Andre Agassi and Jason were the best of friends, but they were the opposite of each other. Andre was very athletic, but Jason was not. Jason liked music, but Andre did not. For example: Today Jason was wearing a black T-shirt and some short pants. Andre was wearing a girlie tennis skirt. He had just recently shaved his head. Jason had gross hair. "Do you want to play tennis, Jason?" Andre asked. "No, Andre," Jason replied.
The two boys were going into the 7th grade. They felt important because now they could make fun of weenie 6th graders.
*****
D'Arcy Wretsky and David Bowie were a pair. They lived next door to each other. They had been neighbors for as long as they could remember. David thought D'Arcy was weird. D'Arcy had a crush on David. Today D'Arcy was wearing a calico dress that was purple and green. She had on her favorite shiny heart necklace. She had short blonde hair. And she was eating a carrot. David was wearing a cotton body suit. He had spiky blonde hair with a rattail. D'Arcy and David's moms were making them shop for school supplies together. Tomorrow was the first day of 7th grade.
When the duo arrived at Wal-Mart, they went directly to the school supply aisle. D'Arcy's favorite color was purple. She got everything in different shades of purple. David's favorite color was secretly pink. He bought green folders, and one pink one.
*****
Brandon Boyd and Jimmy Fallon hated each other. They had been the most popular boys in the 6th grade last year. The girls always fought over them. Tomorrow was the first day of 7th grade, and they both wanted to look their best. They were both going shopping today.
As Brandon walked into the community mall, he saw Jimmy walk by. They glared at each other. Brandon went straight to Visible Changes. He had an appointment to get his hair put in dreadlocks. Then he went to buy some cool Adidas clothes. Jimmy's hair was brown, and he kept it cute. He just liked to wear jeans and T-shirts.
*****
Jesse Camp and Kurt Cobain were really close. A little too close. They loved to give each other big hugs. They had been best friends since the kindergarten days. Jesse had long hair, which he kept spiked. It was really tall. Kurt had long blonde hair. Nobody liked them. Jesse wore many layers of clothing, and lots of bracelets. He liked scarves. Kurt just wore regular old clothes.
Jesse was over at Kurt's house. They were preparing for the first day of school. They were outcasts, and losers. Everybody said, "You're gay." And they always said back, "Yes we're very happy, aren't you?" They just didn't understand. What's wrong with being happy?
*****
Billy Corgan and John Cusak were sworn enemies. Billy Corgan was a bully. John Cusak was a nerd. Billy wore scary clothes. Today he was wearing silver pants and a black shirt that said ZERO on it. John was wearing suspenders and a plaid shirt. His loafers were brown. And his socks were droopy. He wore big red glasses.
One time Billy knocked John's glasses off. Then he fell in love with him. John was scared to go to school tomorrow. He didn't want Billy to beat him up.
*****
Boyfriend Dixon and Dave Grohl were good friends. Boyfriend was the community boyfriend. But he wasn't very happy about it. Dave had a bowl haircut. Boyfriend had long, flowing, gorgeous red hair. Dave liked to play with Boyfriend's hair. Sometimes he put it in piggy tails.
The boys got together the day before the first day of school started. They pondered this question over and over: What was cool in the 7th grade? Finally, they made a list.
*****
Chris Farley and Cory Feldman. They were cousins. They were also friends. Chris was a bit overweight, and Cory had an ugly problem. So they were a nice pair. But the girls didn't seem to like 'em too much.
They were both going into the 7th grade tomorrow. They too wanted to know what was cool in the 7th grade. So they made a list. But they were sadly mistaken.
*****
Kyla and Lisa hated each other. Once they got into a big catfight. Kyla wanted to be like Lisa. She tried to wear the same clothes. But she couldn't, because Lisa made her own clothes. She got the same kind of glasses as Lisa.
They both were not looking forward to tomorrow. It was the first day of 7th grade. Lisa was going to wear her jeans that had leopard print on them, and a cool T-shirt. Kyla tried to spy on her, so she could wear the same thing.
*****
James Iha and Mick Jones were kind of enemies. They really liked each other, but they were going against each other in the talent show. They had already named their bands and everything. The talent show would be in 2 weeks. It was always 2 weeks after the first day of school. And that was tomorrow.
James was Asian. He had long black hair with highlights. Mick was British. He had moved to America in the 1st grade. He was a cute kid. ENEMY!
*****
Tony Kanal and Landon Kirksey were both geeks. They were the school nerds. Everyone threw vegetables at them during lunchtime. They liked the vegetables, and ate them. YUM! They didn't want to start 7th grade tomorrow. Everyone would throw the vegetables. They didn't like strained peas in their ears. They got caught in the earflaps, and smelled for days.
*****
Wolfgang Mozart and Mike Myers were excited about going into the 7th grade. Tomorrow was the first day of school. They talked about this while they broadcasted their show, "Wolf's World," from Mike's basement. Wolfgang said he thought school was very poopy, and Mike laughed, and turned off the TV.
They knew what was cool in the 7th grade. Soft drinks starting with "r," toilet humour, and having your own TV show (on channels 578 and 983 in Cambodia, Asia Minor, and some parts of Ethiopia.)
*****
Jimmy Page and Adam Sandler were not so cool. Jimmy had a long curly flowing black mane, and wore many frilly outfits, while Adam had short brown Jewish hair, and a big Jewish nose. Adam didn't like being the only Jew in town. Even his parents weren't Jewish. They were in the Wicca cult. Every one called him Jewish Witch Boy.
No one would come near Jimmy. He didn't like baths. That is why no one would come near Jimmy. Not even Adam would come near Jimmy. Everyone called him Dirty Boy Who Is Friends With Jewish Witch Boy.
Adam and Jimmy liked to make-believe. Today they were building a rocketship because they were headed for URANUS. That's what they wrote on the side of the rocketship, URANUS. They crawled inside and hid. They did not want 7th grade to begin. The first day was tomorrow. They wanted to be little kids forever. They decided they would ride their rocketship to URANUS right now, so they would not have to grow up on Earth at least.
Jimmy and Adam climbed aboard the rocketship, but no sooner had they mounted it, they realized it was fake. They were very sad.
*****
Charlie Sexton was Russell's older retarded brother, and he was a mullet. Russell changed his last name so no one would be able to tell they were brothers. His parents let him. It was cheaper than sending Charlie to Redneckland to live with his Redneck Relatives.
Charlie wore women's clothing and lipstick.
Russell cried the night before 7th grade. This year, Charlie was being allowed to move on to middle school. (He was 27.) That meant that their bus would come at the same time, therefore they would come out of the same house, and people...would know. Russell did not want them to know.
Russell also cried because he had too many freckles, and had a disease called freckleosis. He was going TO DIE.
*****
Gwen Stefani and Julia Stiles were a talented team. Gwen did the singing and Julia danced. She even had a back up dancer. His name was Donny, and he was a Negro. They were going to enter the 7th grade talent show, tomorrow. The show was in 2 weeks. They had to practice.
Both girls had blonde hair, but Gwen liked hers pink. One day, Julia fell ill. She couldn't practice for the talent show. Donny had to fill in for her. And that's when Gwen fell in love with him.
*****
Owen Wilson and Brian were going to make a band. They were going to call it Crispy Bar. Brian played the bass, and Owen played a tambourine. They both sang. That was all. They were also going to be in the talent show at school. They had to practice. They would sign up tomorrow, the first day of 7th grade.
Owen was really funny. He had a crooked nose, and blonde hair. Brian was kind of chubby. He had brown hair and sang pretty. That day at practice, Brian started to cry. He was very shy, and didn't want to perform in front of everyone.
*****
Becky Stone was a loser. Everyone hated her. She was fat, and ate her own boogers. She also ate paste and butterflies and small mammals and caca. Even though she was 45, she was in the 7th grade. She had been for 3 years. Everyone had heard stories about how she ate kids. She wished desperately she could be in the talent show, but she had no talent at anything whatsoever. She was totally USELESS.
The two boys were going into the 7th grade. They felt important because now they could make fun of weenie 6th graders.
*****
D'Arcy Wretsky and David Bowie were a pair. They lived next door to each other. They had been neighbors for as long as they could remember. David thought D'Arcy was weird. D'Arcy had a crush on David. Today D'Arcy was wearing a calico dress that was purple and green. She had on her favorite shiny heart necklace. She had short blonde hair. And she was eating a carrot. David was wearing a cotton body suit. He had spiky blonde hair with a rattail. D'Arcy and David's moms were making them shop for school supplies together. Tomorrow was the first day of 7th grade.
When the duo arrived at Wal-Mart, they went directly to the school supply aisle. D'Arcy's favorite color was purple. She got everything in different shades of purple. David's favorite color was secretly pink. He bought green folders, and one pink one.
*****
Brandon Boyd and Jimmy Fallon hated each other. They had been the most popular boys in the 6th grade last year. The girls always fought over them. Tomorrow was the first day of 7th grade, and they both wanted to look their best. They were both going shopping today.
As Brandon walked into the community mall, he saw Jimmy walk by. They glared at each other. Brandon went straight to Visible Changes. He had an appointment to get his hair put in dreadlocks. Then he went to buy some cool Adidas clothes. Jimmy's hair was brown, and he kept it cute. He just liked to wear jeans and T-shirts.
*****
Jesse Camp and Kurt Cobain were really close. A little too close. They loved to give each other big hugs. They had been best friends since the kindergarten days. Jesse had long hair, which he kept spiked. It was really tall. Kurt had long blonde hair. Nobody liked them. Jesse wore many layers of clothing, and lots of bracelets. He liked scarves. Kurt just wore regular old clothes.
Jesse was over at Kurt's house. They were preparing for the first day of school. They were outcasts, and losers. Everybody said, "You're gay." And they always said back, "Yes we're very happy, aren't you?" They just didn't understand. What's wrong with being happy?
*****
Billy Corgan and John Cusak were sworn enemies. Billy Corgan was a bully. John Cusak was a nerd. Billy wore scary clothes. Today he was wearing silver pants and a black shirt that said ZERO on it. John was wearing suspenders and a plaid shirt. His loafers were brown. And his socks were droopy. He wore big red glasses.
One time Billy knocked John's glasses off. Then he fell in love with him. John was scared to go to school tomorrow. He didn't want Billy to beat him up.
*****
Boyfriend Dixon and Dave Grohl were good friends. Boyfriend was the community boyfriend. But he wasn't very happy about it. Dave had a bowl haircut. Boyfriend had long, flowing, gorgeous red hair. Dave liked to play with Boyfriend's hair. Sometimes he put it in piggy tails.
The boys got together the day before the first day of school started. They pondered this question over and over: What was cool in the 7th grade? Finally, they made a list.
*****
Chris Farley and Cory Feldman. They were cousins. They were also friends. Chris was a bit overweight, and Cory had an ugly problem. So they were a nice pair. But the girls didn't seem to like 'em too much.
They were both going into the 7th grade tomorrow. They too wanted to know what was cool in the 7th grade. So they made a list. But they were sadly mistaken.
*****
Kyla and Lisa hated each other. Once they got into a big catfight. Kyla wanted to be like Lisa. She tried to wear the same clothes. But she couldn't, because Lisa made her own clothes. She got the same kind of glasses as Lisa.
They both were not looking forward to tomorrow. It was the first day of 7th grade. Lisa was going to wear her jeans that had leopard print on them, and a cool T-shirt. Kyla tried to spy on her, so she could wear the same thing.
*****
James Iha and Mick Jones were kind of enemies. They really liked each other, but they were going against each other in the talent show. They had already named their bands and everything. The talent show would be in 2 weeks. It was always 2 weeks after the first day of school. And that was tomorrow.
James was Asian. He had long black hair with highlights. Mick was British. He had moved to America in the 1st grade. He was a cute kid. ENEMY!
*****
Tony Kanal and Landon Kirksey were both geeks. They were the school nerds. Everyone threw vegetables at them during lunchtime. They liked the vegetables, and ate them. YUM! They didn't want to start 7th grade tomorrow. Everyone would throw the vegetables. They didn't like strained peas in their ears. They got caught in the earflaps, and smelled for days.
*****
Wolfgang Mozart and Mike Myers were excited about going into the 7th grade. Tomorrow was the first day of school. They talked about this while they broadcasted their show, "Wolf's World," from Mike's basement. Wolfgang said he thought school was very poopy, and Mike laughed, and turned off the TV.
They knew what was cool in the 7th grade. Soft drinks starting with "r," toilet humour, and having your own TV show (on channels 578 and 983 in Cambodia, Asia Minor, and some parts of Ethiopia.)
*****
Jimmy Page and Adam Sandler were not so cool. Jimmy had a long curly flowing black mane, and wore many frilly outfits, while Adam had short brown Jewish hair, and a big Jewish nose. Adam didn't like being the only Jew in town. Even his parents weren't Jewish. They were in the Wicca cult. Every one called him Jewish Witch Boy.
No one would come near Jimmy. He didn't like baths. That is why no one would come near Jimmy. Not even Adam would come near Jimmy. Everyone called him Dirty Boy Who Is Friends With Jewish Witch Boy.
Adam and Jimmy liked to make-believe. Today they were building a rocketship because they were headed for URANUS. That's what they wrote on the side of the rocketship, URANUS. They crawled inside and hid. They did not want 7th grade to begin. The first day was tomorrow. They wanted to be little kids forever. They decided they would ride their rocketship to URANUS right now, so they would not have to grow up on Earth at least.
Jimmy and Adam climbed aboard the rocketship, but no sooner had they mounted it, they realized it was fake. They were very sad.
*****
Charlie Sexton was Russell's older retarded brother, and he was a mullet. Russell changed his last name so no one would be able to tell they were brothers. His parents let him. It was cheaper than sending Charlie to Redneckland to live with his Redneck Relatives.
Charlie wore women's clothing and lipstick.
Russell cried the night before 7th grade. This year, Charlie was being allowed to move on to middle school. (He was 27.) That meant that their bus would come at the same time, therefore they would come out of the same house, and people...would know. Russell did not want them to know.
Russell also cried because he had too many freckles, and had a disease called freckleosis. He was going TO DIE.
*****
Gwen Stefani and Julia Stiles were a talented team. Gwen did the singing and Julia danced. She even had a back up dancer. His name was Donny, and he was a Negro. They were going to enter the 7th grade talent show, tomorrow. The show was in 2 weeks. They had to practice.
Both girls had blonde hair, but Gwen liked hers pink. One day, Julia fell ill. She couldn't practice for the talent show. Donny had to fill in for her. And that's when Gwen fell in love with him.
*****
Owen Wilson and Brian were going to make a band. They were going to call it Crispy Bar. Brian played the bass, and Owen played a tambourine. They both sang. That was all. They were also going to be in the talent show at school. They had to practice. They would sign up tomorrow, the first day of 7th grade.
Owen was really funny. He had a crooked nose, and blonde hair. Brian was kind of chubby. He had brown hair and sang pretty. That day at practice, Brian started to cry. He was very shy, and didn't want to perform in front of everyone.
*****
Becky Stone was a loser. Everyone hated her. She was fat, and ate her own boogers. She also ate paste and butterflies and small mammals and caca. Even though she was 45, she was in the 7th grade. She had been for 3 years. Everyone had heard stories about how she ate kids. She wished desperately she could be in the talent show, but she had no talent at anything whatsoever. She was totally USELESS.