Yazoo finally let his eyes slip close. His muscles were sore and his eyes burned; another late night on watch. But he didn't mind so much, it gave him time to think in the peace and quiet. He'd often stare up at the heavens, count the stars and wonder which direction Mother had come from. How long was her journey and where was she planning on going? Such thoughts often frustrated Yazoo, but the idea that he and his brothers were there to help only fed his determination to find her.
Nothing particular had happened that night. No one ever comes to the Forgotten Capital anymore. Even Loz had felt fairly certain that there wouldn't be any trouble. He skipped his shift and went straight to bed. Yazoo promised him that he wouldn't tell Kadaj. If their little brother knew, he'd have a fit. If Kadaj was unhappy he made sure everyone was unhappy. Such was Yazoo, that he took over Loz's shift without being asked to. He didn't want to hear Loz complain for the rest of the night or risk upsetting Kadaj.
He self-sacrificed himself for his brothers on a consent basis. But he didn't mind. Selfish desires did not matter. Cohesion and family, that's what was important.
Yazoo's eyes panned upwards upon hearing such a strange sound escape his little brother. He frowned a little, but the rest of his facial expression remained stoic.
He rolled gently over to his side, propping his head up with his hand as he watched Kadaj closely through his silver fringes. Kadaj's fingers twitched ever so slightly, his head tossing and turning on his pillow.
"Kadaj..." Yazoo spoke softly. He didn't want to wake Loz up or startle his little brother.
As they got closer to their search for Mother, Kadaj had been having frequent nightmares about Sephiroth. There were many nights when he and Loz would harshly awaken to Kadaj's scream of terror. Yazoo had determined that it was possibly the worst sound in the world. Somehow, it hurt somewhere inside to hear his little brother so scared like that. It simply wasn't Kadaj to be afraid of anything. But this Sephiroth really knew how to get to him.
"Kadaj..." he repeated, a little bit louder. Yazoo reached over, squeezing his brother's shoulder. There was nothing he could do except wake him up. Save his sibling from the torment that was going on in his dreams.
Kadaj bolted upright, eyes wide and hair disheveled; panting heavily he turned to face the hand that touched him.
And as he turned, Yazoo could notice the light sheen that adorned Kadaj's body. This must have been a very bad nightmare. He sat up so he could be level with his brother.
For several long moments neither of them said anything at all. This happened often, nearly every night now. Yazoo waited for his little brother to catch his breath and calm down before speaking. He knew when to speak and when he shouldn't speak. Often if he said something too soon or too late Kadaj would get aggravated. It was certainly a delicate balance that only Yazoo had seemed to master.
"Him?" Yazoo asked, leaning forward to get a better look at Kadaj in the moonlight. His brother could only respond with a slow nod.
It was silent again, except for Loz's snoring. But they were both used to that.
"He... said..." Kadaj swallowed loudly, still trying to catch his breath. He finally made eye contact with his brother; mako-green orbs staring at each other. Yazoo was suddenly unnerved. There was a frightened wild look in his little brother's eyes that he'd never seen before. He wasn't quite sure how to handle a situation he had never personally experienced before.
"He said that I was wasting time..." Kadaj said slowly at first, "He said that I wasn't worthy of Mother's love. He said that I was a mistake. He said I was a horrible leader. He said I'd never make it to the Promised Land, and that we'd never find her." the words spilled from his mouth, unstoppable now.
All Yazoo could do was listen. The way Kadaj spoke, it wasn't... right. He wasn't ever supposed to be so scared. He noticed his own pulse rate rising, his own palms becoming calmly. He was anxious that he didn't know how to help Kadaj, and that's what he was here for. Here to support their leader through thick and thin. Here to help him find Mother no matter what.
And of all things to be afraid of, of all the things to be slowing them down it was the one who created them in the first place. The one who assigned them their purpose, the one they had to give thanks for simply existing.
Kadaj raked his fingers through his hair before collapsing back onto the mattress with an exacerbated sigh. His little brother lay on his back, but turned to face him. Yazoo suddenly found it very hard to look at Kadaj and he averted his eyes downward and began to idly finger at the blanket. Yazoo was sure it was only a minute or two but it felt like an eternity. He knew Kadaj was staring at him, expecting something from him. But what could he do?
Kadaj quickly gave up, rolling over onto his side, his back facing Yazoo and squeezed his eyes shut as if he were to will himself to sleep. Yazoo watched his brother's back, unsure of what to think. He knew he needed to do something. He hesitantly reached out, placing a gentle hand on Kadaj's back.
"We'll find her." He assured him, hoping that his words would at least calm him.
Kadaj only swatted at his brother's hand, and then rolled further away so he was out of reach.
Yazoo wasn't surprised or angry with Kadaj's actions. This was just the way he was. If he wanted to be left alone then that was what Yazoo would do. Whatever the situation may be he was there to help him. He remained sitting, tilting his head to the side so his head rested on his shoulder. Yazoo carefully watched the rise and fall of his brother's chest. He'd wait there until it was slow and steady enough to indicate that Kadaj had fallen back asleep.
Last night's events had played out differently. Yazoo hadn't heard his little brother's harsh and panicked movements. He was awoken by Kadaj, who was practically burying his face into Yazoo's chest. His eyes red and swollen. Yazoo had been certain that his little brother had been crying, but Kadaj would never admit to such a thing. They didn't exchange any words. That night all Kadaj wanted was Yazoo. Just for him to be there, and that is what Yazoo provided. Again, he had stayed awake to make sure his brother could fall back asleep peacefully.
Which Kadaj had now done again. Yazoo breathed a little easier, slowly returning underneath the sheets they all shared. He slipped his eyes shut again, getting comfortable. "We'll find her," he repeated, although he knew Kadaj was already asleep. Perhaps he said it just to reassure himself.