Disclaimer: Do any of you people seriously think that I own Star Trek: Voyager?If you do, then I'd reccomend a good psycologist. Which means that I don't.
I know they're together
I see them together
Together their hands
Push down on the lever
And I just stand there
Facing the sky
Captain Kathryn Janeway passed a pair of officers in the corridor of the recently docked U.S.S Voyager. She nodded absently, peering around at them. The two were walking briskly somewhere, their heads together, concentrating on a padd. Kathryn felt a pang in her heart, recognizing the two to be First Officer Chakotay and Seven on Nine.
Voyager had only reached the Alpha Quadrant a few days ago. Thanks to a series of rather unusual events, they were able to make it home after seven long years. She felt a sad smile settle upon her mouth thinking of this. Home at last. No more was her crew forced to stay on a stuffy ship for an indefinite period of time. Most people most likely would have given up by the second year, but not her crew. She was proud as heck of them.
The close quarters on Voyager had caused many tight relationships to form. Her sad smile remained as she watched the retreating forms of Chakotay and Seven, and she realized that she was standing still in the corridor, gazing silently in back of her. She winced and turned around, heading for her ready room.
She had also recently found out about the relationship between her First Officer and the former borg who had taken residence on their ship. She was highly attached to both of them. She shouldn't be feeling this way- sad, sour, bitter. It wasn't like her.
But she couldn't help wondering why.
Why? Had she put off telling her true feelings to Chakotay for too long? Was that why he formed a relationship with Seven? Was that why he didn't even bother to tell her at first?
Of course, it wasn't her business. She was the Captain, but she didn't have to know everything.
But she felt so much pain when she saw the two. Anger- somehow she had thought that Chakotay had feelings for her, as well. Maybe it was wishful thinking.
But on that planet…on New Earth… She shook the thought away. That was five years ago. That was the past- she had to focus on the present, forget things that dwelled in time so long ago…
After seven years, home wasn't forgotten, that same little annoying voice spoke up. She tried to shake the thought away. The pain boiled up yet again.
She knew that Chakotay had seen what she felt for him, at least somewhat. She was good at masking her feelings, but he was good at noticing feelings. She had always loved that about him- he always knew when she was sad and how to make her feel happier. Of course, one smile from him, crinkling the edges of those rich brown eyes of his, always made her feel better. He hadn't caught on to that one. She smiled slightly, but her thoughts still dwelled on the two.
And Seven. Seven couldn't be to blame. Seven was an innocent child caught in the body of a mature adult, of a former mindless killer. She didn't know about anything to do with this.
She doesn't know anything about love, she started angrily, but pushed the thought away. She reached the ready room, and sat down, daydreaming once more.
How could he do this to her? How could he seem to…care for her, but then do this? It wasn't fair! It wasn't right! Kathryn slammed her balled fist on the desk in front of her as soon as she heard a chime. "Come in," she snapped, and Tuvok entered. His composed persona seemed to calm her slightly. "I have the reports you requested on the borg technology," he said, handing her a few pads. She took the quickly, and nodded. "Thank you Tuvok."
The Vulcan didn't leave. He continued to stand in front of her, his hands folded behind his back, and eyebrow arched slightly. She gave him a cool smile. "Well?"
"I couldn't help but notice your distress as I entered," he stated. She tried to give him a glare, but faltered. "Tuvok…" she muttered. "You notice everything, don't you?"
"It would have been difficult not to note the sound you made, and not to note you rubbing you fist as I walked in," he said. She laughed. "Thank you for your concern, but I'll be fine."
"I know you'll be fine. But you may need to talk about it first. I, being your friend, am willing to listen." There was a short, rather awkward silence. Tuvok looked at her, his dark eyes bore into her blue-gray ones with a kind of Vulcan compassion, be there such a thing. "Is this about Commander Chakotay?" he asked simply. She didn't respond at first, but then sighed. "Vulcans," she muttered. His brow raised in slight amusement.
"I have observed signs as you look at him and Seven of Nine," he explained. She laughed. "Signs? What kind of signs?"
"That is beside the point."
She sighed again, feeling her shell loosen almost unwillingly. "He cares for her, Tuvok. He cares for her so much- I can see it in his eyes. I recognize it…it's how he used to look at me." She paused. "I used to think he had feelings for me. And I for him. I even thought that I loved him…." Her eyes got a slightly glazed look. She glanced at her window. Stars didn't fly by it anymore. Space was still. Or rather, the ship was still. In the midst of the perfect, horrible stillness, realization dawned upon her. Her forehead rose wistfully. "And I still do, don't I?" After a moment's reflection, Kathryn laughed. "I'm sorry, I'm being very illogical right now." He looked at her, tilting his head slightly. He then nodded. She gave him a warm smile. "Thank you for listening, Tuvok. You're a good friend."
He nodded again, and turned to leave. But he stopped, and looked back at her. "Sometimes….one has to be illogical, in order to realize how they truly feel."
oOoOoOoOo
"Captain on the bridge."
Kathryn entered the bridge, seeing Terra on the viewscreen. It had been there for a while, and she still hadn't tired of seeing the blue and green sphere. Home…such a beautiful place. She'd longed for it for so long.
And now, she had something else to long for. She glanced at Chakotay, who was also looking at the screen with an undying delight.
I have that home back….but what about this one, the home on Voyager? What about him" She knew she was being illogical again. Tuvok's words ran through her mind as she gazed at her First Officer's side profile. Yes, the irrationality had been helpful. For she knew now that she could never feel at home again.
So close but so far
So close to their star
My love seems so far away
Rushing by, day by say
They're together
And I'm alone.