Hello guys!
This is my first story in this fandom, and I'm kinda nervous about it! Hope you'll like it!
English is not my first language, so it'd be cool if you could point out all the mistakes I didn't notice :D
Wrapped up, so consumed by all this hurt
If you ask me, don't know where to start
Anger, love, confusion
Roads that go nowhere
I know that somewhere better
'Cause you always take me there
Take Me Home, by Jess Glynne
The war was finally over. Valentine had been defeated, the Mortal Cup was in safe hands, Jace had returned to the Institute and Jocelyn was awake once again.
Everything was perfect. Even if, actually, it wasn't.
It'd been a year since Simon had betrayed the New York Vampire Clan, and there wasn't day he didn't ask himself how things would have changed if he'd done something different.
He didn't regret his choice, he did what he had to save Jocelyn, and knew that at the time he didn't have any other choice. She was like a second mom to him, she had seen him grow up along with her daughter, and he couldn't stand the thought of never see her again, not now that he couldn't even see his own family.
He didn't regret it, but still, he couldn't stop wondering what would have happened if he'd stayed at the Hotel. Maybe, with a little more time, he would've find a way that wouldn't had force him to betray the vampires, to leave what he was starting to consider home, and to stay away from the only person that had made him reconsider his feelings for Clary.
He didn't regret it, but every time he saw his best friend he couldn't stop feeling some frustration and dissatisfaction crawl inside him. He'd given up everything for her and now, even if he was happy that everyone was safe, he couldn't help but be jealous of her: she got her mother and the boy she loved back, she had friends and a place to live where she could feel safe and at home. And what about him? After his sacrifice he got nothing and instead lost everything . He didn't have a place to go, he still had troubles controlling his murderous instincts and it was a problem to find the blood he needed to feed and subdue his bloodlust. But honestly what hurt the most was to be away from Raphael. The distance felt like a dagger stuck in his chest, and he didn't know if he would ever get rid of it. He'd been in love with Clary all his life, he thought he knew what love was, but he was wrong, and he realized what were his true feelings when it was too late.
Now, he just wanted to see him one last time.
He was trying but he couldn't stop thinking about him, and despite all his efforts he couldn't forget his expression, that "I'm disappointed in you" and the betrayal he read in his dark eyes. Just remember that moment broke his heart over and over again. It was a wound that time wouldn't heal, that kept bleeding and hurting and making him wish he was dead, and this time for real, without coming back.
After the war, after the vampires had helped them during the last battle, he had hoped that their relationship could be fixed, and maybe this time it'd not be just friendship. Simon had tried to apologize to Raphael and the rest of the Clan, but the moment he stepped into the DuMort he'd been attacked by a small group of vamps. He survived just because Clary and Izzy realized what were his intentions and rescued him, even if he really didn't want to be saved: if he couldn't go back home, then at least he'd face the punishment he deserved. Unfortunately, Clary was worried sick about him and wouldn't take her eyes off him.
Now, alone in his cold, dark room, lying on the bed and hugging his pillow, Simon could not stop crying while whispering his name: the name of his mentor, the name of his frenemy, the name of his leader.
And only now, after he had lost him, he knew that it was also the name of his mate.
Raphael.
Clary was worried, and she didn't know what to do.
When Valentine was still around threatening all the Shadow World, she believed that after having dealt with him everything would be perfect once again, but she was so wrong.
Luke and her mother were fine, they had found out that Jace wasn't actually her brother and now they were dating, and things were good for Isabelle and Alec too, especially after they finally started dating who they were in love with, Meliorn and Magnus.
Everything seemed perfect, but it wasn't. She had a problem, she couldn't be happy if Simon wasn't happy, and she didn't know where to start to help her friend.
After he chose them over the vampires it was obvious that Simon was sad and felt guilty even if he still tried to keep going like it hadn't touch him; Clary knew him too well to fell for his act. But after his attempt to apologize to the Clan two weeks ago...he just got worse and worse. He didn't feed like he should, he didn't want to get out of his room, he didn't want to talk to anybody, and he kept crying. She could swear that once she heard him whisper Raphael's name.
Clary sighed again and flopped down on her bed, trying to figure out what was happening to her best friend.
-What are you thinking about?-
Clary jumped a little, startled by the sudden sound.
-You could at least knock...- she complained as she sat up.
Jace just smirked and leaned against the doorframe. -That wouldn't be fun.-
Not really in the mood to play along, she groaned and lied down again.
-I'm worried about Simon...there's something wrong with him, and I don't know what it is.-
The blond blinked quickly, taken aback, then frowned and approached her, sitting down on the edge of the mattress.
-It's been a long year for everyone,- he said reaching out to take her hand -He probably just needs some time to adjust.-
-I don't know...- she turned to look at her boyfriend -We're all tired, a war is never easy, and we still have a lot of things to fix up after all that fighting, but I'm sure there's something more, I feel it.-
He squeezed her hand to help her calm a little -You're overreacting.-
She scowled at him and sat up again -Overreacting?- she looked at him, incredulous -My best friend is not eating, or talking, keeps crying for no reason, I'm pretty sure the last time he left his room was two weeks ago, and you think I'm overreacting? Really Jace?!-
She stood up and started pacing the room. -I thought it had to do with being a vampire and all that stuff, but he seemed fine before the fight at the DuMort. He was sad, sure, but nothing like this!-
-Wait a moment.- Jace frowned again, confused -Fight at the DuMort? What are you talking about?-
Clary stopped in front of him and raised an eyebrow -Uh? Didn't I tell you? Well, after the vampires helped us defeat Valentine, Simon tried to fix our alliance with them, but it didn't go very well. Izzy and I had to drag him out of there before they could kill him.-
Jace stood up, clearly angry -You went alone to face the vamps?! Have you lost your mind?!-
The redhead seemed unfazed by his outburst -I wasn't alone, and I sure as hell didn't have time to call for any backup.-
Jace opened his mouth, ready to protest, but stopped when he remembered what Clary said.
-Simon got like this after seeing the vampires?-
-Yes. So what about it?- she asked without understanding what the boy was getting at.
-Maybe one of the vampires that attacked him was his mate, and he got rejected.-
-Don't be ridiculous. People do not have mates.-
-He's not a normal person, is he? I'm not sure how that works, but relationships are different for Downworlders. From what I got, when they find their mates they just want to stay with them forever and ever.-
Clary was confused. -And you know this because...?-
Jace grimaced, looking away for a moment. -Alec and Izzy...they like to keep me updated about their happy-happy love lives.- he said clearly not pleased about that.
Only then Clary realized that the Lightwood' siblings were actually dating Downworlders. It was pretty odd that she didn't noticed it sooner but, to be honest, she was still struggling with the idea that Simon was one of them now.
-Ok, let's say that this is the case,- she said after a couple of seconds -isn't it a little too much for an unrequited love?-
-It's not so easy.-
Clary's head jerked towards the door, where Isabelle was standing looking at them with mild curiosity. -What's your problem? Don't you know how to knock?- she complained with an irritated huff.
-I kind of overheard your discussion, well, at least part of it.- Isabelle ignored Clary's complains and walked in -I can tell you everything I know about this mates' stuff.-
-And that's my clue to get out of here.-
Jace briefly kissed his girlfriend and then fled the room. Izzy chuckled and sat down on the bed, waiting for Clary to do the same.
-So...what's exactly a mate?-
-It's your partner, like a boyfriend, but with a lot more attraction and commitment. When a downworlder finds its mate, there's not turning back. It's for life, until one of them dies, and sometimes even after that.-
-How that works? You meet someone and you fall in love at first sight?-
-Downworlders fall in love like Shadowhunters and Mundanes. But when they find their mate they just click. Even if there's not love right away, they feel attracted to each other and everyone else stops existing. They need to be together, it can physically hurt to stay separated. And if love blooms, then they bond with their partner.-
-Bond? Like...physically?-
Isabelle laughed, shaking her head -It doesn't have anything to do with sex. You can say that a bond is a connection between two hearts. When the bond is strong enough, mates can even share their feelings.-
-Did you...er...bond with Meliorn?-
-Nope, and I don't think we will anytime soon. It's like a marriage, and even if he says that I'm his mate, we're not ready for a step so important. And it's not so easy to form a bond. There are rituals and ceremonies, everything needs to be perfectly done, and the feelings should be mutual and really, really strong.-
Clary stayed quiet for a moment, attempting to digest all that information, but even if she was trying her mind just didn't want to cooperate.
-Jace thinks that Simon is so depressed because his mate rejected him.- Clary tilted her head, furrowing her brow -Is that possible?-
-Yeah, when you're rejected by your mate it feels like any happiness is ripped away from you, or something like that. And it's not only Jace that thinks that, Meliorn said the same.- When she saw Clary's confusion she smiled -You're not the only one who worries for Simon. So I asked my wonderful boyfriend who happens to know a lot of things if he could give me a hint.-
Clary sighed and started playing with a lock of her hair.
-Honestly, I don't care about all this mates thing; it seems complicated, and I'm not understanding any of it. I just want to know if there's something I can do for Simon.-
Izzy shook her head. -He needs to accept that he can't stay with the person he desires the most. It takes time.-
The redhead ran her hands over her face. -So I can't do anything...- She held back her tears: knowing that her best friend was suffering and that she couldn't do anything about it was more than she could stand. -He sacrificed a lot for me, for my mother, and now I can't even repay him...it's unfair...-
Isabelle hugged her. -You'll see, he'll be up and kicking sooner than you think, and then he'll find someone else to cherish and love.-
When Simon opened his eyes it took him a moment to understand what had woken him. Then he heard his phone's ringtone and groaned.
"Fuck, I can't even mope in peace." he complained reaching out to grab the damn thing. He didn't recognized the number, so he put it down and decided to sleep some more.
He was still trying to relax when it started again. And it kept ringing and ringing even if Simon was ignoring him. It took him six minutes to lose his patience and turn it off.
Finally quiet again, he was about to fall asleep when a sudden purple light lit up the room.
-Who the hell..?!- He pulled aside the covers, ready to yell to whoever decided it'd be a good idea to bother him, but every complain died in his throat when he saw Magnus Bane stand in front of a portal.
-You should really answer your phone when somebody is calling you, Sheldon. Now get up, we have things to do.-
Simon was too shocked and kept staring at the warlock without saying a word. "What the hell is he doing here?"
Understanding that the vampire wouldn't move anytime soon, Magnus frowned.
-I don't have time to waste Samuel! This is about Raphael!-
And just with that Simon was out of the bed and running through the portal.
When he got to the other side he found himself in Magnus' apartment. Alec was there, and when he saw him he raised an eyebrow.
-Why are you half-naked?- he deadpanned.
Only then Simon realized he was shirtless and was wearing just some sweatpants. -Um, I didn't have time to get dressed?- he said, and it sounded more like a question than an answer.
The shadowhunter rolled his eyed and turned to look at Magnus, that was closing the portal.
-Is...Raphael ok?- Simon asked, fearing the answer. He was sure that Raphael didn't want to see him and that he pretty much wanted him dead, so if Magnus brought him there something was clearly off.
-Of course he's not ok, useless fledgling.-
Simon jerked away from that venomous voice, already knowing who it belonged to.
Lily. I missed her so much.
-You really thing you'd be here if it wasn't absolutely necessary? And even if Raph is calling for you, I still think that I should kill you before letting you go near him.-
Simon looked at her with wide eyes, Raphael was asking for him? but he couldn't ask any explanation because Magnus interjected.
-I'd really apreciate if you'd refrain yourself from killing anybody in my house. You're as much as a guest as Sampton, and do I have to remind you that we have more pressing matters to take care off?-
Lily crossed her arms over her chest, but didn't add anything.
-Can someone tell me what the hell is going on? Please?-
Magnus sighed and pointed at one of the doors. -Raphael's in there, badly hurt and poisoned by some kind of demon or whatever.-
-Why aren't you helping him?!-
-I tried.- Magnus narrowed his glowing eyes -But he...-
Lily let out an annoyed huff interrupting the warlock. -He lost it. Right now he's like a feral animal, ready to tear and rip whoever gets too close. Bane had to put a barrier around the room to keep him locked.-
-But,- Magnus interjected -he's repeating your name. Maybe you can help calm him down enough for me to check his wounds and take a sample of the poison to prepare an antidote.-
Simon turned to look at the door and he really didn't need time to think: his mate was so close, was hurt and needed him, there was not a choice to make.
-What do I have to do? Talk to him?-
For the first time since the beginning of the explanation Alec spoke up. -This is a gamble,- he said looking straight into the fledgling's eyes -For what we know he could just kill you the moment you step inside.-
-I don't care, I have to try.-
-Then go ahead.- Magnus said tightening his jaw -I'll open a gap in the barrier, but be conscious that I'll have to close it right away and then you'll be on your own.-
Simon walked towards the room but when he reached for the handle Lily stopped him.
-You're a traitor and I don't trust you, but if you save him...maybe I won't kill you.-
Simon smiled and when he heard Magnus snap his fingers he opened the door and went in.
His eyes got easily adjusted to the dark. He knew that his heart would be beating furiously if it still could. He was nervous, scared, and for he first time since forever he was speechless.
He saw Raphael's black and empty eyes shone in the dark room, and next thing he knew, he was being slammed on the floor, Raphael snarling on top of him. He whimpered in pain and his fangs dropped down without being able to control them.
-Raphael- he whispered -I'm sorry...I...- Raphael pressed an arm against his throat. Simon gasped, trying to breath even if he didn't need to.
A single bloody tear slide on his cheek. -Rafa...- and apparently that was the wrong thing to say because Raphael hissed and yanked his hair forcing him to tilt back his head. And then he bit his neck.
Simon cried out but didn't try to fight back. He closed his eyes and clutched with trembling hands his mate's broad shoulders, ready to face whatever would happen.
Raphael didn't know what was happening to him. Everything hurt, he couldn't figure out where he was, he was angry, hungry, thristy, confused, but that wasn't even the worst part.
There was something he was craving but he couldn't picture exactly what it was. His deside was overwhelming, it set fire to every single drop of blood in his body, clouding his mind and senses and driving him crazy little by little.
What is it?
He growled and hissed, throwing himself against the walls in an attempt to find a way out.
I want it.
He remembered someone coming in his room but they smelled wrong, they weren't what he wanted so he attacked them and chased them away.
I NEED it.
He lost track of time. He didn't know how many minutes or hours he spent pacing angrily in the dark, just waiting for something to happen. He knew he was talking, saying something, but he couldn't even understand his own voice.
And then it finally came to him. The moment the door opened and the guy stepped inside he knew he was what he was yearning for.
His Mate.
He jumped on him and looked at him, taking in every little detail of his face. A part of his mind told him that he already knew this vampire, but he was too far gone to think straight.
And then he said his name.
"Rafa".
Raphael sank his fangs on his tender neck, drinking greedily his sweet-scented blood and the boy surrended without putting up a fight.
So good...perfect...
He put his mark on him, claiming what he wanted, what was his.
He licked the wound clean, watching how it closed, knowing that his poison would keep flowing in his mate's body, screaming to every Downworlder that this cute, little baby was already taken.
He smirked against his neck and then left a trail of little kisses from there up to his mouth. He bit gently his lower lip, and then kissed him fiercely, drinking up his little gasp of surprise.
Mine.
Soooo, this is the first chapter :D I don't know how many there will be, but this shouldn't be very long!
I'm sorry if the explanation about mates is long and/or boring, I tried to keep it short but it didn't work out lol
R&R please! 3