Glue. That's what I am; I am the thing that has to hold everyone together. It's my 'place' to make sure that everything functions as its 'supposed' to. It's up to me to make sure that everyone does what they need to do, my place to put all my dreams on the back burner to make sure everyone else gets what they want. It's my 'job' to keep everybody else happy.
To hell with all of that. I'm so sick of being in the background. Of cleaning up after everyone else. Of being the shoulder that they all cry on; without having one of my own. They all come to me for everything, wanting me to make it better. I can't take it anymore. I want to be ME for a change. I want someone to look after me. I want to come first for a change. I want, I want, I want. So shoot me if it sounds like I'm having a tantrum, I don't care anymore. I'm just so tired… of everything.
They all think that I'm the strong one who has it all in place, all my ducks in a row but that's not how it is. Do you want to know what it's really like? Do you really think that I've lived through all of this and NOT been affected, not been in pain? But no one sees this because I live in the shadows, fixing things, keeping them together, making it work. All they ever do is take from me, leaving me hollow and empty and instead of giving me peace they take even more.
The only one who never took from me was Jesse. Out of all of them he was the only one who bothered to see me for who I was and what I dreamed. And now he's gone, locked away in the hospital, suffering for the same reasons I suffer; my brothers selfishness. Jesse is truly my best friend, he was always willing to listen to me and I think he's that way because he knew he was being used too. Dom doesn't care; he's too self-involved for that. What everyone mistakes for love from him is really just a selfish bastard protecting his property, his investments.
I put my life away for him, Jesse put his life on the line, so did V, and Leon, Brian lost his career for him. Letty abuses her heart for him; all so he could have his quarter mile adrenaline rush. All of us looking up to him like he were god, thinking he could do no wrong just so he could get his kicks out of life, his ten seconds of glory.
So here I sit, alone, staring at bills I don't know how to pay, all for him.