Rated T for alcohol consumption, mature themes, and minor language. Can't say much else without spoiling.
Contains the tiniest references to my other stories. No previous knowledge is required.
For FrenchMarioBros's Christmas Contest 2015. Please give everybody who entered the proper attention, for they deserve it for trying to bring Christmas cheer to the archive. Also give FrenchMarioBros some attention for hosting the contest. I can't thank him enough for allowing me to enter late, and the only way I feel like I can express my gratitude to him and the loyal readers who have been patiently waiting for me to update is with a story that will make you all proud. Good luck to the other contestants, and have a merry Christmas.
Also for my 12/4 Days of Christmas Special. More info will be posted later on my profile.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but my crappy writing. I don't think I even own that.
"For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known" (King James Bible, 1 Cor, 13.12).
"It's Christmas!"
Baby Bowser came rushing down the staircase into his castle foyer. He didn't even make it all the way down the stairs before pausing in awe of the Christmas tree. Kamek has really outdone himself this year. The tree was at least sixteen times his size! Strains of silver and red tinsel blanketed the pine in a bright display under the even brighter torchlight. Kamek had even gone so far as to get a beautiful Power Star for the tree topper. Perhaps it was just the sheer magnitude of the tree that added to the intensity of the color but Baby Bowser with always remember that gargantuan thing for the rest of his life.
Especially the things that lay beneath it.
"PRESENTS!" the young Koopa screamed in joy. A mountain of gifts was overflowing the space underneath the tree, adding to the bright display of colors. Red, green, white, black, gold… a plethora of presents were around him, and for a young greedy child it was almost too much to contain inside.
"Merry Christmas, King Bowser!" Kamek, his caretaker, smiled, floating in the room on his broomstick. The Magikoopa was dressed in blue and white striped pajamas. His face held the biggest grin that Bowser had ever seen on his old tired face as he gazed at his young master. "Come on, breakfast is waiting in the dining room!"
"But I want to open presents NOW!" shrieked Bowser, slamming his foot against the ground repeatedly. "NOW, NOW, NOW!"
"Okay then…" Kamek started floating off to the dining room. With a mischievous grin over his shoulder, he added, "But it looks like I'll have to eat the Christmas cake all by myself then."
The young king stopped wailing and looked over at the Magikoopa with eyes wide. "Christmas cake for breakfast?"
"Only if you get there before me."
Baby Bowser exchange a longing look between the dining room and his cornucopia of presents. With a cry of glee, he ran after his caretaker, laughing the whole way down the hall.
"This is the best holiday ever!
December 24th, 2015
Present Day
900 Hours
"You know Kamek… this is the worst holiday ever. "
The two Koopas were in the throne room, a magnificent hallway built from only the finest of black stone. Huge green and red and gold banners aligned the walls, each with a picture of Bowser's insignia on them. Stone statues of the evil king guarded the path towards his magnificent golden throne at the very end of the hall. Two seats accompanied his own: one, which was for Bowser Jr., and the other for Princess Peach (assuming they ever got married). If one was to ever go beyond the seats and through the gigantic doorway hidden behind the dark curtains, they could see Bowser's gargantuan balcony overlooking the valley full of lava below.
However, this time of year Bowser got a little bit more festive. Since it was around Christmas, the Koopa Troopas had elected to decorate the castle with iridescent snowflakes, hanging from the ceiling like dew off of the morning trees. Shiny silver tinsel accompanied the banners in a gorgeous color pallet delight. One Koopa had even go so far to suggest grinding up little sheets of paper and spreading it all over the castle like a blanket of fresh snow (this idea was immediately shot down, mainly due to the high amount of fires throughout the castle). And, of course, in the very back of the room a huge plastic Christmas Tree stood erect over the entire space like a shining lighthouse. The Koopalings had elected to decorate it this year, so they had really gone all out with the magical effects. Translucent ornaments and multicolored bulbs twinkled in this dark corner of the castle. All that was missing was the star, which was to be put up later in the evening.
"But Your Majesty!" Kamek cried out. The royal advisor was rubbing his back for age old pains. "Christmas is your favorite holiday!"
"I know, I know," Bowser sighed, putting his snout on his free hand. "But it doesn't feel the same. Every year it's the same thing: same music, same decorations, same fat man climbing down my chimney to invade my privacy. Christmas never feels different, you know I mean? Sure, presents are always nice, especially when they're for me, but…" He sighed again. "I'm guess I'm kind of just sick of the repetition."
"Your Majesty," Kamek cleared his throat. "I didn't want to ruin the surprise this early, but I got something special for you." He motioned over to the guards by the door to retrieve something.
"Kamek, whatever you have planned I don't think— IS THAT THE MEGA GRAND STAR?!"
On the back of the two laborers sat the biggest star Bowser had ever seen before in his life. It was like a Grand Star, but somehow even grander! The King of the Koopa Clan stumbled out of his seat, sitting underneath the Mega Grand Star in awe.
"How— I thought—" There were few moments when the King was ever rendered speechless, and this was one of them.
"I called in a few favors," Kamek tried to appear casual, checking his fingernails out. "Even tried gathering all eight pieces by myself. But then I realized that all I had to do was just give the map to the Mario Brothers and steal the Star from them after they had assembled it."
"If the legends are true, doesn't that mean—"
"You get one wish? I believe so!"
"Kamek!" Bowser hugged his old caretaker in a squeeze that would've suffocated any man of dating heart. "This is the greatest gift anyone's ever given me! I have no words!"
"What can I say?" The Magikoopa shrugged. "I know what to give to people."
"Guards!" Bowser bellowed. The relaxing Koopas by the doorway snapped to attention, saluting the King. "Bring me a ladder! I want to put this up on the tree ASAP!"
"Wait… Your Majesty…" Kamek scratched there back of his head awkwardly. "Shouldn't you make your wish right now? The Mario Bros are on their way as we speak…"
"Quiet!" Bowser snapped, shaking his oldest friend up. "You know the drill!" Clearing his throat, he chortled, "At long last, I have assembled the eight pieces of the Mega Grand Star!" The Koopas came back with the ladder and gave it to their King, making him laugh even harder.
Kamek sighed. For a man complaining about repetition, Bowser was one big hypocrite. Every time something evil popped up, the King Koopa would always forced his subjects to do some type of role play. First, it would start out with him entering the room and cackling away at his latest success. Next would come the part of his subjects questioning him and his motives. But as was his ego, Bowser would always be right. The pattern had gotten so old that Kamek knew it exactly by heart. In the secret portion inside of him, the old Magikoopa predicted the King Koopa to make the same mistake that he always did and progress with his boring dialogue.
"You know," growled Kamek, watching as Bowser grabbed his ladder to place the Mega Grand Star on top of the tree. "I'm actually the one who stole it. A little appreciation for once in your life would help."
Bowser shot him a death glare, effectively shutting him up. "As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted..." The King Koopa glowered as he climbed up the ladder, "I have finally assembled all eight pieces of the Mega Grand Star!" He looked expectantly at Kamek, waiting for him to speak.
"Er, oh, right..." Kamek cleared his throat. In an incredibly sardonic tone, he said "Oh, but what will you do with the Mega Grand Star, O great and terrifying King Bowser?" He articulated each word with a staccato accent, as if he had rehearsed this a thousand times before.
"I'm glad you asked, Kamek, my old friend." Bowser roared. "Legend states that the person who collects all eight pieces gains one wish! One magnificent wish! And I will use it to rule the universe and everything! Mwa ha ha ha!" As he laughed, he placed the Star in position on top of the tree. "Perfect! Now nothing with stop us!"
"But what are we waiting for, O Bowser, my lord? Wouldn't it be better to wish upon the Mega Grand Star now so no one could stop us?"
The King took a moment before responding, making sure he was planted firmly on the ground before opening his snout. "Why, the Mario Bros of course!" Bowser told him in a matter-of-fact inflection. "I want them to watch as I cast my ruin upon the land!"
"Cool and whatever."
Bowser frowned, raising his eyebrow with peaked curiosity. "That's not the line we've re— what are you doing?"
"Hmm?" Kamek looked up from his phone. "Sorry, did you say something?"
"Come on! I thought we talked about this!" Bowser snatched his phone from his hands and took a look at the screen. "Is this SmashBook?"
"Wait, don't read that—"
"'Another boring rant with King Bowser. Hope the Mario Bros crush my skull soon!' Kamek!"
"Sorry!" The Magikoopa scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "But we do this every week, your horridness! Don't you feel like it's getting stale?"
"Please, if repeating the same pattern over and over again was boring, why would people fear us?"
"I don't think they do..."
"Anyways," Bowser strutted back towards his throne. "Now we wait for the Mario Bros to arrive, and everything will be just peachy! What's the worst that could happen?"
"Daddy!" Bowser Jr came waltzing though the entrance, slamming the giant green doors shut in a dramatic display of anger. The guards by the door immediately retreated into their shells, terrified of the young prince. "What did you do this time?!"
Kamek let out another exasperated sigh. If Bowser's whining could level the sturdiest of castle, then Bowser Jr's whining could level mountains. When the young prince got angry, no one would be pleased for the rest of the day, for the terror he would instill on anyone who was joyous far outweighed the reward that anyone's happiness could provide. Just on this fact alone, it was pretty evident that the apple didn't fall too far from the tree.
"Junior!" snapped the father. "I'm busy working; I don't have time for games!"
"I told you I didn't have time for this kind of thing!" Bowser Jr complained. "I finally got Fawful over for a play date and now he's all worked up over the commotion outside!"
"But Fawful's thirty years old..."
"I can't believe this!" Bowser Jr crossed his arms and turned away from his father. "You're so selfish sometimes!"
"Me? Selfish?!" Bowser growled. "You're the one complaining that you can't have your stupid play date!"
As they argued, Kamek was the only person who actually bothered to look at the commotion outside. "Umm... your Highnesses..."
"This is another one of your stupid plans that's going to fail for stupid reasons!" retorted Bowser Jr. "When are you just going to give up, huh?"
"Don't you dare say those words!" Bowser snapped back. "As long as we're part of the Koopa Clan, we'll never give up! This plan is going to work!"
"Just like the billion other times your plan's worked, right?"
"Excuse me, your Highnesses—"
"All I wanted for Christmas was for us to rule the galaxy as a family!" roared the King. "But noooooooo, I'm being selfish!"
"I don't want the galaxy; I want my father for Christmas!"
"Well too bad: you're getting both or none at all!"
"KING BOWSER!" Kamek finally bellowed, his scratchy voice echoing through the room. Bowser and his son stared at the mage with wide-eyed expressions. Kamek breathed heavily, holding his chest as he tried to catch his breath.
"Well geez, Kamek, all you had to do was say something." said Bowser calmly. "No need to yell."
The Magikoopa shot him his own death glare before continuing. "The Smashers are outside the castle, and they don't look pleased."
"What." Bowser's and Bowser Jr's jaws dropped simultaneously, running over to the window.
"King Bowser!" The three villains could hear Master Hand's voice echo even from the front entrance. "Mario has reported that you have not only stolen the Mega Grand Star but have intentions bent on evil. We ask that you surrender yourself before I send in the Smashers to force you to."
"Umm..." The King Koopa looked dumbstruck. "What do I do?"
"I don't know; you're the king!" cracked Kamek. "Do you want to grab the Star and make your wish?"
"But... But... That ruins my plan!" He said with childlike eyes.
"I thought our lives were worth more than your plan!" Kamek snapped. "Think of your children!"
"On the count of three we bust in there!" bellowed Master Hand. "One!"
"But my plan..."
"You're going to lose the star otherwise; I'm just your advisor!"
"Two!" Master Hand's voice boomed.
"But Kamek..."
"It's now or never—"
"THREE!" Link came busting through one of the windows, firing three arrows with one shot. Bowser had just enough time to react, hurling a giant fireball directly at the arrows and incinerating them in an instant. The Hero of Time dodged it with the grace and dexterity he was known for before pointing his bow directly in the face of Bowser.
"By order of Master Hand, I command you to stand down!" demanded Link, his face full of his infamous courage. No trace of fear lingered in his eyes. "You have no jurisdiction in the matters of the Mega Grand Star!"
"Ha! Just one!" Bowser cackled, "This'll be easy!"
"Thanks for the distraction, Link." A voice said behind him. Turning around, the King Koopa was dumbstruck to find Mario, Mr. Game and Watch, and Dr. Mario standing behind him. In his arms, his greatest rival held the Mega Grand Star.
"Told you he was easily distracted." Mario whistled, walking towards the exit. "Come on, Peach is making lunch back at the Mansion. I heard it's Spaghetti!"
"I did not doubt you for a second, Mr. Mario." Link nodded, putting his bow down. Even through his veiled demeanor Bowser could tell he was happy it was over.
"I did..." Dr. Mario grumbled, passing fifty Smash Coins to Mr. Game and Watch, who looked quite pleased with himself.
"But!" Bowser was at a loss for words. "HEY!" The Smashers stopped in their tracks and turned around slowly, furthering Bowser's irritation. The way their smug faces looked made him want to just grab them all by their necks and squeeze. "Aren't you going to fight me, at the very least arrest me?!"
"Come on, Bowser," said Mario, throwing his arm over his shoulder and towards the door. "Peach would love to have you over!"
"But I stole that fair and square! I deserve a fight!"
"It's Christmas, man," Mr. Game and Watch shrugged, surprisingly calm for his usual timid behavior. "No need to fight. Master Hand wants everyone to have a merry Christmas this year."
"A merry Christmas?! A MERRY CHRISTMAS?!"
"Yes, a merry Christmas." Dr. Mario shrugged. "What about it?"
"I. Stole. The. Mega. Grand. Star." The King Koopa articulated, shaking his fist violently. "Why aren't you fighting me?! FIGHT ME!"
"Geez, I mean, if you really want us to... I thought we'd grown past that." Mario awkwardly scratched his mustache. "I mean, this happens all the time. We kind of gotten use to it. I thought this was just an early present."
"What— A PRESENT? WHAT PRESENT COULD THIS POSSIBLY BE?!"
"Kicking your butt for Christmas." Dr. Mario shrugged; Mario nodded along in agreement. "You do this every year, bro. It's kind of gotten stale."
"I agree." Kamek nodded, floating over to the heroes. The King Koopa looked dumbfounded at his advisor's sudden change of alignment. "Bowser, this obsession with conquering the world for Christmas has got to stop. Look, I got you the Mega Grand Star for Christmas, and what do you do? Squander its power and waste everybody's time. You could've had anything in the entire world right then, and you decided that theatrics was a better use of the greatest power known to man. I'm done, King Bowser. You can either come with us and celebrate Christmas, or wallow in your self pity here." To the others, he asked, "Mind if I join you?"
"Be our guest!" Link nodded, moving aside to let the Magikoopa into the group. "Will the young prince join us?"
Bowser could only give Bowser Jr a pleading look not to walk away. For a moment his son looked back in forth between the Smashers and his father before finally shrugging.
"Fawful's gone; I got nothing else better to do." said Bowser Jr. With a quick "Wait for me!" the prince made a dash towards the door, leaving a single person left in the room.
"... Merry Christmas to you too..."
Kamek's words stung like the sharpest knives. Out of everyone to leave him, Bowser would've placed him among the last, for their bond knew no bounds.
At least, that's what Bowser thought before today.
It wasn't very often when Bowser would take to drinking, but today felt like one of those days. He had snuck into the Koopa barracks and taken all of the alcoholic eggnog he could grab before any of his subjects spotted him and made a dash for it. He didn't want anyone to see the red streaks on his reptilian faces. It was rare when her cried, but it was even rarer when your best friend and closest ally told you that he was done with you.
He hid on the private balcony behind his Throne Room and drank away. For how long he remained there he barely knew; he could only tell by the setting sun in the distance. At that time, he had indulged himself far beyond his tolerance limit.
"I ruined Christmas, huh?" Bowser belched, wiping away the driblets of eggnog on his snout. "'Oh King Bowser, you're the person destroying everybody's holiday!' 'Gee, Your Horridness, why can't I just have a normal Dad?' Well too bad!" He screamed the last part, throwing the bottle in his hand over the balcony. "Christmas isn't just about what you want, you jerks!"
He wiped his eyes, walking over to the edge. "Every Mario wins. Every single time. What's the point of continuing? I can't do this anymore. There comes a point where I just can't take all of this losing anymore. I can't win. I'll never win. Maybe Junior's right. Maybe it's time I give up."
The drunken king looked down at the valley of lava below him. The fiery inferno of the melted rock below him was rumored to go down forever, into the abyss of the world where not even the strongest of magical items could survive.
"Perhaps forever…"
December 24th, 2015
Smash City
Time: 1600 Hours
"And that's when he said 'I've got a BONE to pick with you!'"
Captain Falcon and Robin both bursted out into a laughing fit. The two Smashers were walking casually down the Smash Street. Ever since the duo volunteered for the police force they had become like peas in a pod. They had just finished checking out a noise complaint over by some coffee shop called "The Falcon House" and were headed back to their vehicle when Falcon started telling Robin about a man he had met a couple months ago.
"Huh, " Robin wiped a treat away from his eyelid. "I have to meet this Sans guy sometime. Sounds like a wisecrack."
"He's actually a real BONEHEAD." The F-Zero racer smiled, successfully getting an eye roll from his partner. "Yeah, sure. Next time I fly out there— WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO MY CAR?!"
On the other side of the street, the Blue Falcon was totaled. The once famous racing car was now a metal scrap pile on the street. Even the G-Diffuser engine was offline, so the cat touched the ground. All the while, Captain Falcon had both hands on his helmet, his legs wide and dancing like the floor was lava.
"I DON'T HAVE INSURANCE!" He carelessly dashed across the street, barely avoiding the speeding oncoming traffic. "Who could've done such a thing?"
"Umm…" Bowser rubbed his head, resting on the hood of the car. "My bad?"