They always whispered, glancing at him in the halls, making him uncomfortable but glad at the same time. Especially Tsunade, and all the other sweet old women that were always asking him about it.

When they whispered and gossiped, then it meant that they didn't know, that they hadn't guessed or found any evidence.

It meant that his secret was safe. Sure, he would have to endure forced matchmaking, threats to go on blind dates, introductions to every grandmother's special, pretty daughter, but his love life was still safe from them. They couldn't force him to marry…thank goodness.

All in all, Iruka's love life was, or had been, a total disaster. He wasn't quite sure what was going on with his love life right now. A lover in his bed at night, and just a friendly acquaintance during the day. It was grating on his nerves a bit, not knowing where he stood with the other.

His closer friends knew something was up, that something had changed in his personal life, but even as they whispered amongst each other trying to dissect him, he knew that they couldn't, wouldn't find out. He was too good at hiding evidence. A useful skill from his days pranking his superiors.

In truth, Iruka wanted love, he wanted a partner that would treasure him, and even though he was sure he wasn't getting (or ever going to get) that from his current lover, he still desperately wanted to be by his side, he wanted to love Kakashi, even if Kakashi couldn't, or wouldn't allow himself to love Iruka back.

If others found out, then Kakashi would be in trouble, and so would he. Not only would he be a target for Kakashi's enemies, but also by his friends. They would rip him to shreds, telling him that he deserved better, or that Kakashi deserved someone stronger then a mere chunnin-sensei as a mate.

It would break him if they separated him from Kakashi. He knew when it had started; that falling in love with the infamous copy-nin would only bring him pain. It frustrated his soul, but he also understood.

Kakashi had lost so many loved ones, having been a ninja far longer than Iruka had and having started so early. Kakashi would no longer let himself feel that emotion, knowing the pain it brought with it. That was why Iruka never mentioned love, or a permanent relationship. It would frighten the other man, and he would leave forever, never to be seen by the brunette again, afraid of what might be if he allowed himself to feel.

Iruka knew the feeling of loss well also. He felt it the night his parents died, and whenever another one of his students or friends names were carved into the obsidian stone. But he could move on, knowing that they had chosen their path, and he had done everything in his power to make them the best ninja they could be.

Kakashi however, felt much more about his friends dying, believing that he could have saved them if he had been better. But even as Iruka knew that the outcome would have been the same, he let Kakashi grieve for Obito, Rin and his sensei. Kakashi had never fully grown up, having been a protégé. He couldn't move on like regular ninja. It was part of what drew Iruka to the other man.

Iruka didn't know if Kakashi was ok with everyone knowing, so he hid his limp, his pain, the bite marks, and the bruises. Whenever his friends dropped by, he made sure that anything Kakashi had left behind remained hidden. He even supplied scentless soap in his shower for the both of them so that the Inuzuka didn't guess.

Yes, his love life was pathetic. If only he knew what the other man wanted from him. He would give him anything he could.

Iruka stretched, his shift in the mission room coming to an end. Kakashi was due back in the morning. Leaving the building, he was instantly captured by one of the elderly women that he sometimes helped. He went along smiling and nodding to whatever was said before being introduced to her granddaughter. He had expected this; everyone in the village was trying to hook him up with a nice woman, not knowing that his interests lay in only one man.

He had expected his, but he did not expect the girl to attack him with her over sized breasts and try to smother him with them. "Ahmmph!" Was about all he could get out before he was tackled to the ground.

After that all he remembered was a weird pain in his side…a kunai between his ribs…then he was pretty sure he went homicidal and passed out.

oooooooooooooo

Kakashi leapt toward Konoha, his mission completed a bit earlier than expected. He had wanted to get back to see the sensei, Iruka. He was surprised that the man hadn't bragged or told anyone about sleeping with Sharingan Kakashi.

Most women or men he slept with told at least their friends of their 'conquest', but Iruka-san didn't seem to have informed anyone of their…arrangement. Also no one seemed to have figured out that they were sleeping together, which was strange in a village full of observant nin's.

Stopping as he reached the gates, he checked in with the two chunnin there, Kotetsu and Izumo.

Figuring that he'd turn in his report tomorrow, Kakashi made his way toward Iruka's apartment, only to spot him being dragged along by one of the most wrinkly-old-civilian women he had ever seen.

Following them, Kakashi saw as the young woman hugged what was his like an old boyfriend; thrusting her flesh into his chunnin's face.

He saw red when Iruka did nothing about it for a full ten seconds. Was Iruka really cheating on him? Sure he hadn't offered more than sharing a bed, but he thought that the man would be faithful.

He was about to turn away when he heard the swish of kunai through the air and then blood hitting the pavement.

The old woman screamed as Kakashi twisted around to see the younger woman on the ground with blood pouring out of her neck. He leaped from the roof top, landing in front of his lover. Instead of meeting dark brown eyes, he met violent, a deep dark violet. There was blood splattered across the man's face from when he killed the girl, and apparently a stab wound between his left ribs.

Kakashi felt a moment of panic, thinking that the kunai might have hit his lovers' heart before clearing his mind and knocking out his bed-buddy. Not thinking clearly, he took both bodies to the hospital. He never thought that he would panic when the sensei got hurt. He wasn't supposed to.

Iruka opened his eyes to white. "My love life is dead and beaten into the ground." He mumbled out-loud, wincing ever so slightly at the pain in his head.

He pushed his hands through loose strands of hair, sighing ever so slightly before sitting up carefully. The pain actually wasn't that bad, he'd had worse on missions and kept going. Although, the wound being dangerously close to his heart made things a bit more serious than he would have liked

Glancing around, Iruka spotted an amused Kakashi sitting on the chair next to his bed. "Yo."

Iruka blinked blankly at his lover. The only thought coming to mind was that Kakashi didn't wear any underwear, and he could easily get the jounin to take him on the uncomfortable hospital bed if he really wanted to. Which he did.

Shaking his head to chase away the perverted thoughts that Kakashi always seemed to plant in his brain, Iruka realized that most of it was the pain-killers and other drugs that the nurses had most likely injected into his system. He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands.

Turning back to his bed-partner, Iruka frowned. "What are you doing here?" The brunette really was mystified. Kakashi may occasionally…or always…sleep in his bed, but that didn't mean that the other would act like a real boyfriend and wait by his boyfriend's side. He hadn't expected for anyone to wait for him to wake up. Finding someone there made his mind more muddled and confused than the drugs were already making him.

Kakashi's sunny demeanor disappeared like mist in a dry wind. "Why wouldn't I be here?" That wasn't the response that he had expected from the usually polite and cheerful sensei.

His thinking process, being blocked and redirected by the medicine, moved toward his heart rather than his brain. He answered truthfully without any sugar coating, "You never mentioned anything other than a relationship in bed. Never took me out on a date or indicated anything other than a physical relationship, so I never thought that you would actually care enough to wait for me to wake up in a hospital. You don't really seem like the kind of man that wants any emotional attachment to anyone, or have anyone be attached to you. Seeing you was a surprise."

Kakashi's only reaction was to blink. His single eye devoid of any emotion. Did Iruka really think that he didn't care for him at all? Had he not made it clear that he did? Was he so transparent that anybody could see that he didn't want to become emotionally attached? Iruka was looking up at him with expressive, familiar brown eyes. "Why did you think that I didn't want to love you?"

"Don't," Iruka corrected, his mind turning back on slowly, "You don't, you won't allow yourself to care for me, cause the emotion required has only caused you pain so far. Makes me sad."

Kakashi questioned further, intrigued at what Iruka truly thought of him and refused to speak of while sober with his mental guards up. "Then why do you stay with me if it hurts so much? What makes you stay?"

Iruka paused, as if sensing he shouldn't say something, but the mental capacity needed to process the instinct wasn't available and he continued talking, head on his bent knees. "You're like a little kid." Iruka finally confided, "You always want your way and you expect it in your personal life for others to obey you. You also have this really big sense of self guilt, and you blame yourself even if you couldn't have stopped something. Quite simply, you act every bit like one of my students."

Kakashi frowned underneath is mask. So now he was a child?

"But really, it just makes you all the more adorable. You have a vulnerable side that you won't willingly let anyone see. You can't let go of the past, but you always look forward to the future, and you do care, however subtly and in denial you are, for your students." Iruka considered his words hazily. "It makes me want to make you laugh, to brighten your life, to comfort you. I suppose I've already fallen too deeply in love with you to get out."

Kakashi balked, almost falling out of the chair at the sensei's answer. "You what?"

Iruka looked up at him, eyes wide, just realizing that he had broken his rule to never tell. His mouth opened and closed like a fish, his mind floundering for words that he couldn't find through the haze. Instead, his face turned bright red, and he burrowed under the blankets, wincing slightly as his side throbbed.

Kakashi looked down at the white lump, having stood in his confusion. "I'll come back tomorrow….to give you my answer."

Iruka couldn't bit back a soft sob as he heard the door close. "I've lost him. I've actually driven him away." Soft tears streamed down his cheeks, making the white sheets that surrounded him begin to turn gray in spots. He cried himself to sleep, knowing that even if he asked, the nurses wouldn't allow him to leave.

Kakashi leaned lightly against the door outside, listening to the soft cries his lover was emitting.

What did he feel for Iruka? He wasn't quite sure anymore. In the beginning, it had been lust. Plain and simple. He wanted to have the academy teacher's body withering beneath his, panting his name and yearning for his touch. Now, it contained lust, but there was something else that he couldn't pin point.

Doing what he always did when he couldn't handle something, the jounin went to the memorial stone. He stared at the names, tracing the familiar worn out symbols. "What should I do? Can I learn to love again? Obito? Sensei? Rin? Should I allow myself too? Do I deserve to?" He stopped, remembering Iruka's words. "He loves me you know, sensei. He just told me he did. And I ran away. I don't know what to do; I don't know what I feel. I really wish I could have your support right now. I was taught how to kill, to suppress my emotions. Not how to sort out emotions and deal with declarations of love."

Kakashi fingered the 4th's name, "What would you tell me sensei?" He thought about it. "Probably that I'm being stupid and that I should do what feels right." He sighed, "Iruka feels right. He always does. I like his smell, and all the little noises he makes in bed, and how he always considers me before himself. He really is too kind hearted for me. I could break him easily. But for some reason I don't want to let go. Is this love Rin?" His hand had moved. "You're a girl, you should know. Right? What do you think?"

He waited, as if expecting an answer. "Yeah Obito, I think so too."

Iruka sat in the white hospital bed that morning, contemplating that everything was much too sanitary in a hospital. He hadn't touched the hospital food, deciding that he could wait and never touch the tasteless meal. He dumped the crap out the window, ducking down when it landed on Ibiki's head.

He wasn't crying anymore, but his heart was heavy. Supported by the lingering hope that Kakashi would reciprocate, or at least let him stay.

The knock brought his attention to the door where a nervous jounin stood, looking anywhere but at the younger chunnin.

"Yes, Genma-san?" Iruka smiled his usual greeting. "How can I help you?"

The brown haired man twirled his sebon around on his lips. "I heard you where in the hospital."

Iruka nodded kindly. He liked Genma, he was a good ninja, but he didn't know him all that well, having only spoken with the other man briefly once or twice.

Genma glanced up, making eye contact before looking away again. He shuffled closer, both hands clasped behind his back.

Iruka kept smiling kindly, his instincts telling him that he was in danger. He gripped the plastic spoon on his metal tray, knowing that it could be used to inflict pain if need be. He was very resourceful when he needed to be. "What did you want Genma-san?"

The said shinobi looked up, eyes hardening and launching at the injured sensei. Taken by surprise, Iruka could only throw his metal tray at the cloth-covered head and roll off the bed, reopening his wound in the process. His right hand moved to cover it, feeling warm blood leaking through the bandages. This was bad. Very bad. The man facing him was a jounin, not someone that Iruka would likely beat in a fair fight, one on one. Being a chunnin and sensei gave him a realistic view of his abilities, and it did not involve beating an elite shinobi in a small cramped space armed with only a plastic spoon.

He growled, annoyed at the hospital garb that was completely open in the back. Not that he had the luxury to be modest at the moment, but it would have comforted him a bit, and maybe offer just a smidge of protection. Glaring at the man before him, Iruka crouched in fighting position. "What are you doing Genma-san?" he snapped

The brunette near the bed sneered, "Killing you is just the ends to a means. You are the way in, the only thing that can hurt the copy-nin. By destroying you, we hurt him. Simple, see?"

Iruka's mind was working over time, assessing, recording and analyzing his opponent's movements and words. He'd said "we" so there were more than two of them, and this was probably linked to yesterday. He had only a plastic spoon and the room to his advantage whiles the other man who probably wasn't actually Genma, had a kunai, shuriken and scrolls. Iruka was in bad, maybe even over his head.

He was positive that the other was only chunnin level, no jounin like his outward appearance seemed to support. "I don't know what you mean, I'm nothing to Kakashi. He doesn't love me, he just enjoys the sex, and maybe my cooking. But he doesn't care for me." He was sure that this was right. He didn't believe that Kakashi would love him. Not really.

"I may love him, but that doesn't mean that he loves me back or even has to." Iruka was livid. This, man, had thrown the fact back in his face. Although probably not on purpose, it made Iruka want to rip the man to pieces. Just like his heart.

Moving closer, the man that Iruka had decided to name DeadMeat, or DM for short, smirked, thinking that the tremors running visibly through Iruka's body where from fear, not from contained rage.

If the intruder had bothered to ask anyone, they would have supplied the answer that, no, you never ever mess with an angry Iruka. Ever. However, having not done his homework properly, DM was over confident, believing that he could beat an injured man easily. He never counted on Iruka moving first and shoving a plastic spoon handle in his eye.

Clutching his heavily bleeding eye, DM dropped his kunai, allowing Iruka to pick it up. Too distracted, and moaning in pain, the fake Genma's henge dropped.

Iruka blinked in astonishment. "Mizuki?" Numbness overrode his system.

Said man, DM, or Mizuki, looked up at him with his one good eye. Iruka's white, backless shift was tainted with spots of red; a stoniness in his eye's that Mizuki had never seen before. "What has he done to you? You were never so cold before." More blood dripped to the floor.

Iruka snapped out of his stupor, "It wasn't Kakashi. What made me this way, was your betrayal. It took away any of my compassion for you. The way my best friend from childhood abandoned me and confessed that I had been played for a fool. Things like that do this to a person. I'm not the same Iruka that you thought you knew." Iruka tightened his grip on the kunai, a sneer spreading across his features. He threw the weapon at the wall behind the head of the bed. Ibiki wouldn't be pleased if Iruka killed a information source.

He opened the door, calling the nurses and keeping on eye on the sliver haired captive. "You know," Iruka remarked lazily, almost an imitation of Kakashi, "With that bad eye covered, you'll look like Kakashi-san. Silver hair and all." 'A memento," he thought happily, 'for trying to hurt the man I love. Even if it was miscalculated.'

Eventually, Mizuki stopped glaring at the injured brunette, choosing to look out the window instead. "You were supposed to die yesterday you know. I was henged as the old lady. You always went along with them even though you hate it. Why are you always so fricking understanding?" A frown marred the others already bloody face, "That's what always got to me. How nice, understanding and patient you can be. Even when you yelled at your kids it was controlled. I always wanted you to break, so that you would loose all control. You hang onto your control like a life line. But you lost control yesterday. I saw it. Your eyes were purple." Mizuki leaned against the foot board of the bed, "It was fucking scary." It looked as though Mizuki was about to throw up at confessing that he had been scared of the other weak chunnin.

Iruka glared down at the pitiful figure. "You are a sad, sad little man."

Two figures barged into the room. One was Kakashi, who looked like he hadn't gotten a wink of sleep, and Genma, who had heard that he walked into Iruka's room twenty minutes ago. Evidently, no one had heard Iruka's yell for help.

Seeing that Iruka had the situation under control, both men relaxed. "Iruka…" Kakashi whispered in relief. Whenever a ninja was seen going into a room twice in 20 minutes without anyone seeing them leaving, it meant something was seriously wrong.

Iruka blushed as he gazed at Kakashi. "Yeah. Hi." He rubbed the back of his neck, looking at his bare feet and keeping his back to the wall. Now wasn't the time to desperately want to fuck. He still had to get his answer.

Of course the blood loss combined with the stress of seeing his traitor of a friend, made him faint mid relief. The last thing he remembered was strong arms catching him and cuddling him to a warm chest.

lovelifelovelifelovelifelovelifelovelifelovelife

Kakashi paced nervously, waiting for the nurse to come out of the room and tell him how his chunnin was fairing. He had nearly had a apoplectic fit when Iruka had collapsed and fallen unconscious. Only getting Iruka to a nurse had kept him from murdering the traitor. He had left the scum for Genma to deal with, which was only proper considering that the deed had been done in his name.

Tsunade walked out, throwing a white apron to the ground, which surprised Kakashi since he hadn't seen her walk in. She glared at him before her eyes softened, catching the worry that shone through his right eye. "Don't worry so much, he'll be fine. I've healed him to the best of my ability, which I expect should be more than enough. He'll be able to leave as soon as he wants. You can go on and visit him." She walked away, whistling about finally winning a bet against Shizune.

Kakashi watched her leave before rushing into the room and standing beside the bed waving his arms around franticly.

Iruka watched him; almost confused, but also amused at the jounin' antics. He accepted the hug that Kakashi bestowed upon him, wrapping his arms around his love as hope and joy bubbled within him.

Kakashi stood back and did a good impression of Hinata, the blush just barely visible and his two fingers coming together at regular intervals. "umm…well…"

Iruka looked at him, judging from Kakashi's actions, his heart wasn't going to be broken. He smiled encouragingly.

"Right," Kakashi looked away, "well, I defiantly like you…" he swallowed, shifting in his seat. "I talked to Obito last night." He abruptly changed the subject. "He said that I should allow myself to love again…to live my life to the fullest like they all wanted me to. I'm not completely sure what love is anymore, but maybe you could teach me again? "

Iruka's lips curved slightly at Kakashi's awkward confession of…like. It was comforting in a way…and he hadn't been rejected. Also, if anyone was going to teach Kakashi to love like a normal person, Iruka wanted to be the one to do it. No one else would touch what belonged to him. No one.

Iruka nodded a confirmation before gesturing awkwardly to the silver haired man. Kakashi stared a bit before Iruka got fed up and hugged him. "Stupid jounin, of course I will. I'm the one that can't escape after all."

Kakashi hugged back awkwardly. The last time he had been hugged, was when the fourth had gone off to die. Strangely, he liked it...a lot. Especially if it came from Iruka.

Now he just had to figure out a way to get his tan chunnin into bed. Preferably, one that was more comfortable, and had lube nearby. Kakashi's mind started calculating.

Ooooooooooooooo

Heh, finally done:D it took me forever..cause im a horrible procrastinator and crap. I don't own naruto…im positive of this fact.

-newmoongirl