Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Firefly or Serenity.
A/N: My first Firefly fic. Wow. I'm actually writing this pretty darn late at night, so most of it is probably crazy talk. But that's why it makes sense! In case you haven't guessed, it's about River, she's breaking down and stuck in a world of her own. Bad things are happening and she doesn't know why… Yeah, hard to explain, so please just R&R and tell me whether next time I should just go to bed instead of trying to write a fic late at night… I would ask if it makes any sense, but if it doesn't then I've done my job. River is my favorite character, there's just something about her, that's why I attempted this fic. So please read and review, tell me what you think, and if you understadn what's happening...:P
"As I was walking among the fires of Hell, delighted with the enjoyments of Genius; which to Angels look like torment and insanity; I collected some of their Proverbs." - William Blake (1757 - 1827)
"Blood"
There was blackness. Then red, so much red. It never stopped and only became more intense the more she struggled. She tried to move away from it but her body felt weighed down, her arms and legs feeling like lead.
Shadows spiraled in front of her, cascading amongst the terrifying redness, they were coming, they were coming! She didn't want to die.
Oh God oh God make it stop! She screamed for help but no one came, no one ever came. She was alone. Alone to drown in this redness, this blood. No, no, no, it was her blood! She could feel it seeping out of her, helpless to stop it. She couldn't feel any pain, no bullet wounds, no shrapnel gashes, nothing. But still it came.
It consumed her and overcame her; she was powerless to stop it. She hated feeling so helpless, so alone.
The endless blackness stretching as far as they eye can see. And beyond. It was cold and lonely and no one understood. No one was interested in your pain, only their own. You couldn't trust anyone but yourself. Or so they said. She felt helpless, she didn't trust herself. They had done things to her, messed with her mind, and now she didn't know what was real and what was an illusion.
Since she was a child she knew things that others didn't. She knew things before they happened. People said she was crazy. They didn't trust her; they didn't trust what she said. She didn't trust what she said. It was as if they were they words of someone else, placed in a corner of her brain awaiting the time when it was safe to come out. But that didn't make sense. That was crazy talk.
She wasn't crazy. No, no, no.
They were still coming, sucking the life out of her as she struggled, lashing out at her, trying to take them with her. She didn't want to go!
She screamed again, her long dark hair whipping against her face as she flung her head around, trying to gain control of her limbs. But they wouldn't let her. They wanted her to come with them. She was special.
Others knew it too, that's why they took her. She was a weapon.
But how can that be? She's just a girl, young and defenseless. She doesn't know what they want; she won't give them what they came for!
She struggled once more, her arms and legs suddenly giving off an electric tingle, pins and needles shooting through them. Her limbs were numb but she refused to give up, thrashing violently until the feeling came back. She pulled her arms free of her imaginary restraints, kicking her legs out at the same time to free them as well.
She flung herself forward, lashing and grabbing at the redness, oh the blood, it was everywhere! But no, she didn't feel any pain, she was okay. She was okay. She flung herself forward, screaming out for help as the redness spread away from her, letting the vivid blackness in again. It was a barrier, the blood. It stopped the blackness getting in, it stopped them getting in.
But now it was going, no more was it resisting to the blackness. Long fingers began to seep through the red blood crevices as she screamed, tears rolling down her cheeks and sticking her dark hair to her pale skin. The elongated fingers and hands reached forward, trying to grab her to pull her into their realm. But no, no, no, she wouldn't let them!
She dived backwards, away from them, refusing to let them have her. She ran though the black and red blood walls, the mixture of shades blurring her vision. It combined with tears as the screaming ceased.
They were after her. She knew they were. And now she knew why.
Strewn bodies covered the floor, their mangled frames lying twisted and contorted.
She froze, vividly aware that the fingertips surrounded, giving her know way to turn back. She sunk back into the red blood wall, the warmth seeping into her and giving her comfort. She felt safe here; felt that no one would hurt her.
Her head slumped forward, she couldn't bear to look at the bodies, they were everywhere. Bodies lining Serenity's halls, the blood from them staining the walls and floor, even the ceiling. It was everywhere and it was her only protection. She didn't understand it; she didn't understand why this had happened.
She didn't know why everybody was dead.
She looked down at the floor; her bare feet were streaked with blood, her bloodied footprints leading from the bodies to where she now stood. Flecks of redness led up her bare legs and tear shaped droplets clung to the jagged hem of her white dress.
She closed her eyes, taking in deep breaths. The putrid coppery smell of the blood filled her nostrils, making her gasp and choke.
She opened her eyes, struggling for breath as she tried to slow her breathing pattern, getting the coppery smell out of her system. She froze, not believing what she saw.
Dark red blood stains, most of it still wet, splattered on the front of her dress. There was so much of it! It was everywhere!
Get it off, get it off! Oh please God make it go away. Make it go away.
She swiped at the blood, trying to get it off but it stained her dress even more until there was barely any of the original white showing.
She didn't know what to do; she flung her arms out to get rid of the hands reaching for her. They stopped, waiting for something. They wanted her to see.
And she did. No, no, no, it was her! She choked and wheezed as she realized what had happened. Remembered seeing the light go out of their eyes seconds after they had begged her to put it down. They begged her to take her finger off the trigger, but she didn't.
She didn't listen, they didn't understand! How could they? They were gone.
They gathered around her, some taking the chance and stepping closer to calm her. They were first.
Others were not so brave; they stood back and let the others speak for them, let them be her judge.
They were meddlesome!
Oh why did she do it? Would it have happened if they had not messed with her mind? Did they make her do this? Oh she didn't know!
The ghostly fingers stretched forward once more, begging her to join them or she would suffer the consequences. They knew what she had done.
They would take her for what she had done.
She wouldn't let them! She didn't know where they would take her, would it be some place that this could happen again? She didn't want anyone else to be hurt because of her.
She didn't want to die. But she had no choice. She had to make it stop or else others will be hurt.
The metal felt warm in her fingers, it was recently fired. She knew that without thinking, without checking. She didn't need to.
Bullet in the brain. Squish, squish, squish. No more. No more pain. Not for anyone.
She raised it up in bloodied hands, guilty hands. She squeezed her eyes shut and waited for the point of impact, waited for her fingers to squeeze around the trigger and end it all. There would be no pain. No nothing. Not ever.
She could her panicked screams erupting from outside the walls of red, beyond the blood. The ghostly fingers reached out more desperately.
Stop! They called. You don't need to do this. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she squeezed her eyes tighter. No! You're wrong!
It's alright! It's alright… It's all over.
The metal was pulled out from the grasp of her hands. She was shaking as she sobbed quietly, falling into his arms. It's alright. I'll never let you go, he told her. Please, please, please, don't cry. Don't cry.
It's over. You're safe.
R&R!