After Shin and Sasori's quick conversion and soul-dispersements, the Allied Shinobi Force realized they made a mistake. Naruto was the only one who could win this war, even if it was over him.

Soul Dissipating

"Wow," Kankuro said.

"Yeah…" Omoi agreed. "That was… well, it went better than I expected," he put it simply. His imagination had already suffered through conjured images of Sasori turning them all into puppets and forcing them to undergo a rendition of Shakespeare's Hamlet. He shuddered involuntarily at the thought.

Zaji blinked. "I know you guys think I'm cocky, but… weren't they seriously supposed to be more difficult to fight and all that? I mean, you said less than ten minutes ago, Kankuro-taichou, that the enemy have immortal ninja fighting for them with indestructible bodies and the full power and range of techniques of their living counterparts." He blinked again.

Kankuro nodded agreeably. "You're right. I wasn't expecting… that." He considered the incident for a moment. "If the souls of the enemy's reanimated shinobi will just… evaporate with a motivational speech…" He thought some more. "We made an unanticipated mistake."

The Commando Unit stared at him.

"What do you mean?" Sai finally asked, his anger over Shin's use in this war finally dissipating.

Kankuro paused for a moment, wondering how he should phrase it. Naruto was important to him, too, because of his importance to Gaara, but the Konoha-nin specifically might have some extreme reactions to what he had to say. Generally, they were much more protective of their comrades than other shinobi he had come across.

Ittan crossed his arms impatiently, waiting for Kankuro's answer.

"Well," Kankuro started slowly. "We miscalculated. We're trying to fight this war to stop the Akatsuki from getting hold of Naruto-kun and Bii-sama. But the enemy has reincarnated ninja on their side who can only be defeated by eliminating their souls. We don't want to keep sacrificing our ninja by sealing the soul away with the Shinigami's Death Seal, so that option is out. That means the only way left is to do what we just did to Sai's brother, Shin, and Sasori."

He waited for a moment for that to sink in.

"So, what you're saying," Omoi began, "is we can just win this war by… talking to the enemy?" His mind boggled at the possibility. It surely had to be more complicated than that. War, after all, did not allow time for relaxation or mourning.

"Not quite," Kiri said. "We have to motivate them, or inspire them."

Kankuro nodded. "Exactly. It appears that Shin-san disappeared when he saw that Sai had completed the drawings in that book. Apparently, that was important to him," he nodded at Sai, who seemed uncertain as to which facial expression to decide on. "And when I reminded Sasori that he used to be a puppet master as opposed to a puppet… well, he was a puppet for a while… Um. Can someone else explain this one?" he asked, rubbing his head as it began to ache from trying too hard to understand Sasori's unusual circumstances.

Hyuuga Hoheto stepped forward slightly. "Basically, reminding Sasori that his connection to this world was through his ever-lasting puppets caused him to leave this place behind. His puppets are immortal and now Kabuto can't control him."

"Thanks," Kankuro nodded.

"Of course," Tango said, finally contributing to the conversation. "No offense, Kankuro-taichou, but none of us are particularly… inspiring. You managed to convince Sasori to leave, but I'm sure that was only because he likes puppets and so do you."

Kankuro frowned, uncertain of how to take that remark.

"Actually," Sai spoke up, "that is true. I, for one, cannot motivate people to do anything. I only succeeded because my sketchbook fell and Shin-nii saw it." He frowned. "The only person I know of who can convince anyone of anything he wants is… Naruto-kun." He looked up at Kankuro, eyes bright with understanding.

"Exactly," Kankuro said. He looked around at his team. "Pack up. We're going back."

They nodded in understanding, having either met Naruto personally or heard enough rumors of him to know how this factoid would make such a difference to their battle.

"You hear that, Deidara-brat?" Ittan said to the ninja contained in the puppet-barrel. "We're taking you to Naruto-sama! He's going to fix you!" he said cheerfully.

"Curse you, un! I'll explode before you have the chance!" Deidara yelled back.

"About that…" Kankuro said apologetically. "The seals on those tags nullify explosions. Sorry." He wasn't really sorry.

Deidara screamed in incoherent rage as the unit headed back to Kumo.

"Report! Our Commando Unit has encountered the Akatsuki Commando Unit. A short battle revealed that our suspicions were correct," the chuunin began. "The souls of the reincarnated shinobi dissolve when they are inspired. The Commando Unit fought Deidara and Sasori of the Akatsuki, and a Konoha ninja from the Foundation. They also had to fight captured allies, but those ninja have been retrieved and are receiving medical attention currently. However, the important—more important—part is that Sasori and the Foundation member are no more. They both dissolved after speaking with Kankuro's team." He took a deep breath, his haste to inform the kage of the situation having caused him to essentially say all that with one breath.

Tsunade was the first to process this information. "So they dissolved on contact?"

"No, Tsunade-sama," the chuunin answered promptly. "They dissolved when shown or reminded of something important to them. Basically, they were motivated to move on from this world to the next."

She looked at him sharply. "Motivated? Speaking?"

Gaara's voice came through on the intercom. "You are surely not thinking what I believe you are thinking, Hokage-sama?" he asked.

She shook her head, then realized he could only hear her. "I… I'm not sure. I think it could work."

The Raikage scowled at being left out of this conversation. "What could work?"

"It's risky, but it could be our only hope," Tsunade stated. "If these souls can depart from this world with just one motivational speech," she began, hesitating at the end. "There's no need for bloodshed," she said decisively. "We can end this war before it begins."

"It already has begun," the Tsuchikage pointed out irritably.

"Before it gets worse, then," she amended. "We just need to get Naruto to talk to the enemy."

The ninja present in the same room as the Hokage stared at her incredulously. The ninja using the intercoms to participate in this conversation stared at those incredulously.

"And just what makes you think that is a good idea?" the Tsuchikage asked condescendingly. "Slug-Princess, in case you forgot, which it appears you have though you're much too young to be going senile already, the whole point in this war is to protect your precious jinchuuriki. Letting him talk to the enemy is equivalent to just handing him over, going home, and waiting for them to kill us!"

"Says the Legendary Fence-Sitter," the Mizukage added derisively.

Tsunade glared at them all to shut up (including the intercom. Gaara felt that glare.) and continued her explanation. "If Naruto is allowed just fifteen minutes with the enemy, he'll have them converted in no time. Kabuto's whole technique is useless if Naruto just evaporates the most powerful ninja he can summon in fifteen minutes, and that makes Kabuto useless. Madara will have no need for him, so Kabuto will be gone, and then we only have those Zetsu's, the real Zetsu, and Madara to worry about. We're 80,000 strong. That's only two people and a lot of clones. Which, by the way, Naruto can also take care of." She ignored the voice of Kakashi snickering in her head, immaturely giggling at the Jiraiya in her head who said, "He's the whole package!"

"When you put it like that…" the Raikage began.

"It's a little hard to say no," the chuunin finished.

"Indeed," the Mizukage assented.

"Really, I don't know why we didn't think of this before," Tsunade said, still gloating from her triumph over evil. And the fact that she finally found a way to get her way on the whole Naruto-participating-in-the-war-thing.

"Let's take a vote," Mifune's voice crackled over the intercom. "All in favor?"

"Aye," Tsunade immediately said.

"Aye," Mei agreed.

"Aye," A said.

"…Aye…" the Tsuchikage muttered. It clearly pained him a great deal to allow anyone younger than him to make a suggestion that might actually turn out well.

"Gaara?" Mifune asked.

There was silence for another moment. "I want assurances that he'll be safe. We're sending guards just in case, Kakashi-san and myself included on that team," he finally answered.

"All in favor, then," Mifune said, implying the agreement to Gaara's terms.

Tsunade smiled broadly. "Let's go get the brat," she told A.

"So then I was like, 'Hey, I thought we were friends,' but Sasuke just… couldn't see things my way." Naruto bowed his head sadly.

The ninja he was speaking to also lowered their heads.

"But!" Naruto said a second later, raising his face with a grin. "He is still my best friend and that will never change. I already decided I would drag myself through mud without limbs to bring him back to Konoha, and that's not really something you can say lightly."

"Okay," Shikamaru said. "We get it. You don't want to kill Sasuke. We'll find someone else to do it," he said, dragging Chouji away.

"Hey! That's not what I meant!" Naruto called. Suddenly, five people poofed in front of him. "Tsunade-baa-chan!" he cried in surprise. "What are you doing here? I had no idea my top secret S-rank mission was so important…"

"What? Oh, that," Tsunade said. "No, I'm here about something else. Naruto, how do you feel about giving your own motivational speech at a conference Kabuto is having?"

He blinked. "What? That was definitely the oddest thing I have ever been asked, and I have talked to a lot of weirdos, Baa-chan," he said. "Let's start with the fact that Kabuto is having a conference. What's with that?"

"Let's just ignore that," Tsunade suggested instead. "It's not important. The point is, you get to give a motivational speech! And inspire people! Lots and lots of people!" she said.

Naruto looked at her with a funny expression on her face, and she struggled to maintain the smile without her eye twitching. He turned his attention on the Raikage and his chuunin. "And what's in it for you?" he wondered. "It's weird even that we're all working together right now, and even weirder that my mission is out here. But why do you, Raikage of Kumo, want me to talk to Kabuto and his thing?"

The Raikage attempted to smile benevolently. "We need to just… um. Motivate people?" He motioned for his chuunin to do the explaining.

She stepped forward. "This is important to the shinobi alliance," she said simply.

"Also, we all know how much you like talking to people and being motivational," Tsunade added. "And this is just too big an opportunity to let you pass up." Aoba motioned for her to lean closer.

"Mention the ranking of this 'mission'," he told her. "He likes being important."

"I know that, brat," the Hokage snapped at him. "Also, it's an S-rank mission if you can do it, so that's really good too."

Suddenly, Naruto's whole demeanor changed, in a very much Well-Why-Didn't-You-Say-So-Before type of way. His eyes grew shiny, with sparkly stars floating seemingly on their surface as he danced a little jig and happily said, "Okay! I accept this mission!"

Tsunade smirked. Really, they should have just done this right away.

"When she said, 'just put him in a room with the enemy and let him talk,' I wasn't thinking this was what she had in mind," Gaara confessed to Kakashi and anyone else on Naruto's Guard who would listen.

"She didn't word it exactly like that," Kankuro tried to comfort him.

"I am paraphrasing," Gaara said superiorly.

Shikamaru sighed. "How did I get sucked in to this again?" he wondered. "I'm only trying to kill Sasuke."

The others looked at him warily.

"Which no one seems to want me to do," he added in an exasperated tone as he noticed their expressions.

"Well, maybe it won't be necessary after this," Kakashi said. "We can only hope, at any rate."

"Kakashi-sensei," Shikamaru began, "not to be rude or anything, but no one actually knows where Sasuke is. Since he tried to assassinate Danzou at the Kage Summit, he's gone off the radar. I doubt he's in that crowd of ninja, though I do see Itachi right over there."

"Shush!" Gaara suddenly whispered. "Naruto is speaking."

Kankuro would have rolled his eyes, but he couldn't really criticize his brother for wanting to hear Naruto's every word. He wanted to hear them too, although it was more out of a curiosity to see if the blonde was influential enough to mass-convert this many dead ninja.

"Um, hi!" Naruto started. He cleared his throat nervously. The already quiet ninja quieted even more.

In the back of the room, Kabuto smirked confidently. No way were his zombies goin' down. Not with a speech that started like this one. He'd really only agreed as an experiment, plus using all these ninja to destroy the Kyuubi container, some kage, and kage-level ninja was an opportunity to great to pass up.

"I'm Uzamaki Naruto! Normally, I give speeches like this in the middle of a battle, when my enemy is ready to share an awful experience with me and give me a chance to take away some of that burden. Obviously, this time is a little different, so bear with me, please." He watched as the crowd nodded politely.

"When I was younger… a lot of people hated me for who I am. It took a long time and a lot of false smiles for me to overcome that," Naruto said, somehow avoiding the problem of this turning into an Old Man Monologue no Jutsu. "When Pein attacked my village, Konoha, I could have just ignored him. I could have stayed with the Toads in the Land of Toads and let someone else deal with it. After all, the villagers hated me and they were the ones who would really suffer. And even though Pein killed my sensei, I didn't really want to hold a grudge against him. But that would have meant my village was harmed. The people of my home would have died. Some of them did. And I would never be able to live with making a decision that allowed someone I cared about to get hurt. I do care about the villagers, even though their mean looks and comments hurt me so badly when I was little. I made a friend in the Academy and he became my rival. We fought all the time. We still fight now. But he's important to me too."

As Naruto continued to ramble about Konoha, Sasuke, peace, and Pein, souls were disappearing. It began slowly at first, one soul disappearing at a time, but the zombies slowly parted from this world as the speech went on, their souls finally laid to rest by the simple words Naruto was saying.

"… solve our problems by war! That will never work. One war will end, and another will begin. The cycle of hatred has to be broken somewhere! The Five Great Shinobi Villages have agreed to not only make a truce, which is so easily broken, but to actually fight together. We are not members of Konoha, Kiri, or Suna anymore! We're shinobi! Can't we all just get along?"

It was with this last clichéd line that the spell was broken.

Kabuto watched in horror as all but three of his zombies suddenly broke down into the icky matter and corpse they were formed from. This was not going at all according to his plan.

Especially when those three ninja turned around and cheered for Naruto. Oh, this could not happen. "Attack!" he yelled in outrage. "Attack him!" Gathering up his own chakra, he rushed towards Naruto.

Naruto, for his part, simply spread his arms wide and plastered a big grin on his face.

Gaara twitched to go help him, but Kankuro and Kakashi were restraining him. "Let me go! They'll get him!"

Kakashi shook his head. "Watch," he said simply.

Gaara forced himself to keep his eyes open, watching the living nightmare that was occurring before him with growing panic.

The enemy zombie ninja launched towards his blonde friend.

Naruto didn't move.

Suikazan Fuguki, Akebino Jinin, and Kakuzu of the Akatsuki rushed up the cliff face Naruto was using as a stage.

They were within throwing distance. Still, Naruto remained in place.

They were in touching distance.

They were in… hugging distance?

Gaara's mind couldn't handle the stress and promptly switched itself off.

Kankuro grunted as he supported his suddenly unconscious brother's weight.

Kakashi smiled. "Knew it," he said, as Naruto squeezed the three ninja tightly to him, hugging them with all the love he could. Any of them could have easily stabbed him, and yet, as the hug went on, Naruto's words and touch finally seemed to have an effect, and they, too, dissolved.

Just in time, as well, since Kabuto had finally made it from one end of the cavern to the other. "I'll kill you!" he said in outrage. I can't re-summon any of those ninja, dagnammit!

Naruto's smile was instantly shelved. "No, you won't, you Orochimaru-wannabe-creepo." He pulled on the stolen Kyuubi chakra and leapt forward in a blur even Kakashi found hard to follow. "You stole Yamato! And you hurt Anko, and I like Anko!" His kunai found its mark and Kabuto collapsed on one knee.

He smirked. "Don't think I'll go so easily as one of those zombies." He snorted. "You can't just dissolve me with your talking."

Naruto smiled at him. "Wanna bet?"

Kabuto face wrinkled into a frown as the other ninja present quietly retreated from the cave.

They say the sounds of Kabuto's pained screams could be heard for over fifty miles up until the point he committed seppuku just to stop hearing Naruto's ramblings, but that may just be a myth.

AN: I really do love Naruto, honest. But this was kind of a funny almost-plot hole that I felt obligated to exploit, and he does have a tendency to ramble a lot. This is also a parody.

I made up the bit about the seals in Kankuro's puppet.