This is what I'm hoping is a funny story

Disclaimer/I can only wished I owned Batman, which if you were wondering I don't

Tim's Pov

Tim did not understand why Bruce insisted he needed a vacation. He was perfectly fine, and mellow like jelly. He was relaxed, and besides he could find a thousand and two different ways he could spend his time productively….in the bat cave; enjoying his summer, for example tweaking the firewall on the bat computer, feeding the bats, sweeping, polishing batarangs etc.

Now since you are more understanding of his mindset. You could see where he was coming from and why he was bitter being squished by two big bodies, while riding economy(how does that even happen! They're billionaires!) on a very stuffy, claustrophobic airplane. And that wasn't even the worst of it, he was babysitting Jason and Dick.

Thinking of Dick and Jason, where exactly where they? Dread suddenly flooding into his brain. Those two alone? Not good. "Oof!" he gasped in surprise, as the old woman beside him slammed a heavy arm into his gut. "You grabbed my chest!" she shouted scandalized. Tim's eyes widen into saucers, involuntarily his eyes drifted to her chest "oww!" he shouted as she smacked him across the head.

Already the two had began to start a scene, and draw attention. Him, against the woman looking to be pushing past seventy. A woman turned to him in disgust, a man glared at him as if to say try that again and you won't have any hands, and Tim didn't even do anything.

"I did not!" He told the older woman indignantly, cringing when the woman raised her hand again. She glared at him, "I have no hope for your generation, all of you there seems not to be any more gentleman in this world. Filthy little boy." She said it with disdain, and looked away.

"Look grandma!" a pretty blonde who he had noticed earlier said in excitement, shoving a magazine in her grandmothers face. The old lady Tim came to silently in his mind calling her hag adjusted her glasses, raising thick eyebrows darkened with pencil liner. She eyed the front page, it was Dick with a playful grin on his lips and his black hair floppy and hanging over his unnaturally blue eyes, the color looked digitally enhanced.

They were not.

"Hmm handsome that boy is," she murmured, tapping his face on the mgazine the paper bent, "grandma!" The girl said annoyed, smoothing out the crease in the paper muttering to herself. "He likes peanut butter!" looking up again, she met Tim's eyes. Her jaw dropped and she began to turn red, waving the magazine and then she began to turn pages hurriedly in excitement until she found one of him. "OMG you're Tim Drake!"

He shook his head in fear. Jason told him about fan girls and their tactics, how extreme they were. His mind began to work in Robin mode. Fangirl, Jason's advice was observe all exits, use physical force if ne-. The hag turned to him with interest

"You're one of those billionaire boys?" He shook his head, people had began to stare, and some began to pull out their cameras. Head began to turn and he became increasingly uncomfortable, he didn't like being noticed he wasn't Dick. "No ma'am." he said politely last thing he needed on the tabloids, Tim Drake Molests older woman and then talks to her rudely. He looked away and began calculating the distance between his seat and the bathroom, when a voice he recognized all to well came over the intercom.

"Testing, texting one two three four." Tim rolled his eyes, "hey everybody this is Dick Grayson chilling with the pilot, I hope everybody is having a smooth flight. I'm signing autographs in the front, and Tim why are you in never mind"

"Sir, sorry but you're going to have to-"

"I'm Bruce Wayne's son."

"I do not care."

"My dad owns this plane!"

"No the -"

"argh"

"Ah" "

noooo!"

Silence. The old woman turned back to Tim, something different in her eyes it almost looked desperate. She grabbed his hand and he moved it expecting a hand shake, but she stilled it with a firm grip and yanked him forward. He fell into her chest, and he heard the sound of a camera.

Annoyed apparently that he wasn't doing anything, she grabbed used the hand she was still holding and place it on her chest. His heart lurched, he nearly had a heart attack when she leaned forward and whispered, "I like filthy little boys." At that moment he felt like dying of embarrassment, wishing he could fall into a dimensional pocket, or melt into a puddle, or something.

Jason's Pov

The flight for him was surprisingly peaceful, but Jason could never get too comfortable because well then the universe would decide he was too happy. The universe did things, to make him unhappy, but damn it he was happy. No Dick hugging him, no replacement giving him a look him for biting his nails. Yeah, life was good.

So good in fact he could actually put his head back and relax, and think about how he could sabotage the replacement's vacation even more. Smiling at how he was the reason for Tim's bad seat. Slouching he put his hands be hide his head, and closed his eyes. Drifting off to sleep, or at least that was his plan.

"Excuse me Mister." He felt a little hand tapping his bicep, he peeked through his lashes to see a little girl. She was cute, with pink chubby cheeks and wild curly hair that looked like it had to be wrestled into the braid she wore, she smiled.

"Go away!" he mumbled closing his eyes again. She tapped his arm again more persistently before climbing onto his lap. "Do you want to play with me?" he tensed feeling uncomfortable with an unknown kid in his lap, to be honest it kinda made him feel like a creep. "I'm sleepy" he said dismissively trying to push her off, but her chubby arms clung to him with a death grip.

She frowned when she realized he didn't want her around her lip began to quiver. "But I'm bored!" She whined, bouncing and throwing a mini tantrum on his lap. He grunted in annoyance as she elbowed his gut. "Wanna play dolls? Draw aliens?" She said suddenly, placing both hands on his cheeks and squishing them together. "You have pretty eyes Mister! They are blue like little oceans…with green! Like little islands!" She began messing with his hair, musing it and messing up his just rolled out of bed look. She began fixing it into two ponytails.

"Where is your mommy?" He tired a different approach through gritted teeth, looking away he noticed the seat that would have been Tim's occupied with a pink backpack. Ah shit, he thought "with the poor people." He flinched, he did this to himself? Rubbing his face he looked at the little girl "go away" She turned to him innocently and he felt his resolve crumbling. She was a cute kid, she held up a Barbie.

He sighed giving in "no dolls," she nodded pulling out her drawing pad and a bag of markers. She snuggled into his chest, and began to draw. He leaned his head back mouthing why.

"Draw with me!"

''no kid, just no."

2o minuets later

"That's ugly!" Jason looked up incredulously at the little girl wrinkling her nose at his attempt at drawing Martian Manhunter. "I'm doing the best I can!" he said peeved. She rolled her eyes, showing him hers. It looked like the little green thing from sponge bob, plankton? "How old are you?"

"Four," he looked to her tiny face as she concentrated on darkening the little martins eyeball and then it's antennas.

"Martian Manhunter doesn't have antennas."

"Yes he does," she said sticking out her tongue as she made his eye even more round.

The girl began to wiggle "what now?" she pulled out his wallet. She began to shuffling through it." You have a lot of money!" she pulled out his ID.

"You are twenty-two?" she turned to him

"can I keep this?"

"no"

"but I want it, please?"

He shook his head taking his wallet, and pulling out a five dollar bill. "What about this?" she grabbed the money happily

"what's you're name?"

"Jason" he said curtly. She snuggled into him, "I'm Olivia." He rolled his eyes, the kid was cute but he didn't want her on his lap." Why don't you get off my lap." She acted like she didn't hear him. She wouldn't budge, when Jason tried to move her again. "Jason?" He looked back at her "what?" "What is seh-ex-seh what is sex?" She said loudly, pointing at his ID.

"Pervert!" A woman shrieked, and began smacking Jason. He reeled back looking startled. "Ouch lady!" He recognized her as the woman he pick pocketed, and switched Tim's ticket with. She grabbed the orange juice (Olivia had insisted he get for her, she never drank it) and poured it on his lap. She pulled Olivia away from him and hugged her closely "Get away from my baby girl!" His eyes widened understanding what the woman was implying, and it looked a lot worse than what it was.

"Did he touch you?" The angry mother glared at Jason. He leaned away from the angry woman, wasn't a pedophile! "Mommy that's Jason! He's twenty-two! His brother is tim and he's a replacment, and his other brother Dick is a Goldie bird with pants too tight they ride up his crot-" Mabey Jason shared too much with the little kid.

"That's enough Olivia!" The mother chided hugging her daughter, and shielding her defensively. "You kidnapped my child! Put her on you lap and tried to molest her! Telling her about ugh! About argh!" He looked at the woman incredulously "what!" he sputtered. People turned to glare at him. "Olivia why were you with this horrible man?"

Olivia looked at her mom as if she were crazy. "Jason is nice!" The mom shot him another look. "pedophiles are always nice" she spat. Jason felt fury and indignant at that comment. "Look lady!" he said annoyed but he never got to say what he wanted to because Dick came over the intercom again. "Jason leave the nice lady alone, and be a gentleman and trade seats."

He growled snatching a martini from a woman beside him and downing it in one gulp, slamming it back down. He would have fought Dick on his request but he wanted to get away from the mother and her kid. Flipping the curtain he made his way to the empty seat in front of Tim and slumped in it. Pulling at his collar, middle class was stuffy and hot.

"Naughty boy!" He looked up and grinned. A old woman was fawning over Tim, she was rubbing his shoulders the replacement tried to lean away, as her hand trailed down his arm to his thigh, and began to rub. She gave him a look that she probably presumed was seductive and Jason choked on his laughter.

Tim glared at him before shutting is eyes and turning beet red, he looked as if he were in agony, his lips moving the replacement was praying. "Grandma!' a girl squeaked and Tim's eyes shot open, he was blushing. The lady had put her hands where she shouldn't. the sound of a camera was heard.

Jason leaned forward and whispered into Tim's ear "so you like them older I see…as long as it gets up? Or is it the experience?" Tim looked at him in horror that quickly escalated to fury. Jason grinned leaning back, and Tim looked down towards Jason to his crotch and the large wet spot on his pants.

"OMG! It's Jason Todd!" Tim smirked.

Well shit, Jason thought the universe wouldn't even let him laugh. There was another sound of a camera flash.

Well I hoped you enjoyed this I couldn't stop smirking when I first wrote this. Please tell me how you feel about this should I continue it? How many of you have ever met a kid like Olivia? Were they out of character? Did this suck? Please review…