Summary: Erin said goodbye to Jay many times before but his last goodbye was something she'd never forget. A sequel to That Was Once Us.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything at all.
So this took a while to write but the idea all came from the song One Hell of An Amen by Brantley Gilbert and wanting to do a semi-sequel to my story That Was Once Us. I hope you all enjoy it. I'm not too sure about it. I wrote it and then rewrote it three times before I settled on this version. I hope you all like it. Let me know please!
Our Last Goodbye
"And so be well my friend till I see you again
This is our last goodbye but it's a Hell of an Amen"
-Brantley Gilbert-
Gaining the courage to show up at the Voight's house hold after three weeks made it known he wasn't going anywhere and he didn't go anywhere. Every other day or so, the young could would hang out- in the sight of Camille or Hank- or on date's that Hank personally dropped Erin off too.
At first Hank declared it was too much. Why do two young teens need that much time together? What about friends to hang out with? Camille just stated time and time again that they were young and in love to Hank's complaints.
Jay's senior year of high school ended fast, super fast. Jay and Erin hated what was going to happen. They'd have just the summer left to hang out before Jay was shipped off for twelve weeks of training for the Army Rangers.
The summer was horrible. They fought constantly. Half the fights both wonder why they're still holding on tightly with each other and the other were what exactly they were fighting about.
But one night changed it. It gave them promise for more to come for them.
"Erin," Jay sighed nervously. He leaves tomorrow and it's going to kill him on the inside. This was his goodbye to her for now. Jay couldn't imagine Erin going to the gate with him because he didn't think he'd be able to say goodbye seeing her break down like she would. Although she is strong, this was a breaking point for both of them.
Erin was nervous, completely nervous. Her mind wondered to the many thoughts that could happen to Jay and she couldn't help it. He was acting so calm about it and she on the other hand was silently freaking out.
"What?" Erin hissed pulling away from him. Hank finally- well more likely Camille informed him when Erin already left- allowed Jay to pick her up for a date night.
"What's going on in the pretty little mind of yours?" Jay didn't let her pull away. In preparation for leaving his father has been pushing him at the gym even harder than before getting him prepared for whatever he will face and Jay used this to his advantage. He grabbed ahold of Erin's arm and pulled her back, closer than before, tilting her head up so he could look at her.
"I don't want you to go, Jay." Erin admitted. She hated that she didn't want him to go. Erin knew Jay would be great in the Army but the thought of him leaving her behind killed her. "I want you to stay."
"Baby," Jay felt horrible. Does he please the girl of his dreams or does he follow his dream? "I love you. Me going away is not going to do anything to us. I know us, this is going to be hard, but I know we will make it."
Erin still struggled. She would be able to write him, and she was planning to daily, but not speak on the phone. That would be difficult. "I love you too." Erin smiled softly.
"Happy thoughts only, okay?" Jay promised. "I know someone who is starting her senior year tomorrow."
"Don't remind me, please." Erin groaned. She didn't know what her future held so starting senior year was not in her mindset. All her friends were discussing what college's they're planning on applying too and Erin didn't even think about that yet. Her college dreams revolve around where Jay will be stationed after bootcamp. His future was her future.
"Oh come on, Er. Senior year is exciting." At least it was for him. "Prom, senior skip day, college tours and the freedom to leave school for lunch. What can be more exciting than that?"
"You not being here for any of that." Erin mumbled sinking into his side. "I don't want you to go, Jay." Erin felt the tears fall and she didn't know how to stop them.
"Erin, baby, don't cry." Jay hated this. The Army Rangers have always been a dream to him. It was what he pictured himself doing since he was little. But with Erin in the picture, he still wanted to become a Ranger, but with Erin by his side. "Please?"
"I'm sorry," Erin hugged him tighter.
"Don't be." Jay understood everything and was not going to hold it against her. "Now since I am missing your first day of senior year I got you something."
"Jay, it's only high school." Erin smiled at Jay's thoughtfulness. He was always thinking of her, no matter what.
"Well think of it more as a gift for you to remember me for the next twelve weeks because I don't know how you're going to live without seeing my face for the next twelve weeks." Jay smirked cockily.
"Bring it down a notch there, Jay. We don't need your head exploding from being too full of yourself."
"Funny." Jay countered her reaching over the bench seat to the little area in the back between the truck's bed and the bench seat. He pulled out a teddy bear that looked like it was made at Build-a-Bear, a store he hated but dragged his little sister for this one time, wearing a camouflage outfit with a little box tied to it's hand. "Here. I wanted to do this a little better and all but I'm not exactly sure how too."
Jay opened the box slowly and looked at Erin the entire time. "Jay…."
"Erin, it's a neckless. Some infinity shit that the lady at the jewelry store said is for promises." Jay continued on. "It's a promise that in sixty days when I'm done I'll still be there for you, no matter what. Then after that, who knows what the future holds but I know i can promise I want you next to me for whatever it takes us."
The infinity neckless was outlined in silver with diamonds following the shape. It was simple yet beautiful.
"It's gorgeous, Jay."
"My sis helped me pick it out cause I'm not good at the whole jewelry thing but when I saw it I needed it for you." Jay felt a weight lift off his shoulders when Erin admitted to liking it.
He was pulled in for a kiss by Erin, "thank you, Jay."
"I love you Erin and I promise I'll be back." Jay gave Erin a kiss before having to drive her home.
The car ride was silent, deadly silent. Erin just sat in the middle of the bench seat resting her side into him.
Pulling up to Erin's house, Jay immediately noticed Voight standing on the front porch waiting for him. "I love you Erin and I'll be home before you know it."
"I hope." Erin frowned. "I don't want you to go, Jay."
"And trust me, Er, I don't want to leave you. I'll call you before I take off tomorrow, okay? We'll be okay, I'll be okay and you will be okay." Jay brushed her hair out of her eyes. "Now I think you better go before your dad pulls you out of this car."
Erin slowly left the car and walked up the stairs, "Dad he'll be okay, right?"
Voight sighed not even sure how to respond to it. "Yeah, I think he'll be okay, it's only training."
That was only the first goodbye out of many and they all started to feel the same.
_XOX_
"She's not going, Cami! She can wait the two extra days for him to come home." Voight was upset. Holidays were to him, for family only. His parent's were coming in from the suburbs and even Camille's sister with her husband and kids were coming up.
"She saved up her own money, Hank." Camille stated calmly. "She saved up to fly down for his graduation. The least we can do is let her go. She will be with his parent's. Nothing bad can happen."
Voight wasn't backing down though, "She's not going, Cami, not at all. It's a holiday- a family holiday. And she has school! She will miss three days of school."
"Missing three days near the holiday's won't be much. Trust me on this one, Hank. If you don't let her go, she will go anyway. You've seen her since he's been gone. She's a wreck."
"I don't want her to go, Cami. She's too young to be in this type of relationship." Hank stayed strong. "Too young to be in a serious relationship with a man that is that far away. I think it's best to have her end it before she gets too attached to him."
"Hank," Camilla shook her head. "She's already head over heels for this boy and he is good to her. I think them being together is actually helping each one. Erin is opening up more; she knows what she wants and is reaching for those goals. I want her to continue to feel the way she is. We were their age when got together and look at us now."
"Don't compare us to them."
"Then let her go. She needs this, Hank. She's been a wreck since he's been gone."
That was an understatement. Erin stayed glued to her phone incase she would get a random phone call from Jay. She stayed in her room writing him countless letters. She spent the past sixty days alone from the world. Camille hated it, but Hank knew Erin would come to her senses soon.
"And that is why I say no. She shouldn't be worried about him her senior year of high school. She doesn't even have any plans for the future, Cam. What about college or the academy like she wanted? That's down the drain because she doesn't know where he will be stationed."
"Then let her figure her future out. People change their minds, Hank. Erin changed hers and we need to be supportive of that. She'll figure out a plan. Now let her go."
"No. He'll be home two days after graduation."
"For the weekend, only."
"So?" Hank just stared at her in a duh look. "She can handle it."
"If you don't let her go you'll regret it."
"Watch as I won't regret it."
Hank didn't regret not letting Erin go to Georgia for Jay's graduation. He saw it as a chance for Erin to see that she may not need Jay in her life but that backfired the moment Jay showed up on Thanksgiving at their door.
Erin stared in shock when it was Jay on the other side. "Your back?"
"My dad had to get back for work so we got an earlier flight back." Jay flashed his charming smile at her and hugged her tightly. "Till Sunday I am all yours."
"Except when he returns to his home to sleep." Hank stepped in being over protective. "None of that is happening in my house, none of it at all."
"Dad!" Erin rolled her eyes in embarrassment.
"Oh hush, Hank." Camille slapped his chest. "Now come on in Jay from the cold. You're just in time for dinner."
"He's not staying for dinner!" Hank stated, "Dinner is a family affair."
"And he is considered that, Hank Voight. Watch before I throw you out before dinner." Camille teased him. Camille just wanted to include Jay because she knew no matter what Hank thinks Jay was going to be around for a while even possibly for good.
The table was not what Jay was use too. He was one out of five. There was always noise with someone screaming over someone else, always something being spilled and always laughter and memories. Plus the amount of family that join them for this holiday from all over. This table was quiet with just him and the small family of four.
"Erin, Justin why don't you come help me bring things to the table?" Camille said it more of a statement than a question. She knew Jay had a question, she could tell the minute he walked in with his nerves plus maybe discussing it with Hank first may deter into further on in their relationship.
"Ma," Justin complained.
"Boy get up to help your mother. Erin you stay." Hank dictated. "I want to have another talk with you two."
"Hank Voight you better go easy on them." Camille gave them a death stare warning him. "I'm watching you. The couch may start looking mighty comfy for you."
"And you just got warned." Erin laughed trying to bring some light to the tense situation as Camille walked away.
"Before they come back, I have one thing to discuss with you two." Hank started, "Kid, I am under the understanding that you will want to visit Jay once in a while. Your mother made me agree to let you but I have rules for that."
Erin nervously wanted to question her father's antics but first grabbed ahold of Jay's hand for support. "What rules, dad?"
"I was getting to that." Hank's raspy voice was heard. "One, if you are to visit you are not to stay in the same room. If it is a hotel that your mother and I will help you get, then you will be the only one sleeping there, Kid. Trust me I will know if he stays the night there. I know everything, Erin. Two, school comes first. I don't care if he has another graduation or whatever you have. If it falls on a school day you're not going."
"Dad," Erin wanted to complain about that rule. She already just missed his graduation from boot camp and now possibly missing more because her own dad thinks one day of Senior year is going to be more important. She was going to fight it till Jay squeezed Erin's hand. A silent indication that he was okay with it.
"I'm still going here. Three, I want you to create a plan for yourself. Where are you going to school, Erin? What are you going to do with your life? You have a future and you don't seem to have a plan."
"Not everyone needs a plan in life, Dad." Erin sighed. School- especially with her guidance counselor already hounding her for her application.
"Well in this house you do, Erin. You are going to create a plan and we are all going to make sure you get there."
"I don't need your help." Erin insisted getting annoyed. "Everyones been telling me that I need a plan but in reality I don't know what I want to be or what I want to do. Let me do it my way for fucking sake." Erin stood up and ran out.
Jay and Hank looked at each other before Jay spoke up. "I think I'll go after her."
"Tell her when you find her at the park where she always runs too that the language she expressed is not to be used in this house." Hank warned him before sending him off to follow Erin.
Erin didn't really know what was going on with her lately. She's moody, restless, easily to annoy. Her body is changing to the point were her bras were hurting her no matter what size she went up and she felt bloated all the damn time.
Her friends all told her what was going on, even the damn test told her what was going on but she couldn't believe it.
It happened to only bad girls. She was in a good place, has someone she loves with her and that's all good but her dad was going to kill her and then kill Jay and hide the body so nobody will find him.
She told Jay what the tests said. That was one of the first letters she's wrote to him.
He was on board with whatever she wanted to do. Scared but on board.
"Erin? You should tell them whats going on instead of running away." Jay sat on the swing next to her. "It's going to show soon. I told my dad that's why we rushed back really." Erin looked at him unsure if that's the truth or not but she'll believe it, she met him once and he was not nice. "Tell them tonight. I'm staying at a hotel down the street till I leave on Sunday. I want to be there, Erin but you need to accept what happened and what will happen."
"Sunday?" Erin looked up at him.
"No we are telling them today, Erin. They need to know." Jay sighed.
"Fine." Erin climbed off the swing stomping back to the house.
"Erin just stop it okay?" Jay yelled after her. "Just listen to me, okay? I know this is upsetting and all but we need to move forward and help each other. I want to help but being so far away away and all."
"So you can't."
"No, I didn't mean that. I mean that I won't be there twenty four seven to help but they can be there for you, Erin. You're gonna need them."
"I can't do this without you, Jay." Erin let it all out. She was holding everything in by herself and is finally at that breaking point.
"Yes you can. You're a lot stronger than you think."
The two walked in silence back to the row house softly communicating about what they were planning on going to do. Walking into the house felt like dead man walking for the both of them.
Hank was going to murder Jay when he finds out and that will be it for him.
Erin and Jay did survive, barely. Hank screamed before kicking Jay out of the house only to be asked to come back on Sunday for a proper goodbye for Erin.
When the doorbell rang, Hank made sure Erin sat her ass down on the couch before he answered the door. "Don't even think about moving from the couch."
"Dad," Erin wanted to speak up and fight it but the tone of his voice told her other wise.
"Erin, let him." Camille stated. She took the news just as bad but there was some where deep inside that this happened. It could be that she was a mother herself and knew the signs and symptoms but she was oblivious to it.
"He's being unreasonable."
"Unreasonable is you right now Erin. Let him get through his emotions."
"What is he talking to Jay about?" Erin questioned wanting to listen through the door or even open the window slightly.
"Something that a father needs to be told to the guy who knocks up his teenage daughter."
"I'm almost eighteen, that's practically an adult."
Camille sighed, "An adult wouldn't put herself in this position Erin. Now let them talk."
"Mom," Erin sighed in defeat. "I'm sorry."
"It's going to take time, Erin. Okay?" Camille sat next to her. "Give it to your father. You know how he is."
Finally Hank joined them inside without Jay. "You can go outside and keep the door open." Hank's voice was strong and powerful.
"Hey," Erin whispered softly sitting down on the steps next to Jay. "You're alive, so that talk went well. What he say?"
"I'd rather not speak of it." Jay insisted. "I have to get going soon."
"But you just got here, Jay." Erin complained. "I haven't seen you all weekend."
"I have leave in two months. I'll come back." Jay said. "It's only Georgia. Not that far- at least."
"For now." Erin swallowed hard. "We're going to be okay, right?"
"I think so." Jay placed a smile on his face. "I love you Erin and that will not change. I know these next few months will be crazy but I believe in us."
"Me too, Jay. I wish you didn't have to go."
"I'll be back before you know it. If you need anything call me and I'll get back to you as fast as possible." Jay nodded, "I need to get to the airport but I love you Erin. Don't forget that, okay?"
"Why are you talking like this?" Erin seemed worried. "I love you too but you're scaring me Jay."
"We'll be fine." Jay kissed her forehead softly. "I promised you everything and I'm going to keep that promise to you, okay? I just have a lot going on right now."
"And I don't?"
"Erin, come on. I'm not saying that."
"Then what are you saying, Jay?"
"I'm not saying anything. I'm just saying I love you, okay? I love you a lot."
"I love you too." Erin smile didn't show though.
"And I want to be with you, forever, right?" Jay smiled reaching besides him.
"Jay…."
"Your dad talked to me and it made me realize one thing. That with being stationed away from you and now a baby, I don't want that. I want you near me when you graduate. The only way to do that is to be married." Jay shook his head embarrassed. "This is probably the most lamest proposal you'll ever have. But Erin will you marry me?"
"Jay…" Erin didn't have any other words. When Jay opened the box Erin lost the last bit of words she had left. Erin recognized the ring, it was her grandmother's. It had a thin silver banded ring that in the center was an oval shaped opal with small diamonds along the band and around the opal. Erin didn't know what to say. She nodded and cried out a yes with tears falling down her eyes.
Erin and Jay both sat in silence for a little trying to grasp what is happening.
Erin finally spoke up. "You didn't do this because my dad told you too, did you?"
"No, I did this on my own- just with your mom's help for the ring." Jay kissed her.
"This won't be the last goodbye, will it?"
"Nope. Because Erin, I'm coming for you. The day you graduate, we will get married and you move with me back to Georgia."
"So not a goodbye, a see you later?" Erin smiled sinking into Jay's side.
"Yes, I'll see you later." He left her with one final kiss.
_XOX_
"Jay please make it." Erin pleaded in so much pain. She's never felt like this before, even after she broke her wrist at six years old after Justin annoyingly pushed her off the monkey bars.
"He's landed." Camille shouted excitedly as she looked at the text message on Erin's phone. "Hopefully he'll make it in time, if theres no traffic."
"I pray there is no fucking traffic." Erin hissed loudly.
Hank, from the corner of the room was going to say something but one look from Camille stopped that and he stayed silent.
Hank was silent about a lot of the relationship between the two teens. He allowed Erin to travel to Georgia multiple times and even let Jay stay with them when Erin was still in school. Camille accepted Jay into the family knowing that he will be their grandson's father forever. Hank kept his distance. When Erin needed him, he was there, but other than that he stayed away.
"Erin how are we doing?" The doctor was all so smiley when she walked into the room.
"Too much pain." Erin gritted her teeth. "Make it stop."
"Let's just take a look." The doctor positioned Erin's legs up and Hank excused himself. He's changed Erin's diapers when she was a baby but no getting into those adult/teen years theres things he doesn't want to see. "Okay, well Erin I think it's time too push. Next contraction can you push for me?"
"But Jay's not here." Erin looked nervously at her mother. "He was supposed to be here for this."
"Well your son's not waiting for his daddy now. I think he wants to make his presence known to all of you. Erin I need you to push."
Forty five minutes after starting to push, a baby boy Halstead was born on May 1st at 7:45 in the evening weighing a small five pounds nine ounces, four weeks before Erin would officially graduate high school.
"Does he have a name?" The doctor asked place the screaming baby boy on Erin's chest.
"Jay needs to be here." Erin cried out through her tears of excitement. "He picked it."
"Did I miss it?" Dressed in his army camouflage, Jay walked into the room out of breath looking like he ran down the hall to make it time, only to miss it by a simple three minutes. He froze in his path when he was the baby in Erin's arms. "He's here?"
"Yeah, he's here." Erin's smile lit up the world. "Meet your son."
"Welcome to the world, Wyatt Benjamin." Jay reached out, ran his one finger over Wyatt's cheek and smiled excitedly.
The months leading up to the birth of Wyatt were crazy. Going back and forth between figuring out what they were going to do and how they are going to do it. But they made it this far and are still together and plan on being together forever.
This was going to be the hardest goodbye for all of them. Erin was going to move to Georgia with him- doing the rest of her senior year online so she could stay with Wyatt.
They got married last time he was home for a long extended weekend and they've been apart since they said 'I do' to each other in a courthouse with their families there as witnesses.
"He's ours, officially ours." Erin smiled just as Wyatt's big beautiful eyes opened up and stared up at Erin. She was melted by this little man. She never imagine she would've fallen in love with someone so much that it hurt her.
"And forever will be." Jay carefully picked up Wyatt and held him closely in his arms.
Camille was snapping pictures left and right because in this mind set that the two new parents were in neither of them probably remembered about taking photos. It was also something Camille wanted for herself. She wanted these especially since they're going to be far away.
Two weeks, that's all Erin had at home before transitioning to Fort Bennings, Georgia with Jay patiently awaiting for her and Wyatt to join him at their new home.
Jay flew up the night before to make the drive so Erin could sit comfortably in the backseat with Wyatt incase he needed a bottle or something.
This messed Hank's plan of driving Erin down himself so he could spend the last day with his daughter before she moves on in the real world and he looses her to Jay. That's what it felt like. He was loosing Erin to Jay.
Camille always said it would happen but now that it's actually happening it scared him. With Erin in Chicago, Hank could protect her if anything bad happened. Now he'll have to catch a flight or drive through the night if Erin needs him- and he would drop everything to make it better for her.
This morning, Erin woke up with Jay holding her tightly and no screaming baby. Wyatt was their alarm clock every two hours or so.
"Where is he?" Erin sat straight up in bed.
"Hank grabbed him this morning." Jay mumbled pulling her back down on to the bed. "Sleep good."
"Jay, I'm gonna go check on him, okay?" Erin had the first mom worries. Those worries added with the worries of this trip to her new home made everything ten times worse than it normally would be.
"Erin, I promise your dad is okay with Wyatt." Jay sighed, "We should enjoy these mornings cause on base there won't be any."
Erin just gave him the death glare and she left the room to find her baby.
Erin didn't know who was taking it worse, her father or her mother. Erin kept it all in, shedding tears when Wyatt was loud with crying in the middle of the night. She kept her nerves to herself.
Erin was never away from her mother or father for more than a weekend so this was new. A new scary adventure. She had to say goodbye to one part of her life to say hello to the new adventure her life waited for her.
"Mom?" Camille turned her head quickly to see Erin waiting in the doorway fully dressed and ready for the day.
"Hey there sleepyhead." Camille smiled sipping her coffee slowly. "How'd you sleep?"
"Up every couple of hours. Jay's still sleeping. Where is the cryer?" Erin teased. She remembers falling asleep around five in the morning with Wyatt in his bassinet but then woke up this morning with no baby near her.
"Your dad took him this morning when he started whining a little. You know him and his early mornings. I woke up to him passed out on the couch with Wyatt asleep on his chest. I let him enjoy it because no matter how many times he'll tell you he won't miss you two as much he will Erin. We all will- well we'll work on Justin."
"Let's see if that ever happens."
"Justin was holding him this morning before school." Camille pointed out acting just as surprise as she was when she saw the uncle/nephew this morning.
"Make sure you got a picture of that." Erin sipped on her glass of tea. "I would love to tease him about that."
"Erin, if you and Jay want to beat some traffic it would be best if you two get on the road." Hank's voice was echoing through the house as he walked in from the backyard with Wyatt asleep in his arms, a bottle of formula in his other hand and a burping cloth on his shoulder.
"She just woke up, Hank. Give them some time to get moving. Everything is a slower pace when you have a newborn." Camille insisted trying to delay saying goodbye to them. She became accustom to having them in the house these past two weeks.
"I'll go teach Wyatt how to check the car because I'm not sure his daddy is any good at it." Hank walked right out the back door and on to the driveway.
"Is he ever going to be nice to Jay?" Erin let out an annoying sigh. "It's getting insane."
"Let him tease, Erin. He's harmless." Camille laughed. "Now why don't you go get ready? I'll make sure he is not purposely making sure you can't leave by destroying the car."
Twenty minutes later the car was packed and it was time for goodbye.
"You better keep them safe, Jay or so help me god I will track you down and make sure you're never fond." Hank warned oh so serious that he scared everyone around him.
"I promise I will." Jay was still so nervous with Hank.
"Be safe, Baby Girl and call us whenever you need something." Camille wiped the tears away. "We'll visit soon."
"Promise?" Erin smiled softly.
"I could never miss visiting you for the world, Erin." Camille insisted pulling Erin in to a big hug.
"Let go of the poor girl, Cami." Hank wanted to hug his daughter one last time. "You call me if anything? Understand?"
"Yeah dad." Erin nodded understanding him. "I love you, Dad."
"Love you too, Kid. Now be safe." Hank insisted yet again. "We'll see you guys soon."
"Bye," Erin waved from the back seat of the car.
"Not goodbye, it's a see you later." Jay looked over her shoulder at her, "Remember that."
That was one of the worse goodbyes but it wasn't the worse.
_XOX_
Jay got his orders. It was official. He was being sent to Washington for two weeks to prepare for deployment for the next six to nine months.
Jay knew it was coming. It was informed to the Unit Two members during a mandatory meeting with their sergeant earlier last month. He didn't tell Erin though. He couldn't break her spirit.
They've been in Georgia for a year and a half now. Within that time frame, Erin was pregnant again. Jay couldn't break her happiness. Erin was excited to have Jay there for everything. He couldn't break her with informing her he'd be gone. He needed to though. Erin had to know.
He was leaving tomorrow and Erin still had no clue.
That was until Jay walked into the on-base home that was a small two bedroom home. It would work for them in the meantime as they would never be able to afford a home of their own.
Erin could always read his face to know if he was having a bad day or not. She knew what to do with whatever is wrong.
"Dada!" Wyatt ran as fast as his little legs could take him straight into Jay's legs as soon as he heard the front door open. "Home."
"Hey Buddy." Jay immediately took Wyatt into his arms not wanting to let go. He didn't know when the next time he'd see the little miniature version of himself minus the big green eyes he definitely got from Erin. "Erin?" Jay yelled into the house. "Where are you?"
"Kitchen." Erin replied back.
Nervously Jay walked slowly into the kitchen after pausing to take that bag that he dreads the most to look at from the hallway closet. "Hey baby and mini baby." He gave Erin a kiss before rubbing her swollen six month pregnant belly.
"Down, dada!" Wyatt screamed right in Jay's ear and he was immediately placed on the ground before he ran off towards the corner where his toys were scattered around the living room.
"What's that look for Jay?" Erin was suspicious. "Jay…."
"We knew this was a possibility but I didn't want to tell you anything until it was official." Jay rambled on, "we got the word today. We leave tomorrow. First Washington to Fort Lee for two weeks for training before heading out to Iraq."
"No," Erin backed away from the stove where she was making dinner. "This is not happening now."
"Erin," Jay felt horrible, completely horrible. "Baby,"
"No, no, no. Jay." Erin was going to reach breaking point at any second now. Finally she reached that point and fell to the ground in a fit of tears. "You can't leave now."
"I don't have a choice, Baby. If I did you know I would never go. I have to go, it was ordered. It's my job."
"What about Wyatt and this one?" She pointed to her belly just as Erin felt a strong kick to her bladder, just a small indication that she wanted her presence known to the world.
"They will be fine because they have a strong mother like you in their lives. I'll be back, I'm gonna make it home."
"Don't make promises you know you can't keep." Erin hissed. She's witnessed countless Army Wives sitting around waiting for deployment to end only to hear that their husband didn't make it. Just in Wyatt's play group, three young kids lost parents or uncles or aunts. They're loosing loved ones and now Erin is in the same group of possibly loosing Jay and her kids loosing their father.
"Erin," Jay let out a nervous sigh. "I'm going to do whatever it takes to make sure I get home safe and sound."
"I don't think you can promise that, Jay. You see what it's like over there. You watch countless people come home in coffins. How can you promise that?"
"Please don't think that like. Erin, please." Jay sat down next to her. "I don't want you to think like that." He brushed her tears away. "I need you to be strong, be the strong person that I know you are. Make sure you keep on being strong while I'm gone."
"How long?" Erin slowly asked.
"Six to nine months. It's unsure right now." Jay frowned. He wish he had an exact length because he'd start a countdown going. "But the moment I find out, you will be the first to know."
"I better, Jay Halstead."
"I can at least promise you that." Jay laughed slightly. "Erin if I didn't have to go, trust me I wouldn't. I'd rather see this one come, see Wyatt's second birthday. See your brother finally graduate high school and also go to boot camp. I'd love to be there for everything."
"And you would if you could. I don't think I can be strong like you want me to be Jay. I can't do this alone again." Erin was once again in tears. "I can't be lone again."
"I don't want you to be alone through this, and you will be strong because that's who you are, Erin Halstead. You're a strong individual and you need to be for Wyatt and Cadence."
"We did not agree on that name,"
"Yet," Jay set a smile on his face. "You will and she will agree." Jay ran his hand over her belly. "But Erin if you don't want to be alone maybe go home? Go back to your parent's until I get home?"
"I can't do that."
"Yes you can. I'm okay with you doing that. I want you to do that if you want too. It's okay to lean on other's, Baby."
"They'll say I'm alone again." Erin just shrugged her shoulders.
"No they won't. This is my first deployment, Erin, and its yours too. It's just as hard for me as it is for you. I want you to lean on your parents. Hank and Camille would love you to be there, especially if that means them seeing Wyatt everyday."
"Are you sure?"
"Erin, if you want to be there than go. Just be waiting for me when I get off that plane?"
"I'm definitely going to be there." Erin then realized something. It hit her right there that the first time Jay meets his daughter she'll be a couple of months old. "You'll meet her when you get back."
"And that is what I'll be waiting for." Jay turned her frown upside down. He'd love to be there for the birth; he's 0-2 with his children's birth's so far. He'd do anything to see his daughter join the world. He'll get pictures but it wouldn't be the same. "Now let's get you off this floor, get some food in your belly and put the little man to bed so we can enjoy ourselves. One last night?"
"That sounds like a plan." Erin smiled.
Before they knew it, the morning came bright and early. Jay was scheduled to be at the command post at 7:05 am. When their alarm clock, also known as Wyatt went off at 6:00 they all got up. Erin wasn't going to stay in bed and when Wyatt was up, he was up.
"Erin it's going to be okay," Jay promised her putting on his camouflage.
"Please don't say that again because I won't know that is true until you are back here with me. Anything can happen, anything." Erin pulled Wyatt close to her chest.
"Dada?" Wyatt opened his eyes and saw Jay dressed in his camouflage. "No!"
Wyatt hated the camouflage. Erin said it was because when Jay puts on them, Wyatt associates it with him being gone for the day. Except this time it wasn't for a day. It was for months.
"I'll be back before you know it, Wy Guy." Jay quickly took Wyatt into his arms. "I love you buddy."
Jay had to stop himself. He was this strong Army Ranger and right now the thought of leaving in one hour to be away from his kid and his wife is killing him. This shouldn't have happen. He shouldn't have to fight a war with some country while his family is suffering at home with him being away. He shouldn't have to do this.
This is the hardest goodbye he has ever had to do.
"Dada, no go!" Wyatt continued to cry out.
"I'm not going just yet, Bud. How about Mama attempts to make us pancakes?"
"Attempts?" Erin teased sticking her tongue out playfully at Jay. "For that you can make them."
And Jay did make them, and during the cooking process may or may not have left flour handprints on Erin's ass- jokingly.
"They yummy?" Jay laughed at Wyatt's face covered in pancakes. "I'm gonna take this as a yes."
Erin was enjoying herself, till she looked up at the clock. Fifteen minutes till he has to be there. It was time for goodbyes.
"Don't think about it, Erin. Don't. I am going to get back here." Jay hugged her tightly and Erin let the tears fall. She didn't want them to fall but she couldn't stop it. "I'm going to get back here and meet little Cadence."
"We still didn't decide on that."
"Well it's official. She's Cady."
"Well you can just find out when you get home if you keep it up." Erin smiled.
"Dada go?" Wyatt looked up at the duo.
"Yeah buddy." Jay frowned. "I'm gonna go away for a while but I'll be back before you know it. Can you be a big boy and be the man of the house while I'm gone? You need to be strong for Mommy and your sister."
"Dada byebye?"
"Yes Wyatt." Jay frowned again. "I'll be home soon. I love you Wyatt."
"Luv you too." In his baby talk, Wyatt responded.
"Go play for a little bud." Erin pointed to the toy pile.
"Erin, I love you." Jay hugged her tightly. "So much."
"I love you too, Jay." Erin held on tightly. "Please tell me you don't need to go."
"I wish I could, baby. I desperately wish I could." Jay placed his hand softly on Erin's cheek. "I'll be back. I know it."
"Dada, bug!" Wyatt held up his tiny bugs bunny stuffed animal he had to have last time Erin visited Chicago with him to see Hank and Camille. "You!"
"You want me to have bug?" Jay tried to understand the toddler. Wyatt nodded smiling. "I'll keep him safe, Bud." Jay checked his watch and realized he really had to leave. "I love you so much. Keep them safe, Erin."
"Get back safe." Erin frowned. "I love you."
"I love you too." With one last kiss, Jay was gone walking out the front door.
_XOX_
Jay was supposed to call tonight. That was the plan stated within his email sent two days ago. They were going to Skype each other so Jay could see how big her stomach was getting and how big and wild Wyatt was getting. But he never called.
It was now reaching late at night and still no email staying to get online. Erin was worried. Jay tried to always make sure he kept his promises with when he'd be online.
Erin did as Jay said though. She moved back to where they started. Back to Chicago living in her old bedroom with Wyatt for the past two months. Only five more to go.
Erin liked it because she had the support of someone else to help her with Wyatt, but she still missed Jay.
"Something might have happened there, Erin. He'll call you when he has a chance. That man wouldn't miss it." Camille walked into the living room.
"There's something wrong though. I have this feeling mom that something is wrong." Erin knew it wasn't her going into labor, she still had one more month to go. There was something that she couldn't put her finger on it. Till the door bell rang.
Then it made sense.
Erin and Camille both looked at each other before Camille offered to get it and Erin walked along with her also.
"Erin Halstead?" The man dressed in his dress blues frowned removing his hat.
"Please no, please tell me you're wrong." Erin didn't believe it. He told her he'd be fine. Jay was going to return home. In Erin's mind they had the wrong house, the wrong solider, the wrong family.
"I'm sorry."
"No, no, no!" Erin didn't believe it still. This was a fantasy, some kind of horrible dream.
"Erin," Camille held her in her arms tightly. "Come in." She said to the officers opening the door wider for them to enter.
"What happened? When?" Camille asked nervously, not sure if she actually wanted to know how.
"They were bombarded," The officers started speaking. "Yesterday. He was rushed back to base but it was too late."
"Please tell me this isn't really."
The officer kept repeating I'm sorry over and over again but it didn't matter to Erin. Camille just hugged her letting go to quickly escort the officer out and to call Hank to get his ass home. Erin needed both of them right now.
"Baby," Camille hugged her tightly. "It will get better."
"Mom, I can't deal with this. I am going to wake up and he will be calling me and we will be okay."
"Er. He's not coming back." Camille broke her own heart stating that simple fact.
"Don't tell me that. Don't believe them! He said he'd be safe. He said he'd make it home. He said he'd make it home."
Camille let her cry it out. That is what she needed and Camille just held her tightly the best she could.
"Mama, take the pain away."
"I would do anything to help you baby. I wish I could take all that pain away from you right now."
"It's not going to be okay."
"It will with time."
"Erin it's time," Hank knocked on the door. He held Wyatt in his arms. Wyatt was a little lost right now. Now almost two he had his own little personality that reminded everyone of Jay. Wyatt stayed attached to Hank now that Erin locked himself in the room.
"Mama?" Wyatt knocked, imitating his Papa. "Come, Mama."
"I don't think I can do this." Erin's voice was soft and barely herd over Wyatt's constant knocking and the through wooden door. "Dad, I can't do this."
Erin was in a tearful wreck sitting on the middle of the bed with her feet touching the floor. Her black dress that Camille bought her yesterday was tight and barely fit around her pregnant stomach.
"Mama," Wyatt carefully stood in front of Erin. "Strong, Mama."
"Baby, Mama's not too strong right now." Erin acted seriously. "Mama's too sad."
"Miss dada too."
"You miss dada too, huh, buddy?" Erin at times let her greif overcome herself. She knew Wyatt was taken care of by her mother and father so she let them take on that role. Seeing Wyatt's face, a spitting image of his father, made things calm for once. "I do too."
"We say bye bye?"
"Yeah, today we are saying bye bye to him." Erin sighed. She was only twenty years old and now a widow and a single mother two an almost two-year-old and a baby that will be born in one month. "Can you stay with Mama for that? Mama's gonna need her macho man by her side?"
"Papa can!" Wyatt ran quickly to the doorway and grabbed Hank's hand pulling him into the room. "Papa make better."
"I can try, bud, but I think Mama won't be better for some time but you can make her feel good." Hank looked apologetically towards Erin. "Mama would probably like a Wyatt hug."
"I do," Erin placed a fake smile on her face for Wyatt's sake as she opened her arms for a hug.
"I wuve you, Mama."
"I love you too Wy-Guy." She kissed his curly brunette fluff on the top of his head.
"We should probably get going, Erin." Hank put a damper on the mood. "Your Mom's in the car."
"Okay." Erin slowly got herself off the springy bed. "I don't think I can look at him, Dad."
"Then don't, Erin. You don't need to do anything but stand up there. I'll be right next to you." Hank helped Erin walk to the car. "You can do this. I know you can."
The car ride was silent the whole way to the grave site minus Wyatt's need to have someone read out every sign that they passed on the road.
Everyone was here before Erin arrived and their eyes fell on her the moment she walked up to the grave.
Jay's father declared it had to have been an open casket, Erin stayed back. She didn't want to see him like she did at his wake and Erin didn't want Wyatt to see him in the coffin. Jay didn't look like Erin knew him too.
His skin was pale and the amount of make-up placed of his face to cover the scratches and scars. Instead of his casual clothes that Erin loved Jay in, he was going to be buried in his dress blues. He wasn't the Jay she knew him to be.
"I had them close it, Erin. It's okay to go up there." Camille whispered into Erin's ear softly as she squeezed her had for support. "Come on, you can do this Baby."
Erin tried her hardest to compose herself but the tears fell anyway. When the officers placed the folded up flag- the flag that was draped across his coffin- in her arms, she couldn't hold herself together anymore.
"Mama, no sad." Wyatt spoke, or at least that is what Erin heard. "Dada, strong." Wyatt flexed his muscles like his Uncle Justin taught him to do.
After everyone spoke it was time for him to be lowered into the ground slowly. Lower and lower he went and Erin just watched.
Hank guided her up to the coffin, Erin threw a rose onto the coffin. "This is not goodbye, this is a see you later Jay." Erin promised using a line Jay used every single time instead of saying goodbye.
That's when Erin's water decided to break. At the funeral for her husband, she was going to have her baby girl like it was an indication from Jay that everything will be okay.
When one life ends, another life begins.
On June 10th at 4: 34 in the afternoon, exactly one week from the day her father passed away, Cadence Jayne Halstead was born with her father looking after her. Born one month early, Cady Jay was born medically healthy even after her umbilical cord was found wrapped twice around her neck. Cady Jay had a guardian angel that day looking over her and that was her daddy.