Full summary: Arturia has always excelled in her academics... unfortunately for her that's not good enough for the prestigious Holy Grail Academy. She's forced to join an athletic team of some sort in order to make up for her missing credits. With no other options left to her, she takes up an old friend on an offer to join his team. Too bad the circumstances are a bit less than stellar and the so called 'sports team' pushes the boundaries of what can actually be considered 'athletics.' Crack done right.
Characters: Arturia(Arthur), Sasaki Kojiro(Assassin), Gilgamesh, Enkidu, Diarmuid, Cu, Lancelot, Kariya, Kiritsugu, Kirei, Shirou, Rin.
Relationships: F/M and M/M otherwise: Undisclosed (You'll figure it out, more interesting that way)
Tags: Alternate Universe - No magic, Alternate Universe - Modern setting, buckets, Gilgamesh being... Gilgamesh, literally only two straight couples, Crack treated seriously, "Athletic boys"
Chapter 1:
"What do you mean my credits do not check out? I believe I am doing well in all my courses."
"Yes, you are. More than well actually but your academics aren't the problem here."
"Then I do not understand… What else could cause my expulsion from the school?"
"You athletics, Miss Pendragon." Arturia could not believe what she was hearing.
"My athletics? But I have taken the necessary physical education courses and received passing grades." What more could they want from her?
"Yes but this is a private academy for gifted young adults remember. Students have to prove their excellence in both academics and athletics. Unfortunately, just taking the required P.E. classes is not enough," her school counselor explained.
"So what do I have to do, sir?" She asked, feeling more frustrated than she could ever remember being.
"Well unfortunately there isn't much. All I could find is that you must compete and win at a sport on a national level." On a national level? How in the world was she supposed to do that?
"If you don't mind me saying, Mr. Merlin, but national competitions for most winter sports are not until the late spring. I will have graduated by then."
"Doesn't matter. The school will void your credits and probably pull your diploma."
"You cannot be serious!" She was having a hard time remaining calm now.
"I'm sorry Arturia. I'll give you a few days to decide on your best course of action," Mr. Merlin concluded.
"Thank you, sir." Arturia stood up and forced herself to give a courteous bow before storming out of the guidance office, not even caring where she was walking.
"Woah, watch it!" An angry voice scolded as she stormed from the school's main office. She had run straight into someone and had knocked him to the ground. "Oh, it's just you Saber." The old nickname snapped her out of her anger.
"I am sorry, Shirou. I was not watching where I was going." She held out a hand to him to help him off the ground and he took it.
"It's okay. I should've known to get out of the way when you have that look on your face." He laughed but Arturia gave him a confused look.
"What look?"
"Oh, you know. The one when you're really pissed off."
"Oh, yes I suppose I am."
"Well I'd love to be able to help you but I've gotta talk to my own counselor. Just remember me and the old man are always there for you…"
"Thank you Shirou… I will keep that in mind." In fact it had given her an idea. Kiritsugu did owe her a favor and it seemed it would come in handy after all.
Arturia walked into the familiar old building. She had spent a lot of time here when she was younger, though she hadn't been here in three years since she quit the team. Now Arturia just hoped there was a spot open on the female team otherwise… this would be harder than she thought.
"How can I help you miss?" A cheery young man said as she approached the small studio's office. She didn't recognize this man though, Kiritsugu must've picked him up somewhere.
"Yes. May I please talk to Mr. Emiya?"
"Mr. Emiya is currently running practice… Maybe if you-"
"It's alright Kariya, I've always got time for Saber Pendragon," Kiritsugu cut the young man off as he walked into the office.
"Yes, sorry sir." Kariya smiled before taking a seat back at the computer desk.
"So what can I do for you Arturia? Finally come for that favor?" He asked, sitting down on one of the waiting room chairs and pulling out a cigarette.
"Yes actually, you see…" Arturia began to explain everything her school counselor had said and Kiritsugu listened intently.
"Hmm, I understand. And I'd be happy to put you on a senior division team, it's the least I can do after you helped Shirou get into the same school that's trying to kick you out."
"Thank you, Kiritsugu. But why do I feel like there is a 'but' in your statement?"
"Sharp as ever, I see. You're correct. I can get you on a team but the women's senior team doesn't have any open spots…" Kiritsugu took a drag of his cigarette.
"So how am I to be on a team?"
"There's an open spot on the men's senior division team…"
"Oh, I see. You would have me pose as a male."
"Precisely, you see… the team can't compete without an eighth member and you need a team. No one would ever find out and it's not like this'll be the first time you've posed as a male."
"You make a good point. Alright Emiya."
"Perfect. With you skills in your section we'll have no problems reaching nationals. And don't worry about the paper work, I'll take care of it. Also there's a few loose ends I need to tie up on the team."
Kiritsugu walked to a nearby door and opened it. Behind it showed a large mostly empty room. Inside, there were multiple people lounging around. A green haired boy was sitting on the ground, scrolling through his phone while another blond boy laid sprawled on the floor with his head in the other's lap. A man with long bright blue hair was hanging upside down by his legs from the bars attached to the wall. A brunette sat close to him, watching with a wary expression. Arturia could see Shirou taking a nap on a pile of safety mats while another guy with long purple hair attempted to wake him up. She only counted six in the room, however, so one guy was missing. Kiritsugu looked absolutely irritated at the scene before him.
"Why aren't you all warming up?!" He yelled.
"Sorry, Coach but we were waiting for you to get here… we didn't even know you were in the building," the purple haired man explained. Kiritsugu took a deep breath and calmed down.
"Alright, I'll give you that this one time." He looked around the room. "Where's Lance?"
"Gil thought it would be funny to put the waste basket on his head and he had a break down," the one hanging from the bars spoke up.
"I was wrong, however. It was only mildly amusing," the blond responded. That earned him a flick on the head from the green haired boy, who didn't even look up from his phone. "Ow. Rude."
"You deserved it." The other shrugged.
"Stop arguing! Where's Kirei?" Kiritsugu snapped.
"Trying to calm Lance down," the brunette answered.
"Alright." Kiritsugu walked over to the napping Shirou before pushing him off the mats.
"Ahh! What was that for, old man?" He yelled, getting to his feet.
"For sleeping during practice." He then stepped forward and began whispering something in his son's ear. Shirou nodded in agreement and Kiritsugu motioned for Arturia to come in the room. She stepped through the door, thankful for having changed into less feminine clothing before coming here, as Kiritsugu started to introduce her.
"I want everyone to please-"
"Emiya! You're late again today," another older man cut Kiritsugu off as he strode into the room. Arturia recognized him to be Kirei, the other coach for this studio's teams.
"Nice to see you, Kotomine, you're just in time," Emiya brushed him off completely. "Good, Lance is here too." Arturia hadn't even noticed the tall dark haired man walk into the room behind Kirei.
"Just in time for what?" Kirei asked but the other ignored him.
"As I was saying, I want everyone to welcome Arthur to our team. I've finally found our eighth member." There were some less than enthusiastic cheering but everyone at least stood up to come greet her. Kirei gave one look to Arturia before giving Kiritsugu a skeptical one. He could obviously tell but Kiritsugu just nodded at him and Kirei gave a wide smile and a small laugh.
"Welcome to the team, Arthur. I'm glad the senior men's division will be able to compete this year."
"Thank you, Mr. Kotomine," she said.
"Anyway, Arthur, this is Shirou, my son," Kiritsugu started, gesturing towards Shirou. She already knew who he was but still gave a nod in acknowledgement.
"Nice to meet you, Arthur." Shirou smiled.
"Next is Gilgamesh." He pointed at the blond who looked bored with the whole situation. But when Emiya said his name, he gave a large smile, red eyes flashing.
"Please, call me Gil," he said and the green haired boy next to him snorted. Gil rolled his eyes.
"That one is Enkidu," Kiritsugu interjected before Gil could start arguing. The green haired boy gave a small wave.
"Nice to meet you," he said happily.
"I'm Cú," the one who had been hanging from the bars spoke up. He gave a mock salute before leaning on the slightly shorter brunette's shoulder next to him. "And this here is Diarmuid, but we call him Deedee."
"I've been told my name is hard to pronounce," Diarmuid shrugged. "So is his, so we call him Cici. He forgot to mention that." He pushed Cú off of him and rolled his eyes.
"Hey, excuse you but…" Cici started to argue.
"Pay them no mind." The purple haired guy stepped in front of the arguing men, "They're always like that. My name's Sasaki by the way. Pleasure to meet you." He gave her a wink and a smile. Was he trying to hint at something or was he just a flirt? He held out a hand for her.
"Pleasure is all mine," she responded, shaking his hand.
"And last but not least… this is Lancelot. But we call him Lance for short." Kiritsugu gestured to the man who had apparently had a breakdown of some kind. He gave her a nod but otherwise looked stoic as he had before, if not a little sad. Arturia made a mental note not to put any sort of bucket on his head. He looked like a force to be reckoned with if you made him angry.
"So Arthur, welcome to the team."
She knew she should be happy that she might be able to keep her place at Holy Grail Academy but she couldn't help feeling a little silly that she was entrusting her entire future to a freaking men's dance team.