"It breaks your heart, doesn't it? How close you were? It would break anyone."
Beast Boy broke down completely, then. Starfire was right. He missed Raven more than anything. He would give anything to have what he had with her back.
As big, round tears fell down the bridge of his nose and into his lap, he thought back to the evening that was forever branded in his mind as his favorite few moments.
"I'm sorry," Raven sighed. "I wish I could be more for you. I wish I could feel things. I just... I wish I was more." She looked down at her loosely interlaced fingers and shook ever so slightly.
Beast Boy grabbed both of her icy hands in his and puller her to his chest. He cradled her in his lap and stroked her hair, holding her so tightly that for a moment she felt like her seams wouldn't burst. Like she was contained.
"You are enough for me. You are more than enough for me. You don't have to pretend or wish for me. You are everything. I look up at the stars in the sky, how innumerable they are, the multitudes they contain, and all I see is you. You're everywhere. I am absolutely, most ardently, in love with you, Raven. How you think you aren't all I need astounds me. You're everything." Beast Boy kissed her forehead and lingered for a moment, trying to make that connection last forever.
Raven realized then that she was crying. The tears came silently and left trails as a testimony to her sadness deeply engraved in her cheekbones. But it wasn't all sad this time. It was... Happiness? Something deep stirred within her chest and for the first time in a long time, she felt the warm tendrils of happiness curl around her lungs and ensnare her ever-faster beating heart. As she wept, she threw her arms around Beast Boy and kissed him deeply. "I love you," she declared, and for once in her life, she felt it.
After that encounter, Beast Boy saw less and less of Raven, until one day about a week ago, she retreated into her room and had not been seen since.
Beast Boy tried to peer in once yesterday, desperately seeking solace with the one he knew deep within his bones that he was meant to be with. He saw her sleeping form curled listlessly on her bed. Every surface of her room looked like it needed a good dusting, but other than the crumpled sheets that framed her small form, it appeared immaculate as ever. There were deep circles beneath her eyes, and her cheekbones shown prominently beneath the curtain of hair that fell limply over her face. The curtains were drawn and the room was frigid.
"Rae?" Beast Boy called cautiously. Raven's eyelids fluttered slightly and she frowned, pulling the blankets tighter around herself. "Raven?" He tried again.
This time, Raven woke with a gasp, sitting bolt upright in her bed and looking around frantically before setting her eyes on the confused green boy in her doorway. "Beast Boy..." she half-whispered, eyes going misty with tears. Her face only softened for a moment before she turned over and pulled the covers over her head. "Please go." She said, her voice sounding small and sore.
Beast Boy took a large step into the room, wanting more than anything to comfort his love. A large, black hand rose from over the covers and placed itself on his chest. "I said go." Raven uttered simply, using her telepathic powers to push him out the door and close the door behind him.
Beast Boy stood in the hallway for a moment before crumpling to his knees and crying. He placed his hand up to the cold metal of the door and started begging Raven to let him in. Even from outside, he could feel how cold the room was. He could feel her sadness from the hallway. It killed him to know she was in pain.
He cried, prying and pleading like that for nearly an hour. He had his head in his hands when he felt a hand on his shoulder and jumped slightly, looking up to see Robin looking down at him pityingly.
"There's nothing we can do. She has to want to come out." The leader said.
Beast Boy nodded numbly, wiping his nose on his sleeve and blinking the tears out of his eyes before turning down the hallway and continuing to his own room.
He didn't sleep that night, and when he finally decided to get up in the morning, he found Starfire waiting outside his door. "May I come in?" She asked quietly, folding her arms across her stomach and looking down.
Beast Boy nodded and she glided past him to sit on his bed, gesturing before her for him to join her. He walked forward, not really feeling his feet moving.
They were silent for a moment, and then Starfire looked deeply into his eyes and broke the silence with the statement that broke Beast Boy himself.
"It breaks your heart, doesn't it? How close you were? It would break anyone."
He felt the room spin for a moment and then looked down, watching his lap stain a darker green with the tears that fell from his face. He could only nod.
Starfire placed her hand on his shoulder, and he glanced up. She smiled sadly. "We just have to give her the time to be alone." Her smile wavered as her chin quivered and her eyes filled to the brim with unshed tears. "No matter how much we may miss friend Raven." Her voice broke on the word miss and Beast Boy grabbed her and held her as she, too, cried.
They stayed like that for some time, crying and holding each other. It felt good to show somebody some warmth, and to be shown some in return.
When Starfire was all cried out, she pulled away and held Beast Boy at arms length. "We must only wait." And then she was gone and Beast Boy was alone again. He sighed shakily and flopped back onto his pillows, grabbing one violently to cover his face. He took a deep breath and pressed the pillow hard against his face before screaming into it until his throat was sore and his voice was raspy.
He removed the pillow from his face and looked up to see that long shadows were being cast across his room. How long had he been emotionally unavailable? His watch read 6:02 PM. He lay there in a vague state of shock as the realization hit him, he had been sitting here, completely dissociated, for nearly eleven hours.
Suddenly he heard a gasp and a small cry of fear come from the room that shared a wall with his- Raven's room.
Before he had a second to consider his actions, Beast Boy leapt from his bed and skidded around the corner, barely giving himself enough time to slap a hand to the control panel outside Raven's room before barreling through her door. "Raven!" He cried, sprinting towards her bed.
He found her there, in the throes of a nightmare. Her legs were tangled within the sheets and her face was contorted in pain and fear. Tears trickled slowly from the corners of her closed eyes. Her forehead was broken out in a cold sweat and she shook her head from side to side, muttering things nervously.
Beast Boy walked slowly to her bed and sat on the edge. He cupped her cheek gently and she gasped as her eyes flew open. When she way that the intruder was Beast Boy, she clamored into his lap and began bawling.
Arms wrapped around his neck, she pressed her face deeply into his chest and let herself go.
Beast Boy paused for a moment before crushing her against himself, his heart still pounding viciously against his ribcage. He felt her cry and could do nothing but hold her to him tighter than he ever had before and rock her gently back and forth.
As time progressed, Beast Boy leaned back against the pillows, laying his precious Raven across his chest and stroking her back, letting his thumbs run along the ridges of her spine and ribs.
Beast Boy once again lost track of the time he spent in the vacuum of worry for the purple haired girl he loved with all his might. All he knew was that by the time she had stopped crying, he had memorized every inch of her back. He knew the spaces between her bones where his fingers dipped and the firm tension of her muscles where her tailbone began better than any map he ever could have read. When she rolled off of him, he could feel the energy humming below the surface of his fingertips begging for her warm form back.
The two remained silent for a moment, laying on their sides and looking at each other before Raven whispered hoarsely, "I'm sorry."
"Rae, don't be sorry. It's okay. I just- I want to understand." Beast Boy began, sweeping her hair off of her face, taking notice of how frail and limp it felt. He wondered idly when she had last brushed it.
"I know," Raven whispered again. "I suppose I owe you an explanation, don't I?"
Beast Boy paused, considering. He didn't want to pressure her into explaining herself, but he longed to understand her pain and do anything he could to take the edge off. He nodded.
Raven sighed. "Soon." She promised.
Beast Boy nodded again and stood to leave, not wanting to intrude further. An icy hand wrapped itself around his wrist and he glanced down at the hand before turning his gaze again to Raven. "Don't go," she whispered tearfully. "Not tonight. Please." The look of panic and dread at the thought of spending another night alone was enough for Beast Boy to spend every night for the rest of his life in bed with her.
He placed a hand on top of hers. "I just need to change into my pajamas. I'll be right back." The wild look in her eyes and tightened grip on his arm told him that wasn't going to be an option. "Or, you could come with me." He continued, desperately trying to make this as easy as possible for her.
Raven's wild look disappeared and her face went completely blank. She nodded mutely and climbed out of bed, taking Beast Boy's extended hand and walking with him to his bedroom.
She sat on his bed as he slipped into the closet for a few seconds before reappearing clad in light green sweatpants and a white t-shirt. "Ta-daaa!" He joked, spinning for her to take it all in. Raven simply extended her hand and waited for her cold fingers to be interlaced with Beast Boy's warm ones. They walked back to her bedroom holding hands. She was grateful when he reached up to unlock the panel so she wouldn't have to let go of his hand. It had become her tether to reality and she was not letting that go.
They slipped into her large bed and Beast Boy wrapped his arms around her, pulling her head onto his chest. She was asleep in a matter of minutes, and he followed closely behind, the last thought in his mind being the promise of her explanation.
Soon.