Title: A Great Grief
Type: Drama
Rating: I'd say K+, for heaviness
Summary: Post Living Doll fic. How the team, especially Grissom, deals with the news of Sara's death.
Spoilers: end of season 7, mostly Living Doll
AN: I am growing incredibly anxious about the season 8 premiere. I want to know what happens, but at the same time, am terrified that Sara dies. This is just my view on how the team, especially Grissom, would deal with the news of Sara's death. This is pretty heavy. I couldn't write this in one shot. I had to stop a few times because my eyes were threatening to leak (I really don't want this scenario to become reality). And that part, about her tragic background and how much work she put into her life, only to have it end this way, that's my personal view on her threatening death. The title lacks originality, I am well aware of that, but I can think of nothing better at the moment. Well, I'll let you all read, and don't forget the reviews.
A Great Grief
Each of the members of the night shift had felt great sorrow when they had heard the news. She hadn't made it. The doctors did everything humanely possible, but she was in too bad shape.
Jim Brass, the arresting officer, had grieved this sweet woman who was to him just like a daughter, and who he had always kept a discreet, watchful eye on.
Nick had cried for the woman who was to him just like a little sister he could torment a little, but who he would always be there for in times of need, and who he would have given his life to protect. Except that he had failed to do so.
Greg, the former lab rat, had cried for the woman he had once had a crush on but who had become a great friend to him, and who had greatly helped him get where he presently was.
Catherine had cried for the only other woman on the team, the one she could have "girl talks" with and laugh about all their ex boyfriends, one who had become a good friend. She wished she could have had more time to get to know her better after their newly found bond.
Warrick had assumed the role of the tough one and not shed a tear despite his grief over this woman with whom he had maintained some hostility at first, but who had become something between a friend and a family member to him.
But now it was time for them all to head home, to get some much needed sleep, and come back in tomorrow. They could do nothing other than give her a respectful funeral, support each other in getting through this, and go on with their lives, keeping with them all their wonderful memories of her. Her determination and perseverance... her intelligence... her ability to understand the victims... her somewhat quirky sense of humour... And her slight quirkiness in general.
But one member of the team would find it particularly difficult. He couldn't see how he would ever be able to sleep again, without her right beside him. He couldn't see how he would ever get through a day again, without the feel of her in his arms, the feel of her arms around him, without the feel of her lips on his, without the melodious sound of her laughter...
Catherine softly rapped on the door to his office, coming in when she didn't hear any objection. She found her boss and best friend sitting at his desk, looking at a photograph of him and Sara he had presumably pulled from the drawer that remained slightly opened to his left. He looked awful, not unlike a man who hadn't slept in days, which was not unexpected under the circumstances. He wasn't crying. His grief extended way beyond mere tears.
She approached his desk slowly, and gently, as so not to startle him, reached a hand to rest on his shoulder. She studied the photograph, in which the couple looked serene and happy, until he lifted his eyes to meet hers. She knew no words on her behalf could lessen his grief. She let her hand fall from her shoulder to his hand and took the seat in front of his desk. She waited for him to talk to her.
When he was ready, he took a deep breath.
- How do I go on? I loved her more than I have ever loved anyone before. I loved her more than even she knew. She was everything to me. And I never even told her all this.
Catherine felt her tears begin to fall when she saw the man she had rarely seen express emotion at all before tonight, when she saw fear in his eyes at the news that Sara was missing, break down and cry right in front of her.
When the tears began to subside. He went on.
- She taught me how to feel again. She persisted until she tore down all my walls and showed me how to love.
He had to pause to calm down when the tears came againat the memory of how she had managed to bring him back to life, so to speak.
- And she was only beginning to live. She had only just put her past behind her. Do you know what her childhood and youth were like?
He didn't wait for her negative response.
- She was a survivor of severe domestic abuse that resulted in the murder of her father by her mother, all of which she witnessed. Her life in foster care was no better. She was confided to one sick pervert after another. Despite her superior intelligence, she had to work harder than most people would have had to get where she did. And it took her a lot of courage to face her past again a few years ago. The nightmares had only just finally ceased and she was happier than she had ever been, happy probably for the first time in a long time. She was finally getting a chance to just live her own life. The life she deserved to live. And she had worked for it. And all that... what?... to get crushed to death under a damn car by some lunatic serial killer?
He was overwhelmed again and had to pause.
- And she was killed to get to me. If I had never gotten involved with her, she would still be alive.
Catherine decided it was time for her to intervene.
- For one thing, we don't know that. And if you had never gotten involved with her, and she were still alive, she would be miserable today. She loved you, and needed you, just as much as you loved her. It was more than obvious. She should not have died now, nor this way. But I, for one, am glad she at least got to be happy before she died. You made her happy. In the last few years, we were all wondering what had changed in her life to make her radiate happiness. We were all shocked to find out. I can't believe none of us ever figured it out. We're trained investigators, for God's sake! But so were you. So, how long had you two been together?
She knew he needed to talk about her, and so she assisted him in remembering the woman they had both held dearly.
- A little over two years. Remember that case at the mental hospital?
- I heard what happened with the inmate, yeah.
- It turned me upside down. I realized I could have lost her.
Realizing how bitterly ironic that statement was at this time, he struggled to continue.
- Not long after that case, I showed up at her apartment. I didn't really know how to proceed. I just knew I wanted to be with her. Things took a course of their own, and my message was silently but clearly passed on sometime during the night. Last year, we bought a house. About a week ago, we were talking about marriage and children. We were both interested in both. We decided to think about it a little and continue with that discussion later.
A few tears ran down his cheeks. Now they would never get to finish that discussion, to seal their love with marriage, or to have and raise children together in a family based on love.
- Catherine, how do I get through this? How do I live without her?
- With help from time and from all your friends who love you. You do know we all love you, and are all there for you, don't you.
- Thank you.
- That's what we're all here for.
- I guess I better go home now and feed Maggot.
She looked at him questioningly.
- Our dog.
He got up slowly.
- Will you be alright? I mean, do you want to come home with me? I have a guest room.
- Thank you but I'll be fine. Honestly.
He surprised her by wrapping his arms around her in an appreciative hug.
- I'll see you tomorrow.
- Won't you take the day off?
- What would I do all day, alone?
Seeing her about to protest, he bargained with her.
- Tell you what, I'll come in. I'll see how things go and call in someone else if I need to go home and then take a few days. I'll see you tomorrow.
She watched him go, walking with his shoulders slumped, trying to make himself as invisible to others as possible. She would go home and sleep, and tomorrow, she would help him begin his healing process. They all would. She didn't quite know how yet, but they would all help each other and their boss get through the awful loss of this much loved woman.