There's A Burning Man In Shuttlebay Three

by Lacrimula Falsa

Author's note: Finally, my first story to be typed and actually finished. Just a random humour one-shot, basically fits anywhere in the series. Also the first to be posted. Feel free to be critical and point out even the most minuscule errors. Feedback is much appreciated.

Disclaimer: All praise the Great Bird of the Galaxy. I do not own any part of the StarTrek franchise/universe. Written for amusement, not profit.

Summary: Just a normal day aboard the U.S.S..Enterprise.

"Captain's log; supplemental.:

With our medicine delivery to the Anula Nine colony* being just a routine mission, the members of the crew find themselves with some free time on their hands. I have therefore agreed to the hosting of an amateur theatre competition in on of the…" Capt. Picard's log entry was interrupted by the chirping of his commbadge and a panicked voice.

"Maningson* to bridge. Captain there's a… there's a…a BURNING MAN in the buttleshay…shuttlebay…in schuttlebay three. We extinguished…him, I mean it. The fire…we got it…I mean I hope…we"

"Mister Maningson, stop!" the Captain intervened, "I advise you take a deep breath and tell me -slowly - what the situation is."

"Captain, this is Lieutenant T'Lan* speaking. Commander Maningson seemed to experience some kind of respiratory distress and is presently unconscious." A cool Vulcan voice answered Picard.

"Respiratory distress?" Cmdr. Riker quipped, "Sounded like a full-blown panic attack to me."

The Captain held up a hand. "Lieutenant T'Lan please give us an account of the situation."

There was a slight pause on the other end. "I am not aware of any details, Sir. I was about to enter shuttlebay three when Commander Maningson stopped me. He looked…panicked. The Commander then informed me that there was a…"burning man" in the shuttlecraft bay. He fell unconscious before I could inquire further. It seems the Fire Suppression System** in the hangar is not working. I sealed of the room and was able to engage the secondary FSS."

The Vulcan paused again and then added: "I believe it would be beneficial to the situation if you were to come here, Sir. This seems to require the presence of a bridge officer."

"Acknowledged Lieutenant. I am on my way. Picard out."

"May I join you, Sir?" Riker had a familiar twinkle in his eye "Sounds interesting."

The Captain looked at him. "I do not see why not. Mister Data, you have the… Mister Worf, where is Commander Data? Isn't this his usual shift?"

"He traded shifts with Ensign Lin, Sir. I think he mentioned a rehearsal or something." Cmdr. Riker interjected.

"Understood. Mister Worf, you have the bridge."

"Yes, Sir." Worf moved to take the command chair and the Captain and first officer headed towards the turbolift.

When they arrived at the hangar doors, they were greeted by the sight of a very pale Commander Maningson on a stretcher, being scanned by a medic. T'Lan was standing at his side, hands clasped together in front of him, naturally unflustered.

The medical officer looked up when they approached.

"Sirs. Mister Maningson here is just fine. He suffered a slight panic attack and started to hyperventilate. That's why he fainted. A little rest should get him up and about again."

"Good. Carry on. Mister T'Lan, did you enter the room yet?"

"No Captain. I thought it better to wait until you arrived."

"Well let's take a look. Hey, there's our escort!" Cmdr. Riker said, pointing to a security squad that was just rounding the corner. "Right on time."

"Mister T'Lan, unseal the door please."

The security detail took formation and the group entered the shuttlebay, phasers drawn. Riker and Picard followed.

Standing in the middle of the shuttlecraft bay, a completely neutral expression on his face, was Data, covered in a bluish extinguishing agent.

"Data?!" Riker asked, wide-eyed.

"Commander, what the devil is the meaning of this?"

"Meaning, Sir? I informed Commander Riker of the rehearsal and he offered no objections. I did not think it would create a problem, seeing as we employed extensive security measures."

"Rehearsal? What rehearsal? Data, what are you taking about? How is setting you on fire part of a rehearsal?" Captain Picard demanded.

"My entry for the amateur theatre competition, Sir. I was rehearsing my part as the Altra'Key*. The Remarikoons'* fire god. Lieutenant Chapler* said the pyrotechnical effect would be a good addition to the part. She told me it would add a 'wow-effect'. We were experimenting with different chemical compositions…"

"And why did you shut off the FSS?" Riker interrupted, still looking aghast.

"Because the smoke from the fire would have set it off, Sir. That would have interfered with our testing."

"And where is Lieutenant…"

"Chapler, Commander. She went to get some additional requisites from her quarters."

"Data why didn't you tell me about this. We thought there was an emergency. Maningson nearly had a heart attack!" Riker was clearly irritated now and Picard looked similarly miffed.

"But I did, Sir. When I requested permission to do a rehearsal in the shuttlebay, you told me to turn in a formal request. I included a detailed description of the tests we had planned. Seeing as you approved my request I assumed you were aware…"

Riker felt his neck growing hot.

He had been flirting with an attractive Ensign when Data contacted him and absent-mindedly told the android to send him his request. Approving it without looking might not have been the professional way to go but he had assumed a simple rehearsal would do no harm. Oh hell.

"Commander…?" the Captain pinned Riker with a stern look.

"Well Captain…it seems…I missed…some of the details. It was quite late and I really… I mean I didn't think it would be more than a normal text rehearsal and…" at Picard's disapproving frown the Commander trailed off.

The Captain frowned just a moment longer and then let the expression drop.

"It is quite alright, Will. There was no real harm done. I think we may close this matter. For the future I would advise you read such request very closely. But we all make mistakes at times. Just see that it doesn't happen again."

Riker let out the breath he'd been holding. "Understood!"

The Captain turned to Data. "Data, I can understand your…fascination with this particular aspect of your performance but I am afraid that I will have to order all participants of the theatre contest to refrain from using this kind of special effects. There might be unforeseen risks."

"I understand Captain. I will inform Lieutenant Chapler and the other competitors of your orders."

"Good. Well, Number One, there are two chairs on the bridge waiting for our return. We shouldn't burden Mister Worf with command for too long."

With that they made their way to the bridge, leaving Data and the security officers to clean up the shuttle deck.

In the turbolift the Captain turned to Will. "The next time I am about to agree to a theatre competition...remind me of this."

The End

A/N: *Anything marked with a "*" is something/someone I made up randomly; e.g. T'Lan is a random Vulcan officer, Anula Nine a random name I made up for a colony, I think you get the general idea. Any similarity to canon elements is a coincidence.

**I am sure there would be a Fire Suppression System on starships, but it wasn't mentioned during the show (as far as I know) so I made one up.

06 Apr 14: Many thanks to MissMelysse for pointing out that there was a FSS in canon, first mentioned during the epidode "Up The Long Ladder". It worked with forcefields cutting of the fire's oxygen supply. Seeing as that could kill a burning person, I think chemical agents would be a good alternative.