Chapter 1

It was the morning of Christmas Eve and Tonks was getting ready to go to work as she did every morning. She saw no reason to treat today any differently. It was just another day to her now that Remus had made it quite clear that he wasn't at all interested. She was likely to be spending Christmas day alone once again and she had really hoped that wouldn't be the case that year.

She pulled her black robes on and glanced at the clock, noticing that she was actually on time for once. She grabbed her wand and concealed it within her robes as she always did before heading down to the kitchen in order to get a mug of coffee before she left.

As she poured the coffee, she wondered who else was likely to be at work that day. In all honesty, she only expected to see Moody and Umbridge though. Neither was the type to celebrate Christmas greatly. She sighed a little at the thought of having to spend the day with them but supposed it would take her mind off Christmas for a while, at least.

She wondered what would go on at the Burrow the following day. She knew it would probably be one of the best Christmas experiences one could have as they were such a tightly knit community at the Burrow but she also knew that he would appreciate it more than she ever could. She sighed, realising she was thinking about him again. Remus Lupin was the only thing that ever seemed to be on her mind these days. She wished she could bring herself to just forget him and move on but at the same time, she fell more in love every time she saw him. He heart ached whenever he entered her mind and she just wished he would accept the fact that it was possible to love him.

She gradually brought herself out of her thoughts to find that she had been thinking about him for the past 20 minutes and was now late for work again. She sighed, downing the rest of her coffee and heading out of the kitchen, down the hallway and out into the street beyond. The Ministry wasn't far from her flat but that didn't make any difference to how late she was. If Moody realised she was late, even though it was supposed to be a happy time, she knew he wouldn't let her off.

She practically ran to the phone box, punched in "62442" and found herself in the atrium of the Ministry. She glanced around, noticing it was definitely much emptier than it normally was, but was relieved that Moody wasn't there waiting for her. She headed straight for the lifts and went up to Auror Headquarters. All of the offices were empty apart from the one at the very end; not the one Moody usually occupied.

She found herself feeling rather curious that Moody wasn't there and somebody else was. She tried to ignore it, going towards her own office but ending up being drawn towards the other office instead as her curiosity got the better of her.

She paused outside for a few seconds, feeling as though she was some sort of spy doing something she shouldn't be, but couldn't hear anything inside. She frowned a little, standing there for a few seconds wondering what she should do. Before she could decide, though, she heard a smooth, calm voice speaking behind her, "Is my office making odd noises or something, Tonks?"

"Kingsley!" she exclaimed, turning to face him. "I didn't know your office was up here!"

Kingsley smiled and shook his head, "I moved up here yesterday because I couldn't stand any more of Umbridge being in the room next to mine criticizing everything I did or said," he laughed.

Tonks nodded and smiled, "I don't think I could take that sort of torture either," she replied, having never realized that he was in the office next to Umbridge. "So what are you doing here on Christmas eve?" she asked him, having thought he would probably have been with the others at the Burrow.

"Working..." he replied with a laugh, "And besides, I didn't feel like being alone on Christmas eve."

Tonks frowned a little at that, "I thought you were invited to the Weasley's?"

"No, I wasn't invited," he said, walking past her and opening the door to his office, motioning for her to come in with him. He closed the door behind her once she was inside.

"I'm sure Molly said she invited you," she said, frowning a little.

"Either way, I don't particularly like big parties and party games like they tend to have."

"That's fair enough."

"So why aren't you there?"

"Because..." she sighed, looking at the ground as her hair turned an even deeper shade of brown, "Because Remus said he wouldn't go if I did and I thought it was unfair to stop him having a good Christmas for once."

"Is he still refusing to have anything to do with you?" Kingsley asked with a shocked tone evident in his voice. He had thought they were together by now.

"He says he's too old, poor and dangerous. I don't care about any of that but he just won't listen," she sighed, forcing herself to look up from the floor, "What's so wrong with me that he won't even try to love me?"

Kingsley frowned, shaking his head, "Nothing, Tonks. He's just stupid and in denial, I think." He gently placed a hand on her shoulder in an attempt at comforting her a little.

"Maybe," she mumbled, looking as though she was close to tears. She looked away from Kingsley once again; trying to hide the fact that she was upset, but Kingsley could instantly tell how she felt. He moved a little closer to her and hugged her gently and the tears soon began to flow down her cheeks as she realised just how much she really did love Remus. She felt guilty for putting him through everything she had done though because she loved him so much and could see that it hurt him to have to keep turning her down like that. But that was how she felt and there was nothing she seemed to be able to do to change that.

"He'll come round to it all eventually," Kingsley said as he held the crying Tonks in his arms. He was a little surprised that she had let herself cry at work but he knew how much she cared about Remus. He knew she had cared about him for a long time and was surprised that Remus was still fighting against it all so much. He knew that if it had been him in his position instead, he wouldn't have argued, at least not for as long as Remus had done. He hated seeing her upset like that and wished he could just take it all away.

After a few minutes, her tears had begun to subside a little and she pulled away from Kingsley, "Thanks," she said, smiling a little. "I didn't mean to break down like that. I just-"

"I know," he said, knowing it upset her to talk about how she felt about Remus. He picked up a box of tissues from his desk and offered her one. She took one and smiled a little at him. "Should we go and get a coffee?" he asked, knowing that she had little work to actually do and that she was probably only there to distract herself from her thoughts, as he was.

"Sure," she said, smiling a little more. "Is the cafeteria actually open?" she asked, having not expected it to be open for less than 10 employees.

Kingsley nodded and smiled, "Yes, it's open. Some of the cafeteria staff wanted to come in to be distracted from Christmas," he smiled.

They walked down to the cafeteria together in silence, looking at the decorations people had put up on their doors to celebrate the festive season. As they reached the cafeteria Kingsley ordered and paid for two coffees, then sat down beside Tonks at a corner table. "Here you go," he said, giving her a coffee.

"Thanks," she said, taking a sip of it, and then holding it in her hands to warm herself up.

"Are you okay now?" Kingsley asked.

Tonks nodded, "I'm a little better," she replied. "I think he's the only thing that could make me completely better though," she added, sighing a little.

Kingsley smiled and nodded, "Yes, of course," he said, "I tried at least, though," he added, laughing a little.

Tonks nodded, "Yes, I know. And I'm really grateful to you for being there. Most people are fed up with me crying over Remus now," she confessed sadly.

"They should be there for you whenever you need them," he said, frowning, "They should try to make you happy."

Tonks just smiled at that sentence and took another sip of her coffee. She saw no reason in trying to argue with Kingsley because he would win and probably make her laugh far more than her mind wanted her to at that moment.

"So are you going to Molly and Arthur's tomorrow?" he asked, thinking that they would have invited her there for Christmas day if Remus was there for Christmas Eve.

She shook her head though, "No, I might just come in to work again," she said, "It was me or Remus again so I thought I'd let him have fun without having to worry that I'd be there trying to kiss him and get him into bed or anything." She sighed a little, watching her coffee.

"Surely it's his decision if he wants to have sex with you or not, though?" he asked, frowning a little. "You're hardly going to force him into it. You haven't done so yet, anyway."

Tonks sighed and shook her head, "I know but he seems to think that's what I want. Molly told me that he was scared I might do that."

Kingsley shook his head in disbelief, "You're not like that. I know you're not."

"At least I know I can count on you, Kingsley," she said, smiling a little at him. "I just wish that he would be a little less intolerable with anything that could possibly involve me being anywhere near him. It seems like he's just outright ignoring me now."

"Have you tried writing a letter to him to get him to understand more of how you're feeling?" he asked, guessing that Remus would be likely to read a letter at least, even if he didn't respond to it.

Tonks shook her head, "I wouldn't know what to write," she replied, sighing a little. "I'd probably end up writing something along the lines of:
Dear Remus,

I love you.

Tonks

Xxx" she laughed a little, "And I'm pretty sure that would only make things worse." She thought for a couple of sentences, then added, "And my owl would probably take it to the wrong persona s well..."

Kingsley nodded and laughed, "Yeah, I could see how that would be likely to make things worse," he said. "Maybe you should just get him drunk and then tell him how you feel?" he suggested.

"That would involve being near him, though," she said, laughing.

"True," he replied, laughing as well.

The two of them sat there for a few minutes thinking about things. Kingsley felt more for Tonks than he thought she would ever realise but he knew she would only ever love Remus. He had a feeling that she would never even realise he was madly in love with her. He wasn't likely to tell her and that meant that he would need to help her be with Remus. At least if she was happy he wouldn't be completely sad. Knowing that she was loved would at least make it easier to deal with. But if Remus ever hurt her, he knew he wouldn't be able to stop himself locking Remus away in Azkaban for it and possibly harming him in the process, even though it wasn't what an Auror should do.

He was torn away from his thoughts, though, by the sound of Tonks' voice again, "So what are you doing tomorrow?" she asked, hoping that he would have a good Christmas at least.

"Nothing, to be honest," he replied, laughing. "I don't tend to do an awful lot for Christmas. It's just not something I've ever enjoyed celebrating."

Tonks nodded, "Maybe we should spend the day together then?" she suggested, smiling at him a little although she wasn't sure if he would be particularly interested in spending more time with her than he had to.

"Sure," he said, smiling. "I should think it would be more interesting with you around as long as you don't act too much like a child," he laughed.

"I don't do that too often, do I?" she asked, pretending to be hurt.

"If my memory serves me correctly, yes, you do act like a child fairly often," he joked, smiling once again. "Nah, only occasionally, usually if you've had too much alcohol."

"Don't get me drunk then," she said, laughing.

Kingsley smirked a little at that idea and said, "Oh, we'll have to wait and see about that one!"

Tonks laughed, "Fine, but you'll be the only victim, I assure you," she grinned in the way she always used to before she fell in love with Remus. Kingsley smiled, loving the fact that she seemed more herself again now.

"Is it a date then?" Kingsley asked, laughing as he said it so that she didn't think too much about it.

"Our first date, that sounds a little odd," she laughed, "But yeah, it's a date. Your place or mine?" she asked, smiling again as she finished her drink.

"Yours if you want?" he smiled happily, glad to be able to make her happy for once.

"Sure!" she grinned, hoping the following day would arrive as soon as possible now.