Rating: K+
Summary: After the events of the movie, the crew are in mourning for their lost friends and Mal's blaming himself - but River's on hand to help him out.
Disclaimer: Guess what? I'm not Joss Whedon and I don't own Firefly. Gorramit. Please read and review.
Captain Starlight
"So, little albatross, you ready to learn how to fly?"
He looks over at me, with that indescribable smile, and I smile back. I know how to fly Serenity already, but I don't tell him that. I let him tell me, just to hear his voice, just because I love the sound of his voice as he talks about this ship that he adores.
Later, after everyone has eaten dinner and gone to their various tasks, he heads for the bridge, to mind the ship and keep her on the right course. I check where the others are… Simon and Kaylee together in Simon's room, Jayne lifting weights alone in the cargo bay, 'Nara in her shuttle, Zoe radiating grief in her cabin.
I can feel them mourning, for Wash and for Shepherd Book, and the others from Haven. But there's nothing I can do to help them, they have to get through this by themselves. There is one person I can help, though. I walk the length of the ship, finally climbing the stairs to the bridge.
He's sitting in the pilot's chair, looking out into the black. I sit in the second chair, turning it to face him. "It's okay to be sad, you know."
He doesn't answer, but his features harden and I see a small frown appear.
"Everyone else is sad. You're allowed to be, you don't have to be tough all the time."
He turns to look at me, and says quietly "Yes, meimei, I do have to. I'm the captain of this boat. Can't show weakness in my position, dong ma?"
"I know. Can still cry a little though. I won't tell."
"I'll bear that in mind."
We sit together in silence. I know that he needs company right now, but he's afraid to admit it. So I sit with him, letting him know that he isn't alone. I see the plastic dinosaurs that belonged to Wash arranged on the edge of the console… I pick one up, turning it in my hands. I can feel traces of his aura, still here even now, and all mixed in with the sadness radiating from the ship. Serenity is sad too, just like her crew.
I'm startled out of my thoughts by a sudden sound from the captain's side of the room. A half-stifled sob. I look over, and I see him break down in tears. I put the plastic dinosaur down, and walk around to him. I put an arm around his shoulders, and whisper into his ear. "It's okay… you need to let it out, all the bad feelings, or it'll hurt you more."
"It's my fault… I'm responsible for the ship, the crew, and I'm responsible for looking after you all… I failed. I failed in my duty as your captain."
"No."
He raised his head, looking at me through tear-filled eyes. "What?"
"You're a good captain. Everyone thinks so, even if they don't always say it. It's not your fault, you couldn't've done anything different."
"Well, sorry, meimei, but I'm finding that a touch hard to believe right now."
"I know. You'll understand one day. Promise."
"If it were anyone but you saying that, I'd think they didn't know what they were talking about."
"But it is me. And one day, you will understand."
I wipe his tears away with my fingers, and gently kiss his forehead. I straighten up, looking out at the stars. He stands as well, and I slip an arm around his waist. We stand together like that for a time, me holding him, giving him the comforting touch he needs. Then he speaks. "It really isn't my fault?"
"Of course it isn't."
"Thanks, that helps."
"Captain?"
"Yes?"
"I can't imagine a better captain for this ship than you. With anyone else, Serenity would just be some old bits of metal riveted together. But with you, she's alive. Vibrant and alive and shiny. You do that, cap'n, only you. Everyone else had given up on her, left her in a scrapyard, but you found her and fixed her up, and now you take her out into the black, chasing the stars. She's grateful for it, you know. Didn't think she'd get a chance to do anything like this, 'til you came along."
"I didn't know that. Knew havin' a reader on board would come in handy." He tries to make it a joke, but the laughter just sounds fake.
"You don't need to make a joke of it, captain. It's just true, and I thought you should know it. Thought it'd help you feel better."
"Well, it does. Thank you for telling me, meimei."
"My pleasure, not a problem. Serenity loves you, captain, just as much as you love her. I feel it all the time."
I paused, looking up to see the surprise on his face. "Serenity loves you, captain, and so do I. Now, you should sleep. Go, I'll stay here, watch the ship."
I smile at the shocked look on his face. I push him over to the door of the bridge. "Go. Sleep. Ship'll be fine, so will the crew. I'm watching them." Then I kissed him quickly, and pushed him gently out of the door.
As the captain went to his cabin, I sat down in the chair he had recently vacated, to keep watch over the ship.