The Death of Fili

by Stephen McGarrett 5-0

Fili's last thoughts and feelings before and during his death, told through his perspective. Fili never dared to hope he would survive when he stood alone in Ravenhill. He was glad he had sent his brother away, but being alone without Kili is harder than Fili thought... Especially when he is helpless and at the mercy of Azog The Defiler.

This is my first story, so... here goes! Please bear with me! I hope everyone enjoys it. Just one little note, Fili and Kili are brothers, no slash. Thank you for reading!

Disclaimer: I do not own the story of "The Hobbit" nor any characters therein. They belong to Tolkien alone.

Also if you want the link to the artwork on the avatar of the story, (it's not my artwork) please pm me, and I will give you it gladly!

I was standing alone in the dark lower levels of Ravenhill. It was so cold…. and dark. My eyes looked around me, watchful for any hidden peril that may yet present itself. Kili had gone, I had told him to go. I was alone. Why had I sent him away? In my own mind, I thought perhaps it was safe to answer. Because I knew something was wrong. I had felt it. I knew something evil was going to befall us, that is why I sent him away. I was going to face it alone, unaided, helpless. Yes, I'd fight to the last, but something in me knew I couldn't win. I couldn't stop what was soon to happen. I let out a sigh. At least Kili was safe away from what would soon come. At least, perhaps, I had given him a chance to survive this ordeal. Maybe, I had given him life, when I had forfeited my own… I loved Kili. He was my brother. We were so close all the time, him and I. Yet, we were so different. The memories of how we used to play together, and train together, and laugh together ran through my mind. I smiled softly. Those memories seemed to give me comfort and courage. But then the fear came. The cold, cruel fear. Would I ever see Kili again? My death was lurking somewhere in the shadows, and at any moment it would suddenly spring upon me and confront me. Would it pull me into eternity? Or would I withstand its fatal blow, aimed at my heart? Wordlessly, I looked up into the darkness and pleaded with God. If there is anyway to survive this God, please show me that way. Give me strength to face what is coming. Help me. But then, as I prayed to my Creator, my ears suddenly caught sound of distant drums and marching feet. I managed to keep my breath calm, though everything in me was shaking like a leaf in the fierce winter breeze.

But then I saw the lights. The lights from ten thousand torches, headed my way from one tunnel. At last my once composed heart began to pound, and terror seized me. I didn't want to die. I wasn't ready to die. The potent compulsion of terror suddenly ran through my bloodstream like a fatal poison, and I could no longer stand and wait for them to come to me. I had to get out, I had to escape. Instantly, my boots wrenched away from the cold, snow and I ran for a tunnel, adjoining the one shining with torch light. But then, before I took my second step, I saw that dreaded torch fire again, coming towards me. I leapt back, and swiftly headed for the other tunnel. But lights flickered in that one as well. The fear gripped me now like a noose and my heart slammed against my ribs wildly. I tried another tunnel, but that one too, was filled with that sallow, dim light. I drew back, only to stand where I had stood before. The lights flickered all around me, and I knew they were coming. There was no escape…. I would soon be caught and killed. Though I knew there was no hope for me, I drew my sword. I clenched it tight, ready to slash down anything that came at me first. My breathing was fast now, so fast, even my heart's ceaseless pumping could not keep up with it. The lights were drawing nearer; the snarling and sounds of weapons shaking growing louder and louder until I thought I could hear nothing else. Finally, after what seemed like minutes of heart-stopping suspense, orcs, beyond count began to flood out of the tunnels. As soon as they saw me they came for me, their depthless eyes glistening with bestial pleasure. They knew I was a Durin instantly. They knew I was a nephew of Oakenshield, and they wanted to kill me. No doubt Azog would promote them or pay them, or reward them greatly if they simply hacked off my head. Raising my sword, I slashed down the first orcs that came at me. I twirled my sword in my hand, and sliced any enemy that dare come within a few feet of me. More came, but I continued to fight. They were all rushing at me in torrents, but I cut down as many as I could.

I was doing well, it seemed, holding my own against these beasts, when suddenly Azog came in. And that is when all hope left my heart. That is when I knew it was over, and that for certain, I was going to die this day. Azog shoved the orcs out of the way, just waiting to get to me. His eyes were seething with want and cruelty, and I knew he was coming for me. It almost made me want to cower and fall at his feet and beg for mercy, but no…. I was an Oakenshield. I never begged mercy from evil things, or submitted to their will. Even though everything looked utterly hopeless, I fought on, just like I was taught to do. Never give up until you have nothing left. That's what my uncle had always taught me. But then, my bravery and courageous fighting was abruptly brought to an end. There were too many orcs, and Azog had finally reached me. With an evil laugh he knocked me back with his great arm blade. I staggered backwards, losing my balance. I fought the air and tried to stop myself from falling. For I knew, if I fell now, my fighting would be finished, and I would never get up again. But my efforts were futile. I fell onto my back with a gasp, and before I could raise myself up again, Bolg, Azog's son, (who was with his father at the time) smashed his large metal boot down on my chest. I let out something that sounded like a squeak, but I quickly shut my mouth after that, forcing any other sounds back into my throat. Bolg then turned to his father and said something to him in black speech. Azog nodded and then glared at me. Bolg turned his attention back to me, and then slowly leaned down to look into my eyes. I felt him crush every last little breath of air out of me, as his boot sunk deeper into my torso.

"Where is your brother?" he asked me, using my own language. I felt rage boil in my blood when his ugly, guttural voice spoke and defiled the language of my people. I stared up at him silently, defiance gleaming in my eyes. I would never tell him anything. Even if he crushed my ribs and tore me to pieces, I still wouldn't say anything. Kili was safe now, out of Azog's cruel reach. He wouldn't get both of us. I wouldn't let him win.

I said nothing. I could see Bolg's eyes beginning to fume with impatience and loathing. In a second's time he had grabbed me by my neck and yanked me half-way off the ground.

"Where is your brother?!" he spat, raising his tone, and squeezing my throat with his large, cold, fingers. My eyes flickered slightly, but I did not take my eyes off his face. "I won't say anything." I promised myself. Even if it hurt, even if it ripped my heart in two, I still wouldn't say anything. I retained my silence. My neck began to ache from the force being put upon it, but I ignored it. I pretended I didn't even feel the pain. Bolg's eyes were blazing now with hate, and he raised his powerful fist to hit me in the face. I pulled away from his hand slightly, trying to turn my head and reduce the pain that would soon come. But the blow never fell. Azog suddenly stopped his son, and murmured something to him. Bolg's hate-filled eyes seemed to soften a little, and then he smirked and laughed. They both laughed as they turned to look at me. My blood seemed to ice over and run cold within me as I heard them chuckling and saw them grinning at me. Shivers went up and down my spine, and I could not help but tremble. Something in those terrible, ugly, snickers told me an evil thing was going to happen… something so evil and cruel…. I tried to work out what could possibly happen in my mind, but even I could not guess what it was. Bolg then threw me back to the ground. He kicked snow in my face, before turning his back on me and disappearing down one of the now empty tunnels. I looked after him, my eyes filling with fear and apprehension. Where could he be going? Where had Azog sent him? My heart desperately wanted to know the answer, but no matter how hard I thought, I could not find it. Suddenly, I felt a thwack across my face. I grimaced, but kept my mouth shut, not allowing the whines of pain to escape my trembling lips. I then turned my head to look upon my assaulter. I was staring into the icy, merciless eyes of Azog the Defiler. He smiled at me and then hit me again. It was just a sport for him. I was just another thing he could toy with. He savored playing with people's pain, and making them break. I was just another victim of his cruelty. But I would not break. I would not show weakness. I would give to the last, like a true son of Durin. With all my strength, I tried to raise myself to my feet, but Azog kicked me in the face. I fell back to the ground with a groan, though I tried with all I was to force it back. I could feel the cold snow beneath my face, and the warm blood trickling down from my nose. I laid there for a moment, looking up at Azog, who stood over me like an abuser. I glared at him, defiance still burning fiercely in my eyes. I would never submit to him. Never. He couldn't make me scream. I'd die first.

Azog's hand then came slamming down again. I cowered slightly, expecting a blow, but instead the great pale orc grabbed me by my hair and dragged me back into one of the tunnels. I saw him motion for a few orcs to follow him just before he pulled me around the bend. I fought against his grip, though my head burned and stung and screamed in pain. He only yanked me harder, and pulled me forward. The orcs chortled to themselves as they saw me struggle against the pale orc's indomitable strength. I fought against his every step, trying to pull him back and stop him from going to wherever he was trying to take me. My skull was throbbing from the pain under the roots of my hair, but still I struggled. Azog then, tired of me constantly pulling him back and fighting despite the pain he was inflicting upon me, struck me in the face. More blood poured out of my nose and ran down my lips. My whole head seemed to be swimming, and the pain was so great. I could no longer fight, it hurt too much. Azog, seeing me comply with his wicked will, let go of my hair and instead pulled my arm behind my back and forced me forward. It was like a master rewarding his dog for allowing him to beat it. My stomach was turning so terribly. From pain, or nausea, or fear, I did not know. But I tried to convince myself in my mind that I wasn't afraid of Azog... even when my heart began to race as he stared down at me with those cold, merciless, eyes. I turned away and looked ahead, but it was all blurry. I blinked my eyes, and only then did I feel the water falling down my cheeks. Tears. That's what it was. That's why I couldn't see. My heart began to burn within me. Was it terror? Rage? Sorrow? But I knew what was the cause of the searing feeling deep within my core. I scolded myself aggressively in my own mind for yearning for such a thing. I wanted Kili beside me... I wanted him to hold my hand and smile at me and tell me everything was going to be alright... But he wasn't, and I was alone, and at the mercy of a cruel beast that hated my family and I with a passion. I quickly turned the thought out of my mind and thanked God that Kili was not being dragged beside me to certain death.

I raised my head and blinked again, forcing more tears to slip down my face. My vision was clearing. I could feel the wind on my face, and up ahead I could see the snow blowing around outside. Where had Azog taken me? Was he going to throw me to my death? The pale orc dragged me forward, my rent armor sliding through the snow. And then we were out in the open air. The wind struck me right in the face, acting just like salt would on my raw wounds. I let out a breath, but no cry of pain. I had to breathe… But suddenly, as I raised my head to look at what was before me, I let out a gasp. No… No…. I couldn't believe it…. It couldn't be! Then the whole wicked scheme of Azog's cruel mind suddenly became clear to me…. I couldn't believe what the pale orc was doing…. What he was going to do… More tears that I could not hold back stung my eyes and poured down my face.

There, across the seemingly endless expanse was my uncle, and Dwalin, and Bilbo. Their eyes were filled with utter terror and dread as they looked upon me, and they stood trembling in the cold wind of the winter's day. I cried. I cried as I looked into each of their faces, wrung with pain and indescribable terror. But my uncle, when I looked into his eyes, I felt guilt rip through my whole body. How broken he looked… how utterly broken… I suppose I felt it was my fault that I had been caught. Perhaps if I had tried harder, I would have been able to escape. But I had failed, and now, I was going to break my uncle's heart. But as I shivered and began to sob in the snow, I actually managed to find some comfort in that my brother was not there to watch me die. That I would not see his tender, innocent heart, ripped in two in front of me. I was sobbing now, uncontrollably. The pain and fear were too great, and I had been crushed beneath their unconquerable and powerful forces. This horrid nightmare would soon be over… for me at least. But poor uncle… and Kili, they would be left behind to bear the grief and the heavy weight of my death. My heart began to ache within me as I thought of how Kili would react to all this, when suddenly he heard that I was dead. My only prayer was that he did not blame himself for leaving me. I told him to go. I ordered him. I was his older brother, and he was right to obey me. It was not his fault. But suddenly, as I lay in the snow thinking upon these things, Azog pulled me up off the ground again. I struggled a little, but it was no bother to him. He was far stronger then I was, and he was also larger. The white orc held me up in the air, displaying me to my uncle, Bilbo, and Dwalin, like a hunted animal he had finally succeeded in capturing. I could no longer look into their horror and tear filled eyes, and turned my head away, keeping my eyes on the ground. I'd start crying like a child if I gazed into their eyes any longer. But Azog, seeing my refusal to raise my head and look at my kin and friends, tried to pull my head back. But I didn't let him move my face. I wouldn't turn and look. I wouldn't. It would tear my heart into shreds if I did, and I knew I would break. Azog's eyes filled with rage and hate when he saw that I was not going to comply with his will. He had probably planned this perfectly, and now wanted it to play out just as he had imagined it. But I was preventing his sweet dream from coming true. With a snarl he gripped my blood-stained chin and forced my head to turn. Every bone in my body resisted, but my strength was all but spent, and at last I submitted to his power. My tear-filled eyes rose and looked into those of my uncle and my friends. They stared back at me with love, but tears of dread spilled down their faces. I felt my body beginning to shake again, but not from cold, but from the sobs that were rising in my chest.

"Forgive me," I managed to whisper, as I shook my head helplessly at them, as if to say that I could do nothing else to stop what was going to happen. Azog, then, being pleased with how everything was playing out, began to laugh and mock my uncle in his own cruel and ugly language. I continued to cry, and when his hand finally loosened its grip around my chin, I let my head drop. I let despair take hold…. I finally accepted defeat and death and allowed myself to fall limp from exhaustion in the white orc's hand. I could hear Thorin, and Bilbo, and Dwalin crying. They were crying for me. My heart was hurting! Oh I could not describe the pain… It felt as if slowly, my heart was being held at both ends and then being pulled apart. I almost wanted to interrupt Azog in his triumphant and cruel black words, and scream, Stop! Stop! Stop! But I held my tongue. Accept what is going to happen, I told myself. It will all soon be over and you will feel no more of this pain… Stop caring about your life. Don't look into their broken eyes… don't feel their hurt… But I couldn't. I felt all of it and the pain stabbed my heart like a two edged dagger. I willed Azog to kill me now, and stop the pain for all of us. And finally, that moment came. The white orc drew his metal arm back, ready to plunge it into me.

"Go!" I screamed desperately to Thorin and his companions, "Leave me! Don't watch anymore… go!" They only looked back at me with eyes wide with disbelief, and uncle shook his head. "Go!" I screamed again, tears now running down my face in torrents.

The time then came, and Azog brought his metal blade forward.

"Go for my sake!" I shrieked one last time, before the blade pierced into me. I screamed. The cold blade went right through me, and its tip protruded out of my chest. The frosty steel sent shivers through my whole body and I convulsed. I could hear Thorin sobbing, and I saw Bilbo and Dwalin turn their faces away. Only my uncle's eyes remained fixed upon my bloody and battered body. My defiant will had suddenly vanished, and all I wanted to do was scream. Scream for the sake of the pain, scream for the state of my helplessness, scream for the tears of my kin. But my breath was slipping away, and very swiftly. I gasped and fought against the air, but it did no good. Blood began coming up into my throat. I coughed and screamed and struggled and tried to find air, but my own red blood was choking me to death. The taste of it was sickening. I tried to scream again, but it only came out as a choked gurgle, and instead blood spattered out of my mouth. Blood seemed to be everywhere…. I looked and saw it soaking the snow beneath me, and I felt it running like a powerful stream down my sides and back. I gasped again and coughed out more blood. My air was all but gone, and I was being suffocated to death. My darkening eyes then turned once more to look at my uncle. I could hear Azog laughing behind me, but I didn't care. Our sorrowful and tear-filled eyes met. Thorin's lip quivered and he began to cry again. My own eyes were quickly filling with tears, and I knew I was on the very brink of death. My air was now only a second away from being gone, but still the blood ran freely into my mouth. My cloudy eyes remained fixed upon my uncle and though blood spilled out of my lips, I mouthed the words, Forgive me… My eyelids then fell shut and the blood strangled me to death. Though, just as I was leaving the threshold of this world and stepping into the next, I thought I heard Kili scream my name... But it was all foggy and everything of this world suddenly meant nothing to me. It almost seemed unreal. At last, without even drawing in a last breath, my chin fell against my breast. The pain faded, the white was gone, the screams stopped. I was lost in darkness.

Fili was dead.