An old bearded bulldog-man entered a room full of bookshelves smoking a pipe and sitting on a chair. A green fox entered the room.
"Ah, there you are," said the man. "Greneck Mist is it? Did you know pumpernickel is a kind of bread, and not a cheese?"
"You got it, I'm the green mystery with an unknown history. And yes, I knew that," said Greneck, sitting down and reading from a book.
"I just love to collect various types of cheese. And having sampled them all cheddar is still my favorite" said the old man.
"How many cheeses did you try?" asked Greneck.
"I traveled the entire world, sampled every kind of cheese, and I have a nose that can sniff cheese from miles away I tell you" said the man waving his
cane towards Greneck.
"What about Admiral Z's house of cheese? Ever been there?" asked Greneck.
"Ah, Admiral Z's, yes, that is most certainly a classy place. Good service, good cheese, respectable interior. Beautiful waitresses, I might add," said the old man.
"Yes, Admiral Z's is my favorite place in Corneria City" replied Greneck.
"Is it? Is that so? It just so happens that a man who served under me in a war loved that place" said the old man.
"Just who are you?" asked Greneck.
"I am General Parmesan" said the old man.
"I must be dreaming," said Greneck.
"I was the general after Pepper died" replied Parmisan.
"I don't believe it. You were named after a cheese?" asked Greneck.
"It wasn't my choice. And by the way, get off your butt if you ever want to eat cheese again!" said Parmisan.
"Why?" asked Greneck.
"Because I am a wise old man. And if I die, it doesn't matter. I lived a full life. You're young. You eat too much cheese. You're gonna get in bad shape and end up getting cancer when you're older if you're not careful" said Parmisan.
"You don't get that from cheese. What is this anyway? A dream?" asked Greneck.
"Yes, which is why you must wake up! Train, get in better physical condition, before you're all washed up! You're almost 30 now!" said the man.
IT WAS ALL A DREAM!
Greneck Mist awoke from slumber in the fuselage of an Arwing his father had built. He reached into a pocket and
pulled out a block of cheese, which he then ate from ferrociously. Greneck Mist was a green fennec fox. Yeah, that's why
he's called Greneck, but apparently no one ever understood that, mostly cuz I never once explained it. So I'm the idiot, not any of you.
"It feels so good to be alive, but my life feels kinda empty right now" said Greneck. His buddy Derick showed up.
"Listen Greneck, what are you doing in this Arwing garage anyway?" asked Derick.
"Eating cheese, and looking at the cool Arwings" replied Greneck.
"Well, did you hear the news this morning?" asked Derick.
"No, what is it?" asked Greneck.
"Fox Mccloud has been captured by Andross's forces. People think he's gonna be killed! I'm the only one who can
save him" said Derick.
"Don't you mean...I'M the only one who can save him? As in..ME, not you?" said Greneck, eyeing Derick suspiciously.
"Oh, yeah, right. Well, I figured I'd help but then I realized I'm more of a nuisance. I just do nothing but devour
trail mix and chase my tail" said Derick, walking away sadly.
"Oh, that's..not entirely true" said Greneck. Derick's dejected eyes suddenly lit up.
"Really?" asked Derick.
"Yeah, I mean, you know how Falco's a jerk but Fox still keeps him around? You're insane, but our team still keeps
you around. Everyone serves a purpose" said Greneck.
"I guess you're right" replied Derick. Just then Cynthia Koraway the beautiful black-haired purple cat-girl showed up.
"It's time, boys. The new arwings are in, and we need to go save Fox" said Cynthia.
"I don't know, is it really time?" asked Derick.
"We need to get Greneck back in shape! He's an old dog, and this is the last fanfic he's ever gonna be in" said Cynthia.
"I am?" said Greneck, mildly insulted.
So they blasted off in search of Fox.
Later...in an enemy mothership..
"The fox is dead. Everyone thinks Greneck did it" said a strange weasel-like creature.
"Good, good" said a mysterious voice, which oddly sounded female.
Back with Greneck in the mothership:
Greneck was standing behind the wheel of a giant mothership that his arwing converted into. It resembled Anglar ships to confuse the enemy.
"Hey, I just saw an alert, it says Fox is dead" said Derick.
"My favorite cheese, is green!" said Cynthia, whispering in Greneck's ears.
"Mine is purple" said Greneck, laughing happily.
"Guys, Fox is dead!" shouted Derick.
"Take Derick's words with a grain of salt Greneck" said Cynthia.
"I'll kick his butt for you anytime you want me to" said Greneck, putting his arm around Cynthia.
"Oooh, my hero!" said Cynthia.
"You got that right, gorgeous" said Greneck.
"Well, actually, come on, Greneck, get real, the whole Derick is our disappointing son role-play gets old quick. That just means we should come up with something new" said Cynthia, kissing Greneck's cheek.
"Where did you guys find me?" asked Derick.
"We found you in a waste-basket on a deserted forest planet trying to find pieces of eight" explained Greneck.
"We did?" asked Cynthia.
"That's where I found him," said Greneck. "So what's the new reason we don't like Derick?"
"Greneck you're such a bad boy" said Cynthia.
"GUYS GET SERIOUS, FOX IS DEAD!" shouted Derick.
"Let me see your phone" said Greneck. "Holy Cynthia silhouettes! You're right"
"Yeah, so I should probably shoot myself" said Derick.
"You'll never compare to Greneck, but don't do that, little freak" said Cynthia.
"Cynthia, " said Greneck, who began to shed a tear. "They're saying I did it. They're saying my DNA was found on the ray gun"
"What? Oh crap, this is nonsense" said Cynthia.
"WHY DID YOU DO IT GRENECK?" yelled Derick.
"I think its nonsense too. I still feel like I'm in a dream" said Greneck.
"You are, I'll just spoil the ending" said Derick.
"Ending? What kind of stories do you guys write when I'm gone?" demanded Cynthia.
"Well, if you must know, the writing's on the wall!" said Derick, pointing to the wall of the mothership.
"You guys write crap on the wall? You could get in trouble for that!" said Cynthia.
"We have to risk it all!" said Greneck.
LATER...
It was midnight. The mothership landed in Corneria City, and Greneck disguised himself as an orange furred folk singer. He sat on the town square bench, playing a guitar and singing. Suddenly, he caught two mysterious eyes observing him from behind a skyscraper. He saw a finger drawing him towards the mysterious eyes, so he decided to follow it. He was grabbed and pulled in to an unwilling embrace with what looked like a spy. The spy appeared to be a bat-girl dressed in garbage bags and wearing finger-less gloves, but her eyes were visible. Only her eyes, and wings.
"Shhh, don't sing in the middle of the night, hun, it draws attention, lots of it too! Sometimes even affection," said the bat-girl, rubbing Greneck's hair.
"From where I'm standing, I kind of like the attention" said Greneck.
"Flattery will get you nowhere, nowhere but death," said the bat-girl, drawing a knife towards Greneck's neck.
"Take it easy, I don't want any trouble" said Greneck.
"Oh, I figured you didn't, I just like intrigue and suspense, I mean who doesn't?" said the bat-girl.
"It's fun stuff, especially with beautiful dangerous strangers" said Greneck.
"OH, just forget it" said the bat-girl, dropping Greneck to the ground. "I might as well just tell you the truth" she added.
"Okay fill me in what's the truth?" asked Greneck.
"A lot of people think I'm someone I'm not. They think I'm the head of some really sinister organization, and I'm hardly that. In fact, I'm warm, friendly, inviting, and a lot more when I need to be" said the bat-girl.
"What's your name?" asked Greneck, standing behind a trash can in the alley. The figure disrobed and revealed herself to be a bat.
"I'm Rouge, that's Rouge the Bat. How about that?" asked Rouge.
"For all practical purposes my name is Furbuckle. Frank Clint Furbuckle to be frank with you" said Greneck.
"What do you mean? For all practical purposes, what? Are you on the run as well?" asked Rouge. Greneck whispered in her ear.
"YES, yes I am" said Greneck.
"Let's find a nice quiet place where we can be more alone and cozy, with no one to murder us" said Rouge.
So Rouge picked up Greneck and flew him to her secret underground lair, where she tucked him into a small bed.
"You'll probably like it here. It's like a warehouse with a little bed and a plant and a computer, some guy named Strong Bad gave it to me a long time ago" said Rouge.
"Who was he?" asked Greneck.
"A royal pain in the butt. He was my stepfather, and he was a part of DEATHFUZZY, and he was the only male member" said Rouge.
"DEATHFUZZY?" asked Greneck.
"Death Fuzzy, an all female criminal enterprise my stepdad worked for. My childhood was unbelievably rough, and I ran away and became a jewel thief" explained Rouge.
"Aww, poor lady. Sounds like someone needs a hug" said Greneck.
"Sounds like someone else wants one, but I'll humor you and give you one if you tell me where the chaos emerald is!" said Rouge.
"What's a chaos emerald?" asked Greneck.
"It's a magical thing being guarded by someone who is hoarding magical things and selling them on the black market to evil wizards. That's really all I'm at liberty to say" said Rouge.
"I don't know where the chaos emerald is" said Greneck.
"Oh really? Well, hun, you'll know where it is by the time I'm done with you" said Rouge.
"What is that supposed to mean?" asked Greneck. Rouge kissed Greneck's nose.
"Now will you tell me?" asked Rouge.
"Listen, I really don't know" said Greneck. Rouge kissed Greneck again on the nose.
"Tell me, dear" said Rouge.
"I don't know" said Greneck.
"I've done the cougar thing, Furbuckle, if that is your real name. It gets old. And you're a hunk of green cheese, don't get me wrong, but this won't work. I could be your mother. That's not the kind of thing you need right now!" said Rouge.
"But I don't know where the emerald is, so, you'd better do your best to get the info out of me" said Greneck, blushing.
Rinse and repeat. This lasted all night long. Eventually Rouge gave up and stopped kissing Greneck, much to his disapointment.
In the morning:
"Now what?" asked Greneck.
"I could dress you up as a girl" said Rouge, filing her fingernails.
"Let's not do that" said Greneck.
"You'd be adorable" said Rouge.
"You'd call me Greta Mist, say I'm a bombshell, then stick a bomb in my suit when I infiltrate the all female organization, then feel bad for me and rescue
me just before it went off and it's just a needless addition to the story like a deleted scene in a movie" said Greneck.
"Yeah? I suppose you're right. Cuz only a crazy person could even think of all that" said Rouge.
"Yeah," said Greneck.
"But I still want to do it" said Rouge.
"Really, no. And why do people think you're the head of the group your father is working for?" asked Greneck.
"Because of her. Her name is Ruse the Bat and she looks just like me. She's my evil stepsister" said Rouge. Greneck pulled out his ray gun.
"Why should I believe you?" asked Greneck.
"Oh, Furbuckle. You wouldn't do that, not after how much fun we had last night" said Rouge.
"I'd never live with myself, and I'd sob over your corpse" said Greneck.
"Morbid, but okay" said Rouge continuing to file her fingernails.
"BUT WHY SHOULD I BELIEVE YOU?" asked Greneck.
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe cuz of...this!" said Rouge, pulling Greneck in to kiss his lips.
Yeah, yeah. But this is how it happened. MUCH MUCH LATER...
A helicopter flew above Rouge and Greneck, and ninja wolves snatched up Rouge.
"I need your help, Frank Clint Furbuckle!" yelled Rouge.
Greneck poised himself for battle, threw his gun away to Rouge who began blasting the baddies, while Greneck took them on in hand to hand ninja combat. Greneck struck them all dead in a pile by delivering hand chops to their weak spots. Rouge blasted them dead. Then the helicopter began to fall on them after the pilot was killed. Rouge and Greneck clutched each other and hid behind a building and watched the helicopter blow up in flames.
"I'm gonna fix that son of a glitch" said Greneck.
"No, I'll fix it" said Rouge.
"For the sake of this story, we'll both fix it" said Greneck.
"What?" asked Rouge, puzzled. Greneck pulled out a box of tools and wrenches and got to work. As did Rouge. Rouge stood up and held the wrench in her hand while the copter appeared to be fixed.
"Wow, you look amazing standing on top of the copter" said Greneck.
"Now you do it. I love a man with a wrench" said Rouge. She was probably thinking about Mario, but let's roll with it. So Greneck stood atop the copter with the wrench, and Rouge took photos.
"You know, I wanted to become a guru and start my own ashram, but now I'm more into running around with drifters!" said Rouge, snapping endless photos of herself and Greneck. They then hopped in the copter, and Greneck took Rouge to a Corneria spy meeting hosted by Derick, who had gathered more intel.
In the meeting, in a round room with black and white checkerboard floors:
"Please, be seated" said Derick.
"He's handsome. You know that guy?" said Rouge.
"Quiet Rougie poojy it's a secret meeting" said Greneck.
"Oh, right," said Rouge.
"As you are aware, Fox Mcloud is believed to have been killed by Greneck Mist. This can't be true, because as we all know Greneck has horrible marksmanship" said Derick.
"WHAT?" yelled Greneck.
"The true criminal is a bat woman named Rou-hey wait a minute! There you are! I have you now, arch villainous" said Derick, clobbering Rouge and jumping off the podium down to the floor. He struggled and wrestled with Rouge for what seemed like six seconds before Greneck kicked Derick away from her.
"Get away from her you piece of crap" said Greneck, raising his fist.
"And they say chivalry is dead? Wow, maybe you are a real man" said Rouge.
"And you, you stay out of this" said Greneck.
"Gladly," said Rouge, sitting in a chair eating popcorn.
"That is not the arch criminal" yelled Greneck.
"Greneck, you've been brainwashed!" said Derick. Just then the meeting was invaded by Ruse herself and an army of more wolf ninjas.
"We've been watching your every move with our incredibly advanced seven thousand eyes galactic surveillance program. We're Death Fuzzy and we just heard your real name!" said Ruse, tossing her yellow hair back.
"Real name? You mean Greneck is your real name?" asked Rouge.
"That's it. I'm Mist, Greneck Mist, the green mystery with a long bad history" said Greneck, winking at Rouge. Ruse rolled her eyes.
"I couldn't have picked a better person to frame. She might as well be a low class gypsy vagabond with a lust for jewels and a wandering eye" said Ruse.
"You got everything right dear. Except the low class thing, I assure you" said Rouge, blowing a kiss to Ruse.
"Ugh, ninjas seize them!" ordered Ruse. Greneck, Rouge, and Ruse beat up the baddies and surrounded Ruse.
"We've got you now Ruse" said Greneck. "How did you get my DNA?"
"You should know," said Rouge, winking at Greneck.
"No, I'm asking Ruse not you" said Greneck.
"I know," said Rouge. "You bad boy, you"
"Shut up Rouge. Now listen Ruse, you're coming in for questioning" said Greneck.
"NEVER! Now that Fox is dead we can finally put an end to Star Fox wannabes like you, Greneck, leader of the so called 'Star Rebel' team. That's all you ever were was a wannabe" said Ruse.
"Maybe so, but you're evil" sad Greneck.
"Yes, and proud of it" said Ruse, strangling Greneck. Rouge attempted to break Greneck free from Ruse's strangling, but Derick couldn't tell who was who, and he wanted to be the hero. He shot Rouge instead with his ray gun.
"Ugh!" said Rouge falling to the ground. The impact of the ray gun being fired at Rouge brought both Ruse and Rouge out of their struggle. Then Greneck realized he had an ice ray from the cornerian military. He turned Ruse into a block of ice, then ran up to Rouge, who was suffering.
"I'm so sorry, Greneck. I was a bad person, but you showed me there's more to life than jewels, gems, and espionage" said Rouge, crying.
"No one is really a bad person. They just lose touch with their inner good. And guess what? You never did, I'll take a mere jewel thief over a lying government any day. No more mercernary work for me! You're gonna be okay, I'll call the hospital! " said Greneck.
"I believe in you, Greneck Mist" said Rouge.
"I'm so sorry, your life was so tough" said Greneck.
"I imagine yours was too" replied Rouge.
"Are you gonna be okay?" asked Greneck.
"I'm going to...probably...die...Greneck" replied Rouge, gasping for air.
"No, don't say that, we have all the time in the world!" said Greneck.
"Please, no more 007 references. They make me think of diamonds" said Rouge.
"I'LL SAVE YOU GRENECK!" yelled Derick, charging towards the two.
"Derick, you moron! I've had enough of you!" said Greneck, charging towards Derick. He was angry enough at Derick to kill him. He began tackling him to the ground but after a few minutes realized he was in the middle of a struggle with his own sister...Alexia.
Derick? Cynthia? Star Rebel? Were they real? Who knows.
Later...
"You were dreaming again, Greneck" said Alexia.
"I was? I knew babes like Cynthia Koraway and Rouge would only like me in dreams. I was dreaming, really?" asked Greneck, who looked very depressed.
"Yeah but don't sweat it. Being a mere fanfiction author is better than being a spy anyway" said Alexia, rubbing Greneck's hair.
"Bitch messed up my hair!" said Greneck. He loved his sister, but these were awesome badass final words for a ridiculous OC like Greneck.
We all grow up and move on from things like green foxes and fursonas that like cheese. So that was that.
Tearjerking isn't it?
THE END OF TEAM STAR REBEL.
AND ALSO
THE END...or is it?
Note to all Cornerian agents: This phony document will be distributed to the public as proof that Greneck Mist is not and never was a spy for the Cornerian government.