All of this is based on Stephenie Meyer's Twilight, and the characters and events belong to her. This is a fan fiction, and not my own original story.

Chapter One

In some ways, I knew that I had been hiding my true feelings the entire time, even though I had had no clue.

Sure, I spend my time sulking, hiding in my room, and letting tears well up in my eyes at random intervals. Charlie, of course, has not taken an interest in my sullen mood. All that I told him was that Edward and I had had a fight. I had burst into tears and ran upstairs, slamming my door. Charlie never mentioned anything; I am sure that he figured it was normal teenaged antics and angst, and that I would soon be out of this phase. He was completely wrong.

I knew that I had pushed Edward too far by asking him to turn me into a vampire. I had even started to get used to the hot, plunging feeling I got in my stomach when I went over the limit of my requests. How many times had I asked him to change me? How many times had he said no? Equal times, and enough times to buy me a plane ticket out of Forks. Not that I want to leave Forks…or maybe I do, now that I have my final answer. I was keeping my distance from Edward, but even returning back to Phoenix could not keep me from him.

Finally, I was afraid, and I had shown it.

Asking Edward to change me came up in almost every conversation we had. The minute we turned serious, I would bring it up. One minute he would be saying "I will love you forever, Bella," and the next second I would say, "But forever will never end for you. Don't let it end for me," and ruin the moment. Or something like that. I had found many ways to ask him.

Finally, I had gotten my wish. And I felt awful. Edward and I had been in the clearing. I hated it when he ran, but it was worth it, just to be Bella and Edward, not Bella and Edward Cullen, the mysterious and handsome boyfriend of Bella's. Not Bella and Edward, who always had to watch their step. Out in the clearing, we could just lie there. We didn't have to whisper, the way we did when Charlie was home and Edward was unknowingly in my room. We could just talk freely. And of course, changing me into a vampire kept coming up.

When it happened, it had started raining. It was just like in an old movie: the sad part happens, and the dark storm clouds blow in, bringing rain and sorrow. I had asked him to change me out of nowhere, for we had been lying in silence, staring up at the forming clouds. Suddenly, Edward had sat up, grabbed my wrists, yanked me up almost as if he had forgotten that he had to be careful with me, and wrenched me up to his angry eyes.

"Is this what you really want?" he whispered heatedly.

Of course it was. "Yes," I whispered back. He looked away, releasing my wrists. He stared off for a long time, contemplating something. After a long time, he looked back at me, with so much tiredness in his eyes that he finally looked like he had not slept in many, many years.

"Ok," he said, and ignored me after I threw my arms around him and thanked him with so much heart and sincerity in my voice that he would have normally returned the favor by giving me one of his amazing kisses that were rare and never lasted for too long.

I had a long time to think about what had just happened. He had dropped me off at my house with a quiet and sad promise that he would be back to visit me in a few hours. I spent those hours lying on my bed, pondering my new future. I daydreamed. In it, Edward and I were together, glowing like jewels in the sun, able to hold each other for eternity. I watched decades fly past, or what I thought of as the future. Naturally, space-age technology came into view. Hover cars, holographic images instead of telephones were in the backdrop. It was nice, and made me smile, knowing that we would be together as we watched the world change.

But then, my subconscious kicked in. I was at Charlie's funeral, hiding at the back, for fear that somebody would spot me. I was still eighteen, paler than usual, with dark circles under my eyes. Everybody thought that I was dead. My mother was weeping; her old love and their only child, who had lived together in Forks, were both gone now, and she had nothing from her past to give her love to.

Then, I was at my mother's funeral, the same scenario playing, with Charlie in my mother's place.

The same happened for my fellow schoolmates. Jessica turned into Mike who turned into Tyler who turned into Lauren, of all people. Each one of them dead, and each time, I was hiding at the back, always with a heavy heart as I watched every single person from my past die. I had nothing but the only thing I claimed that I wanted: forever-Edward.

Edward came to find me curled into a ball on my bed, hugging a pillow and fighting back tears. He had no idea what was wrong, of course, for he could not read my mind. But I had a feeling that Alice had known this would happen, and had told Edward; instead of taking me into his arms and asking what was wrong, he merely sat on the bed, waiting for me to raise my head.

"You are scared," he stated, a shadowy look in his eyes.

I looked up, my eyes red but not yet wet, but remained silent. We had a staring contest, and I lost by looking away so as to fight back my tears.

"I can not believe you Bella! All this time, all this time that you have been asking me to change you…you never had your heart in it! You're scared, because you finally see what I have been trying to keep from you! This hell of a life, eternal darkness, everything that I have said, you have ignored! And when I give in, after all this time, you change your mind as if you were changing your choice of clothing for the day. Am I correct?"

I had never seen him this angry. It was all true. I had lied to him…and now, I was certain, he would never want to be with a lying and fickle-minded girl named Bella Swan ever again.