(A weird ASOUE Fanfic)
:Kung Fu Masters:
(a. k. a. Unreasonable, evil fights)
BATTLE: Esme vs. Madam Lulu
WINNER GETS: Olaf
LOSER GETS: Killed
All right, BEGIN!
Esme narrows her eyes spitefully toward her opponent. She presses her fingers tightly together and crosses her hands stiffly in front of her face. She instantly yells:
"You weak, we fight!"
"Hi Yah!"
"Yah!"
"Yo!"
"Who Mah!"
"yaaaaaaa!"
"Yah!"
They flip backwards in the air and land opposing to each other with a large pond in between them.
Esme flaps her hand at Madam Lulu, who stands with her legs widely spread apart and her hands crossed stiffly in front of her.
Madam Lulu roars, leaps into the air and quickly shuffles her feat as she flies over the pond. Esme prepares herself and waits until Madam Lulu lands in front of her.
A hush.
"HI Yah!"
"Yah!"
"Wee!"
"Who Mah!"
"Yaw!"
"Yah!"
Esme has dodged a punch on her cheek and they take a second to register their expressions. Both their eyes are hard and their faces tightened with anger.
"Yah!"
"Yaw!"
"HI Yah!"
"Yah!"
"Who Mah!"
"Ohh!"
Madam Lulu is thrown on the floor. Esme sneers but keeps her hands in fighting position.
"Give up already. Olaf is mine," She says.
Madam Lulu swiftly sits herself up and yells, "NEVER!"
"HI Yah!"
"Yah!
"Yaw!"
"Yee!"
"Mah!"
"Hi Yah!"
"Hi!—"
Madam Lulu cups Esme's fist that is directed to her lips. Esme pushes her fist further, but Madam Lulu's grip is too strong.
"Hey…you broke my nail."
Madam Lulu sneers.
"You Bi—!"
"Hi Yah!"
"Yaaaaaaaaaa!"
"Ah Yah!"
"Wee!"
"Yah!"
"…"
"Yah!"
"…"
"Yaaaaaw!"
Um, Esme?
"…"
"Hi yaaaw!"
"…"
Esme?
"What? Can't you see I'm in the middle of something."
"…"
Yeah…but Esme she's dead.
"…"
"…"
"Oh," She says sheepishly.
Then she kicks Madam Lulu's corpse and does her victory dance. A long cane pulls her into Olaf's crappy car that was somewhere with Olaf inside it and they ride out into the foggy day.