I have no real explanation for this. Just… I'm sorry for this depressing fic that probably makes no sense now that I think about it. It will leave you with a bunch of unanswered questions. Again, I apologize for that…
A cloud of darkness seemed to follow him everywhere he went nowadays. The cloud lingered above him, making his every waking hour a nightmare he so desperately wanted to awake from. His life seemed to be getting even tougher and tougher as each day passed him by. Life was simply a cruel, sick joke in his eyes. He saw no happiness or joy. Not anymore.
He felt like he had lost everything that used to make his life happy and joyful.
Now, as he sits on one of the swings of the Palm Woods Park, swinging his feet back and forth without a care in the world, he thinks about how his life used to be some time before. It used to be so full of love and happiness; something he now lacked. The only thing he wishes to have is to have all of that love back in his life. He wants to be happy again, but he just can't be happy anymore.
He can no longer laugh, smirk, or even smile. Smiling is a task that takes up so much of his energy. But now, most of the time he finds himself forcing a smile so that no one will worry over him. He knows very well that his whole family is worried over his lack of happiness, but he can't really do anything about it, except try to be tough and make them believe he is happy. Or at least try to make them believe he is happy, because he really doubts that they believe anything he says or does anymore.
He knows they know his smiles are fake.
He knows that they no longer believe him when he says that he's okay. But really, he has no reason to blame them. He very well knows that he doesn't look okay. He looks and feels broken. His heart is heavy; mind is lost. He feels broken beyond repair, and he has no idea if there will ever be someone to pick up the pieces of his broken self.
Pain is all he feels. Sadness and hurt run through his veins. He doesn't know what to do anymore. He's completely lost, with no place to go. It kills him inside to know he no longer has the answers to all of the questions running through his brain. He's always been used to having the answers to everything, but now he has none.
Kendall has always been a tough person. He has never let anything get to him; to bring him down. But the tough break too; they go down as well. No one in this world is unbreakable. There was a time not too long ago when he always saw the positive side to everything; when he never let his fears show.
But that Kendall is now gone.
There are nights when he just feels like curling in on himself in the middle of the night, holding a soft blanket to his chest, and letting his salty tears finally roll down his cheeks. It's the one time when he doesn't worry about anyone hearing him weep. He often cries himself to sleep, not bothering to remove the clothes he wore during the day. He simply crawls into bed and lets all his insecurities escape him. Nothing matters to him in that one moment. Nothing but the sadness buried deep within him.
The soft breeze blowing against him brings him a sort of comforting peace. He lets his eyes close for a brief moment and tries to forget about everything bad that has been going on in his life. He tries holding on to the good things in life for just a moment; even if it's just for a fragment of a second.
His family and best friends –which he considers his brothers– really are the only reasons to why he hasn't given up yet. He knows there is good in life; he just has to find it. But… he fears he will never find it.
The blond sighs lightly and leans his head forward, letting the breeze brush against his golden locks of hair. He opens his eyes and stares back up; his eyes shifting to the light blue sky. A small, forced smile tugs his lips upward at the sight of the fluffy clouds hovering above him.
He might have a dark cloud always following him, but he always has those white, fluffy clouds to remind him who he is, where he came from, and to remind him that there's always good in life, whether he can see it or not. Those fluffy clouds are the people he likes to call his family.
Thanks for reading. :) I hope you all had a merry Christmas. Hope everyone got what they wanted. I got to spend time with my family, so it was good… up until a few moments ago. Grrr…
Anyway, I love you guys. :) Hope you all liked this. Expect more angst soon…
~ BigTimeRush-BTR :)