Ve~
Ciao, my name is Feliciano Vargas and me and my brother, Lovino, are going to prison! Isn't that great? He hates it and still fighting with the policeman. If you're wondering why I'm in handcuffs, me and my brother was caught drug dealing with one of grandpa's clients. Ve~, we almost got away, but it turns out that pasta isn't a suitable weapon.
"Let me go dammit!" Lovino exclaims
"Not a chance, you bloody wanker!" the policeman exclaims
Officer Kirkland is the one who busted us. He doesn't really like my family that much. He's also the one that's gonna drive us to Hetalcatraz. I wonder how you drive to an island? I don't know, but we'll find out soon!
Feliciano: Hetalia!
"And you stay back there!" Kirkland exclaims as he pushes Lovino in the back of the police car. *closes car door*
"What's wrong brother?" I ask
"What's wrong? We're going to Hetalcatraz! And it's all because of you! Pasta isn't going to be affective in a shoot out you idiot! Now we're going to get raped…" Lovino begins to cries
"Don't cry Lovino. Everything's gonna be just fine!"
Rape? People get raped in prison? Anyways, the car started moving. I knew at that instance our journey to Hetalcatraz has commenced! As I was trying to comfort me brother on the way there, the car came to a sudden halt. I got curious and looked out in the steel bar-covered window and saw a tall, white man wearing a prison guard uniform and a large steel gate behind him. Officer Kirkland stepped out of the driver seat and exchanges a salute with the tall white man. They chatted for a minute, then Officer Kirkland climbs back into the driver's seat and keeps driving into the gate. The gate opens and the car drove right in.
"Brother look! We're here!" I exclaimed happily.
"No! Hide me!"
I look at Lovino in confusion. Why is he so worried about Hetalcatraz? He's to macho for that! The car stops again as the large door behind us closes. The door at the back of the car opens and me and my brother were dragged out by Officer Kirkland. We were escorted to a line of other new prisoners and was stuck at the end of the line.
"Good luck surviving here." Kirkland says as he makes his way back to his British-styled police truck.
The officer climbs back into the car and back up to drive out of the entrance. Ciao officer! I was starting to get anxious about why we were here, so I turned to Lovino to start some small talk.
"Hey Lovino, why are we in this line?" I asks
"How the hell should I know?" he responds
"I thought you've been to prison before."
"You did too! And it's nothing like this!"
Oh yeah...I forgot! Suddenly a really huge man and two of his prison guards, one with glasses and one with long brown hair, come from a door in the back. Every guard give their salutes and all the prisoners, including me and my brother, stood up straight and in line as commanded by one of the guards.
"Good morning prisoners!" said the huge man "My name is Ivan Braginski and I am you current prison warden. Your stay here doesn't have to be completely brutal and suicidal, da? I can be a great warden if in a good mood. However….." The warden pauses, and moves closer to Me and Lovino in a sinister manner. Why us? "If any of you ever angers me, then you'll witness the capability of my wrath, kolkolkolkolkol…"
Everyone around us cringes in fear from the sound the warden made. Even the guards with the warden looked in such fright. Me and my brother knew at that moment, that this isn't gonna be a fun time for us...
Ivan: Hetalia!
So after me and my brother were scared out of our pantaloni (pants), we were escorted to pick up our prison wear by the same guard that commanded us in line during the briefing. He wore a white beret on top of his blonde hair. He has a look on his face that think he'll shoot you in a drop of a dime. I tried to soften the atmosphere with a brief chat
"So uh, what your name?" I asks
"Who wants to know?" he quickly responds
"Eh...Just asking…"
Well, that didn't work out. In a few minutes of time, we were in the changing room getting our new outfits! A man with blonde hair and green eyes was sitting in a chair waiting for me and my brother to arrive.
"Like, these outfits are totally gross. I wish I could made the uniform. They would've been more rad." Says the man. "But whatever…"
He seems preppy. He took our measurements, gave us the correct sizes, and send us into the dressing room. Maybe talking to Lovino will keep my mind of of things
"Hey, brother." I say
"What the hell do you want now?" he responds
"What do you think prison life would be like? You think we'll make friends?"
"I doubt it, and why would want to make friends here?"
"I don't see why not!"
Ve~
After the conversation ended, me and my brother were escorted to the large mess hall. We got in line for our dinner with other prisoners. They seemed pretty nice, but I wouldn't want to cut them. They might kill me!
"Next, aru!" exclaims the lunch man
My brother and I moves over in front of a large pot and set our trays on the bar. The lunch man ladles a large spoonful of chili and empties it out in me and Lovino's bowl.
"Do you have any pasta?" I ask
"No, aru. We don't have any pasta. Today we have chili." He points to the menu with the ladle saying Wednesday: Chili
"Oh" I say in disappointment.
"Where the hell are the tomatoes in this chili?" Lovino ask, looking straight into his bowl.
"I don't put tomatoes in it, aru." answers the lunch man
"NO TOMATOES IN CHILI IS A CRIME!" Lovino exclaims
"Calm down brother." I said
"You better listen to your brother, aru, of I'll call the warden." the lunch man say
Lovino gives the Chinese man a displeased glare and walks away with the bowl of chili anyways. I'm glad, or we'll have to answer to the warden, and he's creepy!
Wang Yao: Hetalia, aru!
We took our seats with a bunch of other prisoners and begin eating our lunch. It wasn't that bad. Wish it had some pasta with it though. As me and Lovino were enjoying our prison food, a German-sounding voice interrupts our meal. I wonder who could that be?
"Well, it looks like we have fresh meat…." says a prisoner.
He must be a prisoner. Wait a minute, someone's finally talking to us!
"The name's Gilbert the Awesome, of Prussia"
"Ciao Gilberto!" Oh, no wonder he sounds so German.
"And this is Sadik, from Turkey, and Matthew, from Canada"
The 2 other prisoners waved and nodded their heads to indicate who they are.
"It's so nice to meet you all!" I replied with joy "Well, I'm Feliciano, and this is my brother Lovino. We're from Italia!"
"So, what are you in for?" asks Sadik
"Well, we were caught during a drug deal." I say.
"We'd almost got away…" continued Lovino. Lovino's finally talking! "My grandfather is one of the head leaders of the Italian mafia and he wanted for me and Feliciano to seal the deal with a client...
"So, this will cost you….14000 euros" Lovino says
I was collecting the pay from our clients until a hoard of police bastadi (bastards) rushed into our lair.
"Put your hands up! You're all surrounded!" says Officer Kirkland
Our clients started to shoot at the policemen, and the policemen didn't hold back their bullets either. I wanted to join in on the fun and told Feliciano to load the guns up. He handed mine over and I was prepared to shoot.
Lovino grabs his gun and point it toward Officer Kirkland
"I've got you now you police turd!"
I fired the gun and Gomito noodles came out of it. I opened the bullet case and it was loaded with pasta.
"Feliciano! I told you to load the guns with bullets!" Lovino exclaims
"We ran out brother, so I stock it with Gomito noodles!"
"You fool!"
We were arrested on the spot and sent here to Hetalcatraz" Lovino finishes the story
"Gomito noodles?" Sadik comments
"HAHA! That must be a total disappointment!" Gilbert laughs
"Wait a minute, you said you were drug dealer?" Matthew asks
"Yeah..." Lovino answers
"You must be the Vargas twins! Grandsons of Alexandria Vargas." Matthew continues
"That's right! How did you know that?" I asked in surprise "I never thought anybody knew us outside of Italia"
"Well, there's rumors that the warden gets his vodka from your grandfather's branch of the mafia." Matthew finishes
"But THAT'S just a rumor." Gilbert adds "If we really can prove that, then he'll be the ones behind these bars and I'll be laughing my ass off in my office, AHA!"
"Interesting..." Lovino whispers trailing off back to eating his chili.
As we were talking the 3 prisoners, a hoard of people gathered around a piano and a man with long blonde hair and a pink feather scarf. I looked over to grab a peak and tilted my head in amazement. He's so colorful!
"Who is that?" I ask
"That's Francis Bonnefoy. He was arrested for public nudity and sexual harassment on women, and men…" Sadik answers
"MEN?" Lovino exclaims
"Yeah. You don't want to drop the soap around him." Gilbert comments followed by a chuckle
Lovino clinged around me in fear. That never happened before. He must really not want to get raped.
Gilbert: Hetalia!
"He's more of the 'showgirl' around the prison" says Sadik "And speaking of showgirl, it looks like the show's started."
"Gather around men! I've got a treat for you today, and I promise, it…is…Sweet!" exclaims Francis "Hit it Roderich!"
Roderich starts playing the piano with ease, following the tone Francis sets.
"Come with me, and we'll be, floating down a river of dreams~, to a fantasy land, and all we'll need, is you and me!"
The prisoners made a bunch of noise over this Francis person. Lovino…not so much. He's still clinging on to me. As he sings he took a glance toward me and brother and gave us a wink and blew a kiss. I freaked out and start clinging onto Lovino! Schifo (crap)! Now I'm scared! After dinner, we all went into our cells. Lovino took the bottom bunk, and I the top. I wanted to sleep with my brother like we use to back home, but the beds are minuto (small), and brother might push me off.
"Thank God this day is over." Lovino says
"I think we made some friends today." I add
I got comfy in my bed and look up at the ceiling. I thought it was a good day. Maybe staying here isn't going to be bad after all.
"Lights out!" yell one of the guards
"Night Lovino" I said
"Yeah, yeah" Lovino responds while yawing.
I was sleeping like a dream, until I heard footsteps from a distance. I decided to check it out. I feel like a detective! I climbed out of bed and walk toward the bars.
"Vat are you still doing up?" said the guard
Hey, it was the same guard from the giant gate!
"I'm sorry guard! Please don't beat me! I'm still a virgin!" I exclaimed. Maybe he might forgive me.
"Vat? Like I need to know zhat. Go beck to bed!" the guard said
"Yes sir!" I climbed back to be and immediately closed my eyes. The guard walked away casting his flashlight somewhere else. That was close! He seems like a nice guy. Maybe I'm get to know him in the morning, but for right now, time to dream of more pasta! Ciao!