Internal Darkness
Chapter One
WARNING: Trigger for Abuse/Sexual Abuse and Violence.
Emma sat at her desk watching as the clock ticked by. She was sure that it had stopped given that every time she looked at it only a minute had passed. She groaned and put her feet up on the corner of the desk and indulged in a sugary doughnut paired with the biggest mug of stale coffee going. She could sure do with a proper drink and not just of the hot kind either. Emma contemplated her options for a couple more minutes before picking up her phone and texting both Ruby and Belle. Sure enough straight after the message she had sent the message she had received two back confirming their excitement of drinks at the Rabbit Hole later that evening.
A full mug of coffee and two doughnuts later Emma glanced at the clock once again and thanked whatever higher power there was out there that it was time to finally go home. She put her mug in the sink deciding to wash it tomorrow before grabbing her jacket and leaving the sheriff station as fast as her feet would allow. Once she got into her bright yellow bug her phone rang she took one look at the caller ID before answering feeling instantly better hearing that voice,
"Good Evening, Sheriff Swan, I do hope that you have washed up your pots at the station. I would hate to get more complaints filed against you and your tardiness."
Emma could almost hear the smirk on the mayor's face, the mayor who just so happened to also be her girlfriend. The blonde bit her lip as she tried to dismiss the accusation,
"You know I always clean up after myself, 'Gina."
The blonde's ears filled with sarcastic laughter from the offending earpiece to her phone. Damn Regina and her high pitched squeal; she really needed to talk to her about that at some point.
"Very funny dear, that's the best thing I have heard all day. I thought your parents preached about honesty and being of pure mind?"
"Whatever." Emma faked a pout before changing the direction of the conversation, desperate to get home and get ready for the girls night out, "Did you want something specific or...?"
"I just wanted to ask if you could pick up a few things from the grocery store on the way home for dinner? I'm all out of pasta and mince."
"I'm not surprised with the amount of lasagne you make." The blonde shared a giggle with her love before confirming she would pick up the ingredients. "Oh, Reggie?"
Regina knew without even having to see the sheriff that something was coming that she was possibly not going to like, but she held back and braced herself for the fall all the same, "Yes, dear?"
"I'm really sorry but I'm not sure if I'm going to be home for dinner. You see, I've asked Ruby and Belle if they wanted to meet at the Rabbit Hole for a few drinks and a catch up. I haven't seen them for a while and I would ask you to join us but..."
"...You know how busy I am darling and how much I hate that hell hole so I understand, of course I do. Not to worry I will make sure to have some with you for supper when you get home then, how is that?"
Emma's heart swelled and she smiled down the phone. Regina never ate after seven pm so for her to make this one exception and be so welcoming to the idea of her going out to a place she deemed unsuitable and a "hell hole" made her love grow stronger for the mayor of Stroybrooke, Maine,
"Thank you, really. I love you Reggie."
"And I you dear. Now, don't forget the groceries and I will call you probably later on tonight. I highly doubt that I am going to make it home before you go out. I've still got reports to finish and boring town council stuff. You know how it is."
Emma chuckled, which sounded like music to Regina's ears,
"Yeah, I do. I hope you get finished soon so you can relax once you get home and do what you do best. Drive safe later, okay?"
"Okay. You be safe too and call me if you need picking up or anything. Give my love to Ruby and Belle."
"I will do. Bye, baby."
"Bye, dear."
Emma hung up her phone and made her way over to the local grocery store. She hated shopping and was in and out within five minutes. She climbed back into her bug and set off for the mansion on 108 Mifflin Street, pulling up into the driveway before vacating the bug with her brown paper bag of shopping for Regina and heading to the kitchen to put them away safely and in the order that Regina expected.
Once she was sure everything was in order, she went upstairs to their bedroom, quickly discarding the red leather jacket in a heap on the floor. The blonde turned to look at it and grinned, knowing full well that the brunette would be more appreciative if it stayed there rather than on the sheriff. Emma walked over to the large wardrobe that dominated the north wall and peered inside it for something to wear. After five minutes of digging, she settled on a hot pink body con dress that she wore back in her bail bond days in Boston. The blonde smiled fondly at the dress, slinging it over her shoulder before going back in search of the ridiculous high heels to match. She returned to the bed throwing the dress and heels down onto it and shimmied out of her tank top and skinny jeans. It had been a while since Emma had the opportunity to dress up; being sheriff you had to dress for practicality and comfort, not to look good.
The saviour glanced at herself in the mirror, turning this way and that to make sure she was happy with her outfit before taking a seat at Regina's dresser and turning on the curling iron. Whilst she waited for it to heat up, she applied a lighter pink shade of lipstick and some eyeliner just in time to hear the beep to confirm that the iron was now ready. A whole ten minutes later the blonde straight hair had been transformed into loose curls. Satisfied, Emma turned off the iron and placed it on the heatproof mat and added some perfume and a necklace to complete her look. She looked in the mirror once again and smiled to herself, damn she looked good! The blonde whipped out her phone taking a few selfies and body shots for Regina's benefit. She wanted her to see how she looked before getting sweaty dancing at the Rabbit Hole, or "Hell Hole" as the mayor preferred to call it.
Emma gathered her phone and monies, stuffing them into her clutch then took a long look around the bedroom, making sure that everything was neatly put away. She knew that Regina did not really mind if there was the odd thing out of place but if she came into a messy room she used this disapproving stare that did both good and bad things to the blonde. The sheriff quickly bent down picking up her leather jacket and hung it up on the rack behind the door. She had turned off the curling iron, check. Got her clutch, check. Money? Check. Phone? Check. She was all set for her night out with two of her first-ever friends.
The blonde decided to walk to the Rabbit Hole. It was a nice evening and she could do with the air. The sheriff noticed a few heads turning and smiled to herself, knowing that Regina would most probably kill anyone if she even knew that they'd looked at what was rightfully hers. A couple of blisters later Emma arrived at the bar and was almost instantly deafened by two brunette's running and screaming straight towards her with arms outstretched.
"EMMMMMMMMMMMMMA! HIIIIIIIIIIII!"
Emma braced herself, ready for the impact from the two overly excited brunette's. She was sure to go over on her ass otherwise. She had never been one for hugs or contact of any sort but with these two, she could make the exception, oh and Regina, of course.
"Hi! Have you two started without me?!" Emma developed a look of mock shock and hurt but could not keep it up for long, especially seeing Belle's pout.
"Well duh. You know we drink before we go out anywhere! Besides you were taking so long and we were both so thirsty." Ruby placed her hand on her hip in defence causing the blonde to laugh.
"How could I forget? You are world renowned for your drinking skills, Ruby Lucas."
Belle finally caught up to the situation and gave them both a pointed eye roll, dragging them over to the bar,
"Honestly? Are you two just going to banter the whole evening or are we actually going to drink and dance?!"
It was Emma's turn to eye roll. Of course they wanted to dance, something the blonde never really enjoyed doing but for tonight she was sure she could manage one or two numbers. The music in this place was usually old and needed some serious updating, something that the owners had finally done.
"I'll have a beer then, if that's your way of offering. Thanks Belle." Emma winked and smirked as Belle turned her attention to the taller brunette who also confirmed she too would have a beer.
Once the trio all had drinks, Ruby spotted a booth and made a beeline towards it, holding onto Belle's hand who had hold of Emma's. They had reached the vacant booth just in time before a group of other drinkers and sat down, earning a few comments from the others. Ruby glared and sneered at the guys daring them to come on over and say something to their faces rather than behind their backs. Emma just took another mouthful of beer not letting them ruin her night.
"Jerks. Anyway, how was your day? How's things with Regina going?"
Belle fired away the questions over the loud modern dance music the sheriff had only just got what she was asking and most of that was down to lip reading. If they wanted to have this kind of catch up then maybe meeting at the bar was not the best plan. Emma smiled lovingly at the mention of Regina's name that almost sounded like a melody coming from the Aussie's lips.
"My day was very boring and unproductive. As for Regina, she's great. We both are." Emma could feel her pale complexion turn a hot pink. She guzzled down the rest of her beer at an attempt to disguise it as "beer flush."
Ruby smirked, catching onto Emma blushing and nudged Belle just as she was taking a good mouthful of her drink, and as a result, she ended up spilling half of it down her top. She gave Ruby a look and a light shake of the head.
"You are lucky this is not one of my favourites!"
"Oh shut up and look at our Sheriff blushing over you mentioning you know whooooo!"
Emma pouted and threw a tissue at the pair before jumping up and gesturing over to the bar, seeing as it was now her turn to get the round in. Ruby went for a cocktail whereas Belle stuck to the beer which surprised the blonde. She needed something a bit stronger herself so decided to join Ruby in whatever the hell she had asked her to order. The sheriff set up a tab at the bar, knowing that the trio would be staying there for a while.
Once she got their drinks, she headed back to her two friends, being careful so not to spill or bump into people. When she got back to their booth, she set the drinks down and slid back into her seat, eyeing her and Ruby's cocktail suspiciously. Ruby raised a brow at Emma and exchanged a look with Belle.
"It's a cocktail, Emma. You know like a mixture of spirits?"
The blonde glared at the wolf playfully as she brought the glass up to her lips taking a slow tentative sip coming to the conclusion that it was not all that bad
"I know what a cocktail is, Rubes. I just know you and your definition of one." Emma smirked at Ruby's offended look, 'causing the younger of the trio to snort with laughter
"She does have a point; I wouldn't drink anything that you recommend."
Ruby rolled her eyes and took a long sip until the next song came blaring out of the sound system. Her eyes lit up and she was on her feet, dragging both Emma and Belle onto the dance floor.
"I LOVE this song!"
The sheriff was thankful that the cocktail did have a fair amount of alcohol in it. She would not have been up dancing otherwise. She could feel eyes on her but with another quick sip she soon forgot and let the music take over her body. She soaked up the atmosphere and tried to make sure that she would not forget this experience, having never been dancing in a club until very recently. She brought her attention back to her two friends and saw Ruby grinding upon Belle and rolled her eyes. It was about time! She could so tell that the librarian and the wolf fancied each other; she just did not realise how long it would take for them to act upon it. Perhaps the alcohol gave them that final push. She continued dancing and her eyes flew open to Belle in front of her and Ruby behind both grinding and dancing happily Emma laughed and held onto Belle's hips pulling her closer earning a low growl in her ear from the wolf. She titled her head back so she could talk to her,
"Don't worry Rubes, I have a woman at home. I will not steal yours."
"That's a shame Sheriff. I was going to invite you back to my place later." Ruby winked, 'causing the blonde to almost choke on her drink.
The music faded out and the sound of the last orders bell filled the bar the sheriff dug her phone out of her bag and realised that it was nearing on for 3am. She quickly drank the last of her drink and went into the bathroom to phone Regina. It was not in her intentions to be out so late and she remembered that there was lasagne waiting for her when she did get back home. The mayor answered on the third ring,
"Regina I'm so sorry baby I didn't realise the time!"
"It's okay dear. Are you having fun?"
"It's not okay. You're clearly still awake waiting for me to come home. I should have kept a closer eye on time..."
Regina was not upset or annoyed at her love. She was quite the opposite she was glad that Emma was letting her hair down and enjoying herself for once and that made her happy.
"Emma, really it is okay. I'm just happy that you're having fun. I hope Belle and Ruby are taking care of you?"
"Of course they are. They can't seem to stop bumping and grinding on me though." Emma smirked down the line at hearing Regina's mock gasp of shock and horror
"I will be having words with Miss Lucas and French tomorrow for that matter!"
"Eh, they're harmless. I just wished it was you doing the grinding that's all." Emma's smirk turned into a grin.
"Sheriff Swan! Is that anyway to talk to your boss?"
Emma laughed. She could almost see the eye roll and grin that was currently plastered all over her girlfriend's face.
"Oh, I am sorry Madame Mayor. Please do forgive me?"
"I will sort out some punishment for you Sheriff. For now, go and enjoy the rest of your night. I'm sure they will be closing soon. Do you want me to come and get you?"
The blonde smiled lovingly at Regina's offer but she was sure to be safe walking with Ruby and Belle. The mansion on Mifflin Street was not too far away from Ruby's place so she shook her head.
"No, it's okay, baby. I'll walk with Ruby and Belle. You stay there where it's nice and warm and I will see you soon, okay?"
Regina worried her brow. She did not like the thought of Emma walking home alone when it was so late and intoxicated. She just sighed softly and respected her love's wishes.
"Okay, dear. Be safe. I will see you soon. I love you."
"I love you too, 'Gina."
Emma was surprised that Regina actually ended the phone call first. Usually she was the one who had to do that, because the brunette would say, "I don't want to stop hearing your voice," which warmed Emma to the core. She put her phone back into her clutch and went back to the dance floor, finding her friends at the bar getting the last drinks in for the evening. Emma went over to them and joined them in taking shots. After the first five she lost count, Belle dropped out having had enough but she turned into the official shot photographer getting plenty of what would be incriminating evidence of the town's sheriff giving Ruby a run for her money. Belle asked the bartender to get some more shots lined up for the two elder women but he responded by telling her that they were waiting to close. Emma looked around and noticed that they were now the last ones in the bar and mumbled her apologies before paying her tab and stumbling out of the Rabbit Hole with the two brunettes.
When they approach Granny's, the sheriff was trying her best to assist Ruby in keeping Belle somewhat upright. She could not help but laugh once or twice as she fell over her own feet on numerous occasions. She helped Ruby up the path and opened the door for them before turning to her,
"Are you going to be okay, or do you need a hand to get her into bed?"
"I've never had any trouble with other people," Ruby winked but then smiled at her friend's offer. "No, it's okay I've got this. Thanks though, Em. It was really great seeing you let your hair down for once."
"I had a great time. Perhaps we could do it again soon?"
"Like you even need to ask! Give me a text when you get in so I know you're safe."
And with that, the leggy brunette ushered the very drunk Belle into the house. She turned to see Emma stumbling slightly down the path and cursing at her heels.
The sheriff realised that the garden path had gone dark, a sign that Ruby had now closed the door. She stumbled down the rest of the street wondering what the hell she was thinking wearing heels this high when she knew she was going to be dancing and drinking. Emma looked up and realised she was not that far from home now, so she kept her pace, trying to get to the safety of the mansion where she could kick off her heels and not see them again for a while.
As she rounded a corner a man came flying out from the alleyway and clamped a hand firmly around her mouth. Emma tried to scream and fight the person off. She did not need to see the person to know it was a man. She could tell that from the size of the hand and the strength he had as he pulled her roughly down into the dark depths of the alley.
"Do not make a sound! If you do I will slice your fucking throat ear to ear! Do you understand?!"
The blonde was thrown to the floor against the wall, landing with a hard thump. She banged her head and everything went dark. When she came too she felt the heavy weight of the man on top of her trying to get into her panties. She quickly raised her knee and impacted him in the stomach trying to by time to escape, but all the man did was laugh and pin her down by her throat. He snarled at her his breath smelt of nothing but cigarettes and alcohol and a sickly sweet cologne. Emma thought she recognised his voice but she could not be so sure.
"You stupid little bitch, you haven't learnt anything have you?! Well let me remind you of what it means to be a good little girl Emma."
Emma's mind shot back to her last foster home where the so-called Father would constantly abuse her in many different ways. She remembered that once he had come into her room and forced his penis into her mouth threatening her that if she did not do what he wanted then he would kill her. When he finally left her, she quickly gathered her stuff and left in the dead of night and never returned. She felt sick. Surely it wasn't...? The cologne, the voice, the look of him... "Let me remind you of what it means to be a good little girl Emma." The blonde reached around her feeling something heavy in her pal. She did not even stop to think. This was not going to happen to her again. She lifted the object and with one swoop of her arm she hit him over the head and kicked him square in the stomach using all of her strength to get back on her feet she kicked him again. She kicked off her heels picking them up and ran back to the mansion with tears and blood streaming down her face.
Regina was startled awake from her nap she had not meant to fall asleep as she waited for her better half, but it was late and she had a hell of a day in the office. As she descended the steps into the foyer she heard crying and Emma heavy breathing she threw all caution to the wind and skipped two steps until she was at the bottom and found her way to the blonde heap on the floor she flicked a lamp on and noticed she had blood on her and her dress was ripped. Regina quickly dropped to her knees and went to embrace the blonde who looked so broken and fragile in that moment. As strong olive skinned arms made contact with the fragile porcelain doll, she flinched away and recoiled in herself causing the mayor to retracted her arms and try soothing her down with her voice alone.
"Sssh, Emma... It's okay, I'm here. You're okay"
Emma shook her head violently. She had sobered up very quickly and all together too soon for her to handle the situation she had found herself in. How had he found her? How did he get into Storybrooke and why the hell could he not just leave her alone and let her get on with her life? She had done nothing to him, not one thing. She endured years of abuse and torture and never once spoke out of line or complained about the way he spoke to or treated her. She was "a good little girl."
"It's not okay! It's never going to be "okay!" I'm broken and I'm never going to be fixed!" Emma sobbed uncontrollably.
Regina just wanted to wrap her up in her arms and protect her from the world. She wished she could cast a spell and take all over her worries and bad memories away from her but at the same time she knew that is why Emma is well, Emma and she would not change her for anything. Regina held onto Emma's hand and she took it as permission to be touched. She got to her feet and gently helped Emma up before leading her up the stairs and into the bathroom to get cleaned up. She did not want to ask too many questions right now, given the state Emma was in, and she knew that the blonde would open up and talk about what had happened when she was ready. The sheriff relaxed into Regina's embrace and held onto her for what seemed to be an eternity as the mayor took extra special care to not frighten or make her jump. She slowly washed her face free of now smudged make up and dried blood. Then she ran a soft-toothed comb through her knotted hair and put it up in a ponytail out of the way. Regina sat her down on the seat in the bathroom whilst she went into the bedroom and came back with fresh pyjamas, handing them to Emma.
"Do you want me to...?"
Emma shook her head no. She did not want to be left alone. If there was anyone that she could trust not to abuse her it was Regina. The mayor slowly stepped forward as Emma stood and unzipped the back of her dress giving it a gentle tug to encourage it to pool at the floor. She did turn her back to give Emma some privacy. She did not want to seem like she was imposing or abusing the situation of Emma being so vulnerable. The blonde appreciated Regina's understanding and she stepped forward, now clad in silk pyjamas before following the brunette into the bedroom. Regina pulled back the covers and tucked Emma in she looked into forest green pools, noticing nothing but sadness and vulnerability shining back. She had so many questions running around in her mind. What had happened to the happy Emma she had spoken to only an hour ago on the phone? Why did Emma have blood on her and why was her dress torn? Then it all fell into place and clicked. Regina felt her heart sink and bile rise up in her throat she did not want to alarm Emma, but at the same time she wanted to go out there and find who the monster was that did this to her love.
The blonde smiled weakly up at her loyal girlfriend before taking hold of her hand once again. She couldn't say anything, but she did not have to for Regina knew everything she wanted to say from those eyes.
"You're welcome. Try and get some sleep dear. I'm going to be here when you wake up, okay?"
Emma just nodded. She was so tired, but the likelihood of getting any sleep for tonight, or the nights to come was pretty slim. She closed her eyes and gave into the surrender of the remains of alcohol in her system. Regina could not and would not sleep. She wanted to be true to her word and be there for her Emma instantly should she ever need her. She wished to herself that she could have done more. She should have gone to meet her from the bar. She should have protected her more.
No, you cannot do this to yourself Regina. You need to be strong for Emma, for yourself. This was not Emma's fault but it also wasn't yours.
Regina's thoughts whirled around in her mind, never settling. She glanced over at the sleeping blonde and her heart shattered into a million pieces, seeing tears rolling down her cheeks, which were paler than usual.