"Just LOOK AT ME, dammit!"
He pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. This hissy fit was really not what they needed right now. Maybe reason would work?
"Eury?" he asked. "Where do you think we are right now?"
His beautiful fiancée raised an eyebrow. "Oh, I don't know." The wave of her arm took in the sulphur pits, the screaming souls, the furies swooping overhead. "Could it possibly be Down Under?"
"Well, assuming you're not talking about Kemet, you're entirely correct. Although it is hot enough, now I come to think about it."
"And your point is?"
"Two points. Firstly, I followed you to bloody Tartarus. I think I've earned a bit of trust, have I not? Even if I'm acting a bit peculiar."
"...Conceded."
"And secondly," he continued, "this is what you might call a mythical environment, yes? You might even call it a 'quest' on my part? Would that be a fair assessment, do you think?"
"I don't see where you're going with this, but sure. You're on a quest. My Hercules." She said in a deadpan voice.
"Oh please, Hercules' brains were in his biceps. Musical talent is a far more attractive quality. ...But I digress. What happens in the myths when someone leaves the path through the woods?"
"They get captured by dryads. Duh."
"And if they visit the home of a God, and are told not to eat or drink anything, but can't resist some of the fruit they're offered?"
"They're stuck there. That's not really a comforting thought right now." She shivered.
"And I'm acting peculiar." He remarked.
She puzzled for a moment. "So... you're under some sort of weird compulsion not to look at me?"
"I can neither confirm nor deny."
"And you're apparently not allowed to talk about it."
"No comment."
"Terrible consequences if you do look at me?"
"See previous scroll."
He could hear the joy in her voice as she realised what this meant. "So I'm not ugly now or anything."
"Most certainly not, my dear. I very much look forward to... uh... looking forward to you in future."
"Then what are we waiting for?" She grabbed his hand and practically skipped off.
"Dearest? It's the other way," he whispered out of the corner of his mouth.
"Oh right."
"No, left." He ducked the slap to the back of his head.
"Honey, that was just Orphul."
"Yes, dearest."
They strolled towards the exit.
"Orphy?"
"Yes dear?"
"Why didn't you just put on a blindfold or something?"
The sound of palm meeting face rang across the Underworld.
-
I finally got round to seeing Gluck's opera Orpheus and Eurydice (yay Edinburgh Fringe!). Short version: I liked the music, but wanted to strangle the whiny brat of a love interest. And the ending of the Gluck version is a blatant cop-out that reads like bad fanfiction of the original myth.