Don't Let The Days Go By
So, this is sort of based on the song Glycerine by Bush, or rather the line "I'm never alone, I'm alone all the time."
I'm kind of posting this against my better judgement, because I'm terrible at finishing multi-chapter fics, but hopefully I'll get some good reviews and you'll all keep me motivated. This is set post The Miller's Daughter but Regina doesn't get all murder-y and revenge-y. Spoilers for everything, I don't really know what I'm going to cover.
Let me know what you think. Enjoy
I'm never alone, I'm alone all the time
Are you at one, or do you lie
We live in a wheel, where everyone steals
But when we rise, it's like strawberry fields
If I treated you bad, you'd bruise my face
Couldn't love you more, you've got a beautiful taste
Glycerine by Bush
Emma thinks its kind of funny how everyone is willing to give her second chances. And third chances. Hell, fourth, fifth, sixth chances when she screws up. But nobody is willing to give Regina another chance. Sure, Regina's mistakes have been bigger, but she's trying, Emma knows she's been trying.
It would have been easy for the woman to just destroy them all and take Henry. Emma knows the Evil Queen would have done it in a heartbeat. But Henry told her what Regina said before she sent him to stay with David while Emma and Mary Margaret were stuck in Fairy Tale Land. Emma knows that Regina doesn't want Henry's presence, she wants Henry's love.
Emma wonders if there's a version of the book What to Expect When You're Expecting for new parents of a fucked up 28 year old with an 11 year old son of her own. Because she's pretty sure it couldn't make the current situation any worse.
Emma gave up on needing parents a long time ago, it's almost funny that she has the best parents in the fucking world now. She knows that David and Mary Margaret just want to be there for her and help her and love her unconditionally, but its weird when she's an adult, almost in her thirties to have parents suddenly, trying to raise her in the right way when she's all but done being raised.
In fact, it's really starting to get on her nerves. And she doesn't know what to do about it. She can't pretend to be the perfect princess and good mother forever. She has no idea what she's doing when it comes to Henry and having a family.
She's surrounded by people but she's never felt more alone. Her parents want to pretend like she's the same baby they gave up, not the criminal bounty hunter. Henry wants to pretend like she's the perfect mom, not the girl who gave him up to give him a chance at happiness that she couldn't provide. To this town, she was the savior, the child of true love. To herself she was just a fucked up ex-criminal trying to figure out how to be good when evil was everywhere.
The more she learns about their whole messed up family history and Regina's, the more Emma realizes how little choice any of them have had in this life. Emma knows that her parents sending her away, Neal framing her, giving up Henry, none of that would be anyone's first choice. Sometimes she finds herself wishing she had the power to change all the horrible things that have happened and she just knows how easy it was for Regina to fall victim to Rumpel's magic.
And it was that thought that led her to Regina's door one night.
Regina had been holed up in her apartment since Cora's death. Emma still couldn't believe what her mother had done. It was another reason she felt so strongly that Regina deserved a chance to be good. Nobody can be good all the time, not even Snow White. Snow, who's life had been a picnic compared to Regina's had fallen from grace. It was so easy to see how Regina had been led down the path of evil.
Emma knocked on the door of number 108. Regina was in this mansion, all alone. Emma was somewhat surprised they hadn't heard from the brunette. Regina's default setting lately seemed to be revenge. Emma was hoping it was a good sign she hadn't been out trying to kill Mary Margaret lately.
Emma was snapped from her thoughts when the door swung open violently. Regina stood before her, but not the Mayor she'd met all those months ago. Not the evil queen either. Just Regina, in sweat pants and a baggy t-shirt, hair askew, reeking of alcohol and looking like she hadn't seen a shower in a few days.
"Can I help you, Miss Swan?"
"Um, look, I know you have no reason to trust me or believe any of this, but I just wanted to talk…" Emma began.
"Talk? What could we possibly have to talk about?"
"Well, Henry, for one. He misses you. And…I've just…I think we have more in common than you think and I want to talk about it…I want to help you fix things."
Regina stared at the blonde for a moment. Her mouth was slightly open and she looked as though she'd just seen Emma sprout another head. Then she did something unexpected, she stepped back and gestured for Emma to enter the house. Emma didn't hesitate in fear that the offer would be rescinded if she didn't act quickly.
It was dark inside the mayoral mansion. All the curtains had been drawn and there was a slightly musty smell. It was clear Regina hadn't been keeping up her usual cleaning of any sort. There were empty liquor bottles littered around the house. Emma briefly wondered where she'd gotten all the alcohol when she hadn't left the house for weeks. She'd have to address that later.
"Would you like a drink Miss Swan?" Regina asked as she gestured to the couch.
"Uh, sure. Whatever you're drinking," Emma replied, taking a seat.
Regina nodded and headed over to the liquor cabinet. Emma watched as she poured two large glasses of whiskey. Regina returned and handed Emma a glass before making herself comfortable on the other end of the couch. She took a drink and stared at Emma. Emma took a quick gulp to steel her nerves.
They sat in silence, both drinking their whiskey. Emma was unsure of how to start this conversation. It wasn't as though she and Regina were friends. She had no way of knowing how Regina would react. She might just mock Emma, she might attack her with magic, there was really no telling when it came to Regina.
After a few minutes of silence it was Regina who finally spoke, "Well, Miss Swan I believe you wanted to talk…so talk."
"Uh, okay. Well, Henry misses you. He's still doing well in school. He's even got a few friends now," Emma said.
"That's very nice, Miss Swan, but I'm fairly certain you didn't come here to talk to me about Henry. Even I harbor no false pretenses that my son still cares about me," Regina said coolly.
"Henry loves you Regina. He's just confused. He's a kid, everything is black and white to him. He doesn't get that the world doesn't work like that."
Regina snorts, "You think that's not how the world works, Miss Swan? That's exactly how the world works. You all like to think I'm just the Evil Queen, so anything you do to stop me is okay. Good must triumph over evil, no matter the cost. But the cost doesn't matter when it's a quest for good. Snow White likes to pretend like she's innocent, but there's just as much blood on her hands as there is mine. And then, as if taking my love and my son wasn't enough for all of you, you had to take my mother too."
Emma can hear the anger, but the anger is just a mask. Behind the anger, she can hear Regina's heart breaking open. Regina's angry, but more than that, she's hurt and sad and alone. Emma knows anger, and if this were truly anger, she wouldn't still be seated comfortably on the former mayor's couch.
"Regina, I don't think you're the evil queen. I think you're a woman who's had a lot of shitty things happen to her. I think you've been hurt and manipulated. Some people may think the world is black and white, but I don't. I know you have good inside you. I know you weren't always like this."
"What makes you think you know so much, Miss Swan?"
"Because I think we're a lot more alike than you know," Emma said, finally.
"Is that why you're here? To bond? To become best friends with the evil queen and reform her? Because if that's your intention I would rethink that very quickly, Miss Swan," Regina said as she stood.
"To be completely honest, my reasons for being here are a bit more selfish that that," Emma admits, finishing her whiskey.
Regina raises and eyebrow, obviously curious about the blonde's statement. She refilled her glass and gestured to Emma with the bottle. Emma left her perch on the edge of the couch and held her glass out. Regina filled it to the brim, just as she'd done with her own.
"I'm here because I need someone who doesn't see me as their perfect daughter, or the savior, or the best mom ever."
Regina flinched at the last one and Emma regretted saying it. She watched as Regina took another large drink of whiskey. As they stood there in the darkened room, Emma took the time to study Regina's appearance. The woman had been thin before, but she looked downright frail in the oversized t-shirt. Emma wondered when the last time Regina had a decent meal was.
"Regina, when was the last time you ate?" Emma asked quietly.
"I don't know, what's today, Wednesday, I ate yesterday."
"Regina, it's Friday. You haven't eaten since Tuesday?"
"No, I suppose not, the days sort of just, run together and I haven't had much of an appetite lately," Regina admitted.
It was clear the whiskey was beginning to affect her weakened body. She would have never admitted something like that to Emma. It was distressing to the blonde sherrif.
"Okay, Regina, you need to eat, any chance there's food in this joint? Like, easy mac or something I'm capable of cooking?"
"Doubtful, Miss Swan, I'm not much of an easy mac sort of gal, you know," Regina said.
"Okay, well in that case, you're getting cleaned up and we're going to Granny's."
"Miss Swan, I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself."
Emma gestured to the mess of liquor bottles and clothes strewn about, "Yeah, clearly you've been doing a bang up job, look, just humor me, okay?"
Regina surveyed the room for a moment before nodding, "Fine, I'll be back in a bit. I trust you can keep yourself entertained without breaking anything."
Emma nodded, sitting on the couch, "I've got my whiskey, I'll be fine."
Regina nodded and headed up the stairs. As soon as Emma was sure the brunette was out of earshot she sighed. It was going to be an interesting evening. But as long as it kept her away from her parents and her son for a while, she was okay with that.