My hand shakes as I type in the oh to familiar number, I delete is as soon as I type it, over and over again. Finally I find some courage inside me and after typing out the number I know so well for about the fifth time I finally hit the call button. The phone rings and rings and I'm about ready to hang up when he finally picks up and I can't help but smile at the sound of his voice
"Hey Patty, what's up?" I have practiced what I was going to say to him about a million times but I still pause before I can make the words come out
"I saw the video" I didn't even have to clarify what video it was, he already knew what video I meant
"Oh"
"How could you do this to me? I thought..."
"You thought what?"
"That we were always more than friends, I mean all the kisses, and the few times we slept together and now I find out that you have a girlfriend through a video, you didn't even have the decency to tell me to my face, you just abandon our relationship so easily"
"You have no right to accuse me of abandoning you, your the one who just left, you decided that yourself and you left me"
"You know why I left, this was a huge opportunity for me, this is my dream"
"Yeah a dream that will cost you, me"
"We're you with her the same time you were with me"
"Do you really want to have this conversation?"
"You were, how could you fucking do this to me?"
"Your acting like I never had any feelings for you, I did, I still do but your gone, and I'm bisexual so it's not like I'm only attracted to you, and what about Dottie" I think about my girlfriend and cringe, he's right, how can I get mad at him when I did exactly the same thing to him
"Luke you know why"
"Oh that's right, you're afraid to come out, you're afraid to admit that you have feelings for a guy"
"You know that's not how it is" I'm not really sure what my sexuality is, I have never had feeling for a guy, just girls, but with Luke it's different, when I'm with him I feel something, something I have never felt before
"Then how is it? Please patty explain why you didn't want to come out, we could have been together"
"Do you love her?"
"What?"
"Do you love her? Luke just answer the god damn question, do you love her?"
"Patty, please don't"
"You love her don't you?"
"I don't know, but I still care about you, Patty you know that right" I can hear his voice break, and so does my heart
"I have to go"
"Patty, please don't"
"I'm sorry, I can't talk to you anymore, I just can't do it" I hang up the phone and throw it against the wall of my hotel room, I don't even care if it breaks as I throw myself on the bed and start to cry. I hear a knock at my door and quickly wipe my tears away, it must be one of my band members, I can't let them see me this way. I stand up and open up the door only to be shocked, at the other side Luke is standing there
"Patty I'm sorry, I was on my way to see you, I felt so guilty after I posted the video, honestly I want you to see it, I wanted you to hurt like you hurt me, but I'm sorry, I need you in my life" I'm so angry at him, and I know I am, but I can't help but melt when I look at him, and that's why I can't stop myself from reaching out and kissing him, I am reassured when he kisses me back, our lips moving in synch, he closes the door and I kiss down his neck, not caring about anything or anyone but him, just him, it's always been him.
We lay together, the only thing covering us is the sheet from the hotel bed, I gently kiss up his neck until I reach his lips, I kiss them over and over, never getting tired of the feeling. He looks at me and smiles, my heart flutters, I kiss him again "I love you" and again "I love you" and again "I love you" he laughs
"I could get used to hearing that"
"It's true you know, I really love you"
"I know, and you know I love you too"
"Then stay"
He laughs "What?"
"You heard me, stay"
"You're crazy, you know that"
"Crazy about you"
"I'll think about it, okay" he kisses my hands
"Deal, just promise me one thing"
"Anything"
"Stay with me tonight" he smiles and says
"Of course"