The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters is off to the hospital with food poisoning. Not even this idea is mine. Several people have asked me to do this. Several more have asked me never to write again. But it doesn't matter. I just usually listen to whatever the voices in my head tell me to do. And now they tell me to give Kitty Pryde a taste of her own medicine. Or in her case…
Taste of Your Own Poison
"RUN! RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Kurt teleported into the living room of the Xavier Institute. "EVERYONE RUN!"
"Kurt calm down," Scott said. He was watching TV with Rogue, Jean and Bobby. "What's going on? Are we under attack?"
"In a way yes!" Kurt said. "Come on! You have to get out of here!"
"Kurt calm down," Jean said. "Who's attacking us? The Brotherhood? Juggernaut? Magneto?"
"Worse!" Kurt shouted.
"Don't tell me Apocalypse is loose again," Rogue groaned. "Or those stupid Sentinels."
"No, worse than that!" Kurt said in an extremely panicked voice.
"What could be worse than Magneto, Apocalypse or Sentinels?" Bobby asked.
"Who wants to try my casserole?" Kitty's voice could be heard down the hall.
"I really have to learn to stop asking stupid questions like that," Bobby sighed. "RUN FOR IT!"
"Every man for himself!" Scott yelled as he leapt off the couch.
"Women first!" Jean snapped as she used her telekinesis to hold Bobby and Scott into place until she ran out of the room.
"JEAN!" Scott snapped. "SOME GIRLFRIEND YOU ARE! WHAT ABOUT STICKING TOGETHER THROUGH THICK AND THIN?"
"Obviously there are exceptions to every rule!" Jean yelled as she ran down the hallway.
"JEAN YOU ARE SO DEAD!" Bobby snapped. He ran after her. "I'M GONNA GET YOU FOR THAT!"
"NO, YOU WON'T!" Scott yelled. "AT LEAST NOT WITHOUT MY HELP!" He ran after Bobby.
"Rogue! Run! Save yourself! Kitty is on another cooking rampage! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Kurt screamed before he teleported away.
"Oh for crying out loud…" Rogue grumbled and got off the couch. She decided to take matters into her own hands. "If you want something done around here…"
She walked to the kitchen. Kitty had some kind of cream colored casserole bubbling on a table. "Oh Rogue! I'm so glad you're here! You can taste this casserole I just cooked! For some reason I can't find anyone."
"Because as we speak the rest of the students are barricading themselves in the Danger Room to get away from your cooking," Rogue said. "Seriously Kitty, have you not figured out after all this time that you just can't cook?"
"I know I have had a few setbacks with my cooking…" Kitty said.
"Kitty, restaurants that have outbreaks of salmonella and food poisoning when a food critic arrives have a few setbacks with cooking," Rogue said. "You are a disaster."
"I'm getting better!"
"No. You're not. Kitty, I am your friend and roommate. But most important of all I'm tired of everyone acting like scared rabbits every time you walk into a kitchen," Rogue said. "You can't cook."
"Oh come on, Rogue! Just try my casserole," Kitty asked.
"You first," Rogue gave Kitty a look.
"Seriously Rogue," Kitty said.
"No, I am serious!" Rogue snapped. "You taste your own cockamamie creations first! And if you're still alive maybe I'll consider tasting it!"
"Well maybe I will!" Kitty snapped. "And then you'll see that my cooking is not that bad!"
"I doubt it!" Rogue said.
"You doubt that my cooking isn't bad?" Kitty asked.
"No, I doubt that you're dumb enough to eat your own cooking!" Rogue glared at her.
"Well you don't know how dumb I can be!" Kitty snapped back. "Wait a minute…"
"So eat it yourself," Rogue pointed to the casserole.
"Maybe I will!" Kitty snapped.
"Yeah right!" Rogue snorted.
"You think I won't do it?" Kitty snapped.
"I know I won't do it!" Rogue said.
"Oh so then you're the chicken!" Kitty pointed out.
"No, I'm just smart!" Rogue said. "I spent enough time in the infirmary. I don't need any more!"
"My cooking does not make people sick!" Kitty snapped.
"Yes, it does," Rogue said.
"No, it doesn't!" Kitty protested.
"Then eat it!" Rogue snapped.
"I will!" Kitty snapped.
"Go ahead!" Rogue pointed.
"I will go ahead!" Kitty snapped. "I am going to eat this all by myself and you will be sorry!"
"I doubt it," Rogue snorted.
"I'll do it!" Kitty protested. "You know I will!"
"Bon appetite," Rogue said.
"You are going to be so sorry you missed out on this," Kitty fumed.
"Yeah I'm really gonna miss food poisoning," Rogue said.
"There is nothing wrong with my food," Kitty protested.
"Then eat it!" Rogue pointed. "Prove it!"
"I will!" Kitty said. "I am going to eat this entire casserole! And you can't have any!"
"I don't want any," Rogue said. "Just like I don't want violent diarrhea."
"What's going on?" Scott asked as he poked his head into the kitchen door with Kurt. Rogue and Kitty kept arguing.
"I don't know…" Kurt blinked. "But I got a feeling whatever's going to happen is not going to end well."
"My food is good! I'll prove it!" Kitty snapped.
"Then prove it," Rogue pointed. "It's only going to get colder with your stalling."
"I'm not stalling!" Kitty snapped.
"Then eat it!" Rogue snapped.
"Fine! I will!" Kitty took out a fork and knife. She sat down in front of the casserole.
"Hold on!" Kurt took out his video camera phone. "I gotta record this! Okay, I'm ready. Now go!"
"See? Kurt is recording this as proof that my cooking is not some super deadly thing," Kitty pointed.
"No, I just wanted to get your last moments on tape," Kurt said. "If you die can I have your video games?"
"Kurt!" Rogue rebuked. "She promised those to me!"
"Very funny guys! But I'm not going to die eating my own cooking!" Kitty snapped.
"Of course not," Scott said. "But just in case we do have the infirmary on standby don't we?"
"Oh you are sooooo funny, Scott," Kitty growled as she cut into the casserole. Or tried to cut into it. "I think maybe I overcooked it."
"HA!" Rogue scoffed.
"No, it's fine! I just have to cut under the cheese and potato and pickle crust!" Kitty snapped.
"What kind of casserole is this?" Kurt asked.
"Vegetarian Surprise Casserole," Kitty said as she got some food on her knife.
"And the surprise is that there are actual vegetables in it?" Rogue asked.
"No, I think the surprise is the stomach cramps you get," Scott remarked.
"You guys think you're sooo funny," Kitty said as she bravely took a bite. "See, nothing!" She chewed and swallowed it. She then had a perplexed look. "Wow, you can really taste the strawberries and kale!"
"Strawberries aren't vegetables," Rogue said.
"Well that's the surprise isn't it?" Kitty snapped. Then she blinked. "Hang on." She ate another bite and chewed. "Hmmm…It does have kind of an unusual aftertaste…Maybe I put in too much pickle juice?"
RRRRUMMBBBLLLEEE!
"From the sound your stomach is making I'm guessing that the answer is yes," Rogue pointed to the offending organ.
"That's not my stomach…" Kitty winced. "Oh wait that's…" She shot up. "Excuse me! Gotta go!" She held her mouth and ran out the door.
"Oh I gotta get this on video!" Kurt laughed as he chased after Kitty.
"Well I've got nothing better to do," Scott admitted. "Are you gonna come watch Rogue."
"Nah I got a more important thing to do," Rogue told him.
"What's that?" Scott asked.
"I'm going to destroy all of Kitty's cooking supplies and recipes," Rogue said pointing to a group of pots, pans, some notepads and recipe books.
"Good call," Scott sighed.
"Yeah. Where do we keep the matches?" Rogue asked.
"I dunno but there's a spare flamethrower in our garage," Scott told her.
Meanwhile Logan pulled up into the garage on his motorcycle. He noticed Hank crouching down behind several trash cans. "This is going to be one of those days…" He sighed.
"Logan! Quick! Hide!" Hank waved.
"Hank? What are you doing?" Logan asked as he got off his motorcycle.
"Oh just hiding," Hank said nervously as he stood up. "Uh word of warning, Kitty made a casserole and…"
"Oh boy…" Logan winced. "I got it. She's cooking. You're hiding by the garbage cans. Not a good place if you consider the quality of Half Pint's cooking."
"You have a point," Hank sighed.
"Where's Charles?" Logan asked.
"He and Storm took off somewhere the minute they heard Kitty was in the kitchen," Hank grumbled. "And the New Mutants have barricaded themselves in the Danger Room. Which asks the question where have you been all morning?"
"I was going for a ride when Fury popped up and wanted to talk to me," Logan grumbled.
"Trying to get you to do more of SHIELD's dirty work?" Hank guessed.
"Ah nothing like that. Fury's trying to rope me into this new team of heroes he's got cooked up," Logan waved. "Don't worry. There's no way in hell I'm gonna do it. And I made my point."
"AAAAHHH! RUN!" A herd of Jamie dupes ran by.
"Run for it! They're gonna kill us!" Ray shouted as he ran after them with Sam and Roberto.
"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS LOCKED US OUTSIDE THE DANGER ROOM!" Bobby yelled as he chased his friends in full ice form.
"WELL YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO BREAK THE DOOR DOWN!" Sam yelled in terror.
"Oh yes we did!" Jean snapped. Her hair was standing up on end and all frizzed out. "Just like I have to kill you for what you did to my hair!"
"Jean I said we were sorry! We thought you were Kitty!" Ray yelled. "And it was only a minor electric charge!"
"How about a minor telekinetic wedgie?" Jean yelled.
"YEOW!" Ray screamed.
"Ohgodohgodohgodohgod…" Kitty phased through the garage wall and opened up a trash can just in time to vomit into it.
"YEAH! Payoff!" Kurt laughed as he teleported in with a video camera.
"You were right. The trash cans were a lousy place to hide," Hank winced at the sight and smell.
"What's going on here?" Logan shouted.
"Karma," Scott said as he entered the garage.
"Hmmmm, Hmmmm…" Rogue walked by humming a cheerful tune. She was carrying a box full of pots and pans. She went outside.
"That's it! You want a war! You got it!" Roberto was heard yelling. "Eat hot fire Ice Breath!"
"BRING IT ON!" Bobby yelled. Sounds of mutant powers running amok could be heard.
"Da, da, dah da, dah da dee…" Rogue walked by cheerfully back into the garage. She opened a nearby locker and took out a flame thrower. Then cheerfully went outside again with the weapon.
"Why do we have a flame thrower in the garage?" Hank asked.
"Oh that. I must have confiscated it from Pyro once and forgot to dispose of it," Logan admitted.
"And you just put it in the garage?" Hank asked.
"I didn't think anybody would use it!" Logan snapped. "Wait, why is Rogue using it?"
"She's going to destroy Kitty's recipes and cooking supplies," Scott explained.
"Good call," Logan remarked.
"Oh I so have to show this to Toad," Kurt laughed as he filmed Kitty. "Better yet I'll sell him a copy of this!"
"Don't forget to sell a copy to Alvers," Scott said. "He might appreciate it too."
"Kurt Wagner you do that and you are a dead fuzzy elf," Kitty put her head up, obviously finished expelling her own culinary creation.
"Too late! Now to put this on Me Tube!" Kurt laughed as he ran off.
"You do and you die!" Kitty snarled, getting her second wind and chasing him.
"Huh, I guess Kitty has some immunity to her own cooking," Scott said. "Most of us would be knocked flat after a couple of mouthfuls of her stuff."
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"And it looks like Berserker's been knocked flat," Logan sighed as they went out to see the mayhem occurring.
"I am not cleaning this up," Hank winced as he saw the students fight on the lawn.
"You may not have to," Scott pointed.
"BURN! BURN! BURN!" Rogue laughed as she set several cooking utensils and recipes on fire. "Crap. I think I've absorbed Pyro one too many times. Oh well. MUAH HA HA HA!"
"Come back here and die like a man Kurt!" Kitty shouted.
"What you're going to feed me more of your casserole?" Kurt laughed as he ran.
"Put a sock in it…Uh oh…." Kitty winced and stopped. "I think I'm going to be sick again."
And she was. Right in the path of Sam who was running for his life. "Sam watch out! You could…"
VRRRRRRROOOMMMMMMM!
"AAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"
CRASH!
"Slip on her vomit, activate your powers and crash into a wall…" Scott moaned. "Good thing we have our contractor and a construction crew on speed dial."
"On the other hand I suppose it couldn't hurt to give the Avengers a trial period," Logan said. "Maybe try it out a couple of weekends? See how it goes."
"Can I go with you?" Hank moaned.