Ho-ki-Oh
Episode 1: Enter the Cuong
First of all... some explanation... this story is based on people in my life... One day... I realized that my friend Khoi had a name, when rearranged... spelled Ho-ki-oh... so... here it is... the greatest masterpiece which has literally taken me an year to make several episodes of...
Joseph is me... a sort of nerdy asian dude. ::quietly sobs:: Cuong is kinda short and likes to keep his shoes white Khoi... well... he likes to quote the simpsons... Chris is in track and is fast... I'll explaing more of the charachters later... enjoy!!! I don't own the simpsons or Yu gi oh! ... stupid...
Joseph: Oh man! I lost again!!
Khoi: Yeah, because you suck.
Chris: But don't you work for a pimp who has a game shop?
Khoi: ::grabs Chris:: Who told you that?!!!
Chris: ::shrugs:: I don't know.
Joseph: Hey, we should go there after school.
Cuong is in the corner reading a book.
Cuong: Hmm. a game shop. I wonder if it has the card I'm searching for.
At the game shop.
Pimp: HO!! Where in the hell were you?!
Khoi: Umm. Mr. Pimp, my friends want to see the really rare card you have.
Pimp: What?! What rare card?!! What you talking about?!
Khoi: Just show them.
Pimp: All right, here it is.
Joseph: Doesn't look that great.
Pimp: It's in the box, dumbass. ::opens the box::
Chris: Whoa.
Joseph: Whoa.
Pimp: This is only one of three Blue Haired White Buttocks in the game Butt Monsters.
Joseph: Don't you mean duel.?
Pimp: NO!! IT'S BUTT MONSTERS FOO!
Cuong walks in with a briefcase.
Pimp: Can I interest you in some ho's or some cards?
Cuong: I wouldn't be surprised if you can't?
Pimp: What you talkin' 'bout? I have the best hoes in the business.
Cuong: I was talking about cards, stupid. ::notices the blue haired white buttock::
Cuong runs over.
Cuong: Can it be? The blue haired white buttock in a place like this?
Pimp: What the hell? ::puts the card back in the box::
Cuong: Listen, you weird looking guy. I'll give you all of these for that card. ::opens the briefcase revealing lots of cards::
Pimp: Okay.
Khoi: NO!! YOU CAN'T!! Didn't you tell me that your friend gave you that card!
Pimp: So, what?
Cuong: Fine, maybe you'll be interested in selling. Name your price.
Pimp: Ten-thousand dollars.
Khoi: NO!!
Pimp: Mind yo own business foo!!!
Cuong: You know what just forget it. You guys are sick.
Cuong leaves.
Pimp: LOOK WHAT YOU DID FOO!!!
In Cuong's limo.
Cuong: Okay, we'll challenge them to a duel for that rare card.
Driver: But, they'll sell it.
Cuong: I need that money for white shoe paint!!!
Later on.
Khoi: ::is cleaning the store::
The telephone rings.
Khoi: Hello?
Cuong: Hello Khoi, I think you should come down here. Your pimp is not feeling well. Come pick him up.
Khoi: You could keep him. I don't want him.
Cuong: Umm. I have candy!
Khoi: I'LL BE RIGHT THERE!!!
Later on, at that place.
Khoi: What happened?
Cuong: Me and him had a duel, each putting up our.
Khoi: Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Where's the candy!!??
Cuong: But.
Khoi: Just shut up!! AND TELL ME WHERE THE CANDY IS!!
Pimp: Ugh, I don't know what happened. I was winning, but then he distracted me with that strange dance of his. ::starts laughing:: I can't get it out of my head!!!
Khoi: Umm. okay.
Pimp: I'm going to the hospital! Don't think about touching my deck!!!
Khoi: Okay.
The pimp leaves.
Khoi: Okay!! Let's duel!! Hold on!! ::runs to the bathroom::
Cuong hears the noises of a flushing toilet and Khoi laughing.
Khoi: OKAY! NOW IT'S TIME TO DUEL!!!
Later on at the dueling arena.
Cuong: Okay, we each start with 2000 life points.
Khoi: Hee hee hee.
Cuong: STOP LAUGHING AT THAT SQUIRREL!!!
Cuong: Let's duel!! And let's scream out everything we do!!!
Khoi: OKAY!!
Cuong: FOR MY FIRST MOVE!!! I PLAY HITOILETSEAT GIANT!!!
Hitoiletseat Giant
1200/900
A giant toilet seat with
massive arms that can crush butts.
Khoi: Ooh, that card's so sexy. BUT I'LL PLAY CELTIC BUTT!!!
Celtic Butt
1400/900
A butt that learned how to weild a sword.
Cuong: OH! NO!!
Khoi: Celtic Butt!!! ATTACK!!!
Cuong: 1800
Khoi: 2000
Cuong: Ugh, your braces are shiny, but they're no match for my retainers!! I PLAY BATTLE BUTT!!!
Battle Butt
1700/1000
A butt that does battle.
Khoi: OH NO!!! THAT'S EVEN SEXIER THAN MY MONSTER!!! (Joe note: Khoi is turned on by anything, even monkeys)
Cuong: Umm. okay. BATTLE BUTT!!! ATTACK!!!
Khoi: 1700
Cuong: 1800
Khoi: Ugh, I'll have to play this!!! I'll play Gay Guy the Fierce Buttock!!! THEN I'LL FUSE IT WITH CURSE OF BUTTOCK!!! IT FORMS GAY GUY THE BUTTOCK CHAMPION!!!
Cuong: That must be your favorite card.
Gay guy the Buttock Champion
2600/2300
Khoi's role model.
Khoi: Go!! ATTACK!!!
Cuong: 900
Khoi: 1700
Cuong: Ha! I've been having fun, but playtime is over!!!
Khoi: Is it? Is it really? AND WHERE IS MY CANDY?!!
Cuong: I'll play!!! The Blue Haired White Buttock!!!
Blue Haired White Buttock
3000/2500
Is prettier than Khoi's face.
Khoi: WHA!!! BUT I SAW YOU RIP IT!!!
Cuong: I did? Oh, yeah, I did. ::rips it right now::
Khoi: Uhh.
Cuong: Attack!!!
Cuong: 900
Khoi: 1300
Khoi: OH NO!! IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!!! IT'S EVEN SEXIER THAN ME!!!
Cuong: ::shudders::
Khoi: HEY!! LOTS OF PEOPLE THINK THAT!!! Michael Jackson, Richard Simmons, and Mr. T gave my face a 10 out of 1000!!
Suddenly, Joseph comes.
Joseph: What? MONSTERS? REAL MONSTERS!!!
Cuong: What? I'm not a monster!!
Joseph: Oh!!! Then, what the hell is that??!! ::points to Khoi::
Khoi: Okay. I'll play this card in defense mode.
Cuong: I'll play my second Blue Haired!!!
(Joe note: This is when I realized my life is stupid)
Cuong: ATTACK WITH WHITE FART!!!
(Joe note: Yup, totally stupid)
Khoi: Darn.
Cuong: There are only four Blue haired's in the world and three of them are in my deck. How are you going to beat me?
Khoi: Hee hee hee.
Cuong: DAMN IT!!! I TOLD YOU TO STOP LOOKING AT THAT SQUIRREL!!!
Khoi: Okay, I'll play Plungers of Flushing Water!!! It stops your monsters from attacking for three turns.
Cuong: Ugh, is that it?
Khoi: No!! NOW I'LL PLAY SUMMON BUTT!!!!
Summon Butt
2500/1200
A butt that attacks with lightning.
Yeah.
Khoi: Then, I'll combine it with the HORNY UNICORN!!!! IT RAISES MY ATTACK POINTS TO 3200!!! SUMMON BUTT!!! HORNY LIGHNING!!!!
Cuong: I'll activate my trap!!! NEGATE HORNINESS!!!
Khoi: OH!!! NO!!! MY ATTACK CAN'T PENETRATE!!!
Cuong: That's right!!!! You're as limp as a rag doll!!! NOW I'LL PLAY THE JUDGE BUTT!!!
Judge Butt
2200/1400
With a plunger between it's buttocks, it attacks.
Cuong: Then, I'll play!!! REVERSE HORNINESS!!!! IT DROPS YOUR ATTACK TO 1800!!! JUDGE BUTT!!! JUDGEMENT PLUNGER ATTACK!!!
Cuong: 900
Khoi: 900
Cuong: It seems that we're even.
Khoi: NOOO!!!! I CAN'T LOSE TO YOU!!!
Cuong: Why?
Khoi: Because I'm jealous that I'm not as short as Yugi or you.
Cuong: Huh?
Khoi: In the show, Yugi is so short that his face is right up to Tea's boobs!!! YOU KNOW HOW GOOD THAT MUST FEEL!!! AND WHEN HE'S NOT IN THE MILLENIUM PUZZLE FORM!!! HE CAN PROBABLY LOOK UP HER SKIRT!!! CURSE MY HUGE, SEXY BODY!!!(Joe note: Yes, Khoi is that horny. Yes it is very scary)
Cuong: You're sick.
Khoi: Okay, back to the duel. I'LL PLAY MY STRONGEST MONSTER!!! THE DARK BEAUTICIAN!!!
Dark Beautician
2500/2100
The ultimate beautician in terms of make-up and plastic surgery.
Khoi: Dark Beautician!!! DARK BOOTY ATTACK!!!
Cuong: 500
Khoi:900
Cuong: Ha! Do you think you'll actually beat me? I'LL PLAY MY THIRD BLUE HAIRED WHITE BUTTOCK!!! WHITE FART ATTACK!!!!
Khoi: 400
Cuong: 500
Cuong: It's over for you Khoi. On my next turn, all three of my blue hairs will be free to attack, it's all over for you!!! And did I mention. IT'S ALL OVER FOR YOU!!!
Khoi: Wait!!! There's still a way I can win. ::tries to remember, but can only picture the squirrel, oh, wait, his brain is starting to work!::
Flashback.
Pimp: There is only one unstoppable ass in butt monsters. Exodiass. However, no one has been able to do it. A feat to this day that has never been accomplished. NOW GET BACK TO WORK HO!!!
In the present.
Khoi: ::shudders::
Cuong: Draw your last pathetic card, so we can end this Khoi.
Khoi: My pimp's deck has no pathetic cards Cuong. ::draws a card:: BUT IT DOES CONTAIN THE UNSTOPPABLE EXODIASS!!!
Ancient Ass of the Deep Toilet
1200/900
A very ancient ass who lives in a deep toilet.
Khoi: Huh? Oh! I put the wrong card down. But now I play THE UNSTOPPABLE EXODIASS!!!!
Exodiass the Fucked Up One
Automatic win.
Yay.
Cuong: Exodiass, it's impossible. No one's ever been able to summon him!
Khoi: Exodiass!!! DETERIORATE!!!
Cuong: O
Khoi: 400
Cuong: How could I lose?
Leprachaun: It's impossible our master never loses!!!
Khoi: If you want to see why, then OPEN YOUR ASS!!! ::Puts his hand toward Cuong::
Nothing happens.
Khoi: Oh, yeah. I don't have magical powers. yet.
At the hospital, the pimp wakes up.
Pimp: Khoi did it. HE TOUCHED MY DAMN DECK!!!
The End. or is it?
(Joe note: My life is very sad)
No Khoi's, Cuong's, or leprachauns were hurt in this story. No offense to any of the characters in the story. The deal me and Khoi made to give him a scene with a naked Tea and a naked Mai in a hot tub, was taken back at the last minute.
Extremely fine print.
All hate mail goes to Brick@wall.com
Episode 1: Enter the Cuong
First of all... some explanation... this story is based on people in my life... One day... I realized that my friend Khoi had a name, when rearranged... spelled Ho-ki-oh... so... here it is... the greatest masterpiece which has literally taken me an year to make several episodes of...
Joseph is me... a sort of nerdy asian dude. ::quietly sobs:: Cuong is kinda short and likes to keep his shoes white Khoi... well... he likes to quote the simpsons... Chris is in track and is fast... I'll explaing more of the charachters later... enjoy!!! I don't own the simpsons or Yu gi oh! ... stupid...
Joseph: Oh man! I lost again!!
Khoi: Yeah, because you suck.
Chris: But don't you work for a pimp who has a game shop?
Khoi: ::grabs Chris:: Who told you that?!!!
Chris: ::shrugs:: I don't know.
Joseph: Hey, we should go there after school.
Cuong is in the corner reading a book.
Cuong: Hmm. a game shop. I wonder if it has the card I'm searching for.
At the game shop.
Pimp: HO!! Where in the hell were you?!
Khoi: Umm. Mr. Pimp, my friends want to see the really rare card you have.
Pimp: What?! What rare card?!! What you talking about?!
Khoi: Just show them.
Pimp: All right, here it is.
Joseph: Doesn't look that great.
Pimp: It's in the box, dumbass. ::opens the box::
Chris: Whoa.
Joseph: Whoa.
Pimp: This is only one of three Blue Haired White Buttocks in the game Butt Monsters.
Joseph: Don't you mean duel.?
Pimp: NO!! IT'S BUTT MONSTERS FOO!
Cuong walks in with a briefcase.
Pimp: Can I interest you in some ho's or some cards?
Cuong: I wouldn't be surprised if you can't?
Pimp: What you talkin' 'bout? I have the best hoes in the business.
Cuong: I was talking about cards, stupid. ::notices the blue haired white buttock::
Cuong runs over.
Cuong: Can it be? The blue haired white buttock in a place like this?
Pimp: What the hell? ::puts the card back in the box::
Cuong: Listen, you weird looking guy. I'll give you all of these for that card. ::opens the briefcase revealing lots of cards::
Pimp: Okay.
Khoi: NO!! YOU CAN'T!! Didn't you tell me that your friend gave you that card!
Pimp: So, what?
Cuong: Fine, maybe you'll be interested in selling. Name your price.
Pimp: Ten-thousand dollars.
Khoi: NO!!
Pimp: Mind yo own business foo!!!
Cuong: You know what just forget it. You guys are sick.
Cuong leaves.
Pimp: LOOK WHAT YOU DID FOO!!!
In Cuong's limo.
Cuong: Okay, we'll challenge them to a duel for that rare card.
Driver: But, they'll sell it.
Cuong: I need that money for white shoe paint!!!
Later on.
Khoi: ::is cleaning the store::
The telephone rings.
Khoi: Hello?
Cuong: Hello Khoi, I think you should come down here. Your pimp is not feeling well. Come pick him up.
Khoi: You could keep him. I don't want him.
Cuong: Umm. I have candy!
Khoi: I'LL BE RIGHT THERE!!!
Later on, at that place.
Khoi: What happened?
Cuong: Me and him had a duel, each putting up our.
Khoi: Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Where's the candy!!??
Cuong: But.
Khoi: Just shut up!! AND TELL ME WHERE THE CANDY IS!!
Pimp: Ugh, I don't know what happened. I was winning, but then he distracted me with that strange dance of his. ::starts laughing:: I can't get it out of my head!!!
Khoi: Umm. okay.
Pimp: I'm going to the hospital! Don't think about touching my deck!!!
Khoi: Okay.
The pimp leaves.
Khoi: Okay!! Let's duel!! Hold on!! ::runs to the bathroom::
Cuong hears the noises of a flushing toilet and Khoi laughing.
Khoi: OKAY! NOW IT'S TIME TO DUEL!!!
Later on at the dueling arena.
Cuong: Okay, we each start with 2000 life points.
Khoi: Hee hee hee.
Cuong: STOP LAUGHING AT THAT SQUIRREL!!!
Cuong: Let's duel!! And let's scream out everything we do!!!
Khoi: OKAY!!
Cuong: FOR MY FIRST MOVE!!! I PLAY HITOILETSEAT GIANT!!!
Hitoiletseat Giant
1200/900
A giant toilet seat with
massive arms that can crush butts.
Khoi: Ooh, that card's so sexy. BUT I'LL PLAY CELTIC BUTT!!!
Celtic Butt
1400/900
A butt that learned how to weild a sword.
Cuong: OH! NO!!
Khoi: Celtic Butt!!! ATTACK!!!
Cuong: 1800
Khoi: 2000
Cuong: Ugh, your braces are shiny, but they're no match for my retainers!! I PLAY BATTLE BUTT!!!
Battle Butt
1700/1000
A butt that does battle.
Khoi: OH NO!!! THAT'S EVEN SEXIER THAN MY MONSTER!!! (Joe note: Khoi is turned on by anything, even monkeys)
Cuong: Umm. okay. BATTLE BUTT!!! ATTACK!!!
Khoi: 1700
Cuong: 1800
Khoi: Ugh, I'll have to play this!!! I'll play Gay Guy the Fierce Buttock!!! THEN I'LL FUSE IT WITH CURSE OF BUTTOCK!!! IT FORMS GAY GUY THE BUTTOCK CHAMPION!!!
Cuong: That must be your favorite card.
Gay guy the Buttock Champion
2600/2300
Khoi's role model.
Khoi: Go!! ATTACK!!!
Cuong: 900
Khoi: 1700
Cuong: Ha! I've been having fun, but playtime is over!!!
Khoi: Is it? Is it really? AND WHERE IS MY CANDY?!!
Cuong: I'll play!!! The Blue Haired White Buttock!!!
Blue Haired White Buttock
3000/2500
Is prettier than Khoi's face.
Khoi: WHA!!! BUT I SAW YOU RIP IT!!!
Cuong: I did? Oh, yeah, I did. ::rips it right now::
Khoi: Uhh.
Cuong: Attack!!!
Cuong: 900
Khoi: 1300
Khoi: OH NO!! IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!!! IT'S EVEN SEXIER THAN ME!!!
Cuong: ::shudders::
Khoi: HEY!! LOTS OF PEOPLE THINK THAT!!! Michael Jackson, Richard Simmons, and Mr. T gave my face a 10 out of 1000!!
Suddenly, Joseph comes.
Joseph: What? MONSTERS? REAL MONSTERS!!!
Cuong: What? I'm not a monster!!
Joseph: Oh!!! Then, what the hell is that??!! ::points to Khoi::
Khoi: Okay. I'll play this card in defense mode.
Cuong: I'll play my second Blue Haired!!!
(Joe note: This is when I realized my life is stupid)
Cuong: ATTACK WITH WHITE FART!!!
(Joe note: Yup, totally stupid)
Khoi: Darn.
Cuong: There are only four Blue haired's in the world and three of them are in my deck. How are you going to beat me?
Khoi: Hee hee hee.
Cuong: DAMN IT!!! I TOLD YOU TO STOP LOOKING AT THAT SQUIRREL!!!
Khoi: Okay, I'll play Plungers of Flushing Water!!! It stops your monsters from attacking for three turns.
Cuong: Ugh, is that it?
Khoi: No!! NOW I'LL PLAY SUMMON BUTT!!!!
Summon Butt
2500/1200
A butt that attacks with lightning.
Yeah.
Khoi: Then, I'll combine it with the HORNY UNICORN!!!! IT RAISES MY ATTACK POINTS TO 3200!!! SUMMON BUTT!!! HORNY LIGHNING!!!!
Cuong: I'll activate my trap!!! NEGATE HORNINESS!!!
Khoi: OH!!! NO!!! MY ATTACK CAN'T PENETRATE!!!
Cuong: That's right!!!! You're as limp as a rag doll!!! NOW I'LL PLAY THE JUDGE BUTT!!!
Judge Butt
2200/1400
With a plunger between it's buttocks, it attacks.
Cuong: Then, I'll play!!! REVERSE HORNINESS!!!! IT DROPS YOUR ATTACK TO 1800!!! JUDGE BUTT!!! JUDGEMENT PLUNGER ATTACK!!!
Cuong: 900
Khoi: 900
Cuong: It seems that we're even.
Khoi: NOOO!!!! I CAN'T LOSE TO YOU!!!
Cuong: Why?
Khoi: Because I'm jealous that I'm not as short as Yugi or you.
Cuong: Huh?
Khoi: In the show, Yugi is so short that his face is right up to Tea's boobs!!! YOU KNOW HOW GOOD THAT MUST FEEL!!! AND WHEN HE'S NOT IN THE MILLENIUM PUZZLE FORM!!! HE CAN PROBABLY LOOK UP HER SKIRT!!! CURSE MY HUGE, SEXY BODY!!!(Joe note: Yes, Khoi is that horny. Yes it is very scary)
Cuong: You're sick.
Khoi: Okay, back to the duel. I'LL PLAY MY STRONGEST MONSTER!!! THE DARK BEAUTICIAN!!!
Dark Beautician
2500/2100
The ultimate beautician in terms of make-up and plastic surgery.
Khoi: Dark Beautician!!! DARK BOOTY ATTACK!!!
Cuong: 500
Khoi:900
Cuong: Ha! Do you think you'll actually beat me? I'LL PLAY MY THIRD BLUE HAIRED WHITE BUTTOCK!!! WHITE FART ATTACK!!!!
Khoi: 400
Cuong: 500
Cuong: It's over for you Khoi. On my next turn, all three of my blue hairs will be free to attack, it's all over for you!!! And did I mention. IT'S ALL OVER FOR YOU!!!
Khoi: Wait!!! There's still a way I can win. ::tries to remember, but can only picture the squirrel, oh, wait, his brain is starting to work!::
Flashback.
Pimp: There is only one unstoppable ass in butt monsters. Exodiass. However, no one has been able to do it. A feat to this day that has never been accomplished. NOW GET BACK TO WORK HO!!!
In the present.
Khoi: ::shudders::
Cuong: Draw your last pathetic card, so we can end this Khoi.
Khoi: My pimp's deck has no pathetic cards Cuong. ::draws a card:: BUT IT DOES CONTAIN THE UNSTOPPABLE EXODIASS!!!
Ancient Ass of the Deep Toilet
1200/900
A very ancient ass who lives in a deep toilet.
Khoi: Huh? Oh! I put the wrong card down. But now I play THE UNSTOPPABLE EXODIASS!!!!
Exodiass the Fucked Up One
Automatic win.
Yay.
Cuong: Exodiass, it's impossible. No one's ever been able to summon him!
Khoi: Exodiass!!! DETERIORATE!!!
Cuong: O
Khoi: 400
Cuong: How could I lose?
Leprachaun: It's impossible our master never loses!!!
Khoi: If you want to see why, then OPEN YOUR ASS!!! ::Puts his hand toward Cuong::
Nothing happens.
Khoi: Oh, yeah. I don't have magical powers. yet.
At the hospital, the pimp wakes up.
Pimp: Khoi did it. HE TOUCHED MY DAMN DECK!!!
The End. or is it?
(Joe note: My life is very sad)
No Khoi's, Cuong's, or leprachauns were hurt in this story. No offense to any of the characters in the story. The deal me and Khoi made to give him a scene with a naked Tea and a naked Mai in a hot tub, was taken back at the last minute.
Extremely fine print.
All hate mail goes to Brick@wall.com