Ersatz
AN: I think this could be okay as a 'T' rating, but there is a smutty scene so it's best to be on the safe side. I wanted to try a different style, so this story is an experiment. I don't think it's that great.
OoO
She doesn't find him physically attractive.
This is their first understanding.
He only finds her physically attractive.
This is the second.
They were only using each other for the things they can't get elsewhere.
It was, admittedly, not the best way to start a relationship.
And as it is with all buildings that have a poor foundation, this too crumbled to the ground.
OoO
Heavy, clumsy hands squirm and slip all over her, numb fingertips grasping cold buttons, and removing them without the finesse of a lover. She shivers, and whether it's in disgust or pleasure neither of them will never know, it's not a matter they're concerned with. Warm pants spread over her neck, and a velvety tongue sloppily flecks the tip of her ear as a sharp pair of angular hips grind harshly against her, pressing her back into the wall.
Cold, clammy hands struggle with the intricate fasten of his belt, a force behind them that's far too forward for someone who's looking for something other than gratification. He grunts, and whether it's in irritation or anticipation is inconsequential because the end result will always be the same. Stifled moans are all he can hear as the alcoholic breath on his neck is replaced with an alcoholic kiss and the buckle finally snaps open.
There's this pulsating need between them, an animalistic desire that transcends rationality or shame. Her moans actually escape when he begins to push up her dress and rest his clumsy hand on her thigh, and his panting becomes growling when she wraps her legs around his waist.
There isn't anything beautiful about what they are doing.
They both know it, for the whole time, they refuse to look into each others' eyes.
Cassandra uses Karyl as a replacement for the one she betrayed.
Karyl uses Cassandra as a replacement for the one who betrayed them.
And the two of them are too far gone to even recognize the aching feeling in their chest as heartbreak. All they think, all they feel, is emptiness. One that can be temporarily slated within each other. It's foul, it's appeasing, it's comfort, and it's hell. It's all they have anymore. Neither boy nor girl knows how it started, but they know how it's going to end.
And the invisible pains sink a little deeper simultaneously as they sink into each other.
OoO
Sometimes, he'll buy her a drink. Normally alcoholic- she's been heavy ever since she was Outcasted- but occasionally it's water. The nights are worse when it's water.
She will smile a sneer, and even play the mock flirting game, as if to add a little humanity to their twisted portrayal of a relationship.
Neither of them love each other, the capacity for that had shriveled up and died along with their hope. Cassandra can only worship and delude, and Karyl can only crave something with substance. Both are sorely disappointed in what their counterpart brings to the table. Cassandra remembers Stanton to be someone easy to devote and drape with affection, and Karyl remembers the conversations with Tymmie being far more fulfilling and remarkable.
Cassandra chases after her false idol, and Karyl continues his quest for a soul mate.
Maybe, if they keep on pretending, they can learn to settle for far less.
Karyl doesn't want to touch her, not in the way she wants to be touched. He'll never hold her hand, or even kiss her. That's not what he's looking for, and she will begrudgedly accept this over time.
Cassandra doesn't want to care for him, doesn't want to find something in him deeper than physical gratification. She doesn't want attachment, and she doesn't want to lose her own purpose in someone else again. He'll get used to his conversations being one sided eventually.
Neither care much for aesthetics. Even if deception is the best art form.
Everything for now gets lost between the sheets, anyways.
OoO
The game will end- horribly, painfully, and miserably. The game will end and the pair will be far more devastated then they had ever expected to be.
It will start out small.
One day, Karyl will ask a question and receive an honest answer.
The next, Cassandra might feel the slightest of touches on her hand.
And eventually, they will start to look at each other in the eyes.
This will hurt more than everything prior to it could have hurt. Cassandra's hands will start to linger over places that aren't necessary; Karyl will reign in his patience and allow Cassandra to finish first. It's going to happen again, and before either realize it, the process will be too far along to stop. There will be goosebumps on her skin, honest to goddamn goosebumps, and there's going to be a nervous sweat shining on his forehead.
They will lose themselves again.
And when the time comes, they won't be able to go back.
Because Karyl is not Stanton. He is not handsome, unapproachable, or tender. He's almost ugly- his gait like a lizard, and he's far too approachable, a regular bottom dweller right along with her. Tenderness is a pretense he doesn't concern himself with.
And Cassandra is not Tymmie. She's not overtly introspective, deep, or intelligent. She holds a pragmatic, realistic view of the world that's cold and callous. It cuts through him, and he finds himself uncomfortable just being near her when they're not drowning in each others' senses.
Karyl will never inspire a blind worship, will never require loyalty or complete devotion.
Cassandra will never tire of her companions; will never willingly leave them behind in search of something better.
This is why each of them will lose miserably. They will find themselves getting something they never wanted, and this time it's not going to leave as easily as those who were unattainable.
Karyl's going to start finding her unattractive- but he won't be able to stay away.
Cassandra will begin to discover that there's something more powerful beneath the unpleasing surface.
It will end big.
Karyl might kiss her, with no ulterior motives.
Cassandra might want to ask him the questions.
And dreadfully, their games will be finally over, because no one will want to play anymore.
They will never be in love, because love has irrevocably damaged them forever and they both hate the idea of finding it again. Who they are prevents them from ever having something beautiful.
But that's alright, because both of them have had beauty before, and what they will find to replace it with is something stronger.
The idiots just don't realize it yet.
So for now, they'll keep on pretending.