He was just sitting there, come to think of it, that seemed to be all he did when he wasn't hanging out with Gamzee, Meulin, or Mituna…or pestering said trolls. Although I probably did a lot less than his since I didn't talk to anyone. I just couldn't bring myself to make idle chitchat with the others; even Mitina had given up on me. This damned purple blood is cursed.'

I eased myself onto the ground next to Kurloz and we exchanged nothing more than a passing glance. We didn't communicate much since I barely understood his signing, and got headaches too easily from telepathy.

He was mournfully staring at the ground, obviously thinking about Meulin. Sighing softly, I rolled the sleeve of my shirt up to peel off the purple stained gauze that covered my gray skin. This whole thing was Meanah's fault. None of this would have happened if he hadn't taken my chucklevoodoo.

Kurloz glanced over briefly and it was pretty obvious to tell what he was thinking. "As if you are any better."

He shook his head slightly and I glared at him. "I didn't stitch my mouth shut."

He sighed softly and shook his head again. "You act like she's dead."

Kurloz stared down at the ground, and wanting to her his thoughts on the matter, I pulled out a tattered notebook and a pencil. I dropped it into his lap, and Kurloz turned past all the miscellaneous doodles and sketches to find a blank page. I don't feel like 'talking'.

"You just did." He put the notebook back in my lap, along with the pencil. I stared down at it sadly. Kurloz was probably the only person who would understand, and I was too scared to even ask him for help. Most of it probably came from me not wanting to accept the fact that I had a problem because that would mean that I accepted the fact that Maulen was dead. And I didn't…or couldn't…I didn't know if I was ready to move on.

Kurloz dropped the notebook back in my lap after having scrawled, stop thinking about it.

"Why?"

It helps.

"How am I supposed to do that? All of his stuff is there and I can't just get rid of it."

Why don't you just put it all in an empty room, or a closet?

"Everything is exactally where I left it…I can't bring myself to move it."

I brought my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them while he wrote, it's a slow process, you just have to take the first step.

"I don't know if I'm ready."

He kept scribbling away, then erasing things, the fact that things were taking this long scared me a bit. Every time he rewrote something I grew more apprehensive, and at this point, hoped he wasn't chewing me out.

The pencil scratched across the paper for several more seconds, before he sighed, and went to erase something once again, only I didn't let him. Snatching the notebook out of his hand, I tried to make it seem like I was being impatient.

You must be if you are willing to talk about it, and you may not realize it, but on some subconscious level that must also mean you ARE ready. You just don't want to admit it to yourself.

I stared down at the paper, wondering if it was really that obvious. Kurloz gently took the notebook out of my hand, then gave it back shortly after; I'll help you if you want.

"Really?" Kurloz nodded and stood, extending his gloved hand towards me, silently urging me to start now. Not giving myself too much time to think it through, I placed my hand in his and grabbed my bag, leading the way back towards my hive.

I stood there staring at the blue hat that was casually draped across the back of the chair with my hand suspended in mid-air, unable to reach forward the last few inches to rest it on top of the soft fabric.

He had always worn it when we were out for walks; he called it his exploring hat. While we were out I'd pull it down over his ears, that always seemed to be cold, and he'd crinkle his nose. Then he'd put a rock or a handful of dirt into my bag to compensate with this mischievous gleam in his eyes. He'd attempt to tousle my hair as I feigned annoyance, before settling for jumping onto my back and asking me if I was mad. To which I would always respond with 'maybe' until he rested his head against mine and apologize, before dropping some more dirt or another rock in my bag and run off, leaving me to playfully chase after him.

Kurloz, having been looking on for several minutes now, dropped the notebook on the table in front of me, just touch it.

It was really easier said than done, I managed to reach forward a fraction of an inch more, anxiety already rising. This is going to work.

I closed my eyes tightly, ready to just call the whole things off, until Kurloz came up behind e and placed his hand on top of mine, gently forcing my hand onto the hat. My entire body trembled slightly, as he then slightly moved his to the left then took several steps back.

I couldn't even bring myself to look at it and turned to face Kurloz, who wore the smallest smile possible and slowly signed, just take it slow. Luckily I actually understood it, and laughed nervously. It was taking every ounce of self-control I had not to turn around and move the hat back. We had barely begun to move everything and I already wanted to curl up in the corner and cry. It wasn't in in its spot…no it wasn't where he left it.

A few minutes had passed before I could bring myself to open my eyes again. Kurloz nodded approvingly, the small smile becoming more profound. "Thank you."

He nodded again, and I turned back towards the chair with newfound courage. Grabbing the blue hat I went down the hall and placed it in the room across the hall from my respite block.

Returning to the other room, I realized just how little I actually had to move, it still didn't make things easier though. Seeing all my various toys and tricks lying about, I decided to waste time the best way I knew how. Grabbing my empty purple handbag from behind the couch, I began cleaning up all of my stuff. Kurloz quickly caught on to what I was doing and began helping, purposely leaving all of Maulen's stuff to me.

Sadly, we only wasted about fifteen minutes and I found out I was down about three jack-in-the-boxes. I wanted to waste some more time by searching for them, but Kurloz was having none of it. He dropped the notebook in my lap, how much longer do you plan on putting this off?

"I don't know…"

Move two more things and I'll leave you alone.

Once reminded of what I was supposed to be doing, I found myself not wanting to continue, especially since that empty place where his hat was supposed to be was glaring at me. "I can't do it."

Yes you can, you already started.

"I'll probably just wind up putting it back after you leave."

Then you'll have to move it again when I come back tomorrow. I had no will to do this, it sounded easy and seemed like a good idea. But I didn't want to forget, and I wasn't ready. With all his stuff lying around, it maintained the illusion that he was coming back, and I wasn't as lonely. "Why do you care so much?"

I have faith in you being able to move on.

"Why?"

With Maulen gone, it'll be easier to move on; at least I think it should.

"Don't you have the same confidence for yourself?" Kurloz paused for a long time, before settling himself on the floor across from me. The silence continued on and I figured he just wasn't going to answer.

The he slowly shook his head, we're too close. It went quiet again, and I found myself not wanting to disappoint him.

"Will you help me?" Kurloz met my hesitant glance with a reassuring gaze, and nodded firmly.

"I guess we should get started then." Standing decidedly, I made an effort to finish moving all of Maulen's things.

Although when the front room was almost empty, I found myself losing momentum, it was empty, like it had been for nearly an entire sweep, it just didn't look it before. The sight of it was enough to send a pang of loneliness through me. The sight of it shattered the illusion, and I felt like I was realizing for a second time that he was never coming back.

Leaning heavily against the wall I blinked slowly, trying to prevent myself from crying, and softly asked, "Can we finish this tomorrow?"

Kurloz nodded as he came to stand in front of me, concern flashing through his white eyes. I managed a half-hearted smile, "I'm just tired."

His eye narrowed, and he obviously wasn't buying it, "Don't give me that look." Kurloz rested his hands on either side of my head, refusing to drop the subject. So was I, the last thing I wanted him to see was me breaking down after making so much 'progress' because I didn't want to be alone.

In one motion, Kurloz took me into his arms, pulling me against his chest, and resting his head against mine. Despite this, I didn't want him to let go, this was the safest I'd felt in a long time.

Shortly after, his mental presence caught me off guard, I didn't know what he was planning on doing and we both knew what kind of damage we could cause in each other's heads. Not that I would do anything, because I promised, no more mind control, and no more chucklevoodoo's. Don't be afraid of the changes that are coming, they were bound to happen eventually.

His voice, was a lot deeper than I expected it to be, and since it was telepathy it echoed a bit, leaving me feeling reassured as warm, purple tears rolled down the sides of my face. "It's just hard."

He placed one of his hands on the back of my hand; I never said it wouldn't be.

"I know, I just wish it wasn't."

Just give it time. He left suddenly, then slowly released me, wiping a tear off my face. He smiled warmly, and pointed towards the door.

I nodded, not quite ready to watch him go, not that I would admit it to him. Maybe Mitina will let me stay with her… "See you tomorrow."

Kurloz nodded taking a couple steps to the door, then turned suddenly. As if he knew what I was thinking he signed, do you want me to stay?

I didn't understand all the letters, but I knew enough to fill in the blanks, "You don't have to…I was going to go to Mitina's anyway." I tried to shrug it off, but he was already signing, and I missed about half of it. "What, go slower?"

Kurloz sighed, and didn't even bother signing again, going to the notebook. That's not what I asked.

"I'm fine." Kurloz arched an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed with the blatant lie I had told, "I'm used to being alone."

He was still unimpressed, and wrote, I'm staying.

"You don't have to."

Kurloz stubbornly wrote, I know, I'm not stupid, it's just time you learned how to motherfucking sign!

A smile crept onto my face after reading the last part, "Why, isn't this fun?"

Kurloz had the most un-amused expression possible plastered across his face. I don't even think I've seen Kankri less amused. "Awww, does someone need a hug?" I couldn't remember the last time I felt this energize, and it was quite refreshing.

Kurloz shook his head in disagreement, but I still gave him one anyway. I took a small ball out of my bag and tossed it him. Kurloz, not knowing any better, caught it, and it exploded. Green dust covered his arms and chest, and a small smile worked its way onto his face as I giggled uncontrollably. I couldn't remember the last time I pulled a joke on someone.

The door burst open, and Letola entered, "Mitina's having one of her fits, only she keeps screaming for you." I couldn't remember the last time I had been needed in one of Mitina's fits, I don't even know the last time she had one, since we haven't been talking…at all.

"I guess I better head down there then," before heading out I turned to Kurloz, and told him to leave whenever he wanted. Something in the back of my mind was telling me this wouldn't be a small affair, and I didn't want him to feel like he was obligated to wait for me.

A vase shattered against the wall, not even an inch away from my head, as I entered Mitina's trashed hive. "Look who decided to fucking show up! I didn't think you would actually show up. At this moment, you're probably the most fucking useless moirail I've ever seen!"

I nodded, being agreeable for the time being, most of the time she'd just burn herself out. I ducked as she threw something else at me. There was a soft pause and she softly asked, "Unless you don't want to me my moirail anymore…Not that I'd fucking care, you'd probably just leave again anyway."

"That's not true!"

"Bullshit! All you do is mope around like a little bitch! Why don't you try talking to someone…instead of dropping off the face of the fucking planet?!"

"You're right, in fact Kurloz volunteered to help me out."

Seemed a bit more irritated than she had been, Mitina shifted her weight, "Woopdy fucking do! It's not like you're back to caring! You're probably only here because Letola sent you."

Taking a hesitant few steps forward, I slowly replied, "Yes, that is why I came here, but-

"Just fucking leave me alone!"

"No."

Mitina stared down at the floor, softly asking, "Why not?"

I continued to close the space between us, "I haven't been a very good friend or moirail lately, and I am going to try to be there for you…unless you don't want me to.

Mitina eyed me for several more seconds before a playful smile crept onto her face and she threw a pillow at me. "Of course I do!"

"Promise?"

Mitina giggled, "If anybody is going to be making promises here, it's you."

"Okay." Mitina went to sit on a nearby chair, only to undershoot it by about six inches. She fell to the floor and smiled, adjusting her helmet and gesturing for me to join her. I sighed softly and sat across from her, "You really need to be more careful."

She shrugged it off, "That's what I wear this bulky thing for." She pointed to her helmet, "and the fact that it's mad rad."

"Of course it is."

"It's true! Enough about me though," she smiled lazily before asking 'innocently', "How did things go with Kurloz?"

"Eh…we talked."

Mitina looked unamused, "You know very well, that that is not an acceptable answer. Do I have to get you two put on the-

"No!"

She smirked, and brought her knees up to her chest, "So talk."

Returning back to my darkened hive, I found myself a bit saddened to find it empty, although I had told Kurloz he could leave. It probably was a good idea not to get too close too fast though, especially since we were barely friends. Plus I still wasn't fully convinced I was ready to move on, as I realized today, saying and doing were completely different things. You can say something, but that doesn't necessarily mean you are going to do it. In most cases this was pretty true.

It was still pretty early, for me at least, so I decided to go on the search for my lost jack-in-the-boxes. They used to be my trademark, and if Mitina is going to take me seriously, I need to carry at least one of them around with me. Actually the colored dust bombs were as well…

I was going to check under the couch, since Maulin was always hiding things there, only to find Kurloz curled up on it sleeping. Some of his face paint had smudged off onto his arm, revealing some of his very angular face.

He just seemed so peaceful and calm when he was sleeping, it seemed like it was the only time he looked kind of happy.

I felt bad about waking him up, but I also didn't want him to get sick, since my hive always seemed to be obnoxiously cold, so I fetched an extra blanket from the closet and draped it over him.

Kurloz shifted slightly, at first I thought he was still sleeping, but he opened one of his eyes and peered over at me. He must be a really light sleeper. "Uh…don't mind me."

He groggily sat up and slowly signed, how did things go?

I placed myself on the floor and began explaining, "Fine, the way it always goes when dealing with one of Mitina's fits, a lot of well-placed ducking."

Is it okay to assume you patched things up?

"Yeah, we talked for a while, so I'm assuming we did."

That's great.

A small smile crept onto his face and I found myself absentmindedly commenting, "You should smile more, it suits you."

He picked up the pace drastically, and I found myself understanding nothing other than 'reason to'. "I didn't get most of this."

Kurloz sighed irritably, promptly picking up the notebook and turning on the table lamp. This is not continuing on, you will learn how to fucking sigh right now even if it's the last motherfucking thing I do!

"How hard are you banking on the second option?"

He glared at me, unamused, then began testing me on what I did know. Only it wasn't a lot and he came to realize how much guess work I actually did. He seemed frustrated with the little progress I made about half an hour later, and sighed, probably thinking the same thing was. So I climbed onto the couch and got comfy.