no greater love

by Anera527

Darry goes off to war. Sodapop and Ponyboy have to deal with his absence.

"no greater love"

~/~/~/~/~

A/N: This is a prequel to my story 'Going Home', dealing with the year that Darry was in Vietnam during the war. I found it more difficult to write than I would have originally thought.

This one is for you, Patrick. It's been eight years but you'll always be Darry to us.

~/~/~/~/~

"Leaving?" Ponyboy's voice was still deepening and it cracked on the word. He didn't notice. "Leaving where?"

Sodapop nearly winced when he heard the frantic note beneath his kid brother's put-on ignorance. Because Ponyboy knew exactly where it was they were talking about, and it was clear to the youngest Curtis brother that the world was crumbling under his feet once again. But Soda couldn't say anything to calm him- not with his own stomach tied up in knots.

It fell to Darry to try and explain when Ponyboy's panic shut everything else out. There was no fear or panic in their oldest brother's expression- it had been entirely his own idea to do what he did, after all, there was only room for determination. "I leave in six days, Pony, for training."

"But... but you weren't the one drafted, Darry!" The exclamation caught both Darry and Sodapop off guard and in the ensuing silence their eyes met in the same surprise for just a moment. "It was Soda who... but you're..." Realization dawned. "You traded spots with him?"

Darry nodded. "Soda's your guardian now, same as me, you know that. He'll watch you fine until I make it back."

Ponyboy's expression cracked, they both saw it. Sodapop had known about the switch since earlier that morning but Darry's words still sent a bolt of terror through him when he thought about a household without their eldest brother there.

Darry had been his and Pony's caretaker and guardian for two years now. He'd fought Social Services and Socs and practically the entire world to keep the three of them together during the roughest times of their lives; he'd tried his best to protect them and to make sure that they wouldn't live in a derilect house that was falling apart. He paid the bills, he worked two jobs, he paid for the food on the table, and he'd damn well tried his hardest to give his brothers what their parents had wanted for them.

"But- the Social Services! They wouldn't-"

"I've already spoken to them, Ponyboy. They know that Soda will be the legal head of the household."

Darry's calm tone broke whatever self-control Ponyboy had left, and he stood up with his chair screeching across the kitchen floor. "I need some air," he choked out, and was out the front door before either of his brothers could do anything to stop him.

Darry sighed and bent forward over the table, running a hand wearily through his hair. "That coulda gone better," he muttered. Sodapop couldn't find it in himself to say anything, fearing that it would start another argument. "How the hell did he find out about that draft letter, Soda? We'd decided not to tell him about it."

"He's smart, Darry. Just like you're always seein' fit to forget." And Darry and Sodapop had agreed to keep the draft letter secret from their youngest brother, trying their damndest to act like everything was fine. "He's always been good at pickin' up moods." He couldn't say anything else with his throat so tight.

Six days. They had six days to prepare themselves for the moment when their family would be split into pieces again.

~/~/~/~/~

The news was playing full volume when Sodapop made it home from the station, the television showing color footage of the jungles in Vietnam and the soldiers fighting in them. The reporter on the scene could only be heard as the camera panned outwards to show wounded and dead being carried away on stretchers.

"- fighting has gone on for days and American and South Vietnamese forces are being rebuffed at every moment," the man was saying. "No information has been given about any evacuations of civilians in the area and the death toll mounts every day-"

"Ponyboy, why don't you turn that off, huh?"

His kid brother was seated on the couch with his knees drawn up to his chest as he looked at the television screen. "It's bad over there," he said quietly, and Soda wondered if he'd even been heard. "They don't even see an end to it all yet."

"You can't keep doin' this to yourself, Pony." Being careful to ignore the news he found the remote and turned it off. "C'mon, get off the couch and help me with dinner." It was all he could do to keep Ponyboy from obsessing about what was happening across the ocean. Absentmindedly he looked through the cabinents until he found the blue food coloring and thought about the mashed potatoes he could make. Luckily Ponyboy had set out some hamburger to thaw too. "Hey, grab me the small baking pan. Yeah, that one."

Pony looked over his shoulder. "Meatloaf?"

"What color should I make it? Yellow?"

His kid brother's nose scrunched. "Only if you want to make it look like it's sick. Can you even color hamburger?"

Sodapop shrugged, grinning. "There's only one way to find out. Pass the food coloring!"

Ponyboy laughed. "You're crazy, Soda."

"You wouldn't love me otherwise." He was pleased that the atmposhere in the house had considerably lightened. It had been nearly a month since Darry had left for duty and the strain of his absence was evident. For two years Sodapop had been helping his older brother pay the bills but he hadn't realized the full magnitude of trying to take care of a household with only one paycheck. And it wasn't even that that was the biggest shock to both Soda and Ponyboy.

Because Sodapop had suddenly become both brother and guardian. He had never really had to tell Ponyboy the rules before or make sure his kid brother did his homework but now he suddenly had to do just that, and for several weeks it had caused friction between them that had never existed before. They never had the fights that Darry and Ponyboy often had since they were already so close, and at sixteen Pony was mature enough to realize what a tough spot both of his brothers were in now, but there were times when Soda could sense him chewing at the bit. There had been times when doors were slammed, and sometimes Pony's temper would let itself loose.

But tonight Sodapop was determined to pretend that this was a normal household night for the Curtis family. He ignored the piling up bills on the kitchen table for the time being and splashed Ponyboy with the water from the tap, laughing when his kid brother smacked him with a hand towel.

~/~/~/~/~

"No, Ponyboy, and that's final!" It was the first time in a very long time that Sodapop had found a reason to seriously argue with his kid brother, but he felt he had a cause to. Or maybe he just felt guilty and he wanted some justification in his answer.

But Pony was stubborn, maybe the most stubborn out of all of them. His eyes were gleaming like they did when he was real worked up and his mouth was a hard thin line. Dad's angry face. "Why not? You were sixteen when you got that job at the DX!"

"I was already outta school by then, Pony, I had the time and the energy to have a job. But you've still got schoolwork and track. How're you supposed to find time for a job?"

"It would only be part time, but at least I wouldn't have to sit and watch you struggle to keep the bills paid and food on the table!" He was shouting back now.

Soda turned away, taking a deep breath to steady himself. He was torn if he was really honest with himself. He realized that Pony wanted to help and contribute to the household but at the same time he had always shared Darry's want to keep Ponyboy focused on school. Their kid brother was the smartest guy in all of the East side; he was the one who would be able to make it out of this cesspool and really make something of himself if he could work up enough good grades and make it to college.

And from the looks of it, college would be Ponyboy's saving grace if the war was still dragging on when he graduated high school in a year.

"I'll work extra hard to keep my grades up, Soda. I promise. I just... I need to help. I don't like seein' you and Darry strugglin' all the time. Let me help. Please."

Sodapop sighed, already feeling himself giving in but unable to concede defeat. "I'll think about it."

A week later, he gave in.

He wondered if his strange sense of defeat seeing the happiness in Ponyboy's face was similar to Darry's when Sodapop had told him he'd accepted a job at the DX.

~/~/~/~/~

"Soda! Sodapop, look what came in the mail!"

He barely made it through the door before Ponyboy was on him like an excited puppy, waving a letter in his right hand. Grinning, Soda grabbed hold of his arm and snatched the letter, seeing the familiar handwriting on its front. "I'm surprised you haven't opened it yet. Was it here when you came home?"

"I didn't want you to come home and see I'd already opened it."

It was a letter from Darry, the third one that they'd received in the six months that he'd been gone. They both eagerly waited for any news from him, worrying when long periods of time went by without word, but Sodapop supposed that that was the nature of a war.

"-hope you both are okay," Ponyboy was reading aloud from his perch on the couch, "and try not to worry. Ponyboy, focus on your grades. I want to see As on your report card when I get back." He made a face but couldn't help but grin at the fact that their oldest brother was still able to mother them both. He looked up from the crisp white paper. "What's he gonna say when he finds out I've got a job?"

"I'll worry about that when the time comes, Pone. You don't gotta say nothin' when he gets back." And he would make it back, of that Sodapop had convinced himself. Their family had already gone through enough heartache, surely they wouldn't be made to go through more. No god could be that cruel.

Ponyboy looked back down at the letter but he didn't read anymore aloud. "I feel bad about all the times he and I fought now, Soda. Why did I have to backtalk him all the time?"

Soda hadn't heard that question for quite awhile but he didn't have to think about his answer. "'Cause you and him are different people, Pony. You both were hard on each other, and I bet you'll still argue when he comes home." Granted, Darry and Ponyboy had been careful to try and keep their tempers in check following Dally's and Johnny's deaths a couple of years ago but they had still argued over when Pony should be spending time doing homework or playing football and there had still been the occasional shouting match when Pony did something that Darry felt was irresponsible.

As different as the two of them were, though, they were similar in a lot of ways. They both were stubborn to a fault, and they felt things deeply when bad things happened. Darry just bottled his reactions up and hid them away. Ponyboy tried to do the same but he would never learn the same control.

Sodapop had always been the peacemaker. They were all just built different, that was all. Like different cars. They all had different makes but underneath the hood the engines all were built in a similar way. He tried to remember that fact when being the sole guardian of his kid brother threatened to overwhelm him.

He stood up from his spot in the chair. "I feel like takin' a trip to the Strip. Wanna come? We can stop at the Dingo for a burger and a Pepsi on the way."

Pony's eyes lit up. "Sure." He folded up the letter carefully and slid it back into its envelope so they could look through it again later. Just as they were slipping their shoes on they heard the door slam.

"Hello, Curtises!" Two-Bit's familiar cry rang through the kitchen and he came into view without a can of beer in sight. "How's my two favorite non-greaser greasers doin', huh?"

"We can't not be greasers if we are greasers, Two-bit," Ponyboy said with a roll of his eyes. "Ever heard of an oxymoron?"

"Who ya callin' a moron, Pony?" Two-Bit asked with a look of mock-hurt. "I thought you and me were buddies."

Ponyboy was looking at Two-Bit with a mix of wonder and confusion. "Two-Bit, are you... sober?"

That was it. Sodapop had wondered why he didn't smell alcohol. Two-Bit grinned and bowed. "Sober for two weeks, man. Tryin' to break my old record."

"Of what, being sober for a day?" Ponyboy asked deadpan, and Sodapop laughed.

"You know, Ponyboy," their friend commented with a goofy grin, "I've always wondered where you get your sass from, 'cause Darry and Soda sure ain't got your mouth."

"You get attitude- or lack of it- from your parents, not your brothers, you dumbass," Sodapop grinned. "We're gonna go to the Strip, wanna come?"

"Sure. Gotta get away from the mundane somehow."

"Two-Bit, have you lived in this neighborhood? When is it mundane?"

"And how do you even know the word 'mundane'?"

~/~/~/~/~

Ponyboy's birthday came. Neither brother knew what to do with the day and Sodapop found it difficult to find something that his kid brother would want. He wanted Darry to be back. Hell, they both did, but they didn't have any idea of how long their oldest brother would be gone. Darry's letters never gave an affirmative answer.

The night before the twenty-second Ponyboy had his first nightmare in nearly a year and a half. Woken from familiar screaming, Soda whipped his covers away from his face and stumbled blindly in the dark to his kid brother's room where he could see Pony's form struggling underneath his blankets. He'd wrapped himself up like a burrito from his tossing and turning and it took a long moment for Sodapop to find and grab hold of an arm.

"Ponyboy! Pony, hey, you're alright. Wake up, Pony, it's just a nightmare!"

Pony jerked awake, shuddering as he looked up Sodapop with wide, confused eyes. "Shit," he breathed, gasping in a lungful of air.

"Do you remember what you were dreaming about?" He doubted it- Ponyboy never could recall what it was that scared him so much when he dreamed- and he wasn't surprised when his kid brother shook his head.

"Could you... stay in here tonight, Soda?" Ponyboy's voice was timid and the embarressment was very evident in his tone, but Sodapop couldn't help but feel sorry for him. It had been several months since he and Pony had shared a bed since the nightmares had dropped off, but apparently the subconscious had a way of messing with people.

He didn't have to guess what the nightmare had been about.

Without another word he drew Ponyboy close like he used to and fell asleep with the desire to protect stronger than ever.

He gave Ponyboy a sketchbook for a birthday present. Among the drawings and sketches spread across Pony's room, he saw Dally and Johnny gazing back at him and he felt the old kick to his gut that had never gone away. He never saw pictures of the brothers' parents. Nor did Sodapop ever see skeches of himself or of Darry.

But that was okay. Neither of them had ever wanted to be put on display anyway.

~/~/~/~/~

The phone was ringing. It was a Saturday afternoon and the phone was ringing. Warily sitting up on the couch, Soda tried to fight down the apprehension he felt in his chest and stood up. The phone rarely ever rang on the weekends.

"Hello?"

Reading through his copy of Night, Ponyboy looked up when he heard the tone of Soda's voice change. "Yeah, this is his brother. No, I am the legal guardian- anythin' you need to say you can say it to me..." He straightened, his fingers clenching around the phone, and Ponyboy's stomach clenched. "Comin' home? When was he injured-... oh. A week from tomorrow. A-Alright. We'll make sure to be there."

Ponyboy stood, not daring to hope. "Sodapop?"

Soda turned to look at him and his wide smile let him know his answer before the words were even spoken.

"Darry's comin' home."