Alayna
In my subconscious mind, I dreamt a dream that was worthy of being remembered.
I dreamt I went to the depths of the seas and climbed the tallest mountains.
I first appeared in the dream faced down, gazing into the abyss that was the ocean. Once I opened my eyes, I was faced with an onslaught of blazing lights of colour; which then began sending jolts of pain through my body; causing slight spasms to occur.
I then began to register where I was, opened my mouth to scream, but no sound came out. Instinctively, I reached up to grab my throat and began to struggle from side to side, desperate to get even an inkling of air in my lungs.
Then the knowledge, I wasn't drowning dawned on me, and slowly I began to stop straining. With the immediate threat of drowning annihilated, I observed the scene around me. I was encircled by a baby blue sea.
It was mesmerising!
However, I was not alone. As I took in my surroundings once more, out of my peripheral view I caught a glimpse of something moving. I quickly flicked my head around, but it was placed in slow motion, almost as if the water enclosed around me, was forbidding me to see what I was so desperately itching to catch. Was it preventing me from seeing an immediate threat?
That's when the pressure began. It started as a little tingling in the pit of my stomach, then it began to make its way up to my chest, and the pressure increased substantially. I gasped and gurgled from the pain, until it was so severe I was shocked back to consciousness…
….Silence
Ear piercing silence.
I can't recall how long I've lain here.
It could be seconds, minutes, hours, but all I know is that it feels like eternity. I'm unable to feel my legs; a numb sensation spreads throughout my body, rooting me in place.
I'm barely holding onto my consciousness, when a raging pain sears through my torso. In the distance I can hear an ear crippling screech. I focus on it. Trying to find the source. Trying to figure out whether I'm alone, or if HE'S in here with me; when I notice my throat growing sore, and reality hits me.
The source of the screeching is me!
Suddenly, everything comes rushing back.
The fights, the abuse, being pummelled and beaten by HIM, until I could barely move. As if the memories are a trigger, pain rips through me with such intensity that everything goes black.
When I finally come to, an over whelming sense of sadness overcomes me and water begins to seep from the rims of my eyes, rolling down the sides of my face.
I promised I wouldn't do this. I promised myself I would stay strong despite the pain; despite the over whelming urge to give up and the earth shattering thought that I knew I couldn't fight the inevitable.
Before I know it, I have tears streaming down my face. A waterfall of internal pain, and yet they only barely express what I'm feeling.
For years I've endured the pain of rejection. I've bottled up all that I feel; all my inner inhibitions.
To think that, I hadn't cried when I was seven and my pet dog ran away. I hadn't cried when I found out dad had cancer. I hadn't even cried when I came home and found the house completely empty and mother gone; but everyone has a breaking point. A point where everything terrible that has ever happened to you erupts through tears screams and self- hate. Despite all my efforts, I've finally met mine.
After everything, I've FINALLY met mine; and somewhere deep down, past the anger, hatred, and fear, is a trickle of relief.
I feel absolutely and utterly relieved!
To FINALLY be able to let loose.
To give up the front I put on of being the confident, know-it-all-girl everyone was used too.
From the moment I had entered that house, I knew I was confined to its walls. From the moment I had looked into HIS eyes, and saw such hate and malice, I knew that if I ever left, I would have so many internal scars, I wouldn't be able to heal , and as I lie here, I know that my suspicions have been confirmed.
I'm broken.
A shell of my former self.
I know that I can't be fixed; and if there is ever a possibility of redemption it's slowly slipping from grasp.
I begin trying to manoeuvre myself onto my stomach, in the hopes of having a better chance of going to receive help; but I'm attacked by another episode of immense pain and a surprising lack of energy. As I try to understand this sudden drowsiness, I feel a substance of some kind beneath my finger tips; my nose is then assaulted by a raw metallic smell. A smell I'm sadly, very accustom too.
Blood.
Then slowly, but surely the events which took place carefully begin merging together.