Title: A Life in Five Acts – Sirius Black
Author name: triola
Category: General
Sub Category: Tragedy
Rating: T
Summary: "Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." Truman Capote
DISCLAIMER: If I owned this, it would end differently.
Author notes: I've been wanting to write a story about Sirius' life for ever so long. In fact, the first fanfiction I ever wrote was about his first school years, but back then I got a serious (no pun intended) writer's block and had to stop. But despite that, he just wouldn't stay out of my mind, so here it is, the life of darling Sirius, the coolest guy to ever walk the Harry Potter universe.
Warning: Character Death.
A Life in Five Acts – Sirius Black
Act I
"To repeat what others have said, requires education; to challenge it, requires brains."
Mary Pettibone Poole
"Sirius Augustus Black. It is a powerful name." The woman looked down at the babe and he blinked up at her with his big, grey eyes. She smiled and touched her hand to his forehead. "May your name bring you the strength you need to fulfil your destiny."
"Moooooooother!" The almost hysterical yell of Regulus Black could be heard resounding through the house. He was running as fast as his short, five-year-old legs could carry him, all the while shouting at the top of his lungs. "Moooooother!" Suddenly something large came barrelling into him from his left, and he ended up sprawled on his back with the other person straddling his stomach.
"Shut up you fool!" Sirius Black hissed, his grey eyes flaring as he glared down at his little brother. He used his left arm to cover Regulus' mouth while the right one poked him repeatedly in the chest. "You promised you wouldn't tell if I showed you, you promised!" And with all the indignation of an eight-year-old boy who's about to be ratted on, he used both his hands to grab onto his brother's robe and shake him back and forth. Unfortunately, this left Regulus' mouth free, and he once again started shouting.
"Mooooooother!" His chubby cheeks were tear-streaked and his little hands were pounding as hard as he could into Sirius' chest. "Moooooooooother!"
Snarling, Sirius once again reached down to cover Regulus' mouth, but this time the other boy was prepared and bit down hard the minute the soft flesh came in contact with his lips. Crying out, Sirius pulled his hand back and scrambled off his brother. "You fucking bastard!" he yelled. "You're the son of a bloody banshee, that's what you are!"
Regulus' eyes became almost impossibly wide and he gaped up at his brother. "You're not allowed to say such things!" he said accusingly. "Those are bad words, and I'm telling mother!" Then he was running down the corridor again, Sirius hot on his heels.
Sirius was lying in his bed, his eyes wide open and his mouth stretched into a broad smile. It was still dark outside, and he could barely make out the contours of his desk, but from a place nearby he could hear the melodic chiming of a Muggle church. He counted six strokes before they stopped. Six o'clock in the morning. That was almost late enough for him to get up, wasn't it? Especially since it was such a big day? He looked up at the calendar above his bed. If he squinted he could almost make out the eagerly scribbled words on today's date; September 1st, starting school! Grinning even broader Sirius closed his eyes to try and get some more sleep, but he soon found that it was perfectly impossible. He was too excited. All he could think about was Hogwarts, the school of witchcraft and wizardry.
Sirius surveyed himself thoughtfully in the mirror. He was tall for his age, not a giant or anything, but definitely not a dwarf either. And he was quite thin. Thinner than Regulus, Sirius thought with a grin. Regulus was in all honesty rather plumb. Of course, their mother thought it adorable, but Regulus didn't, and Sirius had had much fun teasing him about it. When his parents weren't around obviously. Sirius lifted his gaze to his face. Grey-bluish eyes stared back on him from underneath a fringe of dark hair. He was tanned and he had a dozen freckles sprinkled right above his nose. He didn't look too bad. Nope, not too bad at all. There was much to be desired when it came to his clothes, his mother had the most peculiar taste in robes, but all in all, he'd make a pretty decent first impression. He hoped.
In the men's room of King's Cross station, Sirius took a moment to check his reflection one last time, before heading for the door. He had just pushed down the handle and was putting his weight on the door to open it, when with a large bang, the door crashed right into something hard. Or maybe that should be someone hard. Sirius rushed out at once to see who he had hit, and found a boy spread out on the floor, looking very dazzled. He was quite young, about Sirius' age, with a messy mop of dark hair on the top of his head. His eyes were a warm hazel colour, but hidden behind glasses that looked a number too big for him.
"I'm so sorry!" Sirius exclaimed and sank down next to the boy. His nerves were already having a small revolution of their own, the last thing he needed was some complete stranger yelling at him for knocking him over with a door. "I didn't mean to, it just happened, I was just going out of the bathroom, and I didn't know, and it just happened, and I didn't mean to, you were just there, and I didn't know, and I am so sorry, and –" He was interrupted as the boy doubled over laughing.
"You're babbling!" he stated and laughed more. It was a loud and noisy sort of laughter, yet it was honest and pure and Sirius felt a sudden urge to join in.
"I was, wasn't I? Sorry about that. I'm just not all that used to maiming people with doors, and getting in prison for door-murder is not all that high on my list of priorities just now." His mouth twisted into a dry smile.
"Yeah well, it'll take a bit more than a door to kill me!" The boy laughed and got to his feet. "I'm James Potter, by the way. Master of floor-sprawling and most honourable first year at Hogwarts." He stuck out his hand pompously.
Sirius laughed and shook it. "And I am Sirius, of the noble and most ancient house of Black," he said, just as pompously. "Master of door-hitting, and just as honourable, if not more honourable, first year at Hogwarts."
"You're going to Hogwarts too!" James exclaimed happily. "That's awesome! I was afraid I'd never get any friends, but you seem quite ok, for a door-hitter." He grinned widely and Sirius felt himself grinning back.
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed."
Carl Jung
"YOU FILTHY LITTLE BLOOD TRAITOR! YOU LOUSY GRYFFINDOR MINGLING TURNCOAT! YOU ABOMINATION! YOU HAVE DISGRACED THE FAMILY NAME, DISGRACED YOURSELF AND DISGRACED ME AND YOUR FATHER! YOU ARE A SHAME TO THE FAMILY, A SHAME TO ME, AND YOU ARE NO LONGER A SON OF MINE! AND DON'T YOU DARE COME HOME FOR CHRISTMAS!"
Sirius looked down his uniform and sighed as his eyes fell on the red and gold Gryffindor badge. But when he looked up again, he met the sympathetic eyes of James Potter, and when he next felt the supporting squeeze on his arm from the person sitting next to him, he couldn't help but smile a little. After all, your friends are the family you choose for yourself.
"I'm James Potter and this is my friend, Sirius Black." James put his arm companionably around Sirius shoulders and grinned. "He might look like an evil sort of bloke, but don't let his door-maiming appearances fool you, he is really no more dangerous than a Puffskein!" Sirius snorted indignantly and hit James above the head, while the other boy smiled a little.
"I'm Remus," he said, his voice soft and melodic. He was a very small boy, didn't look a day older than seven, and not exactly the type Sirius would have considered talking to at all if James hadn't dragged him over. His clothes were ragged, his face pale and drawn, his hair a dirty sort of blond and hanging lifelessly down into his face. All in all, he projected everything Sirius associated with the word 'poor'.
"Hello Remus, it is nice to meet you!" James grinned at the smaller boy and put his other arm around his shoulder, efficiently steering both Remus and Sirius the way he wanted to go. "You are in our house, aren't you?" Sirius rolled his eyes. The boy slept in the same dorm as them, yet still James didn't remember who he was. That was one thing he had noticed about James Potter, even after a week of school he had problems remembering who people were. But he had such a winning personality and such a contagious good mood that everyone forgave him for forgetting them. And it wasn't as if this Remus bloke was a very noticeable kind of person anyway.
Sirius didn't quite know how it happened, but sometime around Christmas his and James' little group had expanded to four people. Remus had, despite his sickly appearance, turned out to be very hard to get rid of. That might be partly because James instantly took a shine to him and refused to let him wander off alone, but no matter whose fault it was, Remus was there to stay. And after a while Sirius didn't even mind. The small boy turned out to be surprisingly clever and not lost behind a broom when it came to mischievousness either. The fourth person was a guy by the name of Peter Pettigrew. Sirius had no idea where he came from, he suspected it was another one of James' charity cases, or maybe even someone Remus picked up in the library, but by hook or by crook he ended up tagging along after them, his watery, little eyes filled with adoration. Sirius found that he didn't really mind all that much.
"You got a hundred percent on another test, Remus?" James shook his head and sighed in despair.
"Hey, don't complain, you got the same on a Transfiguration test last week if I remember correctly." Sirius' voice drifted from the chair where he was reading Quidditch Through the Ages.
"Well, yes, but Remus gets it every bloody time!" James sat down on a chair nearby and mock sulked.
"Bah, don't mind him Remus, he's just a big baby," Sirius laughed and turned to Peter. "What did you get on the test?"
"Oh, uhm, forty-seven percent." Peter mumbled and looked down on his shoes.
"Oh, but that's great, Peter!" Remus exclaimed. "That's much better than last time!"
"Yeah, I guess it is." Peter smiled shyly and Remus grinned back at him.
"Absolutely ace," mumbled Sirius, but he was already so far into his book again that no one knew if he was commenting Peter or something he'd read.
"Are you sure?" Sirius' eyes were wide as saucers and his mouth hung open in disbelief.
"Yes, everything fits. The sickness, the scars, everything. I double checked with the Lunar cycle." James whispered gravely and Sirius could only stare at him. After what seemed like an eternity he shook his head, letting his hair fall messily down into his eyes.
"Bloody hell."
"My thought exactly." James murmured in agreement.
"The friendship that can cease has never been real."
Saint Jerome
"Remus, let us in!" Sirius pounded on the door of the second year boy's dorm. He could hear a muffled 'no' from the other side of the door and increased the pounding. "Remmy, come on, you can't lock us out forever!"
"Well, theoretically –"
"Shut up, James, you're not helping." Sirius growled and continued the pounding. "Remmy…!" He whined, but all he got was another muffled 'no'. Turning to James again, he ceased his pounding for the sake of glaring at the other boy.
"This is all your fault!"
"What! Don't you go blaming this on me! You're the one told him we knew about his secret!"
"Yes, but you're the one who wanted us to tell him in the first place! I was happy with not saying a word!" Sirius crossed his arms over his chest and turned to Peter. "And you! Suggesting that we do it in the common room where he could just run away and lock us out!"
Peter looked regretfully down on his shoes and James took the time to hit Sirius on the arm. "Don't you yell at Peter! You didn't have anything against it earlier today, and you certainly didn't have a better idea!"
Sirius spluttered for a moment before his shoulders sagged down in defeat. "Fine, so it's all my fault, is that what you want me to say? I screwed up, I didn't take the time to make sure he knew he had our support before I told him, and now he wants nothing to do with us. Happy now!" He screamed that last sentence out, before sinking to the floor and covering his head in his arms.
"Siri, I –" James started at the same time Peter said "Sirius –", but they were both interrupted as the door to the dorm room silently slid open. In the opening stood Remus, his eyes red and his cheeks tear-streaked. "Remus!" James exclaimed and Sirius was on his feet in a minute, both of them crushing the smaller boy with hugs.
"I'm so sorry, we didn't mean to find out, we just did, I'm sorry!" Sirius exclaimed while James and Peter nodded vigorously in agreement, but the blond haired boy just gaped up at them.
"You're sorry?" He asked in disbelief. "You – I – we –" He spluttered before shaking his head. "Why can't the three of you ever do anything the normal way?"
"What do you mean?" Peter frowned, cocking his head to the side.
"Why don't you hate me?" Remus whispered.
"Hate you!" James exclaimed. "We could never hate you, you're Remus!"
"I'm a freak, a werewolf, a monster!"
"Still doesn't make you any less our Remus," Sirius smiled. "And honestly, did you really think James and I are smart enough to be scared when we should? I cannot speak for Peter of course, but I know James agrees with me when I say having a werewolf for a friend is about the coolest thing that's ever happened to me!"
"I agree," squeaked Peter. "And you can help us if we ever get an assignment on it in DADA."
Remus' eyes were wide and he looked as if he was about to cry again. "You really don't care?"
"Nope," grinned James. "And no matter what you say or do, we'll still be waiting in the infirmary with chocolate frogs after every full moon!"
"Really?" Remus breathed, looking between the three of them.
"You couldn't stop us even if you were to grow fur and try to bite our heads off." Sirius exclaimed and James gaped at him.
"You're so bloody tactless!" he cried and hit Sirius above the head.
"Whaaa…? What did I do this time?" Sirius looked between James and Remus before it dawned on him and he blushed. "Sorry." He mumbled, rubbing the back of his head and smiling sheepishly.
Laughing, Remus shook his head and linked his arms with both James and Sirius while grinning at Peter. "Don't ever change. Any of you."
Act II
"Do not protect yourself by a fence, but rather by your friends."
Czech Proverb
"Fuck, you did it! Remus, he did it!" James cried out and grasped Remus arms, pulling him into a sort of mad dance, all the while beaming like a lunatic. Peter laughed at them before taking a tentative step towards the big, black dog that stood in the middle of the dusty, unused classroom.
"Is he… he's still himself, right?" Peter asked and James stopped swinging Remus around the room.
"Of course he is," Remus said kindly. "Right Sirius?" The dog barked loudly and his tail wagged incessantly back and forth. Then his face got an expression that could only be described as mischievous and before anyone knew what had happened, Peter was lying on his back on the floor with Sirius over him, licking his face.
"Oh Merlin, that is just disgusting!" James laughed and pulled Sirius off of the screaming Peter. "Didn't your mother ever teach you not to stick your tongue in other people's faces? You don't know where they've been!" He sniggered before sending Peter a smile that didn't look half as remorseful as it was probably supposed to. Fortunately Peter didn't notice, he was too busy wiping his face on the sleeve of his robe.
"I think that's enough playing for today," Remus said, walking over to Sirius and James. "If a person stays in his Animagus form too long the first time, it gets too hard to change back."
"Oh, right." James let go of Sirius and took a step back. "Now change back, you old dog!" He grinned and just laughed when Sirius growled at him. The he proceeded to watch as his best friend slowly started morphing, his fur being replaced by skin, his paws elongating and separating into fingers and toes, his hair growing and his nose shrinking. In a matter of minutes Sirius Black was standing there grinning at them in all his human glory.
Remus was the first one to rush over and he took the time to look over him anxiously. "How do you feel, is everything as it should be, have you lost any limbs, how many fingers am I holding up?"
"Hey, relax Rem, everything is fine." Sirius smiled faintly and swayed a little. "I feel like I could sleep for weeks, but that's really nothing new." He grinned and Remus smiled in relief.
Sirius was running through the woods, the wind in his fur and his four paws steadily pounding the ground beneath him. It was dark all around him, but the moon was full, lighting his path and making the undergrowth easy to see. It was almost as if the entire world had acquired a silvery edge. It was mostly silent, but above him he could hear the ever-present rustle of leaves and the occasional hoot of a lonely owl. In front of him, further down the path, there were also sounds of a struggle. Hooves beating against the grass, the snarling of a wolf. Yet, he could smell no fear. He knew they were only playing. His pack mates.
"Sirius Augustus Black, get back here this instance!" Sirius could hear the shrill voice of his mother following him as he walked down the stairs. He just tightened the grip on his trunk and walked a little faster. "Sirius, I am not finished with you! You get back here!" His mother had now reached the top of the stairs, but he still didn't turn back. "You blood traitor, abomination, stop this very minute!" Gritting his teeth he continued purposely. "I'll disinherit you, you know I will, you vile piece of scum!" That was the straw that broke the camel's back, and Sirius turned around in a fury.
"Shut up you old hag, just shut up! I don't care what you do, but I'm not staying one more minute in this filth-infested hole!"
"You ungrateful, little –"
"I said shut up!" Sirius snarled. "If it's anyone who's ungrateful, it is you! I did everything to make you love me, every bloody thing, but you never noticed, did you? Noooo, it was always Regulus, darling Regulus. Well you know what, I'm done with the lot of you! Pure-blood superiority my ass, this family is nothing but a bunch of pathetic losers who can't even throw a lousy levitating spell correctly!"
"How dare you! How dare you! My own flesh and blood! We gave you everything, but you've given us nothing but shame! Go ahead, run away. Maybe your Gryffindor friends will have you, but don't even dare think you can ever come back! You are no longer a son of mine!"
"Perfect! Because you've never been anything close to a mother for me!"
"Disgrace of my womb! May the Dark Lord strike you to the ground together with your Mudblood friends!"
His eyes alight with fury and his knuckles white from clutching his wand, Sirius spat at his mother's feet. "Fuck you." Then he turned around and walked out the door.
"Children might or might not be a blessing, but to create them and then fail them is surely damnation."
Lois McMaster Bujold
Hesitantly Sirius looked into the face of his best friend. "Are you sure your parent's won't mind?"
Smiling, James shook his head. "Of course not, you nitwit, they adore you. You can stay for as long as you like."
Sirius walked through the portrait hole to the Gryffindor common room as silently as he could. It was the middle of the night and he didn't want to wake anyone. When he came to the couch he looked down and was surprised to see Peter lying there, sleeping like a baby.
"Peter?" Sirius whispered, shaking the other boy slightly. "Wormtail?"
"Whaa…?" Peter opened his eyes slightly and blinked confusedly up at Sirius.
"Hey, shouldn't you be in bed?" Sirius asked, helping the other boy to his feet. "Why are you down here?"
"Was waiting for you," Peter mumbled, yawning. "Promised to help me study."
"Oh." Sirius looked decidedly guilty and smiled sheepishly. "Had a date and we, uhm, got a bit distracted."
"Who was it this time?" Peter asked, walking before Sirius up the stairs.
"I dunno, Celina, Cecilia, something like that," Sirius shrugged and laughed. "One of those girly names."
"Well, well, what do we have here?" Sirius smiled maliciously and walked over to the boy sitting alone underneath a tree near the Forbidden Forest. He was reading a large book, his greasy hair falling down into his black eyes and hiding his sallow face from view. "Snivellus."
"Black." Snape reacted so fast it was as though he had been expecting an attack. Dropping his book, he plunged his hand inside his robes, and his wand was halfway into the air by the time Sirius realised what was happening and raised his wand to point straight at Snape's throat.
"I don't think so," he growled and Snape glared back at him, lowering his wand.
"One of these days. One of these days." He murmured, but he eyed the wand pointed at his throat with some apprehension.
"One of these days you're going to do what? Actually get your wand as high as your chest before you're beaten?" Sirius smirked and Snape snarled.
"I wouldn't be so cocky if you were you, Black. I know you're hiding something, and I'm going to find out what. Then I'm going to bring you down."
"You're delusional, what would I be hiding?" Sirius tried to sound aloof, but his eyes were narrowed in suspicion.
"Oh, I don't know, but there are always rumours for those who care to listen. Lupin has been looking awfully pasty these last few days, don't you think?" Sirius took a sharp intake of breath. "That's what I thought." Snape nodded to himself. "I'd watch my back if I were you." He looked down at his nails before looking back up at Sirius and smirking. "And Lupin's back."
"You stay away from Remus!" Sirius snarled, clutching his wand so hard his knuckles turned white.
"My my, it seems I've found a soft spot, eh? Well well, if you want me to stay away from your precious Lupin, then tell me what I want to know."
"And what is that?"
Snape looked up at him with a calculating look in his eyes for a moment, before pursing his lips. "I've seen you go towards the Whomping Willow some nights, and not come back until morning. I want to know what you are doing."
Sirius stared at him in disbelief. "No way. I can't tell you that!"
"Either you tell me, or Lupin pay." Snape narrowed his eyes. "And I'll find out anyway, I'll just follow you."
Sirius was struck by a sudden flash of inspiration. "But you don't know how to enter the Whomping Willow! You don't know which knot to push to make the tree stand still!" He almost laughed in self-satisfaction when he saw the interested glow in Snape's eyes.
"A knot you say?"
"I – I shouldn't have said that," Sirius whispered while making sure to look contritely at the ground.
"Well, well, I guess you're not totally useless after all," sneered Snape before getting to his feet. "You have been most helpful. Most helpful indeed." Then he picked up his book and walked away, seemingly in deep thought. Sirius watched him leave and couldn't help the smirk that snuck onto his face.
"You fucking bastard! Do you have any idea what you have done?" James shouted while shaking Sirius forcefully back and forth. "You had better pray I get there in time, otherwise I will not hesitate to kill you!" Then he was out the door faster than a flash of lightning.
"I'm sorry, Remus, I didn't think –" Sirius looked down at the small boy sitting in the hospital bed, his abused and scarred arms wrapped protectively around his knees.
"Yes, that's just it, isn't it? You didn't think. You never do! What, did you think I would be happy? I could have killed him, Sirius, killed him!" Remus drew a shaky breath, glaring up at his companion.
"I didn't think he would ever go there, I never intended –"
"I don't care what you intended or not, the fact is that you did it. You betrayed me, you betrayed my secret and you were willing to sacrifice a fellow student for a petty revenge. And you know what Sirius? If I had killed Snape, they would have put me to death. Hell, I would have insisted they put me to death! I'd be nothing more than an animal! You know that my greatest wish is to be a human, and that the wolf is my greatest fear, yet you were still willing to take advantage of that creature, of my animalistic instincts, just because you could and because it might have been fun. Well, it isn't fun, it is unforgivable." The coldness of Remus' voice hit Sirius like a knife in the heart.
"I'm – I'm so sorry. Remus, I'm so sorry!" Sirius whispered, his hand reaching out to touch the other boy's shoulder, but he flinched away.
"Get out Sirius. Just get the hell out of here!"
"Sometimes the measure of friendship isn't your ability to not harm but your capacity to forgive the things done to you and ask forgiveness for your own mistakes."
Randy K. Milholland
"Forgive me?"
"Against my better judgement, I always do."
Act III
"Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one."
Jane Howard
"Merlin, I'm going to miss this place." Sirius looked around the Gryffindor common room one last time, before walking out the portrait hole with his friends. He changed the grip on his backpack and threw one arm around Remus' shoulder, mimicking the way James was holding Lily.
"Yeah, me too," sighed Remus while Peter nodded in agreement.
"Not as much as Lily though," grinned James. "She's spent a week crying about it." He laughed down at his fiancé who playfully hit him in the stomach.
"Girls," Sirius rolled his eyes, but he grinned down at the redhead as well. She answered by sticking her tongue out at him. Laughing, Sirius raised one of his eyebrows. "What have I told you about sticking your tongue out if you're not prepared to use it?"
"Oh no you're not!" exclaimed James, pulling Lily away from Sirius. "You are not bullying my fiancé into kissing you again!"
"Aww, you're no fun." Sirius pouted and Lily laughed, shaking her head.
"Come one, guys," she said, tugging on James' arm. "We're going to miss the train if we continue like this."
"Yeah, let's go." Remus nodded and started walking down the hall, dragging Sirius and Peter with him.
"Prefects," muttered Sirius and James nodded ruefully in agreement while Peter snorted.
"I will pretend I did not hear that," sniffed Remus and dislodged himself from Sirius to grab Lily's arm. "Come on, Lil, we prefects have better things to do than to hang around with unintelligent, overgrown jocks." She grinned at him and they took off, leaving the three other boys staring. It took about five seconds before they started running after them.
"Aww, Lily, come on!"
"Moony, don't be like that!"
"Sirius, James, wait for me!"
"But Sirius, how could you afford your own apartment? I thought your parents disowned you?" Lily's voice sounded loud and clear from where she was making tea in the Potter family kitchen. It was three weeks until the wedding and she was visiting her soon to be in-laws.
"Yeah, they did, but my old uncle Alphard kicked the bucket and left me a bunch of money."
"Wow, how much?" the redhead entered the living room with a pot in her hand and three cups in the other.
"I don't know exactly, but I know that it is more than enough for you to start considering dumping this good-for-nothing and hook up with his ten times more handsome best friend." Sirius sent her his most charming smile, but it only got him a thump on the head from James.
"Ow, that really hurt!" He mock glared at James, rubbing the back of his head.
"It was supposed to." The brown eyed boy grinned and poured himself a cup of tea.
"Hmpf, if that is how you're going to be, I'm not telling you what I'm doing with the rest of the money!" Sirius folded his arms over his chest and turned his head away.
"Aww, come on, Siri, don't be like that! I'll give you a cookie, hmmm?" James held up a big chocolate chip cookie and gave him his most winning smile.
"Cookie?" Sirius turned slightly. "What kind?"
"Chocolate chip."
Sirius looked as if he pondered the question very hard, you could practically see the scale tipping in his head as he added the pros and cons, but in the end the cookie won out and he grabbed it hungrily.
As Sirius munched loudly, James poured him a cup of tea before taking a sip of his own. "Now, about the rest of the money?"
"Oh, yes! I'm buying a motorcycle!" Sirius grinned and the cookie was instantly forgotten.
"What!" cried Lily as James' "Awesome!" rung out into the room. Lily glared at her boyfriend before turning back to Sirius. "That is not awesome, those things are dangerous! You could crash into almost anything!"
"I've already thought about that, and I've come up with a solution," Sirius' grin broadened. "If I make the motorcycle fly, the only think I can possibly crash into are clouds, and that's hardly dangerous."
That made Lily speechless for a moment, before she pursed her lips and crossed her arms. "Fine, buy a motorcycle, but know this, if that thing ever comes near me or mine, I will incendio it myself! And if you can't be best man at our wedding because you're in the hospital after a crash, I will incendio you. Is that understood?" Sirius could only nod.
"I do."
"And do you, Lily Evans, come here today, in the presence of these witnesses, with love in your heart and a conscious desire to be united in marriage with James Everett Potter? Do you promise to share the responsibility for the growth and enrichment of your life together and to give to James all the loving support he needs to become the person he is destined to be?"
Tears were streaming freely down Lily's flushed cheeks, but she smiled and answered. "I do."
"Then by the power invested in me, I hereby declare you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride." The Muggle minister smiled at James, and he instantly did as he was told, a big, goofy grin on his face. Together they walked hand in hand down the isle.
Whooping, Sirius was the first person to run after the couple to congratulate them. He found them in the anteroom and threw himself around James' neck, slapping him friendly on the back. "Congrats, mate! Hah, now you're tied up forever, there's no way back!" He grinned at Lily and enveloped her in a big bear hug before she could move to hit him on the arm. "And the wedding was splendid. I must admit, in the beginning I was a little negative towards the whole Muggle Christian church thingy –" here James came with a cough that sounded very much like 'in the beginning?' while Lily's clearing of her throat could easily be interpreted as 'a little?', but Sirius went on unfazed. "– but it turned out simply awesome! And did I tell you that I am definitely getting one of those priest robes for my birthdays?" Lily and James laughed and Sirius hugged them once more before releasing them to the rest of their public.
"God these weddings make me really soppy, but I love you, you know that?"
Grinning, Sirius looked down into the eyes looking so trustingly up at him. "I love you too." He murmured.
"You have grown into fine young men all four of you, and the Order of Phoenix would be honoured to have you as members." Albus Dumbledore smiled down at them and Fawkes trilled his agreement in the background. Sirius had never felt prouder, nor more grown-up than he did in that exact moment.
"Pregnant, what do you mean pregnant?"
James grinned at Sirius and scratched the back of his head. "Well, you know, pregnant."
"Like big stomach, aching feet, bizarre cravings, ending in a baby kind of pregnant?"
"Yep, that's the one." James laughed and Sirius sat down hard on the couch.
"Bloody hell. A baby." He blinked a couple of times before a big smile slowly spread itself over his face. "A baby! We're having a baby!"
"Uh, well, technically it's me and Lily who are having a baby –"
"Bah, hogwash," Sirius waved James' words away with flick of his hand. "This is the first Marauder baby, don't you dare think you may keep him to yourself! We share everything, remember?"
Laughing, James shook his head. "Wait till I tell Lily her baby has four fathers," he grinned wryly before continuing. "And how do you know it's going to be a 'he' anyway?"
"Oh, I just do. If there is a God, he is not so ruthless as to stick us with another Lily, therefore it must be a boy." Sirius nodded to himself and James punched him jokingly on the arm.
"Don't let Lily hear you say such things," he grinned.
"Oh, trust me, I won't!" Sirius snorted. "And don't get me wrong, I love Lily with all my black little heart, but one is more than enough."
"Yeah, I think you might be right." James nodded, after looking quickly over his shoulder as if to make sure his wife wasn't anywhere near.
"There is…nothing to suggest that mothering cannot be shared by several people."
H. R. Schaffer
Sirius lowered his wand and looked down at the person in front of him. They all looked the same, until you got their masks off. This one was a couple of years older than him. A Parkinson, if he remembered correctly. They'd gone to school together. Shaking his head and making sure the prisoner was secure, Sirius double checked the stunning spell before walking on. He could hear screams and spells fired all over the little farm, Death Eaters and Order members fighting in all corners. Sirius stepped over the bloody corpse of some kind of animal and shot a spell in the direction of the nearest masked one. The stunning spell worked wonders. Drying the sweat of his brow, he moved on to the next.
Sirius was running down the yellow-painted corridor as fast as his legs could carry him. Looking back over his shoulder he yelled at Remus. "Hurry up, will you! We're going to be late!"
"This is a hospital, Sirius, not a running track! Slow down!" Remus reached Sirius and grabbed his arm to slow him down. "And five more minutes isn't going to change anything. These things take hours."
Sighing deeply, Sirius nodded his head. "Fine, but we'll walk rapidly, ok?"
"Deal." Remus smiled and the two of them continued down the corridor. When they reached their destination, they saw Peter pacing restlessly up and down the hallway while Mr. and Mrs. Potter, as well as Mrs. Evans, sat silently on some chairs in a corner. From behind a closed door they could hear the heart wrenching scream of one Lily Evans.
"How's it going?" Whispered Remus, sitting down next to Mrs. Evans while Sirius took to pacing back and forth along with Peter. He only stopped for a second to hear the softly uttered answer.
"She's into the second stage of the labour, so it won't be long now."
"And how is James holding up?" Remus looked over at Mrs. Potter and Sirius' pacing brought him closer for the answer.
"Oh, he was white as a sheet when he brought her in, the poor dear," James' mother smiled and shook her head. "Apparently Lily had been in labour for quite a while, but refused to come to the hospital before it got serious, James was at his wits end! He thought it much safer if she was here all along, but of course, Lily is stubborn as a mule so he didn't get anywhere. When they finally did get here he had the healers check her over at least three times before he was convinced she was OK." Mrs. Potter laughed a little. "You can say many things about my son, but one thing is for sure, he does love that wife of his."
The piercing cry of a newborn child could be heard ringing through the corridor and everyone in the hall sagged together in relief. Ten minutes later the proud father emerged from the room, the small baby tucked securely away in his arms. He had a mop of black hair on his head and blinked up at them with the light blue eyes most babies are born with. Sirius looked down at the perfect little face, and then up at James, a broad grin on his face.
Grinning back, James held out the little one so that he was more visible. "Everyone, meet my son."
"Godfather? Me? You really are out to get yourself into trouble, aren't you? You do realise I will teach him everything I know and that he will be a right menace when he grows up?" Sirius shook his head in incredulity, but secretly he was thrilled. A godson of his own to spoil and love. It was perfect.
"Harry? What kind of name is Harry?" Sirius stared at James and Lily in disbelief.
"Well, it is a good, sturdy name –" James started, looking at his wife for support.
"Codswallop!" Sirius exclaimed. "It is a boring name, hardly worthy of a hamster! Didn't I give you a list of acceptable names?"
"You gave us two names, Sirius." James said exasperatedly.
"Yes, and what was wrong with those two? They were perfectly good names!"
"They were Sirius and Augustus!"
"And?"
"Sirius, those are your names!" James looked as if he was about to go hit his head against something hard.
"Exactly, perfectly good names." Sirius said while nodding to himself.
"Gaaah, I talk and I talk, but I just don't get through!" James cried. "Lily, some help?"
"Of course, dear," Lily smiled and turned to Sirius. "Sirius, my son's name is Harry, end of story."
"But –"
"No."
"You didn't even –"
"No."
"You can't –"
"No." Lily folded her arms over her chest and just looked at Sirius in a way that would make most men squirm.
"Fine." Sirius pouted and sat sulkily down at the couch. "But I will forever call him Augustus." Lily raised an eyebrow. "Or Harry, Harry will do as well. Good, sturdy name Harry is."
Smiling Lily nodded and walked over to the nursery while James looked gapingly after her. "Every bloody time," he mumbled. "She manages it every bloody time."
Act IV
"Evil is obvious only in retrospect."
Gloria Steinem
Albus Dumbledore's voice was grave as it rang through the hall. The entire Order was gathered around a long table, everyone looking nervously at each other. James had started out by smiling at Sirius and jokingly making faces when Albus wasn't looking, but he quickly stopped. This was no normal Order meeting. This was serious.
"Are you sure?" Alastor Moody's bark could be heard from the back of the room. Albus nodded.
"Yes. I'm sure. We have a traitor among us." For a moment he looked older than Sirius had ever seen him, but he quickly pulled himself together. "We don't know who it is, but we will find him. Make no mistake of it, we will find him."
"Voldemort killed another family today," James sighed and Lily closed her eyes while continuing to rock Harry back and forth. "That makes nine this week."
Shaking his head, Sirius clutched the cup of tea harder. He didn't want to hear this.
"And they were in hiding, no one but certain chosen Order members knew where." James ploughed on, not seeming to care if Sirius wanted to hear or not.
"Remus disappeared very quickly after the last Order meeting." Peter said quietly.
"No! Don't go there!" Sirius snarled, turning to glare at the smaller man.
"You know it's true, Sirius," Lily sighed, shifting Harry in her arms.
"It was close to the full moon, he wasn't feeling well!"
"Or so he says," mumbled Peter.
"No. So it is."
"Sirius –" James started, but Sirius interrupted him.
"No. I don't want to hear it." Shaking his head he stood to leave. "I have to go, I have to do this thing, you know, I just… I have to go." Then he fled the room.
"Why do you have to go into hiding again?" Sirius frowned and ran a hand through his hair.
"There's a prophesy, we're not allowed to tell what it is about, but it might be about us. Voldemort knows this, so he will definitely be coming after us. And you know, with Harry and all, we can't take that chance." James said the whole thing as if he'd practiced it, or said it a hundred times before, which he probably had.
"And you want me to be your Secret Keeper?"
"Yes." James nodded.
"I – I'm – I'd be honoured to." Sirius smiled tentatively and James grinned back. "Where are you going to stay?"
"We've bough a little cottage right outside of Godric's Hollow. It's not anything big, and nothing like our apartment here in London, but it's a sweet little house. It has two storeys and a little garden where Harry can play. I think we will be happy there for as long as it takes for the threat to disappear."
"I hope so." Sirius smiled. "When are we doing the ceremony and the spell?"
"Thursday in a week. That is quite soon, yet long enough so that we can settle all our businesses."
"Good choice." Sirius nodded.
"Yeah."
"James, I think you should change."
"Change?" James looked confusedly up at his best friend.
"Secret Keeper."
"Why?"
"I'm the obvious choice, they'll find me and they'll force me to tell them, no matter how much I don't want to."
"Surely that won't happen, Siri."
"But it could, and that is the problem." Sirius sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "You have to think of Harry, James, and I'm the worst choice, you know I am. And I know I said yes, but that was before I got the chance to think things through."
"But we're doing this in an hour, we have no time to change!" James exclaimed.
"Of course you have, just fire-call someone you trust. Someone you really trust. And we don't have to tell anyone about the change, because if no one but us knows, no one will find out and they will chase me because I'm the obvious choice. It's brilliant, don't you see?"
"You've really thought about this, haven't you?"
"Yes."
"And if they kill you trying to drag a secret out of you that you never knew in the first place?"
"Then they kill me trying to drag a secret out of me that I never knew in the first place. This is a war, James. People die." Sirius shrugged. "And I'm not all that afraid of dying, not really. I – I've talked to Lily," he said hesitantly. "I think there is a better place, somewhere. Maybe." He looked very uncomfortable and James didn't pursue the issue.
"Then who do you suggest I call?"
Sirius closed his eyes before answering. "Peter."
"Not Remus?"
A pained look flashed over Sirius' face and he swallowed hard. "Call Peter."
"Oh Merlin, no, please no, Peter what have you done? What have I done? Lily, James, oh God. What have I done?"
"Give Harry to me, Hagrid, I'm his godfather, I'll take care of him… please, they wanted me to take care of him."
"Dumbledore's orders," rumbled the half giant, an apologetic look on his face.
"But – I – he – they –" Sirius' shoulder slumped down in defeat. "Make sure he's safe, yeah?"
"O'course."
"And you can take my motorcycle, it'll be faster that way. Better."
"Really? Blimey, that's nice o' yeh!"
"Nah, it's nothing. I have… some business to take care of. I won't need it anymore."
"Lily and James, Sirius, how could you!" Peter reached for his wand and before Sirius could get his own wand out, there was a big explosion. Muggles and cars were thrown everywhere, their bodies lying scattered around a big crater in the middle of the street. Children were screaming, mothers crying, people running everywhere. But Sirius didn't see any of it, his eyes were glued to the pile of blood stained clothes in front of him. Peter's clothes.
"Peter, Peter, what have you done?" It came out almost as a sob. "What have I done?" And then Sirius started laughing. It was hysterical, raw, filled with emotion. The laughter of a person going crazy, a person so torn, so completely heartbroken and ripped apart that he doesn't know what else to do. So he laughs.
"Grief teaches the steadiest minds to waver."
Sophocles
"Lily, James, oh God, what have I done? What have I done?"
Act V
"To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure."
J. K. Rowling
His cell was small. Small and dark. Even his mother wouldn't think of putting anyone, much less a human being, in such a place. But then, to her even a room that any normal person would think of considerable size was too small to live in. She was strange like that. Or maybe snobbish was the word. Yes, snobbish.
It was strange how he thought more and more about his mother. But he supposed it was easier than thinking of her than of everything else. He saw them enough in his dreams, he didn't have to think about them when awake as well. Although some times he couldn't help it. When the Dementors came too close, there was no way out. Except as Padfoot. Padfoot made everything better. The dog's mind wasn't as complicated as the human one, everything was much simpler, easier to accept. But still it was hard. Harder than anything he had ever experienced.
Some days the only thing that kept him going was the guilt. That might sound weird, but it was true. The guilt was horrible to live with, yes, but it also brought with it a burning wish to make up for his mistake. A yearning for the outside, a need to make everything alright again. And that what the light in his dark. The thought that maybe, someday, he'd get a chance to make things good again. To get revenge. Oh, the sweetness of that thought. Yet, somehow, it wasn't a happy thought, so the Dementors didn't take it away. It was more of a… knowledge. The knowledge that he was innocent and that he would get his revenge. He would make everything good again. He would.
"The dead cannot cry out for justice; it is a duty of the living to do so for them."
Lois McMaster Bujold
"– and this is Wilhelmina Pascal, the woman who killed her lover's wife and three children in a fit of rage when he wouldn't buy her a diamond necklace."
Sirius could hear the group of people coming closer. Most of the prison guards were there, some Ministry men and the Minister of Magic. All the prisoners had been told they would come, that they had to be on their best behaviour. Of course, most of the people in this section were too far gone to know they were even spoken to, but others, newer ones, had taken the time to run a hand through their hair and straighten their clothes. All in hopes of an extra ration of food. Sirius didn't bother.
"And this is one of our more interesting prisoners, isn't that correct Black?" One of the prison guards turned to grin at him with a mouth that lacked most of its teeth. Sirius just raised an eyebrow.
"I do like to think so, but you know, as humble as I am I can't admit it out loud." The prison guard's bark of a laugh rung through the hallway as he turned to talk to the Minister.
"Told you he was an entertaining one, didn't I, sir?"
The Minister, a guy Sirius vaguely remembered as Cornelius Fudge, looked nervously at him. "He seems almost sane?" It sounded partly a question, partly a statement.
"In a mad world, only the mad are sane." Sirius glanced at Fudge and saw something sticking up of his pocket. "I see you have a paper? Mind if I borrow it? The lack of good reading around here is atrocious."
Stuttering, the Minister handed him the paper before the whole group hurried along.
Disbelieving, Sirius stared down at the picture in his hands. There, smiling back up at him was a large family, all with red hair, but that was not what caught his eye, no, that was the creature on the youngest boy's shoulder. His eyes narrowed in anger and the picture crumpled in his fist as he spat out that hated name. "Peter."
Sirius swam as fast as his four paws could carry him, away from that dreaded place, towards some unknown shore. He didn't know how far it was, not if he'd ever reach it, but even at the brink of exhaustion he kept on swimming. He was a dog on a mission.
"Nobody can give you freedom. Nobody can give you equality or justice or anything. If you're a man, you take it. "
Malcolm X
It was first when Sirius came to Little Whinging that he realised that he didn't know where Harry lived. He didn't have a clue. He had been driven by an urge to see the boy, to know that he was safe, but now that he was here, he had no idea how to find him. He was hiding in a back alley, between a garage and a fence, when he heard it. The steps of someone coming closer. He pulled further into the shadows and studied the road, careful not to let any part of him be seen. After about a minute or so, a small shape came into view. It was a boy, no older than twelve by the looks of him, and dragging a large trunk after him. Sirius watched him coming closer and closer, and when the boy walked into the circle of light from the nearest lamppost, Sirius got the shock of his life. There, in the middle of the road, was James. Except, it couldn't be James. It was impossible. James and Lily were dead.
Creeping closer, Sirius could see that the boy had stopped and was now searching through his trunk for something. Eager to get a better look, Sirius forgot to see where he was putting his paws and suddenly the sound of a cracking branch sounded through the night. Sirius immediately stopped, but it was too late, the boy had whirled around and was staring intensely into the back alley, his hand clutching something that looked remarkably like a wand.
The next thing Sirius heard was a softly muttered "Lumos", and suddenly the boy's face was lit with the light from his wand. The sight almost made Sirius take a step back. The eyes, the piercing eyes looking out at him from James' face were not James' eyes at all. They were Lily's. And Sirius knew in that instance that he had found him. He had found Harry Potter.
"Ron – are you okay?" The bushy haired girl's voice rang through the room. Both she and Harry rushed over to the bed to check on their friend.
"Where's the dog?" asked Harry, worry apparent on his face.
"Not a dog," The boy they called Ron moaned. His teeth were gritted with pain. "Harry, it's a trap –"
"What –"
"He's the dog... he's an Animagus."
Ron was staring at Sirius over Harry's shoulder and Harry wheeled around. With a snap Sirius closed the door. "Expelliarmus!" he croaked, pointing Ron's wand at them. Harry's and Hermione's wands shot out of their hands, high in the air, and Sirius caught them. Then he took a step closer. His eyes were fixed on Harry. "I thought you'd come and help your friend," he said hoarsely.
"You killed my parents," said Harry, his voice shaking slightly, but his wand hand quite steady.
Sirius stared up at him out of his sunken eyes. "I don't deny it."
The door of the room burst open in a shower of red sparks and Remus came hurtling into the room, his face bloodless, his wand raised and ready. Sirius had never been so happy to see a person in his entire life. Remus' eyes flickered over Ron and his injury, over Hermione, cowering next to the door, to Harry, standing with his wand pointed straight at Sirius' throat, and then to Sirius himself, crumpled and bleeding at Harry's feet. Sirius looked straight back at him and he saw a flicker of recognition in those brown eyes, and then understanding. Next thing he knew Remus had shouted "Expelliarmus" and Harry's wand flew out of his hand.
"Where is he, Sirius?" Remus' tense voice was the only thing that revealed his inner turmoil.
Sirius' face was almost expressionless and for a few seconds, he didn't move at all. Then, very slowly, he raised his hand and pointed straight at Ron's pocket.
"But then –" Remus muttered, staring at Sirius so intently it seemed as if he was trying to read his mind. "Why hasn't he shown himself before now? Unless –" Remus' eyes suddenly widened. "Unless he was the one, unless you switched, without telling me?"
Very slowly, his eyes never leaving Remus' face, Sirius nodded. Next thing he knew he was pulled to his feet and wrapped inside the warm comfort of Remus' familiar arms. And for the first time in years, Sirius could feel tears streaming down his sunken cheeks.
"Well, hello, Peter," Remus said pleasantly, as though rats frequently erupted into old school friends around him. "Long time, no see."
"Remus!" Peter squeaked, turning to Remus and writhing imploringly in front of him. "You don't believe this, wouldn't Sirius have told you they'd changed the plan?"
"Not if he thought I was the spy, Peter," said Remus. "I assume that's why you didn't tell me, Sirius?"
"Forgive me, Remus," Sirius smiled apologetically.
"Not at all, Padfoot," said Remus, smiling. "And will you, in turn, forgive me for believing you were the spy?"
"Always, Moony, always."
"What, live with you?" Harry exclaimed, accidentally cracking his head on a bit of rock protruding from the ceiling. "Leave the Dursleys?"
"Of course, I thought you wouldn't want to," Sirius said quickly. "I understand, I just thought I'd –"
"Are you insane?" Harry grinned widely. "Of course I want to leave the Dursleys! Have you got a house? When can I move in?"
"Sirius, you'd better go, quick," Harry panted. "They'll reach Flitwick's office any moment, they'll find out you're gone." Buckbeak pawed the ground, tossing his sharp head.
"What happened to the other boy? Ron?" asked Sirius worriedly.
"He's going to be okay. He's still out of it, but Madam Pomfrey says she'll be able to make him better. Quick, go!"
But Sirius just continued to stare down at his godson. "How can I ever thank –"
"GO!" Harry and Hermione shouted together and Sirius took the hint. Wheeling Buckbeak around, he faced the open sky.
"We'll see each other again," he said, and with a smile, he was gone.
"Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed."
Storm Jameson
Dear Sirius,
Thanks for your last letter. That bird was enormous; it could hardly get through my window. Things are the same as usual here. Dudley's diet isn't going too well. My aunt found him smuggling doughnuts into his room yesterday. They told him they'd have to cut his pocket money if he keeps doing it, so he got really angry and chucked his PlayStation out of the window. That's a sort of computer thing you can play games on. Bit stupid really, now he hasn't even got Mega-Mutilation Part Three to take his mind off things.
I'm okay, mainly because the Dursleys are terrified you might turn up and turn them all into bats if I ask you to.
A weird thing happened this morning, though. My scar hurt again. Last time that happened it was because Voldemort was at Hogwarts. But I don't reckon he can be anywhere near me now, can he? Do you know if curse scars sometimes hurt years afterward?
I'll send this with Hedwig when she gets back; she's off hunting at the moment. Say hello to Buckbeak for me.
Harry
"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, diddelydoo, there they are a standing in a row. Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head. Give 'em a twist, a flick of the wrist, that's what the showman said!" Sirius finished the song with a great toss of his hand. "The queen bless you, José, and may you never run out of Piña Coladas!"
"Filth! Scum! By-products of dirt and vileness! Half-breeds, mutants, freaks, begone from this place! How dare you befoul the house of my fathers –" Sirius pulled the curtains once more and with the help of Remus he managed to close them.
"Merlin, that is one person I never missed."
Laughing, Remus looked around number 12 Grimmauld Place. "But you missed the house?"
"This old death-trap? Hm, let me think about that." Sirius looked to be in deep thought for a moment before he grinned. "Nope!"
"I've warned you, Snivellus," said Sirius, his face barely a foot from Snape's, I don't care if Dumbledore thinks you've reformed, I know better –"
"Oh, but why don't you tell him so?" whispered Snape. "Or are you afraid he might not take the advice of a man who has been hiding inside his mother's house for six months very seriously?"
"What do you mean Harry has gone to he Department of Mysteries?" Sirius shouted. "Oh, I'll kill that boy when I get my hands on him! Of all the irresponsible things…! God, I'm proud of him, but Merlin, he'd dead!"
Sirius ducked the jet of red light coming from Bellatrix's wand. Laughing, he jumped to the side as she sent another one. "Come on, you can do better than that!" he yelled, his voice echoing around the cavernous room. He never saw the next one coming before it hit him squarely in the chest. For a moment astonishment was apparent on his face, then he started falling. Disbelief was quickly followed by fear, by anger and in the end by resignation. As his body curved in a graceful arc and sank backwards through the ragged veil, he thought he could almost hear Remus' voice.
"There's nothing you can do, Harry... nothing... he's gone."
"There was something awesome in the thought of the solitary mortal standing by the open window and summoning in from the gloom outside the spirits of the nether world."
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
The End
In Memoriam Sirius Black
That is the longest oneshot I've ever written, naturally enough, because a life isn't written in one page. But even with all I've written, it is only a fragment of what I could write. I hope you enjoyed it and that you'll be nice enough to leave me a review. I do adore them. Nearly as much as I adore Sirius.