alive. "It's not that I don't want to say yes. It's just that—do you really think we'd make it?" Addison was feeling too vulnerable for her own comfort level, but as Mark moved closer to her, she felt all resistance to it slip away. She wanted no more than to fall into his arms, and cry and vent about everything that had happened to her recently. Mark always listened—he didn't just hear her. That was the major difference between him and Derek. Sure Derek would sit with her some nights and hold her as she cried, but the interest level was never really there. With Mark, he was there for her before she even knew she had something to cry about. No matter what it was, how big or small, Mark was there.
"I think if we really want this, we can have it. It's never been a game with you, Addie. You were never some one-night-stand, or something to be won. I never asked to fall in love with my best friend's wife, but I did. I want only to be with you." Mark breathed deeply, stepping even closer to her. Addison forgot how to properly function. "And if you think staying in Seattle is what you need, then I'll stay right here with you. I don't care where we are, as long as we're together."
Addison had no idea how to reply to that. She'd never heard him speak like that. He wasn't trying to get her into bed, he wasn't trying to be cocky, and he wasn't trying to steal her from Derek. He was just a man in love, trying to hold on to the woman he harbored the feelings for. Addison's heart rate quickened, and she felt all the doubt slip out of her mind. Maybe it wasn't smart for her to do that. In fact, she knew it wasn't smart; or logical. Mark always did have a way with words. But all of her hesitations and insecurities faded into nothing as she stared at his clear and light blue eyes. They didn't loom as Derek's did; they didn't feel like a burden.
"Alright," she breathed, feeling just as shocked as Mark looked. A smile grew on his face, and it was too contagious for Addison to contain herself. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, and it felt more like home than it ever had with Derek. She was done with brooding over love long since passed. Mark was here, in the present, loving her more genuinely and fully than Derek ever had or ever could. She dug her forehead into the crevice between Mark's collarbone and shoulder, just taking in the experience. He still smelled of his Armani aftershave. "Just—just promise me that this time will be different." She had to say it. Had to at least convince herself she had some logic left in her. Mark kissed the top of her head, and she could feel him nod.
"I promise." The words were like fire after being caught outside on a freezing December day. Addison leaned more of her weight on him, and there was no space between their chests now. For all she cared, this elevator could be home; as long as she had him, it didn't matter where she was. He was all the shelter she needed.
So I've been re-watching the older seasons of Grey's Anatomy, and my Mark/Addison heart is in utter mourning. I know there is absolutely no chance they will ever get together, but I will stay forever with my delusional ship. And for anyone who actually reads this, this is my first time ever writing GA characters, so if they're a bit OOC, I really do apologize for that. Not sure if I will continue this; I guess I'll see what kind of response it gets.
Reviews are love!