Hey y'all! Just managed to squeeze in one last fic for the year.
This year in fanfiction for me was so much more than I hoped for. The Missing Link is now officially a kindergartner. And I hope I finish that this January, because I've started writing A BRAND NEW DRAMIONE!
I've also done quite a number of one-shots, and explored new wibbly-wobbly horizons with a couple of Doctor Who oneshots.
I would like to thank all of you for being amazing and patient readers, fording with me the river of post-college uncertainty. For this specific fic I would like to send out a special thank you to Rai for sharing me the post which inspired this fic, and special thanks to Jaeh, who wrote the intro after venting to her.
Disclaimers:
1. I do not own Harry Potter. I just love writing about it.
2. This fic was inspired by the following post: wizardsopranophanofloki. tumblr post/ 136292232362/ undercover-gaygent-thatsadifferentstory# (remove spaces ofc). If you are the writer of said post and would like me to take down the story, message me. If you are the writer of the post and don't want me to take it down, message me anyway! I'd love to read more of your work.
Happy New Year y'all!
Patronus
A Patronus, Hermione tells Draco, is not as easy as one might think. It involves reaching deep into yourself and pulling out memories that make you burst like sunrise over the ridges and slopes of the roof of Hogwarts, but comforts you like the soft patter of the spring rain on the roof as you wrap a blanket and enjoy a warm mug of hot chocolate. It is the success of a homework finished and the happy failure of finally figuring out what makes a specific potion needed for class. And above all...
A Patronus is, Hermione knows, actually bloody hard to teach. Especially when you don't know where to begin.
But she tries.
A Patronus, she tells him, is running in the backyard without a care in the world. It is opening presents on Christmas morning, and finding out that you got exactly what you wanted. It's taking that first bite of chocolate, or your favorite meal. It is the fleeting proud smile of your father, and the soft caresses of your mother.
And there is nothing.
She tries again.
A Patronus, she tells him, is being on a broomstick. It is the feeling of smooth polished wood at the tips of your fingers. It is the wind in your face, filling your lungs and making you drown in air. It is the chill of the Golden Snitch, and the thrill of being able to catch it. It is the crowd cheering, and the applause of your teammates.
There is a silver wisp, but nothing more. At this point, he is exhausted. They stop. Hermione tells him, they'll try again next time. Draco tries to stand up and buckles. Tomorrow, he insists.
Tomorrow, she agrees.
And tomorrow comes. Draco tries a new tactic. He observes her as she speaks. As she raises her wand and casts the spells. And he sees it. Right there. The tiniest smile at the corner of her mouth. The twinkle in her eye just as she says the words.
A Patronus, Draco asks Hermione, what is it? The otter swims around the two of them for a while, lingering by Draco as it slowly fades.
A Patronus, Hermione answers him, is getting your Hogwarts letter. It is opportunity telling you that you are meant for something more. It is finding friends in the least expected places, and finding small twinkles of happiness in the darkest of times.
It is your mother smiling sweetly and asking you how to get to the airport, and the knowledge that while she doesn't remember you, she is safe. It is the quiet of an empty forest after weeks of endless chase. It is facing your fear head-on and coming out the victor.
It is your first kiss. Your first hug. The first time your hands touch. It is allowing yourself to love, and be loved in return.
Draco asks, what if I don't have that?
Hermione is shocked but immediately smiles and says, we will find it.
And so they try. She has forgotten how many times he's collapsed to the ground, and how many times he'd told her he'd try again. He knows just exactly how many formless wisps of light he managed to produce, and just exactly how many times she told him to rest. They try and try and try.
Because it is not taking a plunge in the water on the hottest day of summer.
It is not coming home to a pet after weeks of vacation.
It is not opening your bag and realizing with a sigh of relief that you didn't leave your keys at home.
It is not the first kiss, or the first touch, or the first time she tells you I love you.
Because Draco has not known any of these things.
A Patronus, Draco realizes, is in the smallest of instances. It is knowing that happiness is a fleeting emotion, and that it comes so suddenly and goes so swiftly. It is holding on to a moment with all the strength you can muster, and for as long as your muscles are willing to take. And there is a sliver of light, which disappears as quickly as it had come.
A Patronus, Draco discovers, is finally finding a full moon after years of dark skies and tiny dots of stars. It is staring at the day sky no matter how much the brightness blinds your eyes, because it is just breathtakingly beautiful. And the next light shines brighter, its form still too vague to recognize.
A Patronus, Draco finds out, can be a person. It is a small giggle, a bright smile, a tiny brush of the hand, a whiff of strawberry-scented hair. It is perseverance, it is hard work, and it is knowing that someone is willing to try, when everyone else, including you, has given up on you.
And a silver otter dances across the room, meeting with the other otter who had been there before it.
A Patronus, Draco tells Hermione, is hope. It is the rainbow in the midst of a storm, and the split-second when a newly-lit match provides blinding light in the pitch black. It is the moment you discover that something exists beyond evil, beyond despair and beyond darkness. It is the moment you realize that it has been here all along, and it has been trying to tell you something.
That even when all seemed lost, love still wins.