AN: Hello everybody who is reading this! As the title says this is a story of random adventures of my OC Nick and Humphrey. Caution there is quite a lot of swearing so be warned and they posses a lot of human qualities so don't like don't read. Liongate owns the rights to Alpha and omega I just own my OC's and my ideas. Enjoy! PS I don't own girl scouts and Nick is a pure black wolf with a white muzzle
The Crazy adventures of Nick and
Humphrey
Chapter 1: Santa Claws
Nick POV
I was dreaming very peacefully. In my dream I was chasing down a very big caribou, I was getting ready to pounce on it when the caribou said.
"Nick wake the hell up!"
What the fuck? I think to myself. Then suddenly I feel a sharp pain on my left flank and I jolt awake.
I woke up to a very special sight. If you count Humphrey being in my face staring at me like a pedophile a nice sight. This actually scared me so instead of just waking up my natural instincts kicked in. I reached back like a pimp and pimp slapped Humphrey across my den. I was still pretty sleepy so it took me a while to actually put it through my brain that I had just pimped slapped my best friend.
"Oh shit, Humphrey you alright bro?" I asked him.
"Oh of course nothing like getting pimped slapped by my best friend at 9 in the morning when I need help."
I was about to chuckle but I realized he needed help.
"Why the hell do you need help?" I said
"Because of Santa claws!" He yelled.
"Why in the fuck are you scared of Santa claws?" I asked with a hint of annoyance in my voice.
"Think about it Nick, he breaks into your den steals all your milk and cookies and leaves presents for all we know could be a bomb or pictures of his wolf." He said
"Humphrey there is no such thing as Santa clause." I told him.
"You just say that because you're an alpha." He said.
"No I say that because he isn't real." I stated
"You know what? You're coming with me to search for Santa claws."
"How do you plan on doing that? You realize its still summer, and how the hell did you get scared of Santa claws in the middle of summer?"
"Well Kate and I were talking about our future pups and she said she couldn't wait for Christmas so they could meet Santa claws. And I don't want that pedophile around my kids!" He exclaimed.
"Fine, fine whatever, but how the hell do you plan on catching Santa claws?" I asked.
"With these." He then exits my den and brings in to AK-47s.
"How the hell did you get those?" I asked.
"Garth."
"That actually makes sense." I said
"Wait but Humphrey how are we going to be able to shoot him?"
"With my totally bad ass plan." He says confidently.
"And that would be?"
"I heard that Santa claws is addicted to milk and cookies so I mugged a couple of hunters in a gang called girl scouts and I got Kate to put some of her milk in this glass." He says and holds up a glass filled with milk.
"So you mean that Kate filled that glass with her….?"
Humphrey then nodded yes.
"EEEEEEWWWWW get that shit away from me!" I yelled.
"Don't be a pussy hurry up lets set up the trap." He says while exiting the den carrying the cookies and milk leaving me to carry the guns.
4 hours later
"Damn it Humphrey we've been sitting in this spot for 3 hours." I yell annoyed. We were sitting in a spot behind some buses pointing our AK-47s towards the milk and cookies sitting on a tree stump in the middle of a small clearing.
"Shut the fuck up Nick your so loud." He whispers.
"Can I please leave?" I beg.
"Not until we find this pedophile." He says.
"Were never going to fi-." I was cut off by a the sound of the bush shaking.
Hobo POV
I was just thrown out of the house by my ex girlfriend 3 weeks ago alone, hungry, and my only clothes my Christmas outfit which was a Santa like jacket and hat. I was talking on the phone with her while wandering through Jasper Park.
"Shut the fuck up I hate you!" she yelled through the phone. I just pushed through some bushes when I started yelling back.
"And your just a hoe hoe HOE!" I yelled and hung up on her. "Dumb bitch." I say out loud.
I then look up and see a box of girl scout cookies and a glass of milk.
"Today must be my lucky day." I say while making my way over to the thin mints and milk.
Nick POV
"Oh my god! Nick did you hear that? He said ho ho ho and now he's eating the cookies and drinking the mild!" Humphrey whispered.
"Holy shit he is real!" I whispered back.
"Only one thing to do." He says and I nod.
"1" we say together and load the guns.
"2" we say as we aim the guns.
"3" we yell and we fire the entire clip into Santa claws.
After the firing ended we ran up to Santa claws and checked his pulse. He was dead.
"Take that you pedophile." Humphrey yells while dancing around.
"We killed him we killed him." Humphrey sings.
All of the sudden I see a bunch of reindeers pulling a sleigh across the sky and a small box drops on Humphreys head.
"Ow! What the fuck?" He says while holding his head.
"Open it." I tell him.
He opens it and sees a note in the box.
"What the hell?" He says while reading it.
"What's it say?" I ask curiously.
"It says better luck next time boys. Signed Santa claws." He says with a shocked face while I face palm.
AN: And that concludes the first chapter of The Crazy Adventures of Nick and Humphrey hoped you like it please comment and review no flames please even though it was stupid hahahah