Pairings: Kagami/Kise with Aomine/Kuroko on the side
Warnings: lots of swearing and flailing, and... you know, fur. (you'll see what I'm talking about)
Disclaimer: All of the characters and basketball setup are property of Fujimaki-sensei. I make no profit of off writing this, just my share of fujoshi feels.
Description: Kagami has a problem. The one besides his hamburger eating disorder. Namely, his best friend if going out with a guy. Kise has a solution. Namely, fighting fire with fire. Kuroko has involuntary voyeur tendencies. And Amine has that smirk. All things considered, dating for Kagami has never been easier. It's like riding a tricycle. On a rope. That hangs a hundred meters up in the air. Above a pit filled with needles and Lego pieces.
Dating is Easy
-xoxoxo-
There has always been something about Christmas that made a little boy inside Kagami start a feat of holiday excitement. However, recently this little childish bundle of cheer and joy was being rapidly overshadowed by increasingly common outbreaks of cynicism and irritation - towards blinking, shining, shimmering Christmas lights that turned all and any remotely tasteful, respectable street into a rainbow-colored glittering pit, towards a multitude of Christmas songs that come November - fucking November - launched a full frontal attack of English-Japanese cheerful gibberish out of every shopping mall and coffee house of Tokyo, and last, but oh-so-not-least towards the whole army of elderly (and not so much) ladies that at the sight of holiday sales instantly turned into blood-eyed monsters smashing everything and (mostly)each other in their way.
One time Kagami was careless enough to share those kinds of emotion-soaked observations with Kuroko. Seirin's notorious Shadow measured Kagami up and down with a flat look and noted that 1) for someone who lived in the States of all places that's way too vivid, and 2) rather than Christmas, it must be his hormones that are out of control, since Kagami, according to Kuroko's expertise, was obviously hitting late puberty. In return, Kagami put his fist through this newly found "Dr. Phill's" locker and in the future swore to keep his observations and his hormones to his pubescent self.
Oddly enough, this time smashing things did little to improve his foul mood. In fact, since recently it had been rapidly becoming something of a trademark for Kagami. And he couldn't quite put a finer on why that was. Everything was.. well, not exactly peachy, but in order, to say the least. Seirin got their championship, not all was apparently lost for Kiyoshi-senpai, even long-term foes somewhere along the way ceased being enemies and turned into rivals and - guardedly - even friends. So what gives? Kagami looked for the answer in the empty gym and on busy streets, but couldn't find it.
What he found instead, was Kise. A consolation prize of sorts.
Kagami was just starting on his fifth burger, watching a fat snowflake descend heavily on the fast-food window glass, when his ears were suddenly and cruelly assaulted by a high-pitched "Kagamicchi!". A yellow flash darted through the busy burger joint, sidestepping stupefied customers like a true basketball pro.
"Fancy meeting you here," Kise gleefully winked at the room in general and threw himself into a seat opposite of Kagami. A well cared for hand darted out aiming for a corner meat bun.
Kagami hit it with a tray without remorse. He was a true ace of the winning team. That is to say, he hated consolation prizes. And this one was questionable at best.
"Stingy!" Kise whined, blowing on abused fingers, but got over it rather quickly. "So that's where Kagamicchi goes to store up on his daily protein supply. Gotta say though, man," Kise eyed the burger tower on Kagami's tray like it was a pile of bricks," Kurokocchi's tales don't do you justice. You really gonna eat that?"
"All of it." Kagami gave Kise's still slightly twitching hand a warning look.
"So that's a definite 'no' to sharing then?" Kise sighed.
"I don't share food." Kagami said, appalled at the prospect.
The blond whined some more, turning a few heads in the process. Flashy and loudmouthed, he was nothing like the guy who usually appeared in front of Kagami as if out of thin air in that same seat. Kuroko's quiet presence after hellish workouts or a rush of another match was soothing and calming. Though Kagami would rather let Ni-go eat out of his mouth than admit to any of that. When was the last time they got to sit together like this?
"Kurokocchi, isn't coming?" Kise was reading his thoughts and it was positively freaking Kagami out.
"How should I know? I never ask him to tag along in the first place. He does that shit on his own."
"Cruel." Kise declared raising a finger. Then suddenly leaned over the table and asked in a dramatic whisper that could probably be heard on the other side of the counters. "Have you heard? They say Aominecchi confessed!"
That didn't make any sense, except... Except that it did.
Because Kagami had heard.
In fact, it was all he'd been hearing about for the past week and a half.
Aomine confessed to Kuroko. Called him out to the stadium where they held the Winter Cup and confessed. His love, of course, not about the Winter Cup. What a joke!
Kagami could feel the irritation of the last days raise its head in him once again. "Not my problem," he retorted solemnly and stuffed a burger into his mouth in one bite.
For some unperceivable reason, Kise interpreted that as a sign to go on.
"Oh, oh, and apparently Kurokocchi said 'yes'. Can you believe it? I don't think Aominecchi could believe it himself. Gotta feel for the guy. But I guess it's to be expected. Even back in middle school everyone and their dog could see that Kuroko was all over his precious 'Aomine-kun'."
Kagami suppressed an uncertain urge to hear the details about the 'back in middle school' part with another hamburger. It was really non of his business whether Kuroko wanted to go out with someone. Or if that someone happened to be a boy. Who just happened to be the ace of their rivaling team. And the biggest pighead, if you ask Kagami.
"Don't care."
"Honestly though," Kise pressed on, "doesn't it bother you at all that they suddenly started dating? I heard Aominecchi sometimes goes over to you guys to wait for Kuroko to finish practice so they could go home together? Hey, have you ever seen them hold hands?.."
"Christ, Kise! Which part of 'don't care' sounded like 'tell me more'? You know what, you wanted a burger? Here, have one. On me." Kagami showed a soft bun into the Kise's gaping mouth before he could say anything else.
The blond coughed industriously, wiping a few very real tears off the corners of his eyes.
"That's just mean, Kagamicchi! And here I was worried about you."
"Who the hell asked you to? And I just gave you food for free, you dare complain?"
"It was still in a wrapper, you jerk!"
"Ungrateful twat."
Kise didn't stop grumbling, but still unwrapped, now slightly soaked with saliva, paper and looked thoughtfully at Kagami over the bread bun. "As I thought, you are bothered," he reached his verdict.
"Want me to feed you another one?"
Of course he's fucking bothered. His close friend, that he'd been showering and changing right next to for the past year, turned out to be into men and started dating his other close friend all in the course of one fine afternoon. Since then Kagami had a questionable pleasure of running into the happy couple making out behind the equipment room and feeding each other honey lemons during the joined Seirin-Touou practice. And everybody seemed to be perfectly fucking okay with that!
Kise didn't cave. Kagami could see him intensely mulling something over and almost managed not to dread at the very thought of what might be going on inside the blond airy head. Then Kise got that provocative glint in his eyes that said 'I know exactly how to wipe the floor with your ass, buddy', and the feeling of dread settled comfortably in Kagami's throat.
Kagami squared his shoulders at it.
He's prepared for it. Whatever you've got, he's fucking ready for it. Bring it on!
"I know what we should do!" Kise hit him with a truly model-worthy smile. "We should try dating, the two of us!"
Kagami was instantly floored.
-xoxoxo-
Taiga threw back his head, trying to catch falling snowflakes with his mouth, like he used to when he was a kid. The nostalgia of the cold feeling against his tongue unexpectedly worked to calm him down. Five days before Christmas. A time like that will fly by in a flash. Fifteen minutes until his agreed-upon meeting with Kise - almost eternity.
Now Kagami understood that back in that ill-fated burger joint he was played like a rookie. But back then all he could do was to not fall of his chair.
Between his choking, swearing, blushing and just general flailing, Kise managed to continue, unfazed. According to the blond's twisted logic, it was mostly the novelty of it all, that took such a dramatic toll on Kagami's pure heart. Were he, namely Kagami, to get more closely acquainted with the concept of men and dating together, it would no longer come as such a shock. Thus enter Kise, the selfless sacrificial lamb.
"I'm willing to do this for you as a friend. No, as your friend, it's my duty to do this! How are the four of us ever going to hang out together, if you're gonna jump at the mere sight of Kurokocchi? Or Aominecchi. And I'm not even talking about them together."
The fact that the last time the four of them 'hung out together' was... Was there even such a time?... To Kise that was apparently beyond the point.
"Just think about what it does to Kurokocchi knowing that his easily best friend and basket partner is a homophobe. It's hurting him."
"But I'm not homo-anything," Kagami protested meekly. "And how come we have to..."
"See? You're already calling him a 'homo'. That's hurtful, you know. And also rude."
"I wasn't..."
"It's decided then. We're meeting on, let's see,.. Wednesday. I think, I have the afternoon off." Kise suddenly looked bemused. "Either that, or I'm kissing you right here, right now."
"The fuck?!"
"French style."
It must've been a case of brain overload. Or maybe Kagami, having finished stuffing his face, entered an almost drunken-like state of a digesting process that left him with not enough willpower to actually give a shit.
His opponent also felt him retreat and went in for the kill.
"Come on, it's not like I'll jump you, Kagamicchi. We'll have fun, I won't show you a bad time. And I'll even take you to that steak place, you couldn't get in last time - I know the owner. My treat," the blond hammered in the last nail on the coffin of Kagami's protests.
"Hell, what's the worst that could happen?"
Kagami was given no time to write down the list.
Now it was finally Wednesday. Morning. And a lifetime too late for Kagami to realize that he didn't actually have to show up. After all, it wasn't like Kise would hunt him down, or break up with him, for that matter. They weren't actually dating! That was one thing Kagami had to constantly remind himself of just to stay afloat on the surface of sanity. It was the same as it had always been. The same! Two friends just casually hanging out, maybe shooting some hoops, maybe grabbing a bite. And yet, being, as he was, frankly speaking a novice in the dating department in general (men or no men), everything seemed different somehow. Catching fleeting glimpses of passer-bys on himself as he was waiting in front of the station, it seemed as if they were already in on his secret. Kagami could almost feel them watching him. Judging him. Waiting for the other shoe to drop.
At some point two school girls strolled by, then stopped a few meters away, bringing their faces together to whisper. For a moment their nearly identical dark coats and thigh-highs turned them into one formless creature with two whispering and sniggering heads. Kagami could swear he heard a joined "homo" roll down their unnaturally pink lips.
That did the trick. Kagami turned around promptly making his escape. Either he's getting his ass out of here, like right now, or his brain will rot from paranoia.
"Kise can suck it!" he mumbled under his breath.
And that's when Kise made his appearance.
Actually, Kagami didn't see him right away. First he heard a pig-tailed head of the two-headed creature squeal. Kagami followed her gaze and.. right there and then wished to all the kami and bodhisattva he could remember that the concrete under him would please, oh please! simply crack open and swallow him whole.
No such luck. Instead, Kagami kept gaping at the creature that was undoubtedly Kise. The creature was wearing more fur and leather than the poor animals that they originally belonged to. The dark sunglasses (on a cloudy fucking winter day!) and massive cowboy boots completed the outfit.
"So?" Kise nodded the blond head - thankfully his own - in a greeting. "What'd ya say?"
What could he say?
"I thought I'd dress up a bit, since it's the first date with Kagamicchi and all."
Oh. So that's... for him?
"I hope the creature died a painless death," was all Kagami could master.
"How mean! This is a fake. I'm against animal torture, you know."
"Just pro-my torture then." Kagami grumbled.
"Huh?"
"Never mind. Let's just go." The last thing he needed over here was for some celebrity-starved tourists to start taking pictures.
Kagami dragged his furry date a couple of blocks, choosing the narrowest, emptiest streets possible, before he got over his burning embarrassment enough to notice that the blond was rather disheartened. Now that didn't quite amount to a pang of guilt, but still. Thinking rationally, it was a bit of a stretch, to expect Kise to dress up like a human being even on a normal occasion. And here he was actually trying for Kagami. That was almost heartwarming. Almost.
"The glasses have to go," announced Kagami decisively, for a bazillion's time tugging Kise away from a lamppost in his path.
"Yeah, I know."
-tbc-
A/N: This was submitted as a KnB Secret Santa gift for littlereddo. It turned out to be over 7,000 words long, so I'm splitting it here into 3 parts, but they have all already been written and are ready to go, so no unexpected hold ups here. I will post one each following day. Happy holidays, you crazy yaoi lot!