"I'm still loving you..."
By:Misstress Hanako
He wasn't loyal to me...yet...I'm still loving him...What do a girl do...when they are in love...? Anything to make...the one they love happy...
Besides
your own warmth You go too far with the freedom i give
you
now I am without anything
My heart has already
been entirely wounded
if you really want to go
then let me send you to the end
Today things got out of hand...I found him...in an embrace...with the girl that carried dead souls to keep her shallow shell into this world. InuYasha and Kikyou...
What was a girl suppose to do..? Go and step in to tell her to lay off...? No...the best thing was to deal with it...like any woman would...Yes, I surely do love him...that's why I let him go to her...I would do anything to make her happy...That's me...Kagome Higurashi...
You
wave your hand
Leaving the most are your memories
I shake my
head
For love I keep my faith
I think I did give him to much freedom...but what was I to do..? Be obsurd and tell him how I feel about him..? No, I couldn't take the risk of getting my heart shattered into millions of glass...I watched him embrace her...Kikyou...I watched as my heart tore from bits...of peircing pieces...What was I to do..? If I just sit here and watch him break my heart like that...than who knows...what if...I tell him how I feel...wouldn't that break my heart as well...?
So I rather him break my heart by his actions...not his words..
I couldn't keep everything inside too...but I couldn't spit everything out neither...Dear god...what was I to do..? My heart tore everytime I see him...My heart cried out for love everytime I was with him...it wasn't lust..it wasn't a crush...It was love...I loved him to dearly to hurt his disarmed heart. I couldn't let myself take advantage of the dearly half demon which I loved so much...
Was I the bad guy in this story...?
Was I the good guy..?
I didn't even know myself..I felt that if I told him my emotions from deep within my inbidded heart...that I would betray every single soul within me...Aren't I right..? My heart, my soul...and my life...belonged to him...I couldn't betray my feelings towards him...He could never feel what I feel...because...His mind is clearly full of Kikyou...
What was I to do..? Go and tell him..? Break the bond between the quarelling lovers...No I couldn't...I can't...If I did...everything will go wrong..I would be changing history...wouldn't I..!
I don't want to be resposible of doing any actions upon history...
..upon life...
What was I to do...?
I'm
still loving you
holding your hand tightly
piercing of my
wound
I can't hold back these tears that are welling in my eyes...
The pain which I dwell...so well.. I can't hold back my emotions...I just want to let it all out..I can't be thinking of suicidal...No I can not...that just wasn't me...yet..I think that is the best for me..
No...
What am I thinking of...! I have a family back in the other era...I have friends...
..Sango
..Miroku
..Shippou
..Kirara...
...InuYasha.
I watched..as their lips entwine together...like it was meant to be..every movement...ached in my heart...every words they spoke...was like I was watching my own fate...cry.
I couldn't take it nomore...
I had to go somewhere..
anywhere...
...but
Not here...
I departed from the affectionate moment. I couldn't take it nomore...why did I have to always forgive him..? Everytime...everytime he went to her...why did I have to be such a caring person..? God!...dear god..help me.
...help me.
I walked to where my foot took me. I walked far from the event...to sulk...to pity my life...in an endless way...What was I to do..? Sit back and realx?...be happy for them...Yes, I am happy for them...happy that one day...everything I see now is all a dream I can snap back into reality...a dream that I thought wasn't meant to be...Something I think was just not part of my life...but an endless facade...
endless...
...facade.
I'm
still loving you
you just turn your body and walk
threw away
my hand
forgot everything
"...Kagome.." He spoke...opening his eyes. He looked around to see himself in an embrace of Kikyou. He could smell it...it was faint..but clear...Kagome's scent.
...lavender
...sakura blossoms
...and a tint of sweat pea drops
Had she seen him with Kikyou..? Did she see his words and every action he and Kikyou were about?
Just right then...
...InuYasha.
Was what the half demon heard...A pulse in his name...like someone was summoning him...
Could it be her...?
...Kagome..?
He suddenly pushed Kikyou away.
"InuYasha?"Kikyou questioned.
"...I can't.."He responded.
"You can't what...?" The dead priestess asked.
"I can't do this to Kagome..."InuYasha pushed her away. He ran towards the sent...chanting only the lovely maiden's name...
...Kagome.
I ran through the rough damped forest. Rain drops hitting me softly as each swift of my legs were taking me.
I felt...lonely.
I wanted to kill myself...
...No
I couldn't go through...it.
I wasn't selfish...
I didn't want the friends I know now to be devistated of my death.
What was I to do...?
I couldn't do anything...
Heart
is not darkened
no use of tears
you continue to obsurdly act
cold
love is not compelled
hating not to walk
seeing the
back of your body
...I cannot be corrupted with hate.
I cannot be subdued by loath...or bitterness.
I will disguise myself...diguise my sadness...
I am consuming the feeling of being left out...I cannot understand the statement. I am no better then Kikyou...If I was to deceased from this world...just to feel I am free...No I would be exactly like her.
I could not live through my fullest to see my self in an accident that is not suppose to happen...I donot belong here...
...nor do I belong...
...in the present day..
...I have no future..
...I have no hopes...
If I stay loving this dear half demon...
...I will become only bitter...
I know I cannot love him...
...he cannot love me...
...We...weren't meant to be...
I am already corrupted...
with disbelief...
with dishonor...
with...specks...of...
...darkness.
I cannot bring myself to loath these feelings...I cannot bring myself to dispise this anger I feel...
...but
this is not me...
Tears well up in my eyes...
I cannot live through my feeling of pain and hatred...
but I cannot decease fromt his worlf of selfishness...
I have a life to go through...
much to my disapprovement...
I have to stay alive..
Not stay and become helpless...
I will train from this day on...
...to become a true priestess..
I slowly can feel the crevaces that sweel up in my legs and thighs..
the scratches I got from running far past the forest..
I'm
still loving you
you just turn your body and walk
threw away
my hand
forgot everything
I will make myself worthing for you to love...InuYasha...
I can not feel your warmthed heart.
You steady heartbeat that was up against mines when ever we embraced...
Good bye my InuYasha...until the day I become strong...is the day..
You and I will meet once again..
I am departing you like I always do...
but this time...
is different...
I won't be coming back...
until I am strong...
Until I can fight my own battles...
I wish you the best in luck...in life...
I am waiting here...for you to come..say goodbye to me.. So I stand here...
...waiting.
InuYasha ran all over the forest. He couldn't smell her scent anymore. It was faint...but you could hardly smell the wonderful scent which you carried with her.
"Damn...! How could I? I have to find her."InuYasha yelled.
He came to a clearing. To where in the middle of the circlic clearly only held one solide tree in the middle.
Moshimohitotsudake Tattahitotsudake
Kanaerarerunara Nani wo Inorukana?
Imadokoni iru no? Imadareto iru no?
Aoisoramiage Sottotoikakeru
There sat in the branch of the tree sat a figure...the figure he was fond of...
...Kagome.
"Kagome..?"InuYasha spoke.
She looked down at him. Sadness and Betrayal in her eyes...making him winced.
"...InuYasha..."She spoke slow. Her voice..shaky and cold. Like Kikyou...
InuYasha hesitantly took a step back. She slowly slid off the tree branch and approached him. She wasn't wearing her school uniform. She was wearing an archery kimono. She slowly stepped towards him.
"Kagome..? Are you okay...?"InuYasha asked slowly.
Kagome stopped in her tracks. She stood there thinking for a while.
"..I'm fine.."She spoke...with a weak smile. That caught InuYasha. He suddenly grabbed Kagome's arms and pulled her into an embrace.
"No you aren't! Don't lie! I can smell and feel it all over you! You aren't okay!"InuYasha cried.
Kagome shook violently and pulled herself away from his grasp.
"You are right...I am not okay...but what am I to do...?"Kagome felt tears welling in her eyes.
With you Sugusobani Itakorono Kimiwa inai
With you Hanaretemo Kawaranaito Yakusokushitanoni
"I am with you Kagome. You can tell me anything."InuYasha tried grabbing her into his embrace.
"No...you aren't...you aren't with me..."Kagome turned away and started her way back towards the lonely tree.
"What is with you Kagome! Don't you see I am trying to comfort you!"InuYasha yelled hoping Kagome would argue back.
Kagome didn't even put a sound towards him. He was right..."Whis is with me..?"She spoke silently.
"What...?"InuYasha said confusingly.
"I...I do not know..."Kagome looked behind her shoulders."InuYasha...I just do not know.."She jump up in to the trees and sat down again..looking so lonely and depressed.
"Kagome.."InuYasha couldn't see the woman he once knew. What he saw...was a woman...in her own world of disbelief and hatred. "About me and Kikyou..."He started.
"..I know.."Kagome spoke ramdomly.
He gulped.
"Shouldn't you be with her right now...? You shouldn't keep her waiting..."Kagome replied silently with her eyes closed.
He was now getting filled with guilt.
"Do not feel guilty..InuYasha..You do not have the rights to..."Kagome spoke. "I am the one to be guilty...I am the one who is suppose to find this heart whelming event as a surpressed guilt coming upon me..."She open her eyes slowly and looked at the petals of flowers falling slowly.
InuYasha felt even more worse.
"Look...look all these petals falling...full of life...full of joy..prancing around the wind though they were free..."She stated."Tell me InuYasha..."
He looked up towards her.
"Do you...want to be free like these blooming petals as well..? Do you want to be free to love...live life as a normal husband would..feeling their wives arm holding eachother...the feeling your kids scrambled around your feet...? Do you..?"Kagome asked.
"I...I do."InuYasha said slowly.
"Then...I will give you that freedom."With that said she jumped down...and broke put her arms around his neck. Embracing him slowly.
He held her tight as well.
She took this as a advantage and broke off his rosary.
His shockness took it all.
"Kagome..? What are you doing..!"InuYasha felt alittle bit nacked without the rosary embracing his neck.
"I am...freeing you."She said slowly.
Tatoebabokutachiga Omoideninaru
Sobanonukumoriniwa Moukawanaikara
Setsunaitameikiga Fuinikoboreta
Maiagare Harukatooku Kimini Todokuyouni
"You are no longer part of me as I am part of you..."Kagome stated. "Nomatter what though...You will always be...apart of me..my past..my future..and my present."Kagome turned away.
InuYasha embraced her tight.
"No Kagome! You...are always apart of me! You are and will always be!"He held her tightly.
"Let me go!"Kagome protested, struggling out of his grasp.
He only held on tighter.
"I am not apart of you! I am just apart of your past! You donot take me as I am now!"Kagome cried trying to get out of his embrace.
"No! You are wrong! What happen to the Kagome I know?"InuYasha cried.
"The Kagome you knew...has departed. The Kagome now...is the dead living one upon this earth...trying to live a normal life...trying to forget her memories that has up taken her...the Kagome you knew then...is dead...she left when she thought about things that have been up so comingly blinded by her..."Kagome stated.
InuYasha couldn't believe it.
"No you are wrong! Kagome is still inside you somewhere!"InuYasha shook her.
"Shaking me...will not be satisfiying...She is gone InuYasha..face the consequences of being in the same fate as her. Blinded by love to not see reality."She said coldly.
InuYasha couldn't believe it. The Kagome he knew would never say this. Would never sound this cold..would never want to live life like this...
"No! I will find her way to bring the Kagome I know back!"InuYasha yelled.
"You had losted her...when you were with Kikyou."She stated coldly.
"...Kagome..."InuYasha looked down at the woman who was strangely and slowly invading every part of him. He grabbed her arms and pulled her up to share and equilvilent kiss.
"MPHUYASHA!"Kagome struggled out of his kiss, but he only held tighter. Tears fell down her face slowly and dripped down to her collarbone.
Kittosonomirai Bokuwa Mouinai
Soredakenokotoni Yattokiduitayo
As Kagome struggled InuYasha held tighter. He wouldn't stop until she came back...the Kagome he knew and loved...He was trying to save her like she did to him once...by kissing him just like he is doing now.
Kagome only cried..She tried to get out but he only held tighter.
"MM..! MPLEH MEE MGO!" She said behind his lips.
"NOT UNTIL YOU COME BACK TO ME!"He said still in his kiss.
Kagome sighed. 'Is this what he really wants..? Me to come back to him...I can't..I am afraid...' Kagome sobbed.
' Dear girl...do not torcher your life like this...! He loves you and wants you back...' a voice said.
'What am I to do..? I am afraid to go back...'The sobbing woman cried.
'At least to his benifits...just release your hallow shell and show yourself one last time to the mysterious hanyou upon you...you can tell by his kiss...he means well..' The voice said.
'..I...will..I shall...one last time...'Kagome said.
For me Mayottet Bokunosewo Oshitekureta
For me Hohoemini Kakushiteita Kanashigaru Hitomi
The Kagome, InuYasha knew came back...at least just this once. He was still kissing her...hoping and praying for his life for the woman he loved to come back to her senses...come back to him..yes back to him.
Then he felt her lips...soft craddled lips...pushing back towards his..She was kissing his as well...was she back..? Or did you pitied him..? He opened his eyes to see the woman wearing her normal uniform kissing him..
He slowly deepened the kiss putting his hands on the back of her head. She tilted her head to give him more access. He slowly licked her bottom lips for entrance to explore her every ounce in her mouth. She hesitantly agree and he was exploring every virgin part of her inside mouth.
Tatoebabokutachiga Sayonaraninaru
Sobani Itehoshiito Soutsubuyaiteita
Yarusenaiomoiga Koeninaranai
Semetekono Inoridakewa Kimini Todokuyouni
He finally started to pull back. To see she is staring right at him with compassion and care in her eyes.
"Kagome..."He started.
She only looked at him and then tears started welling in her eyes.
"No..Kagome don't cry!..please...don't...!"InuYasha said very nervously.
"InuYasha..."She said looking at him. Tears streaked down his face.
"Kagome...I'm sorry."InuYasha stated.
"...InuYasha.."Kagome smiled sadly and embraced him. He hugged her with his arms.
"...I never meant to hurt you or never meant to make you feel this way...I never meant to make you fel hatred and disbelief!...I'm so sorry!"InuYasha begged.
"It's okay...InuYasha..I can't say I blame you.."Kagome said slowly.
"What? How can you NOT blame me?"InuYasha argued.
"Because you love Kikyou...nothing in this world could tear you from her..."Kagome looked down with shame.
InuYasha lifted her chin to see her face..tears falling wildly down her beautified face.
"Kagome...I'm sorry...for making you cry..."He said slowly digging his nose in the crevace of her neck.
"It's okay InuYasha...Do not blame my feelings towards this..."Kagome said embracing him slowly.
Owarenaiomoi Soranihanashite
Tatoe Hitoridemo Aruiteikukara
InuYasha didn't say anything.
"InuYasha...I will depart soon after this.."Kagome spoke.
"..What!"InuYasha finally realize what hit him. She was now leaving him?
"I'm sorry InuYasha...Do not blame yourself for this...I am departing soon..."Kagome closed her eyes and more tears fell.
"Why are you leaving me..?"InuYasha said sadly.
"I will come back..."Kagome stated.
InuYasha sighed in relief.
"...in a couple of days, weeks, months, or even years...as much as it takes..."Kagome said slowly.
"YEARS? Why that long?"InuYasha growled.
"As long as it takes...to become strong..I had made this decision...when you had your visit with Kikyou.."
Sakuranohanagamau Anohinoyouni
Mabushiiomoidenohikari wo Utsushite
Setsunaitameikide Iroazayakani
Maiagarekono omoinosubete Todoketekure
InuYasha flinched. 'So she had made this decision...while my meet with Kikyou...is that why I did not know..?'
"Do the others know..?" He asked slowly.
"No...I had not inform them...I take it you will.."Kagome turned away slowly."I will be leaving now...Goodbye...InuYasha."Kagome said while taking a step to leave.
That shot InuYasha in the chest. He grabbed Kagome's wrist and pulled her into another embrace.
"I don't want you to go..! Please don't leave me Kagome! Don't leave me!"InuYasha now felt tears welling up in his bright shiny ambered eyes.
"I promise you...I will try to come back.."Kagome smiled sadly.
"You WILL not you will try!"InuYasha cried.
Tatoebabokutachiga Omoideninaru
Sobanonukumoriniwa Moukawanaikara
Sayonarawa Mirainotameni arukara
Maiagare Harukatooku Kimini Todokuyouni
Kagome nodded and slowly pulled back. She pressed her lips up against InuYasha's. He as well kiss her back. She pulled back...
"I love you, InuYasha..."with that she evaporated to somewhere else.
"...I love you too...My Kagome..."He replied.