Louder Than Thunder

M/RoxasCentric/ Touchy/sad subjects

Summary:

She wanted some of the pressure taken off? Fine, I guess this'll be one less thing to deal with.

"Roxas! Come here right now!" I sighed and walked out of my room, newspapers littering the floor and boxes shoved up against every corner. We had just moved in to this place right down the road onto a tiny little suburb called "Twilight Corner" or something. I didn't know and I didn't care.

Recently I had just stopped caring. I tried so hard to get better but nothing worked. I had insisted many times over to my mother that I'm bipolar, but she yells at me and tells me there's nothing wrong with me and to stop bitching about nothing. So now I never bring up anything. Around my friends I'm really happy, maybe even hyper to the point of annoyance. That's what I do to make myself feel normal. Little use it does, though, when I come home just to feel like shit again. I'd just broken up with an awesome guy, Axel. That's another thing my parents don't and never will know: I'm gay. If they knew, I'd be dead for sure; well, I'd at least be homeless.

I make the short trip down the stairs to my mother.

"Stop being lazy and get some of this stuff in to the house, Roxas. If we hurry we can be done moving within a few days. You know Olette can't get much done, so be responsible for once." I forgot to mention, I have a little sister, Olette. Because of the fact my mother and father hoard everything, we have a shit load of crap to move. The last time she said we'd be done in a few days was… well, a few days ago. So you get where my train of thought is going with this.

I sighed. "Fine." I didn't mention that I was unpacking like she told me to or that it was getting dark outside, I just did as told.

Another problem I have is doing everything right. I make close-to straight A's in school, and my parents are extremely proud. But whenever I do something wrong, they forget about the good I do, because they're used to it, and automatically make me feel like shit by telling me about how lazy and irresponsible I am, which is a lie if I've ever heard one.

A few hours later my mom says we can stop for today and I sigh in relief. As I walk up the stairs to my room I notice she's gotten on facebook and started calling her friend Yuna, I think. I rolled my eyes, knowing she'd be on there all night.

I got my iPod on and started listening to depressing music. When I was depressed, I forgot about the happy shit on my iPod and went straight to the stuff like Hollywood Undead and their Swan Songs album. I sighed contently as the words started blaring in my ears along with the guitar. I lied on my bed and started thinking of Axel. I still wasn't sure why I dumped him, and I seriously regretted it. At the same time, though, I didn't trust myself enough to go back—we were best friends and I didn't want to ruin that.

My eyes started watering, but I knew I wouldn't cry; after so many years of crying, it's like my tear ducts shriveled up (AN: that can happen; I can't cry anymore…). I rolled to my side and remembered I had to go get something from downstairs where my mother was talking and my little sister was doing homework. I got up and ran down the stairs to retrieve my sketch book when I looked over to my little sister. She glared at me with big green eyes and asked what I was doing.

"Roxas, go away!"

I rolled my eyes at the brat. "I'm just getting my sketch book. Christ, calm down." I looked at her homework sheet. It was English, my best subject and her worst. I saw she missed one answer.

"Olette, you know if you need help I—"

'Roxas, go away! Leave me alone!"

"Sh!" I pleaded.

My mother turned around and started, "Roxas! Get your ass upstairs and leave Olette alone!" She didn't even know that I was offering to help.

"I was just trying to—"

"NOW, ROXAS!" I glared once her back was turned and pretended to hit my little sister, making her flinch and glare in retaliation.

I slowly made my way up the stairs, totally pissed that I never got any say in anything. I was almost 15, damn it! My mother ran behind me and grabbed my wrist, taking me by surprise.

"Roxas, you have no idea how hard this is for me. You know Olette has trouble with this stuff! She's slow, Roxas, don't you get that?" I sighed.

"Yeah, but—"

"You don't know how much pressure I'm put in! Leave her alone, okay?"

I loved my mother, but honestly, what she had said pissed me off. I didn't say anything, just nodded my head and walked the rest of the way down the hall to my room. She wanted to relieve the pressure? Fine, I'll help her.

I go to my bed and sit, thinking of how to go, what to do. I sat for about 20 minutes when I decided I'd go to the clock tower down the road and jump. No turning back after I'd jumped, and death was certain that way. I nodded and got up to find pen and paper. I found it and started writing.

Friends, family, whoever:

I want you to know that this isn't totally your fault. This is my decision and I'm sticking with it. I tried to get help, but I was scared. Mom, I'm relieving you of some of that pressure. To go the right way, I have some things to confess. Mom, Dad, I'm gay. I always have been. I just got dumped recently, actually. Don't worry, though, you won't have to have a faggot son any more after this. Olette, I didn't really hate you. You're just REALLY annoying. Sorry, but it's the truth; that doesn't mean I don't love you though. All my stuff you guys can sell for money or keep—it's up to you. Tell my friends I loved them all, okay? Tell Axel, my best friend, that I'll miss him and that maybe we'll meet again in the next life. My body will be at the clock tower down the road, once you finish this. I love you all.

Love, Roxas.

I walked downstairs, the note safely on my dresser waiting to be found.

"Mom, I'm taking a walk around the suburb, okay?"

She nodded, not listening, just typing away on the computer. I sighed internally, not really caring to bother repeating myself. Olette stared at me as I walked out the door. It was drizzling and I had no jacket. I sighed not caring and started walking to my destination.

I made it in 15 minutes, the rain now pouring. My heart was beating frantically, and I took that as a warning not to do what I'd came for. I hit my chest in retaliation and made my way up the steps to the tall building. It took about 5 minutes to make it to the very top ledge. I looked out at the city, the streetlights gleaming, the rain falling, and lightning breaking. I smiled and it thundered. I looked up, my hair drenched and sticking to my face. I squinted to block the water out from my eyes. I lone start twinkled and I smiled widely. I took that as my queue. I looked down over the ledge and closed my eyes. The cold wind and harsh rain whipped at my ears and at that moment, I opened my eyes.

"Goodbye." I stepped over the edge and fell to my death. All of the sudden it went quiet and I was falling in slow motion. I was still alive, falling, but it felt so peaceful just making my way to death. I smiled contently, finally, and shut my eyes. All the sudden time sped up, and my body made contact to the pavement below. To my favor, I didn't feel anything but darkness envelope me instead of pain. Finally, it was done. Roxas Strife was dead and happy.

Twenty minutes, 2 ambulances, and 3 police cars later, Mr. and Mrs. Strife stood crying in the rain, their daughter and only child safely in the car, scared and worried. They asked to see their son, knowing the blood was washed away by the rain so it wouldn't be too bad to see him. The ambulance attendant unveiled their dead son's body down to the waist. His arms were bent in strange angles and cuts and bruises adorned his body. Cloud stood holding a shaking and crying Tifa in his arms, looking at their son. Thunder broke and she looked away from him, clinging at her husband's shirt wailing for her son.

Out of all the pain he had gone through, the long jump, the rain dousing his clothes and skin, Cloud was shocked slightly. The blond boy they had raised lay in front of them lifeless, a smile placed on his face.

For once, the happiness he felt outweighed the rain. Everything was quiet for him, yet loader than thunder.