Well I warned you. This was bound to happen eventually. This whole thing was inspired by McBeth, which we are acting out in english class. I noticed there was a part for the old man, and immediatly decided, "That's gonna be me." In fact I remember threatening to fight to the death for that part. The other person backed down. XD Anyway, before that Mariah and I got into our usual typhoons of laughs by making a senario for the old man. We claimed that he was really the one to kill King Duncan. With his wheelchair he shoved false teeth into King Duncans servants, killed Duncan with a sharpened cane, and stole the collection of Sepiroth and My Pretty Pnoy dolls. He later became a wheelchair pole dancer and went on to single handedly destroy the moon people. Unfortunatly I have no idea what happened to the origonal of the story. =/ Sorry. But Mariah and I found a way to put in all our favorite peeps. XD So here it is. The first part mariah wrote, I give all credit to AdreamI'veneverDreamt. At least I think that's how you spell it. Look her up in my fav authors I think she's there. She must be! Or I will have to commit suicide in front of Cassies class! D= The interlude and the rest is my masterpiece. Of course I habe input along the way, from my Dearie Mariah. Hope you like our work. ^_______^ It is our sperm baby.
It was on the day King Mickey was brutally murdered by his brother, Riku, that Sora realized that he was an Hero. It wasn't just a typo on the screen- "Wow Sora! You're such an Hero!" No, this…This was different. This was his destiny.
Sora put aside the cat dung he was studying just in time watch Kairi crawl naked into his room. As this was a normal, daily occurrence, and the eighty-seventh time that morning, he merely greeted her in his own, special way.
"There. You are cured of your AIDS." Sora said solemnly after anal intercourse.
"FFFFFUUUUUUUU-" Kairi started to say, her normally pristine facial features twisting up into their own horrible rendition of what was already considered adherent. She was cut off, however, by a squeaking noise as a wheelchair slid into the room.
A girl wearing a dripping wet, molding cream night gown sat in the wheelchair, her fingernail-less hands curved into claw-like positions on top of the wheels. Her face was absolutely hideous, always causing Sora to cringe at her scarring and slimy cracks in the rotting flesh. Blood oozed from every orifice in said face, and a terrible stench wafted off her living corpse, stinging the nostrils and singeing the ends of any hair in the vicinity.
"Wow, you sure look like Kairi today." Sora remarked, shying away from the black haired girl as she wheeled a few feet closer.
Kairi rolled onto her back, memories of that night running a filmstrip through her head.
FLASHBACK!
"I don't have any more goggles sir." Kairi said to the customer.
"WHAT?!" The customer, and old man with a waist length beard and hip-length braided white hair decorated with ribbons of all colors and hues, screamed.
"I'm sorry sir, but you bought all the goggles." Kairi replied.
"I don't want to play Boggle!" The old man roared, waving his sharpened mahogany cane about wildly. "Give me a pair of goggles!"
"Sir, there are no goggles!" Kairi cried, struggling not to yell.
The old man fixed her with an evil glare. "Young lady, you are sick, and you are twisted. I will not, I say not, let you ogle me!"
Kairi threw her arms up into the air and screamed. "You can't have any goggles! Get out of this store!"
The old man starred at poor Kairi's breasts and began to scream at them. He screamed directly at those breasts so loud and for so long that she could not handle it any more. Yes, after a good minute of screaming, her sanity snapped.
Kairi tore off all her cloths and ran out of the store she worked at in a panic. What if she was late to crawl into Sora's room?! She had to do it naked! There was no other way! Why couldn't anyone understand that? It had to be done in the nude!
"You will rue this day I say!" The old man thundered, wheeling after Kairi's wildly naked running form.
"You will rue it!"
FLASHBACK OVER~~~~~!
But the memories, to Kairi, were meaningless.
The black haired girl, Samara, wheeled her chair over Kairi, and stopped in front of Sora.
"It's time." Samara rasped.
Sora scratched his testicles and vomited off to the side. "Yeah?" he said with a smile that could outshine the sun.
Samara shielded her eyes, screaming an epic scream of death as her chair careened off to the side, though it was previously standing still. There was a loud crash, and a sad, simplistic symphony began to play, adding to the despair as Samara's wheelchair flew across the room once again, slamming the well-dwelling murderess up against the wall so well-juices splashed against Sora's face.
"Time for what?" Sora asked after things had settled down. He started to smile.
"Oh God, please don't smile! No, no, no no, NO~!" Samara wailed.
But it was too late.
INTERLUDE!
Lauren and Mariah dance in dinosaur costumes.
END INTERLUDE! CONTINUE WITH THE SHOW!
We last left off with Sora smiling dumbly and Samara being thrown in all corners of the room. The naked Kairi was having a seizure in the middle of the floor, foaming at the mouth and mumbling something about carrot peals. Allen suddenly walks in with a large belly, which he rubbed fondly.
"I didn't know I could get pregnant!" Allen exclaimed happily.
Sora stopped smiling, and suddenly Samara fell from the ceiling. Kairi looks up from her ordeal long enough to see Allen in his pregnant glory and be spiraled into another seizure. Kanda walked into the room with a Pikachu mask on.
"You're not pregnant." He folds his arms and unleashes thunderbolt on Kairi. She looks up in time to attack the bolt with her vagina, but after that she wasn't getting pregnant either.
"Yes!" She begins to beat Samara with joy.
Samara lifts up her hair in the midst of the beating, showing Kairi her face as another one of her teeth falls out. Kairi stops and sees the horror before her, right before she turns to stone and falls to the ground.
"It's about time." Sora lies on the bed. "Pikachu return. Go Bulbasaur!"
Kanda took off the Pikachu mask, revealing his face to be covered in a black sheet that was hard to breathe through, and put on a Bulbasaur mask. Vines come from his back and fly out the window, as a scream is heard in the distance and suddenly Winry is drawn into the room.
Samara slowly stands up and beams happily. "I can stand! I. Can. FIGHT!"
Sora smiles. "How wonderful for you."
Samara's eyes widen. "No-" But she is flung against the wall and her legs twist in all manor of directions. Allen giggles for no reason, still rubbing his belly.
Sora shrugs and turns his attention to Winry. "Now m' dear. It is time to keep your promise. If you cannot guess my name, then I shall take your boyfriend. Now…what is my name?"
Winry raises an eyebrow. "It's Sora. You told me the first day we met. And I don't have a boyfriend."
"Wrong!" Winry is flung out the window and Sora dances about in a giddy fashion. The vines of Kanda extend through the window sill again and draw in Edward and Alphonse. Alphonse's metal body was much too big to fit through the window, so Kanda used Ed as a hammer, and hit him until he fell through the window. Allen starred on in horror.
"No…They want my baby!" He shrieked and took the petrified Kairi into his hands.
"What now?" Sora looked over in time to see Allen light the fire place and burn Kairi within the flames. Sora starred for a moment, wondering if he should do something, then thought the fireplace was too far and looked back at Alphonse and the bloodied Ed. He put his hands behind his back and began to pace around the bed in a daunting fashion.
"I'm sorry it had to come to this. Winry made a deal, and she could not guess my name. So I had to take her boyfriend. Namely…you."
Alphonse looked up. "So why did you take me along?"
Sora shrieked and jumped up to claw onto the ceiling and hang there. "It lives!"
Ed wobbles a little as he stands, and looks over at Allen who is warming himself by the Kairiplace.
"So…beautiful…" He stares on in wonder.
Kanda suddenly takes off the Bulbasaur mask, and puts on a Kanda mask. He draws out his sword and charges for Ed. Allen looks up and begins to clap wildly, rooting for both of the them at them same time, which will breed contempt later. Ed looks at Kanda wearing a Kanda mask with a look of confusion and horror. Kanda was about to bring his blade down upon him, when a wrench is thrown out of no where, breaking his mask and causing him to fall slow motion to the ground.
"NOOOO!" Allen runs to his side and lifts his head up, as the last of the crumbling pieces of the mask fall away. "It'll be alright!" Allen tried to put the pieces back. "It's just a flesh wound!"
"Al…len…" Kanda slowly lifted his hand. Rain began to fall in the particular area of the room and a band sets up to play sad violin music. "I've always…loved you…Please…Forgive me…I could not ignore….my calling…as a Pokémon…"
Allen slowly cupped his cheek and turned the man he loved to face him. Of course the mask made that difficult, so he accidentally moved his head the wrong way and snapped his neck. Kanda grunted in annoyance and uttered, "Fricken A…" Before death took hold of him.
"No!" Allen cried as the music began to rise. "You're the father of my baby! You can't die!" The music burst into full blast as the rain begins to thunder and the audience starts to weep with the widow and her bastard child.
"You're not pregnant!" Sora cried.
Allen looks up. "I'm not?" He drops Kanda. The rain stops and the band packs up to go home. "Oh. Well then I'm going to go find a way to get pregnant."
Allen skips merrily to the door, leaving Kanda's body to the cold air. Sora shook his head and looked over to the window as Winry began to crawl through it with large silverware forks and knives in her hand. She was dripping wet, and had a murderous look in her gaze. Sora gasped.
"How did you survive my moat men?!" He pointed accusingly.
Winry spat. "Weren't nothin'. Jus had ta tell 'im the bell tolls. And now the bell tolls for you."
Sora looks on in horror as Winry slowly makes her way to him on the bed. The room begins to darken, and Al decides he has had enough of this shit, and turns the light back on. Winry curses and says the mood has been ruined, and Ed jumps on Sora to have a battle of the century.
Ed had on trousers made of leather and so it was very hard to move but he managed to push Sora off the bed. Sora began to fall as Ed came close and whispered to his ear.
"I told you this day would come. You shouldn't have done what you did that day, so long ago."
Sora raised an eyebrow. What…in the world?
Ed threw his arms back and laughed. "On that day that you did what you did that angered me so I vowed revenge! I know you are the King and now I shall take your bed and your woman and never shall you see the light of day again!"
Sora turned to look at Kairi still burning in the fireplace. He wanted that? What the EFF!? Why was he always the last one to know about these things!?
"You can have her! She has crabs!" Sora flailed his arm about wildly.
Ed raised an eyebrow and smirked. "So do I. And I just gave them to you."
Sora's eyes widened in horror as scary/dramatic music boomed in the background. "NNNNOOOOOOOOO!" Sora thought of his life as he fell.
The first time he got the keyblade.
That time Riku taught him about sex.
That time Leon taught him about anal.
That time he showed all that to Kairi, realized she was ugly without her cloths on, and had to perform intercourse with a blindfold and gloves from then on. And a cup.
The time that he committed suicide for a girl who was just a friend, maybe it was because he wanted to be more than a friend, he didn't really know, but by then it was too late for second thoughts, he was already dead.
After he woke up as a Heartless and thought, RAD! And proceeded to kill whatever he saw, including Yuna, Tidus's better half, and Angelina Jolie.
Then Kairi had to be all emotional and hug him just cause he was trying to look up her skirt, even though he knew what was waiting for him there, and he changed back.
He put on a brave face for Kairi, but inside he was like, Damn you bitch! One day I'm going to let a falsely impregnated man through you in the fire and burn you!
Sora chuckled.
(Many memories later.)
That time he saw Cloud in the street acting emo, and asked him if he wanted a good time, pushing Goofy and Donald down a well. Cloud took it a different way. Sora didn't mind.
That time that Tifa came to investigate the room for Cloud, that Sora jealously decided he would keep hidden from her, and they ended up fighting to the death for reasons he didn't quite understand, but he killed the bitch anyway.
The time he and Riku were fighting the final boss of Kingdom Hearts two, and how they burst out laughing because Xemnas's outfit made him look like a tan cow. They regretted that later.
Riku and Sora then took that time alone in…where ever they were, to get to know each other better. Sora still remembers their romantic time together. FLASHBACK!
"Wow you're fat." Riku smiled warmly.
"You have the hair of an old man." Sora put his hand on his cheek.
"You look like something the dog ate and threw up on the sidewalk on a hot day." Riku kissed his forehead fondly.
"You have a huge penis…" Sora said bewildered.
"I haven't taken my pants off yet." Riku looked confused.
"Riku it's not gonna fit!" Sora begins to panic. Riku raises an eyebrow.
"Sure it will! But I have to take my pants off first."
"No Riku! It will tare me apart!" Sora began to weep.
"I can live with that." Riku unbuckled his belt.
Sora stopped moving and lay limp, hoping Riku would lose interest and go away. But Riku didn't notice and continued to de-cloth himself. Sora tried for a different approach by laughing hysterically and pretending to have a seizure. Riku just took it for enthusiasm, and removed his clown pants.
Sora sighed. There was nothing he could do now. Riku wasn't taking a hint and his penis was much too big for his homemade vagina. There was nothing left to do.
"Where's Riku?" Kairi asked as Sora finished swimming to the shore. He took out the good luck charm she had given to him, and handed it to Kairi. It was covered in blood.
Kairi starred at it. "Sooooo…Where's Riku?"
Sora shook his head. "He's in a better place Kairi."
Kairi tilted her head. "Is he coming back soon?"
Sora starred at her, wondered how he could break this gently to an idiot. "Well Kairi…You see I…I killed him with your good luck charm. He's dead, and he's never coming back with your virginity Kairi. I'm not sorry, you can go join him."
Kairi smiled. "Oh okay. Just make sure he gets back tonight. I'm having a party celebrating your return!"
Sora's eye twitched and he ran. "See you tonight! Bring Riku!" Kairi called after him.
Flashback over.
After he fled Destiny Islands, he killed Donald and Goofy, the only ones fit to rule in King Mickey's palce, who had loyally and faithfully fought beside him, and became King. He made it his mission in life to upset an Old Man that lived down the road by holding hourly parades for various reasons.
And now that was all about to end. As he continued to fall from the bed, he knew it would be his last fall. It wouldn't be like the other times he played on the counter and fell, or slipped on the toilet. No, this…this would be the last time. He closed his eyes to try and send his will telepathically to his sperm baby, when the door suddenly burst open.
Bayonetta walked in with Allen draped over her shoulder. He turned around and smiled broadly.
"I finally got pregnant!" He exclaimed happily.
Bayonetta winked and dropped Allen, taking out her guns and licking her lips seductively. "Let's rock, baby!"
Allen rolled about the floor, giggling happily as Bayonetta shot Winry repeatedly. Winry had time to utter a single word as she crashed through the wall and fell into the moat.
Sora stopped mid-fall. "What did she say?"
Ed furrowed his brows. "I…I'm not sure."
"Something about a helicopter?" Al tilted his head.
"Time to go vroom!"
The boys looked over in time to see Bayonetta hop onto her motorcycle and run over Alphonse, flying out the hole in the wall she created with Winry and falling to her doom, laughing manically the whole way. Sora lifted an eyebrow. Allen rolled to the wall and giggled.
"They're dead." He smiled as big as he could, which ended up looking really creepy and weird.
"Al!" Ed jumped off the bed and ran to the aid of his flattened brother. Sora watched for a minute before realizing this was his chance. Before the mid-fall time limit was up he jumped and moved the controller joystick around wildly, causing him to move around in the air unnaturally until he landed on the bed. He grinned feverishly and Samara was thrown to some random part of the room in the background.
"You loose this round Edward." He snapped his fingers and Bayonetta suddenly came from the ceiling. She danced and chanted some words no one could understand and then the hair recoiled from her body. A demon dragon thing formed behind her, but that didn't have to do anything, for as soon as Ed saw Bayonetta in her naked glory, he formed a nose bleed and died in pornographic bliss. Bayonetta frowned.
"Shit." She cursed. The demon thing was still out, and he wasn't going to deal with cheap crap like dying from the sight of a naked lady. The demon moved forward and clapped its jaws around Bayonetta, Sora furiously mashing the X button as the demon munched on its master. It later realized the mistake of this, because it wasn't going to be eating anything else anytime soon. Too late now! The demon disappeared and Sora breathed a sigh of relief.
He took a long stick with a broom at the end and pushed Ed and Al of the room and into the moat below to join their friends. Sora dusted himself off and patted himself on the back for a job well done. But then he suddenly noticed Allen, giggling down to the moat as he watched everyone get eaten by moat men. He looked at the small boy, his face bright with glee, and couldn't help but smile at the sight. Samara was hit repeatedly against the wall. Allen was so cute. Sora could not resist.
"Allen." Sora purred. "Come into my parlor."
Allen looked up. "That depends. What do I get?"
Sora raised an eyebrow. "What do you want?"
"Something that can never be reclaimed." Allen looked downs sadly.
Sora frowned and Samara fell into the fireplace to join Kairi. Kayako burst from the shadows and screamed like a banshee.
"No~! My dear cousin! Where did you hide my macaroni and cheese?!" But Samara was dead…er. Deader. Kayako stood up and wiped away the fake tears, cursing and walking through the door to kill the people in the next room. Screams were heard from the hallway, as was yelling about lost macaroni and cheese. Sora's eye twitched. Allen giggled again, bouncing on his bottom over and over. Sora looked at Allen, being cute as ever.
He smiled. "All-"
Suddenly, a flaming Samara came rushing towards him and shot him off the bed. Sora screamed as he hit the floor and his breath coming to a halt. The room suddenly spiraled away, as Samara rolled off Sora and jumped screaming into the hallway to join her cousin Kayako, and claim to know nothing about the macaroni and cheese, though she his it under her couch years ago.
Allen walked over to Sora and looked down at his still form. He bent down, smiling softly and whispering, "I love you," before he kissed Sora softly on the lips.
(Somewhere in heaven)
Sora looked around as golden light bathed his naked body in tingly feelings. There were clouds floating about lazily, and feathers fell from all directions like ran. Sora frowned.
"This sucks. This is boring." He folded his arms.
"Can't be helped Sora. You are dead." Sora whipped around to see Leon walking up behind him. Sora lifted an eyebrow.
"Aren't you still alive?"
Leon stopped. "AIDS."
Sora gasped. "How?!"
Leon narrowed his eyes. "I got them from you Sora. You got them from Riku. But he didn't make it to heaven."
(Somewhere in the underworld)
Riku sat in a pool of lava, smirking wickedly and laughing. "Bring it on boys! I got all eternity!"
Little devils poured more lava into the stew, including lava resistant piranha, and some other bad things I can't think of right now.
The devil sat above on his throne with an annoyed look. "What the heck is wrong with this guy? I am torturing him!"
Riku smirked and stuck his tongue out at the devil.
(Back on heaven)
Sora starred wide-eyed at Leon. He slowly lifted up his hands in defense. "Don't be mad…"
"You gave me AIDS and killed me! Would it have been so hard to test yourself before you asked me to teach you about yaoi?!" Leon yelled in fury.
Sora began to back away. "Now Leon. This is no time to be settling old grudges. We have to find a way out of here."
"Oh you'll find a way out." Leon glared. "I'll be waiting for you Sora. Tonight."
Sora raised an eyebrow. "What do you…?"
Before he could finish a bright hole was opened up beneath him. Sora screamed and tried to throw a random dagger at Leon so he wouldn't have to deal with this crap when he came back, but it just fazed through him and Leon shouted back at him as he fell.
"I'm already dead you retard! I'll remember that when I see you again!"
Sora cursed.
(Back in the Kings room)
Allen had dragged Sora back onto the bed, and proceeded to perform CPR for six hours. No one knows where he got enough breath for that, but somehow he managed. Slowly Sora opened his eyes, and Allen clasped his hands together in joy.
"You're awake!" He jumped up and down.
Sora looked over at Allen, who continued to express his joy by tearing at the sheets with his teeth. Sora smiled and decided he would have to chain Allen to his bed later. He looked down and saw that for some reason, he was still naked.
"Why am I naked?" Sora sat up and Allen jumped on him, forcing him back down and straddling his hip. Allen grinned goofily and cupped both of Sora's cheeks.
"I took them off!" He screamed.
Sora looked up in wonderment as Cloud slowly peeked over Allen's shoulder. The ex-SOLDIER smirked and wrapped his arms around Allen, chuckling softly. Allen's expression did not change as Cloud slowly began to slip his jacket off.
"It is time my liege." He said seductively.
Sora raised an eyebrow. Where did Cloud come from? Aerith slowly peeked over Allen's other shoulder.
"Yes my liege. It is time." She said as she ran her hands through Allen's hair.
Sora tilted his head. Suddenly Vincent, Tifa, Yuffie, Luneth, Barret, Vaan, Ashe, Rikku, Tidus, Wakka, Lulu, Penelo, and Lightning from the newly upcoming video game Final Fantasy 13, coming March 9th, walked into the room. Sora tried desperately to scream as they all clamored onto the bed, giggled in a creepy tone and all chanting the same thing. Outside the night was crisp and young, waiting for the events of night to sing and dance in the lovely light of the moon.
=)..........Well?
Sora: So.....Did I die in the end?
Me: Of course you did!
Sora: o.o..........