Authors' Notes

Grey: We have returned!

Fish: Fish's a zombie! Ooooooh!

Grey: (Slaps him before he eats her head) We have made a miraculous return because, quite frankly, we don't see too many other funny stories on this site anymore.

Fish: Zombie! Ooooooh!

Grey: (Slaps him again) Anywho, thanks to the very few of you that have reviewed our stories over the past however many years, and even more special thanks to whoever still watches us!

Fish: Zombie loves you! Come here for zombie love!

Grey: Er, yeah. Anyway, we dedicate this story to you guys, and Watapon, and that guy who does Yugioh the abridged series for inspiring us to write again, and cream cheese, and that random guy we saw out the window. He helped us the most.

Fish: Zombie love?

Grey: On with the show!

Story time!

Chapter one: Camp Cards (They're so fabulous!)

"Billy? Billy?!? Billy! Get down here right now!"

Said kid quickly took off the rather pink and feminine skirt he had been trying on, "I'll be right there!" He shoved the thing under his bed in a nondescript cardboard box. "I'm…uh… putting away my football magazines!"

"That's a lie and you know it!"

"Darnit!" The young Billy Bob Joe Earl III stumbled down the stairs to his ever loving football coach father and at home mom… mother.

"Son, we know your masculinity doesn't branch off far enough to be interested in things like football, or baseball, or dating… or girls in general…"

"And that is why your father and I have decided to send you to band- er, card camp."

Billy blinked, "Isn't that what football camp is for?"

"No, the only way you could ever truly be manly is by successfully playing a child's card game, hon."

His father nodded, "Yes, I agree, dear."

"But… But… I don't even have a deck! I don't even know how to play… I don't even know what you're talking about!"

"Duel monsters, of course."

"…What the hell is that?"

Billy's mother hit him upside the head with her hand, "Child abuse! I mean… watch your language!" Billy rubbed the back of his head where a painful bump was soon forming, "Besides, you're the camper. You should already know what it is."

"But I didn't even know I was signed up until right now!"

"Well that's not our fault now is it?"

"…what?"

Billy's father glared at him, "Quit your whining and get packing."

"But I don't have a deck!"

"You better find one before camp starts," he grabbed his coat off the back of his chair while his mother made her way to the door.

"Where are you guys going?"

His mother kissed the top of Billy's head, "You're going to have to walk to the airport, sweetie. Your father and I have an important… uh… thing we have to go to. Right, dear?"

"What? … Oh… Oh yeah! That's right, son. Your mother and I have an important thing to go to. Well, what are you waiting for? Get moving, boy! I'm not wasting my two dollars on nothing!"

"My camp only cost two dollars?"

"That'senoughtalkgottagobye!" And with that he pushed his wife out the door and they were gone.

"But… but… I don't even know where the airport is!"

-2 hours later-

Billy was making his way toward the airport. Or at least, he thought he was. Google maps had told him the easiest way there was to swim across the Pacific Ocean, but he figured walking across the Golden Gate Bridge was a more viable option. Of course, looking for sins and at scenery caused him to conveniently trip. Why? Because that's the only way we can progress our plot. Deal with it.

"What is this?" Billy cringed as he picked up a deck of cards laying on the sidewalk. How someone manages to trip over a deck of cards we don't know, but Billy managed to do it.

"…It's a deck… of cards." Billy ingeniously stated after we stated the fact that he had picked up a deck of cards.

"I feel like slapping an unseen force right- now." Oh no, Billy. We're scared. Very scared.

All of the sudden, being the great authors we are, sent him a sign. Unfortunately Billy isn't exactly the brightest kid in the world, nor is he the most observant, so the sign ended up landing on his head. It said 'Airport, 20 miles, east'.

Billy said something unfit for a PG rating but censoring it wasn't necessary as at that moment a car slammed on its breaks to keep from smashing Billy's legs into red goo. Like we said earlier, Billy isn't the coldest beer in the fridge so picking himself up after tripping street hadn't occurred to him.

Speaking of beer, 'Hey kid, if you wanna get drunk don't do it right next to the street!" shouted the disgruntled driver of the minivan.

"I'm sorry. I tripped over a deck of cards. I swear I'm not drunk."

"How in the sam hell do you trip over a deck of cards?"

She sighed disdainfully as she looked at her watch, "Shit, we're running late." The obviously in need of anger management lady looked at him, "Hey kid, where ya headin'?"

"Umm… airport. I'm going to Card Camp."

She looked at him pointedly, "Well get your ass in the back and I'll drive you since that's where I'm headin' too." And at this point we decided that the story is rated PG thirteen.

"But my mommy told me never to ride with strangers…"

The woman rolled her eyes, "Damnit! My name is Doris, now get in the car or I'll run you over." She revved the engine.

Billy eep'd and scrambled into the back of the car as fast as his scrawny little legs could carry him. The second his rump touched the cushion seat, however, Doris sent her minivan spiraling down the road, running over pedestrians and cursing at traffic as she went by.

Billy cringed, at least he wasn't walking. He settled down in his chair, at least, is wasn't going to be a long trip.

"Hay!" Billy jumped to a start and looked beside him. What was there utterly repulsed him. It was so not fabulous.

"ASL?"

Billed gaped in disgust. This… thing beside him was a giant zit with mini zits topped with a long, greasy mop of purple hair and clothed in nerd pants up past his waist, suspenders, a button up white pollo, and a pink polka dotted bow tie.

"Uh…" The thing was poking him.

"ASL? Lol."

"I don't comprehend you."

"…ASL? A-S-L?"

"…Um, no."

"Aw…"

As if the sight of it wasn't enough the thing… kept… touching him!

"Aw, I see you've met my darling little boy," Doris turned around in her seat to look at Billy. In the mean time pedestrians ran for their lives. "He's going to Card Camp too. You're friends already!"

Billy shuddered, that thing was a boy? Wait, what? Friends!? Billy nearly died from heart failure.

"Yay, MAI BFF!" The thing gave him a hug. It was slowly degrading from less than so not fabulous. Of course, Billy didn't really know what was after 'so not fabulous'. He'd never gotten that low before. "LOLZ we b 2gether 4 evar! ROFL!"

Billy wasn't quite sure how the thing had managed to talk in numbers, but it somehow worked out like that. Billy shuddered as his fabulous ever so slowly continued to go down. What had his parents done to him?

Chapter End… LOL!


 Grey: Don't worry folks, we will have actual characters from the show in the next chapter as well as all the other ones to come.

Fish: Why no zombie love!?

Grey: Thanks for taking the time to read this. Ciao!

Fish: Fish demands zombie love!