A/N: Since I've got massive writers block with Appetence at the moment, I've been writing this instead. If you follow my Tumblr (BleuWrites - drop me an Ask if you're feeling chatty), some of this will be familiar to you, but most of it is new, and I hope you like it :) Truthfully, I could write in the Patterns universe forever, I love it so much, and there will be a real sequel to it at some point now that I've gotten over my Allegiant angst.
Anyway - and typically -, this got so long I'm posting it in two parts. The second half just needs some polishing and I plan on posting it either on Saturday or Sunday (depending on how crazy my birthday is). As always, reviews make my day :)
Conception
As far as Tobias can tell Devil's Night is an excuse to light shit on fire and get spectacularly drunk. Not that it isn't fun, because it is. He suspects everyone is a secret pyromaniac, and can only be glad that most people contain it until they're in a setting where it's socially acceptable to let that particular demon run free.
It is still mostly a Dauntless holiday and accordingly the park not far from the Pire has been turned into a hellish carnival of delights. There are bonfires and fireworks and some people have even constructed giant abstract sculptures of anything flammable that burn and collapse and smoulder, eliciting shrieks and shouts of delight from the assembled drunks. And there is no shortage of alcohol.
There's no shortage of people running around targeting others with paint ball guns either, which is probably the most wholesome activity going on tonight. Tobias suspects there are some people fucking in the bushes in the more remote areas of the park, but being neither a voyeur nor an exhibitionist he has no interest in that. He does have a vested interest in getting Tris home though. He's pleasantly drunk and they've got the apartment to themselves and for some reason or another they've never had sex on the kitchen counter.
He wants to change that.
It's late by the time they get back to the Pire and they're both loose-limbed and loose-lipped with alcohol when they do. The elevator is crowded, but Tris uses it as an opportunity to push Tobias against the back wall, her back to his front in all the right places. It's slow, silent torture and he wants nothing more than to snake his hand down the front of her pants and see if she's getting as wet as he's getting hard, but they're not alone so all he can do is grip on her hips and press into her backside so she knows exactly what she's doing to him.
Tobias practically bodychecks people out of his way and nearly throws Tris over his shoulder in his desperation to get them behind closed doors. And really, she's not helping because while he's fumbling with the key to open their door she's nibbling on his neck and whispering words that are making him think he's going to have to reevaluate his stance on exhibitionism if he can't get the door open this instant.
When the door swings open he sighs with relief and tries to guide her inside, but she plants her feet and looks up at him with big blue eyes and wonders out loud if it's weird that she finds him trying to get her pregnant hot. Since she's being a roadblock he actually has to consider her question. And at first he does find it a little weird, but there's also a part of him that gets off on how possessive and claiming it is. But since he's pretty sure that part belongs to the lingering effects of his fucked up childhood he keeps his answer to, "I like the trying."
That seems to be answer enough for her because she grabs him by his collar and leads him inside with a smirk. He presses her up against the wall and kicks the door closed and kisses it off her face. They leave a breadcrumb trail of clothes between there and kitchen and when he loops an arm around her hips and hoists her onto the counter she quirks an eyebrow at him, a disbelieving, "really?" slipping past her lips. But then his fingers are between her legs, teasing her, and she forgets how to talk altogether.
She forgets how to breath when other parts of his anatomy find their way inside her and he pins both her hands with one of his to the cabinet behind her. The glasses and dishes and whatever the hell else they've got in there rattle in time with his thrusts and he and Tris are reduced to a panting, writhing mess. It's probably a good thing the counter is tiled, but he doesn't think he'll ever look at it again without thinking about this, about Tris wet and moaning and his.
Tris muffles her scream by biting his shoulder as she comes, an acquired habit that's pointless tonight since Benjamin is having a sleepover with Zoey at her house, but combined with the way she digs her heels into the back of his thighs and tightens around him, pulling him deeper, it's enough to get him there too.
Once they've caught their breath and he's released her hands and she's soothing away the ache her teeth inflicted with the soft warmth of her lips he can't help asking her if she thinks this was The Time.
"Could be," she says contemplatively. "When I got pregnant with Benjamin it was when we were drunk on your birthday and you bent me over the back of the couch, so."
3 Weeks
Benjamin is five. What's more, he knows he is because they actually celebrate his birthday. There are presents and cake and Tris and Tobias' apartment has been invaded by what feels like every kid in his kindergarten class, but as far as they are concerned it's a fair trade for their little boy growing up so differently than they did. They don't eschew their Abnegation roots completely, but they do make a point of celebrating birthday's and Christmas.
The parents hang around too, probably in hopes of indulging in a slice of Dauntless cake, but there's none to be had. Instead there's the same delicate concoction of almond cake and chocolate mousse Tris had at her baby shower.
Zeke takes a bite and rolls it around in his mouth as he sidles up to the breakfast bar. "I'm surprised you got this cake again," he comments, taking another bite.
"I wanted something different and it sounded good," Tris shrugs.
"I'm sorry," Zeke says sarcastically. "What I meant to say was, 'I'm surprised you can still get this cake considering Jason still hates you'."
"Yes, well, maybe he should think twice about trying to shove his tongue where it's not welcome. Or just keeping his mouth closed period, since Lisa, the pastry chef, can't stand him either."
"Do me a favour, Tris," Zeke says with a shit-eating grin. "When Zoey gets to the 'kissing boys' phase of life, teach her how to breaks a guy's nose the way you did Jason's."
She gives him a dirty look and contemplates mashing the rest of his slice of cake in his face, but settles for stealing his freshly opened beer off the counter and taking a swig.
Tris gags as soon as it hits her tongue, a rancid taste filling her mouth. She spins around quick and spits it out, dumping the rest down the drain and rinsing her mouth out with water for good measure. "It was spoiled," she explains when she turns to find not only Zeke and Shauna, but Tobias watching her curiously. "It must not have been bottled right or something." She throws the now empty bottle in the trash and doesn't give it another thought.
6 Weeks
"Where's your mom?" are the first words out of Tobias' mouth when he comes home to find Benjamin patiently drawing at the coffee table, seemingly alone.
"In the bathroom," Benjamin answers crisply. "She's not feeling well."
Tobias drops his bag and shucks his jacket and stalks through their apartment. When he swings the bathroom door open he finds Tris slumped against the wall across from the toilet - head back, eyes closed, clearly miserable. She's pale and shivering and her hair is plastered to her neck with sweat.
"Are you okay?" he asks, alarmed. The look she gives him clearly tells him that is a stupid question.
Her hand scrabbles around blindly and then she flings the pink plastic pregnancy test at Tobias. "This is your fault," she mumbles as it smacks into his chest and then drops to the floor with a clatter that makes her wince.
Tobias picks it up gingerly, the little plus sign clearly visible. And then he just stands there, staring at it. At least until Tris moans and lurches toward the toilet again and his overloaded brain kicks back to life. He holds her hair back and helps her rinse the sick out of her mouth when she finished and then leans her gently back against the wall again.
"What can I do?" he asks nervously. He was never around for this part with Benjamin, and truthfully it's kind of terrifying seeing Tris so sick.
"Just, um, take care of Ben. Take him downstairs for dinner," she says, her eyes slitting open to plead with him.
"No. I'll cook here, I don't want to leave you alone."
"The smells… when I'm like this, it will just make it worse," she groans.
"I'll call Christina, have her take -," he starts and then cuts off as soon as Tris starts shaking her head.
"He needs you, Tobias, even if he doesn't realize it. And you promised me you'd always be here. Right now, this is what it is, this is how you help: you take care of him when I'm too sick to."
"I don't like it," he grouses.
"I don't like puking my guts out, but we've all got our problems today, don't we?"
They go back-and-forth a little while longer; he grumbles and she pleads, but in the end she wins because she's the one who's pregnant and sick and there really isn't any argument Tobias can lodge that will trump that. So, he does what she asks - takes Benjamin to dinner, and lingers over it so she (hopefully) has time to let the nausea pass.
When they get home she's curled up in bed, asleep, and the bathroom smells like her soap instead of the bitter, acidy scent of bile like it did when he left. He and Benjamin tread lightly and speak quietly, and Tobias gets him in bed without waking Tris, though Ben clearly isn't happy that his mother isn't there to tuck him in too.
Tris stirs awake when Tobias sits on the edge of the bed and brushes her shower-dampened hair out of her face. "How are you feeling?"
"Tired… Thirsty," she adds as she starts to sit up. Tobias presses her back down.
"What do you want? Water? Tea?" he offers because this he can do.
"Tea, I think."
He brings back a cup of peppermint and a cup of ginger, unsure which is best for her sensitive stomach. She takes the peppermint and he adds enough honey to the ginger to make it palatable.
"So, you're really pregnant," he says wonderingly, more to himself than her.
"I still have to go to the infirmary so we'll know without a doubt," she says off-hand.
"Yeah, because a positive pregnancy test and throwing up everything you've ever eaten isn't confirmation enough," he scoffs.
She playfully nudges him with her leg. "Are you happy?" she asks once they've finished and they're situating themselves in bed.
"I am," he says after a moment's deliberation.
"Me too."
He falls asleep that night with his hand over her stomach, a father cradling his child for the first time.
12 Weeks
"The most dramatic change in your baby this week are her reflexes. If you prod your abdomen your baby will squirm in response, though you won't feel it. She is just over two inches long - about the size of a lime - and weighs half an ounce," Tobias reads to Ben.
"So if I poke Mom in the belly the baby will move?" Benjamin asks.
"Ben?" He looks up at his father, his eyes wide and excited. "No."
"B-but I won't poke her hard," he pleads.
"No," Tobias says firmly.
"'kay," he huffs, dejected.
Tobias starts laying out the foodstuffs the books liken the size of the fetus to so Benjamin can see how much it's growing. Everything from a poppy seed at four weeks, to kidney bean at eight weeks, to lime for this week, the twelfth week.
"See, she's getting a lot bigger now," he says enthusiastically, hoping some of it will rub off on Benjamin.
"The baby's a girl?" he asks, poking at the grape that represents the ninth week instead of his mother's stomach.
"Oh, I don't know. The book just says 'she', but it could be a boy. What do you think it is?" he asks as he starts to put everything away.
The first person they told after they found out she was pregnant again was Benjamin, but it hasn't been easy because he's still five and can't quite wrap his brain around everything they're telling him. It doesn't help either that Tris isn't showing, which is why Tobias does this on a weekly basis, but it really doesn't help that Tris is still so sick. Ben might not understand the nuaces of pregnancy, but he understands enough to know that there is this thing inside his mother that is making her sick and tired and prone to tears and just generally not much fun to be around. And he resents it. A lot.
"I don't know," he mumbles, eyes cutting over to the couch where Tris is asleep, her face buried in the cushions and a pillow over her head to block out any light since that would just make her head hurt more.
He picks up his son, cradling Ben against him preciously. Benjamin sighs and buries his face in Tobias' neck. "Don't want a baby brother or sister," he sniffles. "I just want Mom back."
"I know, Ben. She will feel better soon though."
"How much longer?"
"A couple of weeks, maybe."
"And then she'll have the baby and stop being sick?"
"No, she won't have the baby for a long time, but she will feel better." Tobias hopes to God it's the truth because he doesn't know how to fix this and more and more it feels selfish, like he's trading his son's happiness for his own and Tris'.
"What can I do to make you feel better?" he asks a little desperately. He just needs something he can fix. Ben shakes his head and presses closer. "What about swimming? Or is that something you only do with Mom?"
"You don't swim," Benjamin points out. It's true, Tobias doesn't swim, but he'll let his son drown him if that makes him feel better.
"You can teach me," Tobias offers.
"Really?" Ben asks, disbelieving, but a little excited again too.
"Sure."
"Right now?"
"If you want." That's all Tobias has to say before Benjamin is squirming his way back down and darting into his room to change.
Luckily the swimming pool off the gym is empty, so at least Tobias won't embarrass himself in front of witnesses - if Zeke could see him now he'd never live it down - and he spends an hour and half being bossed around by his pint-sized son. He doesn't master anything more difficult than floating, but Ben swims around like a fish and by the time they go home he's happy again. That was really all Tobias wanted to begin with.
Tris is still asleep on the couch so Tobias picks her up bridal-style and puts her in bed with Benjamin's help. He's sure she's so out of it she won't even remember them tucking her in and kissing her goodnight in the morning.
After they both wash up and change Ben makes him curl up in bed with him to read. It's a narrow fit on the twin bed, but Tobias isn't going to complain. They read fairy tales, simplified ones that Ben is starting to be able to read all on his own.
"I think a sister could be okay," Ben says sleepily after they finish the last one. "Like Zoey. She can be fun."
"I think so too," Tobias says, and for the first time he tells someone else about his dream of a little girl, the one that he had when Tris was pregnant before, though he leaves that part out because he loves his son and wouldn't trade him for anything. And once he starts talking, more things take shape besides how she would look like Tris, things like her following her Ben around like he hung the moon and stars, and how Ben would dote on her and look out for her. "Let's keep this a secret for now though, okay?"
Benjamin loops his pinkie finger around his father's in promise.
16 Weeks
As soon as Doctor Gonzales walks into the exam room she can tell the difference between Tris' three-months check up and four-months is going to be drastic. The last time they met not only was there a resentful five year old in attendance, but Tris looked like death warmed up. This time though it's just her and Tobias, and they look like a pair of new lovers what with the way they spring apart, flush cheeked and guilty eyes.
"I take it your morning sickness has eased up?" she says by way of greeting.
"Yes."
This pregnancy has been tougher, physically anyway. More morning sickness, more exhaustion, and headaches that feel like they were splitting her head open most days. The doctor said it was all normal and would ease up as she neared her second trimester. Tris had doubted her. And so had Benjamin, which was why they brought him to her last appointment, hoping that hearing it from a doctor's mouth would hold more weight than it had from either of theirs.
He sat stonily on his father's lap as Dr. Gonzales explained it to him, only to be met with a petulant, "well the baby's sick, and it's making my Mommy sick, so why don't you just make the baby better?" like it was the most obvious thing in the world. The doctor had laughed lightly, given him a lollipop, and commiserated about hard it must be to have a mom too tired to play with him. Mollified, he had related the story of how Mommy fell asleep on the couch the night before and Daddy carried her to bed and then they both tucked her in and kissed her goodnight.
And then because her stupid pregnancy hormones were making her overly emotional, Tris started crying.
All in all it was an eventful visit.
This one goes a lot better. And a lot quicker. They run through all the usual questions, the doctor prods at Tris a little, then listen to the baby's heartbeat, and then they're out the door. "Hungry? It's cheeseburger day in the dining hall," Tobias says as they walk out, trying to entice Tris. "I know it's not beef stew, but-," he cuts off abruptly when he sees the delicate shade of green her face turns at the prospect.
"I'd rather eat at home, if that's okay," she demures.
"Okay," Tobias says lightly, pulling Tris closer to press a kiss to her temple as they bend their steps towards their apartment.
Morning sickness hasn't really been an issue for Tris the last few weeks, but just the mention of certain foods is enough to turn her stomach. It should probably annoy Tobias, having to constantly cater to her whims, but it's something he can do, a way for him to take care of Tris and his unborn child. So instead of resenting it, he relishes it because while Tris is doing the heavy lifting in this pregnancy, his support is vital too, even if it seems trivial to an outsider.
But once they gain the privacy of the elevator they pick up where they left off in the doctor's office. Their kisses are shy at first, each feeling the other out, but soon enough they turn deeper, hungrier, and Tobias' hands slip under the hem of Tris' shirt to grasp her hips much like he did on Devil's Night.
When the doors slide open on their floor Tris leads him out by his belt. Tobias hates to think what would happen if anyone were to try and stop her, determined as she is. And truly, their lovemaking has never been quite as good as it has been the last few weeks; rarely so consistently passionate and frequent. And Tobias can't deny that this, right along with take care of Tris, makes him feel closer, more involved; more needed and loved.
He kicks the door closed and saves them the trouble of stumbling through the apartment by sweeping Tris up into his arms and carrying her to the bedroom, lunch long forgotten. They're got a few hours before they have to collect Benjamin from school and Tobias intends to make good use of it.
Tris makes a giddy little noise when Tobias drops her on their bed, her smile only stretching wider as he covers her, lips worrying her neck in just the way she likes while his fingers fuss at her shirt. She's still the best dressed pregnant woman in Dauntless thanks to Christina, but Tobias has no problem getting her naked and keeping her that way. Her body is softening into curves again; a landscape of hills and vales that he thoroughly enjoys exploring with his hands and mouth.
"Tobias," Tris whiles when his mouth attaches to the sensitive underside of her breast, but all he does is grin wolfishly up at her. He can't suck bruises into her flesh like he used to, but the wet warmth of the flat of his tongue and the gentle scrape of his teeth is enough to make her writhe, so he stays there for a while, lavishing her breasts with attention and coaxing the pinks tips of them into tight little buds.
When he finally kisses his way down her body she's flushed and frustrated, but he keeps moving inexorably down until he's between her legs. From there she's all shadows and light in the weak winter sun filtering through the window, and though the diminutive bump nestled between her hips obstructs his view a little, when he spreads her open with his tongue he can't help thinking it's his favourite view in the world. There's just something about her chest heaves and her skin beads with sweat and the way she's his, so completely his, as he licks at her that nearly has him coming with her.
Tris comes quick, toes curling into the small of Tobias' back as her body arches off the bed. He keeps his mouth on her, riding it out until she's sensitive to the point of pain and twists out from under him. Tobias slinks up the bed, but she's quicker, pinning him on his back and straddling him; ravenous again. Before he can protest the position she's sinking down, her body welcoming him. The moan she makes once he's fully inside her is one of pure, relief, like her whole body is exhaling at their joining.
It's not that Tobias doesn't like this position - he loves it, actually -, but it's not what he wants right now. He swings up, peeling her hands away from where they're braced on his knees and knotting his fingers through hers before effectively pinning them against the small of her back when he wraps his arms around her.
The heat and friction between their bodies feels incredible, And everything about this feeds the need they have for each other, from the sweat-slick spot where her thighs bookend his hips, to the way her chest brushes against his, to how her hair tickles his knuckles when she tips her head back and arches into his mouth when he laves at her breasts.
And he loves her like this, loves them like this because no matter how reserved and Stiff the facade he presents to the outside world is, she's always been able to unravel him, to dress him down and take away all that careful control he has. She makes him weak in the best and worst ways and he loves her for it. And he tells her so, over and over, in the snap of his hip and the brush of his lips.
Tobias loosens one of his hands from her and slides it up her back, though her hair which the pregnancy has turned lush and silky to cup the back of her neck. "Tell me," he pants wetly against her skin because he wants to hear it.
"I love you," she says weakly, faced screwing up in blissful agony.
"I love you too. Always," he vows, just like he did that day in the field making her body clutch at him, at his words. Before she can do more than that they're both falling, enraptured by the pleasure burning through their veins like wildfire.
Tris slumps against him, spent, little aftershocks of pleasure making them both shiver. Tobias lays them down, pulling the blue quilt over them to chase away the encroaching chill. They don't so much dose as laze and Tobias isn't sure what he did to deserve this life, but he's never giving it up again.
20 Weeks
"Pfft… look at the way she's carrying," Shauna says, dismissing everyone else's opinion as if they don't matter. "She's totally having another boy."
Somehow the news that Tris and Tobias will be finding out the sex of the baby after lunch turned into everyone at their table laying odds on whether it will be a boy or a girl.
"She's right," Zeke interjects. "Tris looks just like she did when she was pregnant with Benji."
"I hate that nickname," Tris grumbles at the same time Uriah laughs that, "somebody's whipped."
"Not whipped, just smart," Zeke corrects.
"Thanks, Baby," Shauna says, rolling her eyes.
"I don't know," Christina says, staring at Tris' belly like she's got x-ray vision. "Tris was a lot sicker this time. Maybe that means she's having a girl."
"I'm sitting right here," Tris grouses.
"And?"
"And could you maybe not talk about me like I'm not?"
"You're just saying that because you want Tris to have a girl so you can play dress up with her," Uriah teases.
"I am not," Christina says petulantly, flinging an ice cube at him.
"Okay, I've got Zeke, Shauna, Harrison, and myself down for a boy," Michael chimes. "And Tori, Uriah, Lauren, and Christina, down for a girl. Anybody else wants in on this, tell me now."
"Are we going to get a piece of the winnings?" Tobias asks. "I think we should considering it's our baby."
"Of course not," Zeke says.
"You all suck," Tris grumps.
"Maybe, but at least you're not nervous about your doctors appointment now," Uriah points out.
"You know, all this depends on whether or not Tobias and I find out. And really, I think I can wait for the baby to be born," Tris says haughtily, rising to her feet. "How about you, Tobias?"
"We found out with Ben, it might be nice to be surprised this time around," he says with an even tone, rising to his feet as well.
Tris barely contains her laughter at the shouts of dismay that follow them out of the dining hall. "I think we should tell them the doctor couldn't tell whether it's a boy or girl. At least for a few weeks. Make them squirm."
"Works for me," he says, a shit-eating grin splitting his face. Twenty minutes later Dr. Gonzales tells them they're having a boy.
They wait another two weeks before telling anyone.
23 Weeks
Like he did during her first pregnancy Tobias keeps the video feed from the camera just outside Tris' office open as he works in the control room. He knows her habits, so he knows when she comes rushing out of her office an hour after she sits down at her desk that something isn't right. His panic only increases when she makes a beeline for the elevator, one hand on her stomach. "Look up," he growls at the screen, willing her to look into the camera so he can get some hint of what's going on. She doesn't.
His chair crashes noisily against the rack of servers behind his desk and he completely ignores whatever Zeke shouts after him. He jabs at the call button on the elevator violently, forcing it to stop on his floor. "Are you okay?" he exclaims when the door slide open and Tris is standing there. Smiling. She grabs his hands and drags him down the hall a few feet before fitting them on the swell on her stomach. "What the fuck?" he splutters, completely lost.
"Shh!," she chastises. "See if you can feel him."
It takes a minute, but then he does. There's something tiny and solid that presses against his fingers and drags down to his palm, but mostly he just feels the shift of fluid from the baby gamboling inside of her.
"He's really active. More than Ben was," he murmurs, thoroughly entranced.
"I told you," Tris says smugly. She's been feeling the baby moving for weeks, but Tobias was either never around when it happened or couldn't feel the light flutter and swish of him.
"You scared the hell out of me," Tobias says, coming back to himself.
Tris rolls her eyes. "Sorry, I should have known you'd be watching. I just wanted to surprise you, and I had to get here before Peanut stopped moving."
"Peanut?"
"It's what I'm calling him today," Tris shrugs. "Though now that I'm getting bigger I suppose 'pumpkin' might be more fitting."
"You're still tiny," Tobias chuckles as he kisses her nose. Truthfully, it looks like she shoved a volleyball up her shirt, and daily swims with Ben has kept the rest of her fit and toned. "I'm still mad at you though," he adds.
"You won't stay mad," Tris says, wrapping her arms around his neck and pushing up on her toes to kiss him soundly on the mouth.
"You already knocked her up, what more do you plan on doing?" Zeke shouts from the Control Room door.
Tobias flips him off and keeps kissing Tris.