Wizards Shouldn't Wear Robes
It had been a good turnout; three men responded to Lesix's flyer. The flyer promised them fame and fortune if they joined her party to kill a knoll called Hoggar. The three men stood in a straight line before Lesix. She walked by each one, sizing them head to toe. The first was Kaygorn; a mountain of a man, he wore the brightest armor she'd ever seen; she had to divert her eyes when the sun reflected off it or it'd blind her. She gave him a small smile, now here is a man worth his salt, she thought. She walked past. The second man was named Easy; thin as a knife, his blackened leather armor was dark as night, and reminded her of the dark Duskwood nights she experience when she was a soldier in the Night Watch. Lesix regarded Easy thoughtfully, nodding with approval. It was the last man, a young boy priest called Allen, which made Lesix raise an eyebrow.
Everyone was suited for battle (Lesix made sure to buy a new set of steel armor, and a well-balanced long sword) except for this boy-priest, who wore a cloth robe. Lesix stood in front of him; her eyes darted from his wooden sandals to his hooded face.
"What are you doing?" Lesix asked Allen.
"What?" Allen responded.
"You wanted to come with us, right?" Lesix asked Allen.
"Yes, of course." Allen replied.
"Well, then where's your armor?" Lesix said, "You have on no protection."
"My protection is I do this-" Allen crossed himself, "Lord, please protect me." He prayed, "See? That's all I need!"
Lesix regarded him for a moment. Then she slapped him hard across the face. Allen was utterly nonplussed.
"That's strange. . ." Lesix said, "Your God can't seem to protect you from those. Hopefully there aren't any more . . ."
Lesix slapped him again.
"Oh, look there's more!" She said. Then slapped him again, "There's another one!"
"Stop fucking slapping me!" Allen exclaimed.
"Hurts, doesn't it?" Lesix said, "You see why you might need some actual armor?"
"No, trust me, I'm fine." He said, "The robes keep me light on my feet, I'll just evade all the attacks. I have amazing reflexes."
Lesix slapped him again.
"Enough!" Allen barked, "Don't you fucking slap me ever again, you hear me? And that goes for the rest of you as well!"
Kaygorn, taking Allen up on his threat, slapped him. Allen flailed his arms at Kaygorn, but only managed to bat at him like his hands were a pair of cat paws; Kaygorn laughed his head off as the priest assaulted him with pats. Kaygorn slapped Allen again, sending the priest tumbling over to the ground. The entire group then joined in on slapping the shit out of him, hoping to beat some since into him.
Allen finally screamed out, "ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! I'LL BUY SOME FUCKING CHAIN MAIL!"
Lesix helped the poor boy up. She padded him on the back, regarding him fondly "Atta' boy! Now you're using your head!"
And so they headed off to the local smith to by the priest some practical armor. Lesix stopped suddenly.
"Oh, wait," she said, "One more thing, Allen."
"What?" Allen asked.
Lesix smiled at him, then slapped him.